Grace Vella

Grace Vella

A Waterways Project Publication Richard Spiegel Barbara Fisher codirectors Thomas Perry administrative assistant

Chris Lehmann and Joe Trancelliti Teachers Beacon High School Steve Stoll Principal Richard Organisciak Superintendent Alternative, Adult and Continuing Education Schools & Programs 2000 Ten Penny Players with funding support from the NY State Council on the Arts

Alone though together we are still far apart

Look and see Use your eyes for some good You are you and I am me You feel one thing and do I We are not connected

We are not meant to be, We are not controlled by destiny I am my own and you are yours too If we should be together That is something good and new But you must know that although together we are still Far apart And through all this I still have a heart I am sorry if I hurt you I am sorry if you felt pain I am sorry for everything But it's not all a game 2

So now that I have made my point clear We will see where it leads And find out how to fight all out our fears When I look though my eyes I can see not the would But my world And my life I think my own thoughts I feel my own feelings Each person looks through their own eyes Each person hears and sees different things But we can relate Since we want people to feel the same as we do But no one feels exactly the same Its all in your own eyes And in your own head 3

You have to know That all I go though All the emotion Well, it is different then yours It's all a commotion.

My Own Eyes

It was a many and a many a year ago In a kingdom by the sea All just became quiet for little old me But there was a still fear flowing down like streams I felt the hurt and the quiet in my soul If only I would just let it all go I felt the pain and I can remember it clear All I could think of was me and my dear

By the Sea

I remember it all; it is all so clear When you left my heart with nothing my dear But it was a many and a many years ago In a kingdom by the sea 4

But he had gone away with the sea He had gone away and left lil old me So here I sit by the dark blue water And hope and pray for me and my daughter

Even though it's not dark, inside it feels dark as night I can feel it in me, the rage But hopefully one day everything will get bright I am all alone and there is nothing but quiet It's like I am stuck in a cage Even though it's not dark inside feels dark as night

Dark as Night

If only everything could just go right if only I could turn back my age even though it's not dark inside feels dark as nigh It's too hard; I can not fight I can not fight off my rage But hopefully one day everything will get bright

Everything is so sad I am looking my sight I have to act and pretend am on stage But hopefully one day everything will get bright

It's so dark there is no light Do I have to be a sage even though it's not dark, inside feels dark as night, but hopefully one day everything will get bright 5

With you here, well you hold me down With you here, I cant breath With you near, I cant see Give me space let me breath Let me go Let me free Dont hold me down I need my space Cant you let me be? Can you let me breath? Can you just leave me alone? Why do you do this? Why do you do this to me? Just let me go And let me be Who I want to be 6

Dont hold me down Dont hold me down Damn it, you dont hold me down Why do you do this? I need my space I need to breath I need my space

Dont Hold Me Down!

Looking out What do I see? I can see so much But what is real And is fact? What can be changed? I can change so much But I dont know how I dont see how I dont feel how It is my dream My life My world I can change anything But do I have the power? Do I believe I have the power? Do I want that power To shape everything that happens in my life? My dream? I dont know

Dreams

I felt all the pain And I didnt say anything I felt all the pain And I just kept coming back I felt the pain Hit after hit After hit after hit It numbed my heart And my soul And now I must let you go

Good-bye

I stood there Just waiting Hoping you would change But you didnt I stood there hoping you would care But you didnt

Covering it all up, Something she is good at Yet few see through it They can see the pain in her eyes when she laughs or smiles People tell her they care Say they want to help They want to know What if she tells them Will they understand Can they understand??

Thoughts Feelings no one will ever understand. Feelings emotions she doesn't want people to understand People will never know, She doesnt want them to know

In Her Mind

Nothing makes sense Too many feelings Too many emotions Too many thoughts Too many things that will never happen That will always be the same 9

Alone she stands; alone she falls And alone she plans to stay Maybe it's better that way No one really understands any one So why do they try to understand her? She just wants to be left alone In the quiet of herself The quiet of where she feels safe In the quiet where she wants to be

Always alone No one there to care No one there to bother And even if they were there They wouldn't care Would they??

Alone to think Alone with her thoughts All her thoughts mean something Every thought opens up another corner of her feelings Of her emotions Of her life 10

When will she relieve herself of all her sadness? What will help her make sense of her life? What should she do? What can she do? Day by day everything goes on Everything repeats itself Slowly everything turns in circles Every second decides the next Every feeling decides the next Every thought decides the feeling Everything turns in circles

So many thoughts and nothing connects If she can not make sense out of them How can anything else? How can she explain any of it? But life goes on Second by second Life goes on She can't stop time She can't take anything back So she lets it pass Hoping the next minute Will be better then the last Until one day makes sense of it all 11

But for now she will stay the same And hide everything and leave it to other people To look at her in different ways Since he is trying to figure out herself.

Stand alone, that is what I do, Alone no one is here to care Everything is so painful And not give a Why does it have to be this way? Why dont you care? I am all alone in this word All alone and scared

Stand Alone

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Stand up straight Dont do that Dont be that Talk like this But is that who you truly are? Is that who you want to be? Eat these things Dress this way But is that who you truly are? Is that the way you want to live? The way you talk The way you act Should not be judged Should not be changed Or modified according to what other people want So why do we change? Why do we stay to please other people When it makes us sad? There is no point There is not reason So just be yourself 13

Pretending Who You Are

Ringing The feelings ring in my head I can feel it all in me I cant stop the ringing I cant stop the pain the sounds The loud sounds makes me deaf Makes me blind I try to stop it Try not to listen But it is too loud Too painful Too much for me

Ringing

No one can hear it but me No one can feel it but me How do I stop it? I dont know 14

How should I stop? Can I stop it? Can I make it lower? Can I? Can I?

You hurt me so bad And you make me cry You can hurt my soul But I will always be here And you will always see my face I want you to see what you are you doing to me If only you could feel All that you are doing me If only you could see All the pain I have inside of me We are two different people With different feelings As you can see But you have the power to hurt me 15

Stop the pain Stop the hurt Take my soul You can feel the burn If only it could be better If only I could smile But that will not happen Not for a little while

Stop

I am sorry if I have hurt you in anyway I am hope that I didnt but you know that You have done the same to me So hopeful one day We can live in a way That we well both be happy

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Every drop that falls out of my eye Roles down my face Each one has it own meaning One by one Drip by drip Pain flowing down Like water Like rain You can feel the pain as it goes down You can see the pain as it flows down So many thoughts So many feelings All I can do is cry

Tears

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How was it like? Did it hurt? It hurt me. Do you wish that you could take everything back? Or was it worth it in the end? Cause it hurt me. Well, whatever it my be, Whatever the reason was I hope you can hear me. All I wanted to tell you was that I miss you An wish you were here Standing next to me 18

Do you wish you were here? Do you wish you could have stayed? Seeing the world to this very day?

When you finally did it, When you pulled up the guts When you pulled that trigger Was it all worth it???

Was It Worth It??? Cause I Miss You.

Like you used to be. Its different without you And I wish you would come back Cause I miss you. You havent been gone for long But it feels like forever. I would follow you But I know that is not what You want me to do So for now I want you to know That I love you I miss you And I will never forget you And I will not let anyone else. I miss you.

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All my thoughts What should I believe? What should I think Should I follow what makes sense Or what I hope? Should I follow what may makes sense Or what may make me happy? I am confused, Dont know what I to do I have a feeling, a hope, that What I will do next Will effect the rest of my life Will determine what happens In the rest of my life So now what do I do What do I believe What do I say?? How do I make the next move In my life? In the way I live my life? What do I do? Which one?? 20

What Do I Do?

In Search of a Song Volume 761

A Waterways Project Publication 1999-2000