The Dowry System

The dowry system is so deeply rooted in Indian culture, that sometimes

one feels that there's going to be no way out - at least not for another
century. Even modern, well-educated families start saving up money for
their daughter's dowry as soon as she is born so what can one expect
from the uneducated masses, whose only form of education is
tradition? When demands for dowry are not met, the bride is subject to
torture, and often even killed. The reason many parents don't want to
have daughters is because of the dowry they will have to shell out at her
marriage, and the stress they go through due to never ending demands
from her in-laws. Dowry is an evil, evil system and all of us, at some level,
condone it and even contribute to it. Often the boy’s parents don't
demand dowry, but our culture is such that we feel we must give
something to the in-laws. In such cases, give as much as you
receive. When you go out of your way because you are the parents of the
girl, you are contributing to this evil.

Come festivals like Diwali or Holi, and the parents of the daughter flood
her in-laws with gifts. If gifts are expected - your daughter is married into
the wrong family. If such giving is self-inflicted, you're making a mistake.
Give a token present to your daughter. If you want to give her something
more, do so, but don't feel pressured to give anything more than you
receive to her in-laws. You don't need to if your daughter is happily
married and has a supportive husband - so DON'T.

Educate your daughters

An astounding number of parents still don't lay enough emphasis on

educating their daughters. They believe their daughters will get married
eventually, and husbands will support them, so why push them so hard?
Poorer sections of society would rather send their daughters out to work
and earn some money, to help them save up for her dowry. Those from
regular middle and upper class backgrounds do send their daughters to
school, but don't emphasise career options. They view education as a rite
of passage. If their daughters do well, it's something to brag about at kitty
parties. Similarly, very wealthy parents will happily support their
daughters until they get married. Because of the family status and their
ability to fork out a high dowry, they know they will get good matches for
their daughter, and don't take their daughters education very
seriously. Get serious about your daughter's education. Encourage her to
have a career of her own, no matter what your financial standing. One of
the reasons parents of the boy ask for dowry, is that they often expect
that their son will be earning and supporting the wife, and it is only fair
that she contribute somewhat towards the household by way of dowry.

Instead of giving her dowry so everyone is nice to her at her new home,
give her a great career, so they can't help but respect her. So if they treat
her badly, she can walk out, as she is not dependent on them. So they
need her monthly contribution to the household expenses and dare not
mess with her. Providing your daughter with a solid education, and
encouraging her to pursue a career of her choice is the best dowry any
parent can ever give their daughter.

A dowry (also known as trousseau or tocher or, in Latin, dos) is the money,
goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage. It
contrasts with bride price, which is paid to the bride's parents, and dower,
which is property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of
marriage. The same culture may simultaneously practice both dowry and
bride price. Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well
predate records of it. Originally an African concept, the purpose of a
dowry was to provide "seed money" or property for the establishment of a
new household, to help a husband feed and protect his family, and to give
the wife and children some support if he were to die. A husband thus had
certain property rights in his wife's dowry. In addition, the wife might bring
to the marriage property of her own, which was not included in the dowry
and which was, as a result, hers alone. This property was "beyond the
dowry" (Greek: paraphernalia, the root of paraphernalia) and was known
as paraphernal property or extra-dotal property.
Even in the oldest available records, such as the Code of Hammurabi, the
dowry is described as an already-existing custom. Regulations
surrounding the custom include: the wife being entitled to her dowry at
her husband's death as part of her dower, her dowry being inheritable
only by her own children, not by her husband's children by other women,
and a woman not being entitled to a (subsequent) inheritance if her father
had provided her dowry in marriage. If a woman died without sons, her

husband had to refund the dowry but could deduct the value of the bride
price; the dowry would normally have been the larger of the sums.

One of the basic functions of a dowry has been to serve as a form of

protection for the wife against the possibility of ill treatment by her
husband and his family. In other words, the dowry provides an incentive to
the husband not to harm his wife.
Dowry System in India

Dowry is derived from the ancient Hindu customs of "kanyadan" and

"stridhan". In "kanyadan", the father of the bride offers the father of the
groom money or property, etc. whereas for "stridhan", the bride herself
gets jewellery and clothes at the time of her marriage, usually from her
relatives or friends. In "varadakshina", the father of the bride presents the
groom cash or kind. All of these could be done voluntarily and out of
affection and love.
The Hindu marriage system is sacramental. According to this system, a
marriage is forever, and there is no scope for a separation. Among the
various ceremonies previously practiced, the ceremony in front of a
"godly" fire ("Yajna" in Sanskrit) has taken over, the antiquated system of
"marrying a wife by capture. This form of marriage began the practice of
dowry, where originally, the family of the bride would accept gifts and
money from the groom's (potential conqueror's) family as an alternative
to bloodshed during the capture of the bride. A later modification of this
system has paved way for the present dowry system primarily practiced
by the society.
The dowry custom continues to rule society. In majority of Indian families
the boy has inheritance rights while the girl is given a hefty sum at the
time of her marriage in lieu of the Government regulated equal rights for
girls in parental property. The evil of the dowry system has spread its
tentacles in almost all parts of the country and sections of society. There
are several reasons for the prevalence of the dowry system, but the main
one is that it is a necessary precondition for marriage. "No dowry, no
marriage," is a widespread fear. There has also been an emergence of a
feudal mindset with a materialistic attitude in a new globalized economy.
The price tag for the groom is now bigger and bolder. The emergence of
an affluent middle class, the torchbearer of social change in modern India,
is the main factor for the perpetuation of the dowry system. Families
arrange most marriages, and a man who does not marry for love learns he
can marry for possessions. For this man, and his family, a woman becomes
the ticket to shortcut riches through the system of dowry. There are a
number of things people desire to have in their own houses but cannot
afford; they use the opportunity of a son's marriage to get them. The girl's
parents do not protest against the blatant extravaganza, as they regard
the alliance as a stepping-stone towards higher social status and better
matches for the remaining children. Dowry as a phenomenon has gone
beyond the ritual of marriage. Pregnancy, childbirth and all kinds of
religious and family functions are occasions when such demands are
made. A more sophisticated public image of an extended gifting session
has replaced the old system. Now there is demand for receptions in
marriage palaces. The trousseau includes designer wear for the bride and
groom's family. Chefs are flown in for multi-cuisine wedding dinners. The
bride's family usually pays for all this. The rich revel in the exchange of
their black money, but this in turn exerts pressure on the other classes to
ape them with serious social consequences. The women have become a
kind of commodity. It is them who are the worst sufferers because dowry
is most often a monetary agreement between two men - the bride's father
and the groom. Caste-based practices have only added fuel to the fire.
Marriages in political families are arranged to consolidate the caste base
for support in electoral politics, so they do not challenge the dowry
system. Dowry rituals have now spread even to communities where they
were unknown. It has gone to different castes, crossed the boundaries of
provinces and education and religion. Muslims and Christians, such as the
Syrian Christians of Kerala and the Roman Catholics of Mangalore have
started demanding dowry.
More than 9, 5000 women are killed every year in India over dowry. Bihar
and Uttar Pradesh still record the maximum number of dowry crimes, but
Bangalore, India's fastest growing city also shows an alarming rise - four
women reportedly die every day because of dowry harassment and
domestic violence. The cases of dowry torture are the highest accounting
for 32.4% of crimes against women in the country.

The Dowry Prohibition Act, in force since 1st July 1961, was passed with
the purpose of prohibiting the demanding, giving and taking of dowry. In
1980 the Government set up a committee which recommended
amendments in the Dowry Prohibition Act and also suggested expanding
the definition of dowry and instituting family courts and National
Commission for women. Many parliamentary debates led to some
amendments in 1983,1984 and 1986.To stop the offences of cruelty by
husband or his relatives on the wife, Section 498-A was added in the
Indian Penal Code and Section 198-A in the Criminal Procedure Code in the
year 1983. The Dowry Prohibition Act clearly stipulates that a person who
gives or takes or helps in the giving or taking of dowry can be sentenced
to jail for 5 years and fined Rs.15, 000/- or the amount of the value of
dowry, whichever is more. The Act also prohibits the giving and taking
directly or indirectly any property or valuable security, any amount either
in cash of kind, jewellery, articles, properties, etc. in respect of a marriage.
The control is provided by stating a limit and names of gifters and their
relationship to the married couple to be signed by both sides of parents. In
1986, the Act was amended again, empowering State governments to
appoint Dowry Prohibition Officers, who not only had a preventive role but
also had powers to collect evidence against people who took
dowry. Despite protest by women's organizations, serious activism, legal
amendments, special police cells for women, media support and
heightened awareness of dowry being a crime, the practice continues
unabated on a massive scale. Despite every stigma, dowry continues to be
the signature of marriage. Women need real social, political, financial and
moral support in their fight against the system. They have to be
empowered so that they can take their decisions about their own life by
refusing the dowry system.