Ivelisse Perez

Ivelisse Perez

A Waterways Project Publication Richard Spiegel Barbara Fisher codirectors Thomas Perry administrative assistant

Bryna Malik, teacher Roberto Clemente Center Robert C. Galli, director Freebie Rivera, assistant principal David Cabrera, center administrator Auxiliary Services for High Schools Richard Organisciak, superintendent Alternative, Adult and Continuing Education, Schools and Programs Funding support from The New York State Council on the Arts

After the day, there's the night. After the light, there's the darkness. After the sun, there's the moon. After the clouds, there's the stars. After today, there's tomorrow. Yet, after you there's nothing.

11/22/99 AFTER YOU THERE'S NOTHING

After the thunder, there's lightning. After the lightning, there's rain. After the rain, there's a rainbow. After the rainbow, there's a bucket of gold. Yet, after you there's nothing. After the happiness, there's sadness. After the pain, there are tears. After the problem, there's a solution. After the hurt, there's a smile. Yet, after you there's nothing. 2

After love, there's hate. After forgiveness, there's forget. After the start, there's the end. After life, there's death. After death, there's an after life. Yet, after you there's nothing.

After feelings, there's a group of words. After a group of words, there's a poem. After a poem, there's individual interpretation. After the interpretation, there's a clear picture. Yet, after you there's still nothing.

Ever since the day you walked out of my life, I decided to leave you in the past and try to repair my broken heart. I know that time has passed, yet getting over you has been on of the hardest thing I've ever done. In front of my friends and family it seems as though I've totally gotten over you, however, that's not true at all. Sometimes I cry inside; at night I can't sleep thinking about how much the memory of us means to me.

ATTACHED TO YOUR MEMORY

You were the best thing that happened to me in a long time. You kept me company. Everything that I looked for in a man you had. We shared a lot of special memories and when 4

bad days passed my way, you would be there to help me through them. I loved everything about you. Maybe that's why I still can't get over you. I felt you were perfect for me. Yet somehow you decided to walk out on me.

They say time cures the wounds, but it's not all true. As time passes, you only learn to not make the same mistakes again. The wounds, they don't heal it just gets covered up. It never really heals.

Sometime ago I had decided to avoid falling in love, keep to myself and achieve my goals alone. I promised myself that just to keep from getting hurt. However, ever since he appeared in the picture, life has been a little easier to bare. Before he rushed himself into my heart, I felt lonely, lacking understanding and love. I had so much to give, yet no one to share it with.

NOV, 10, 1999. CHOICES

In the beginning I was afraid of us becoming too close, afraid of opening myself to him and end up getting hurt. But what made me most afraid was that I liked him. I liked him from the first time he looked into my eyes; just to say hello. 6

I liked the way my soul sought for freedom in his arms, the way my heart sought for a cure in each word; that came out of his lips and the way my eyes saw eternity in his eyes.

When we talk, it's hard for me to hide what he makes me feel. He awakens parts inside of me that have remained untouched. He has a heart of gold, emotions that could only be soul felt, feelings to love someone a thousand life times and an embrace that makes you melt deep inside. However,is he the one for me? I'd like to reveal what I feel for him, but is he going to take me seriously or is he going to take advantage and use it against me? Well,I guess I'll never know if I never try it. 7

Taking chances is a part of life. Whether or not they end up good or bad it's only up to ourselves. Nothing in this world is a hundred percent secure. You should learn how to accept life as to comes day by day. Do whatever you feel is best with no regrets because a lesson emerges out of all that you do. Lessons that can be useful to you down the harsh road of life.

Primero el amor, Despues el engano. Primero las caricias, Despues las heridas.

EL REFLEJO

Pimero un te quiero, Despues un corazon frio y tieso. Primero los abrazos, Despues los maltratos.

Primero te doy el mundo, Despues se te hace el mudo. Primero la comunicacion, Despues la separacion. Primero asi como te vi, te recivi. Despues asi como te deje, te olvidare.

DON'T LOOK AT THE PROBLEM, LOOK AT WHAT'S BEYOND IT !

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On many occasions, you've asked me to forgive you. To forgive you for all the hurt and pain you lead me through. I've given it some thought and I decided to forgive you. For now I know that it was your actual intention to break my heart.

FORGIVE ME

Therefore, I ask you to forgive me. Forgive me for believing in your promises, in your every word. For trusting you with my heart, my life, my soul, for thinking that you were taking this relationship seriously. Forgive me for being so caring and so giving, for standing by your side and giving no importance to what I had to go through or had to sacrifice to keep you happy. Forgive me for being so understanding, for falling in love with you, for adjusting to your rough character and for feeling that I couldn't live without you. 11

Forgive me for being so innocent that I fell into your trap. Forgive me for just being another one in your list; for letting you play with my emotions and for being so sure that you were the man of my life. Forgive me for not knowing that you were all a lie, a fake and a heart breaker. Forgive me for not seeing it coming; for building my life around you. Forgive me for letting you invade the most important piece of my mind and heart. Therefore, Leaving behind some very painful memories.

Forgive me because until today I haven't gotten over you and I probably never will. OH! And while your at it, forgive me for hating you as much as I once loved you. 12

I'm yours like a rose owns its peddles, like the sky owns its clouds and like the sun owns its brightness. I'm yours like the night owns its darkness, like the moon owns its glow and like the stars own their wishes.

I'M YOURS

I'm yours like life owns its changes, like people own their destiny and like time owns its eternity. I'm yours like a mother owns her child, like a child owns its knowledge and like knowledge owns its theory.

I'm yours like sleep owns its dreams, like dreams owns its stories, like stories owns its truth and like truth owns its acceptance. I'm yours like the heart owns its love, like love owns its obsession and like obsession owns its place in your life.

I'm yours as if I were born with a big portion of you and you with a big portion of me deep inside. 13

As my eyes began to shut, I fell desperately into another dimension and the life I once knew, no longer existed. All of a sudden everything was out to get me. The darkness was so intense that I felt it slowly creeping up and down my body like a thousand hands. A gush of cold water was splashed into every pore of my skin. Until I went numb. Stiff and confused I stood in between worlds hoping that it would soon all end.

INTERNAL DEATH

My chest began to get tighter and while the seconds past it got harder for me to breath. My heart pumped slowly,yet strongly. So strongly that an echo followed it. A strange fearful sensation came over me. 14

In less than a second, I managed to grasp the little bit of life I held in me. I felt my soul struggling to be set free. However, In my outer self tears of pain rushed out of my eyes. My conscious unable to help, just brought up memories of good people and good things that had passed by my life.

In time, the struggle with my soul grew stronger and stronger. Until, I had no strength left to hold it down any longer. Letting out a loud scream, it quickly ripped itself out of me; with no compassion.

I awoke like a crazy person shaking and crying; I looked around, I touched my face,and I was alive. However, nothing seemed to be the same. I held an emptiness in myself I had never felt before and I had no awareness of anything. It was as though I was dead, but at the same 15

I started to think about what had just occurred. Then after a while of organizing things in my mind, I realized what had happened. I had died internally. I was walking around with a body that had no soul. My soul was that person I had adored and loved with all my existence. Losing that special person was like losing the most important piece of me; my soul. Moving on without that person, surely meant I was condemned to go on living, while being internally DEAD FOREVER.

time alive.

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Morning , noon, evening and night. You appear in every corner of my heart. This ceaseless urge of wanting you, having you, needing you and holding you drives me mad. Like an obstacle, the total abnormal persisting desire, obligates me to revolve only around you; your existence. Controlling each movement physically, emotionally and mentally. The intense yearn to feed off of your touch, your kisses or even your arms awakens me every night.

OBSESSION

Just one glance at you; time freezes and causes me to fall desperately into your prison. 17

I a prisoner captured furiously by the idea itself. Your prison offers no escape, yet I don't feel the need to run away.

As the days go by, it only gets stronger. However, the more it grows, the closer we get. The closer we get, the more I tend to notice what your perceiving about me and the more I notice what you perceiving, the more I tend to understand that your feeling the same way about me too.

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Only you, Can brighten up my day. Only you, Can make me laugh. Only you, I can depend on. Only you, I want. Only you, I need. Only you, I want to kiss. Only you, I want to taste. Only you, I want to love. Only if you knew.

ONLY YOU

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Dear Heart Of Mine, You've been deceived, forgotten, mistreated, and even lied to. You've been pushed aside, rejected and left behind. Even tricked into believing all you were told. You've been ripped away from your faith, dreams, and goals more than once. However, you always manage to stay the same. Why change the promises now? Is it because you can't forgive or you can't forget? Is it that you can't keep or you can't let go? Is it that you like or you hate. Thus, is it that simply this time what you've lost was greater and stronger than you? Nevertheless, tender heart of mine it does not matter what you've lost. What matters is that you managed to stay the same.

STAY THE SAME

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As best friends, I know that we have never spoken about this. However, now that you're planning to leave the state, I'd like to ask you some questions.

WHO???

Who will call you just to make you laugh? Who will make you feel butterflies in your stomach? Who will get you all shy and nervous? Who will bring out only the best in you? Who will cry with you in your times of pain and smile with you in your times of joy? Who will help you reach your goals? Who will understand, when you need your space or need some company? Who will get to know you more than you know yourself? Who will love you unconditionally? Who will care and cherish you with tenderness? Who will embrace you without hypocrisy? Who will stand beside you, when you need a hand? Who will take you from here to another universe 21

with one kiss? Who will fill you with sweet details and caress your face, when you're asleep? Who will sweep you off your feet only with one glance? Who will accept you for exactly who you are and not for how you look for what you can give? Who will not complain about your bad habits or hobbies? Who will always understand your need of personal time? Who will be able to know all that you like? However, who can excel in all of the above better than me? Guess Who????

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From the day that you said you loved me, I opened my heart to you promising you fidelity and an ever lasting love. I sacrifice many things to keep you happy. Most of the time I did what ever appeared like a good idea for you. Even if it really didn't interest me. I cheered for you in all your victories. I'd cry for you in your times of sorrows. Yet, somehow it wasn't enough. Therefore, you left anyway. I'd see only the best of you. I gave you all my love and kindness. I treated you like a king. All I wanted in return was some of your time and your love. Yet, somehow it wasn't enough. Therefore, you left anyway. As you walked out of my heart. 23

YOU LEFT ANYWAY

You saw my life tumbling right before your eyes. You saw me break down in tears and actually felt the emptiness I held in my soul.

You shattered my dreams. You left me with unanswered questions and a heart full of only you. I build my life around you I lived only for you. At the end I was left without you, and destroyed deep inside. Yet, somehow it wasn't enough. Therefore, you left anyway.

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In Search of a Song Volume 725

A Waterways Project Publication 1999-2000