GOOD OL’ STREET SCAMS

by John Vorhaus

As an author of con novels, people often ask if I’m con artist myself. And why not? It wouldn’t
be the first time a writer did his research “hands-on.” Though, I’m not a scam artist in real life. I
am a huge fan of the scam, especially good ol’ street scams, the kind you don’t see too often
anymore, since con artistry, like almost everything else, has long since moved online. From time
to time, you do still come across street hustlers plying their trade, still preying on fear, sympathy
or greed as they try to squeeze a little earn from the unsuspecting.

Here are three classics:

 THE BLING DYNASTY: You’re on Rodeo Drive, or its equivalent, when some guy
slams into you and drops the paper bag he’s carrying. At the sound of breaking glass, the
guy goes ballistic, claiming you’ve just broken his treasured artifact from the Bling
Dynasty or some such bafflegab. Someone’s gonna pay, he warns, or someone’s gonna
get hurt.

But all that got broken was a thrift store vase and if you pay him a dime, that’s a dime too much.

 THE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN LANE: You’re at a gas station when a well-dressed

woman approaches you, fraught and hysterical. Her mother just had a stroke and she was
in such a rush to get to the hospital that she left her house without her purse, wallet, cell
phone, anything. Worse, now her car has broken down! What choice does she have but to
throw herself on the mercy of a good samaritan like you? If you could just lend her
twenty dollars and give her your address, she’ll mail you a check the second she gets
home.

Uhm…don’t hold your breath for the check.

 CHEAP PLASMA. You’ve just withdrawn cash from your ATM when a man offers to
sell you a big plasma-screen TV, brand new, still in the box. He claims it “fell off the
back of a truck” and he’ll let it go for cheap. Sketchy provenance notwithstanding, you
can’t resist a bargain, so you buy the box and schlep it home.

Congratulations, you just bought a box of plywood.

I know you think you’d never fall for these scams, and probably you never would, but it doesn’t
hurt to keep your guard up, ‘cause these guys can be very clever and very persuasive. They don’t
call them con artists for nothing. Just remember, if you think you smell a rat, it’s probably rat
you smell, and if it seems too good to be true, it almost always is.

For more on scams and how they work, please enjoy my latest novel The Albuquerque Turkey,
sequel to The California Roll. Trust me: You’ll never trust anyone ever again. -jv

For more information visit John Vorhaus' website at radarenterprizes.com.