Be Paatient with Your Wife wheen She Annoyy and Disobeyy You

PART ONE
 

“!
Cf!Q
Qbujfou!x
xjui!zpvvs!Xjgf!x
xifo!Tiif!Boopzz!boe!E
Ejtpcfz!Zp
Zpv!
In Thhe name of Allâh
A the most
m mercifuul the Bestow
wal of Merccy.

All praaise belongs to Allâh thhe lord of alll the worldss, and May the peace annd blessingss be
upoon His messsenger, our Prophet Muuhammad ,  his familyy and his coompanions.

To proceed:
He starteed saying tooday’s Khutbbah's topic is in front of
o our handds every day,, and that is
being paatience, beinng bothered or being annoyed
a or disturbed
d byy our wives, because thhe
morals and
a manneriism of the Salaf
S is thatt when they are agitatedd by their wives
w the Sallaf
use to bee patience, and
a they usee to reflect that
t "the onnly reason mym wife is annnoying me and
disturbinng me is beccause I have disobeyed Allâh  insstantly, andd they wouldd reflect upoon
the wronng actions thhey have beeen committting by disobbeying Allâhh .

This is a direct resuult from me disobeying Allâh . Na’am!N So much

m that one
o of the Saalaf
he use too say “I disoobeyed Allâhh , and soo I found it affects in thhe way my animals
a andd
wives behave towardds me.” If he h and the people beforre him (e.g., the Salaf) and a the peopple
of his timme use to allways reflectt on the reasson why myy wife is acting to me thhis way is
because of o me being disobedient to Allâh (tabaraka wa w ta'alla), thhen what abbout us? Aree we
trying too do the thinngs that are going to enncourage us to obey Alllâh (tabarakka wa ta'alla).
That goiing to alloww the wife too encourage us to obediient Allâh (tabaraka waa ta'alla), annd
this is soomething thhat is in fronnt of our hannds... to thee degree of everybody
e iss asking forr
divorce, everyone wants to get married
m andd two or thrree days lateer they're askking for divvorce,
that is beecause we arre not patient.

Our wives start disoobeying us is just like I remember being

b in Egyypt sitting in
i the masjiid,
wanting to try to leaarn the deenn of Allâh  try to learrn somethinng from the Deen of Alllah
and all you
y have is a fly flying ini your nosee, then you try to hit it down and then t it flies and
it will goo in your earr, and whenn you try to get him offf of your earr, he will goo in your lipp,
and when you try too hit from youry lip it gooes on yourr hand until you want too walk out of
1
By Tawfeeqq Abu Zainab
Transcribe by
b Umm Abdir Rahman Saadia As’Somaliyyah
Muharram 5,5 1432/Decemmber 11, 2010
www.dtssbc.com | www.dtsssbc.net
 
 Be Paatient with Your Wife wheen She Annoyy and Disobeyy You
PART ONE
 
the masjid because you're
y disturbed by thiss fly,, And the
t same thiing with us when we arre
botheredd by our wivves. We wannt to divorcce them imm mediately, buut we don't want to refflect
how mucch we have been disobeedient to Alllâh . We don't even reflect that this fly is
remindinng us that thhe sins we are
a committiing, we shouuld be asham med of oursselves.

To walkk outside, to be happy for f one anotther and lauughing one another
a facee where as thhe
Salaf beffore us use to
t pray duriing the nighht , Yes! Praay during thhe night to the
t extent when
w
they walk out of thee house in thhe morningg they use too put kohl underneath
u t eye. Whhy?
the
So that the
t people won't
w recognnize that they been up all night lonng worshippping Allâh
(tabaraka wa ta'alla)), trying to get
g the sins off, of theirr back. But yet we are amongst
a thee
people who
w don't foorsake their beard, whoo don’t reallyy know Allaah, who donn't even knoow
the wordd of Ilâh. When
W you askk the people what is deeity the worrd Ilâh he is not able too tell
you. Butt the word Illâh means the one whoo should be obeyed not disobeyed with w veneraation
and esteeem with LO OVE, FEAR R and HOP PE relaying on
o Him Yess! This is thhe meaning.

If someoone asks you, What is the meaningg of Islâm? You are not able to telll them, but yet
as soon as
a your wifee becomes im mpatient wiith you the only thing that
t is easy for you thatt
you know w because itt is so easy for
f you to escape
e from o your tongue
m your tonguue its right on
and as sooon as she say
s somethinng wrong. You’re
Y Divoorced!

We are claiming
c thaat we alwayss love the Saalaf and we want to folllow the patth of the Salaf.
Yes we say:
s “We foollow the Quur’ân wa Suunnah, with the understtanding of thhe Sahâba.””

We alwaays say this off our tonggues, but yeet we can’t be

b patient with
w our wives are annoyying
us and disturbing
d uss. We can't be patient with
w them, because
b we can't reflectt, that the
reason why
w they are annoying us u and distuurbing us is because
b of the
t sins thatt we have
committted.

We're beeing disobeddient to Alllâh .

Al-Hassaan Al-Basri said: “ Wheen the peoplle leave of faasting duringg the day annd praying
during thhe night notee it is a resuult of their siins”.

Also the Prophet  said: “Whooever fast the day for thee sake of Allâh  He willw make his h
face far away
a t hellfire seventy yearss,” and in annother Hadiith said: “Thhe distance
from the
between the heavenss and the earrth”

2
By Tawfeeqq Abu Zainab
Transcribe by
b Umm Abdir Rahman Saadia As’Somaliyyah
Muharram 5,5 1432/Decemmber 11, 2010
www.dtssbc.com | www.dtsssbc.net
 
 Be Paatient with Your Wife wheen She Annoyy and Disobeyy You
PART ONE
 
We forgget the fastinng and we loove sinning,, and when our wives sttart disobeyying us and
annoyingg us we donn't think aboout the sins that we are committingg. Were as thet Salaf used
to think about theirr animals annd wives disoobeying theem because they
t have diisobeyed Alllâh
.

‫ﻻ ِﺀ؟‬‫ﻦ ﻫﺆ‬‫ﻦ ﻣ‬ ‫ﺤ‬‫ﻦ ﻧ‬ ‫ ﹶﺃﻳ‬Ayna Nahnu

N Min Haaulaai
H ? [i.e.,
[ where are m them?] I will
a we from w
tell you one
o thing we
w are far froom them.

‫ﻻ ِﺀ؟‬‫ﻦ ﻫﺆ‬‫ﻦ ﻣ‬ ‫ﺤ‬‫ﻦ ﻧ‬ ‫ ﹶﺃﻳ‬Ayna Nahnu

N Min Haaulaai ? [i.e.,
[ where are we from
m them?] Thhe
people we
w say we loove, just like the backbitting destroyys the brothherhood.

Divorcinng your wifee because it is easy on youry tongue destroys thhe brotherhoood, so mucch so
that a brrother, or fivve or six broothers in thiis same Massjid know exxactly how that womenn
looks likke, how she walk, how she s is pleaseed what shee act like whhen she is anngry and, yeet we
are satisffied and we love to be in i this state because wee love to proonounce thaat divorce annd
instead of
o reflectingg on the situuation like the
t Salaf refflected whenn their wivees disturbed
them andd annoyed them
t is becaause of a ressult of their sins. . . ‫ﻻﺀِ؟‬
‫ﻫﺆ ﻻ‬ ‫ﻦ‬‫ﺤﻦ ﻣ‬
‫ﻦ‬ ‫ﻦ ﻧ‬ ‫ ﹶﺃﻳ‬Ayyna
Nahnu Min
M Haaulaaai ? [i.e., Where
W are wee from themm?], that we say we really love. We are
far from
m them, and we don’t evven want to come a stepp closer to them
t becausse ewe love we
w
say we loove them, where
w are wee from themm? We are faar from themm, and we don't
d even knnow
it and wee don't wannt to came a step closer to them, beecause we loove for our wives
w to annnoy
us and disturb
d us, but yet we doon't reflect on the sins that we com
mmittee.

How cam me we don'tt encourage our wives to t fast, and she encouraages us to faast so she caan
wake us up and prayy to Allâh ,  to get some of thesee sins off ouur backs, beccause we shoould
reflect annd think thaat them sinss that is on our backs, (e.g.,
( it is likke a mountaain falling
down). ItI is like som
meone is outt to take ouur sight, becaause if you go to the dooctor and thhey
say if youu don't do such
s and suuch you are going
g to losse your sighht, we do eveerything
possible,, everything possible too retain our sight.

But wherre as our wiives, that wee want to diivorce, as for divorce orr annoyed us
u we are so
happy too announce the divorce on her, butt we are nott like that beefore we gett marry we tryt
to be pattient, we tryy to get all of
o the moneey that we need we try tot do all thee necessary
3
By Tawfeeqq Abu Zainab
Transcribe by
b Umm Abdir Rahman Saadia As’Somaliyyah
Muharram 5,5 1432/Decemmber 11, 2010
www.dtssbc.com | www.dtsssbc.net
 
 Be Paatient with Your Wife wheen She Annoyy and Disobeyy You
PART ONE
 
things soo that we caan marry thaat woman buut, the next day You’ree Divorce! Haven't
H Allââh 
become patient
p withh you, just like you smaacking a fly off your noose, your earr and your lip.
l

Haven't Allâh  beeen patient with you frrom you dissobeying Him,
H becausee the meaninng of
deity is the
t One who is obeyed and not dissobeyed witth veneration and esteem
m, LOVE,
FEAR annd HOPE relying
r on Him.
H Havenn't He been patient withh us? Hasn’t He given us
u
the oppoortunity to repent
r to Him
H [e.g., Alllâh].

Allâh  said: “ I coommand all of you to reepent to Alllah and to return

r back to Him to the
obedientt of Allah”

Yes! Annd to submitt to Him. . ‫ﻻﺀِ؟‬‫ﻫﺆ‬ ‫ﻦ‬‫ﻣ‬ ‫ﻦ‬ ‫ﺤ‬‫ﻦ ﻧ‬ ‫ ﹶﺃﻳ‬Ayna Nahhnu Min Haaaulaai ? [i.e.,
where arre we from them?],
t

Don’t we encouragee our wives tot fast, donn’t she encourage us to fast, so thatt we can
become close and wew can becom me patient when
w she is annoying uss. But yet when
w she is
botherinng us and beeing patient with all thee wrong thinngs we weree doing and most cases she
try to beehave herselff and when she does noot behave heerself it is a result becauuse the Maaasjid
are emptty.

We say wew love the Qur’ân wa Sunnah witth the undeerstanding ofo the way of o the Sahâbba
(Alaa fahhim Sahâba)).The Sahâbba use camee to the Massjid and wouuld learn thhe Salat theyy use
to come to the Masjid and learnn how to bee merciful with
w one anoother to resppect one
another, to sit and be
b patient with
w one anoother to enddure all the hard
h ship thhey enduredd for
one anotther.

Whereass you to come and learrn your deenn. Yes! Youu have to earrn a living but,
b you alsoo
have to learn
l your deen
d too andd you also have
h to teachh your wives how to bee patient andd
like we talk about last
l night soome of the ill effect thaat you are feeling from them,
t is thee
result off you disobeeying Allâh ,
 said:

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1
 )At‐Tahrim 006 (
4
By Tawfeeqq Abu Zainab
Transcribe by
b Umm Abdir Rahman Saadia As’Somaliyyah
Muharram 5,5 1432/Decemmber 11, 2010
www.dtssbc.com | www.dtsssbc.net
 
 Be Paatient with Your Wife wheen She Annoyy and Disobeyy You
PART ONE
 

“O
O you who believe!
b Waard off from
m yourselves and your families
fa a Firre (Hell)”

We are not
n trying too save us annd our familly from thee fire, we aree pleased wiith our wife not
having modest.
m
‫ﻥ‬ ‫ﻦ ﺍﻹﳝﺎ‬ ‫ﻣ‬ ‫ﺒ ﹲﺔ‬‫ﺷﻌ‬ ‫ﻭﺍﳊﹶﻴﺎ ُﺀ‬
‫ ﳊ‬،‫ﺒﺔﹰ‬‫ﻌ‬ ‫ﺷ‬ ‫ﻮ ﹶﻥ‬‫ﺳﺘ‬ ‫ﻭ‬ ‫ﻊ‬ ‫ﹺﻀ‬
‫ ﺍﻹﳝﺎﻥ ﺑﻀ‬:‫ ﻗﹶﺎ ﹶﻝ‬ ‫ﻨﹺﺒﻲ‬‫ﻋ ﹺﻦ ﺍﻟ‬
The Proophet , saiid: “Faith (bbelief) consissts of more than
t o branches (i.e.
sixty suub-divisions or
2 3
partts). And Al-H Haya is parrt of Faith”
 
Yes! Thaat when youu driving wiith your friends in the car and he have
h his wiffe the loudeest
voice youu hear is hiss wife’s donn't she think and don’t you
y think thhat [her] voice can arouuse
Y where is her shynesss that’s beccause you arre not teachiing her.
me or annyone else? Yes

You pleaase to say I follow the Qur’ân

Q and Sunnah witth the underrstanding of the Sahâba
but yet you
y don't teeach you wivves to be Shhy and how to guard heer modesty and a how to
lower heer voice and not to be heard
h in fronnt of men, and
a that theese women when
w they don't
d
have a huusband the first thing they
t want too do is to make
m their presence
p knoow that becaause
they loossing this shyyness. And it’s
i our obliigation whenn we get maarried to theese women is
i to
teach theem their deeen step by step.

To be paatient with them,

t just liike Allâh taabaaraka watta'allaa is paatient with us
u and on our
o
self by disobeying
d him
h and all thet chances he is given us to repent and that when w we doon't
have anyything to com
mplain abouut, so.

I remindd you all andd myself to be patient and

a to learnn how to adm monish our wives in the
best form
m that don'tt involve dissobedient too Allâh tabaaraka wata lllaa.
 

So I am saying to yoou all as welll as myself ‫ﻻﺀِ؟‬‫ﻫﺆ‬ ‫ﻦ‬‫ﻣ‬ ‫ﻦ‬ ‫ﺤ‬‫ﻦ ﻧ‬ ‫ ﹶﺃﻳ‬Ayna Nahhnu Min
Haaulaaii? [i.e., wherre are we froom them?] We
W are far from them,, we are far from. wallaaahu
alam. 
 
             
                                                            
2
 This term
m Al‐Haya covers a large number of conceptts which are to
o be taken togeether; amongstt them are selff‐
respect, modesty, bashfu ulness and honnor see Fath Al‐Bari 
3
 The Bookk of Belief  in Saahih Al‐Bukharri 
5
By Tawfeeqq Abu Zainab
Transcribe by
b Umm Abdir Rahman Saadia As’Somaliyyah
Muharram 5,5 1432/Decemmber 11, 2010
www.dtssbc.com | www.dtsssbc.net