3/21/2011

CODEPENDENCY AND YOU

RON HARRISON

What You Need to Know: Your Competency as a Parent, Partner Professional, etc and CoDependent Behavior

HES ALL YOURS!!

Co-dependency is a primary illness developed through a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving which is nurtured by a set of rules within the family system. These rules make healthy growth and change very difficult.

-OR-

3/21/2011

I GET MY NEEDS MET THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE.

Codependent people often Love others to death.

Literally

You might be co-dependent if:

KINDLY LET ME HELP YOU OR YOU WILL DROWN, SAID THE MONKEY PLACING THE FISH IN A TREE.
You grew up with a chemically dependent parent Your grandparent(s) were chemically dependent You were emotionally abused as a child You were sexually abused as a child You were physically abused as a child You are chemically dependent Your significant other is chemically dependent.

MODIFIED MASLOWS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

MODIFIED MASLOWS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

SELF
SURVIVAL-health/safety/shelter SURVIVAL-health/safety/shelter

3/21/2011

MODIFIED MASLOWS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

MODIFIED MASLOWS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

Self Actualization

OTHERS SELF
SURVIVAL-health/safety/shelter

OTHERS SELF SURVIVAL-health/safety/shelter

MODIFIED MASLOWS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

Self Actualization

MODIFIED MASLOWS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

1. Others Codependent behavior takes us back to the first level. OTHERS SURVIVAL health/safety/shelter 2. Survival Once back here we repeat the same behavior and of course get the same result!

PROGRESSION OF AN ADDICTION
EARLY NO SYMPTOMS NOTICEABLE MIDDLE SYMPTOMS BEGINTO SHOW UP LATE DIAGNOSIBLE BY A 10 YEAR OLD

PROGRESSION OF CODEPENDENCY
EARLY NO SYMPTOMS NOTICEABLE IN FACT, SEEN AS A WONDERFUL CARING PERSON MIDDLE SYMPTOMS BEGINING TO SHOW UP, HOWEVER STILL LOOKS LIKE A CARING SENSITIVE PERSON LATE DIAGNOSIBLE. ANGRY, REPEATING BEHAVIOR, SEES LIFE AS BLACK AND WHITE, CONTROLLING, ETC.

3/21/2011

MODIFIED JOHARIS WINDOW

MODIFIED JOHARIS WINDOW

SELF SELF SELF

and

OTHERS

MODIFIED JOHARIS WINDOW

MODIFIED JOHARIS WINDOW

SELF SELF
and

YOU YOU
and

OTHERS

OTHERS NO ONE

OTHERS

OTHERS

MODIFIED JOHARIS WINDOW

PSYCOLOGICALLY HEALTHY PERSON

SELF

SELF AND OTHERS NO ONE

UNCONSCIOUS SUBCONSCIOUS MEMORIES REPRESSED MEMORIES

OTHERS

SELF AND OTHERS OTHERS

S E L F

NO ONE

3/21/2011

ADDICT

CODEPENDENCY
O T H E R S

SELF

OTHERS

S E L F

SELF AND OTHERS

no one

SELF AND OTHERS

NO ONE

THE PERFECT MATCH

THE WINNER

THE ADDICT Your son Your daughter Your partner Your husband Your wife Your mother Your father Your client.

CODEPENDENT

Addict

Signs and Symptoms of CoDependency

Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships Seeing life as black or white Being overly responsible for others Having feelings of powerlessness Having difficulty setting boundaries Fear of change Seeing yourself as a martyr Allowing yourself to be used Resentful Attitudes Reactive Behavior Instead of Proactive Behavior..

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS CONT

Frozen feelings Trouble with intimacy Low self esteem Develop victim role Boundary issues Personalize everything Dont trust your perceptions and/or instincts Others behavior is a reflection of you Unrealistic expectations for yourself Use control and manipulation in relationships Fear rejection and abandonment

3/21/2011

The Co-dependent
Often we feel we are expected to: Put our own issues aside Maintain control Create a safe environment for our Husband, wife, son, daughter, mom, dad, client whomever

Which just happens to be a perfect growth environment for co-dependency

-so-

AVOID
Believing that we can manipulate our others into becoming healthy

We must -

COMPLIANT

HEALTHY

AVOID
Feeling personal blame when things dont go right

AVOID
Taking credit for others success

3/21/2011

AVOID AVOID
Linking success with our efforts Second-guessing every decision we make..

CONSEQUENCES OF UNTREATED CODEPENDENCY

1. Chemical dependency. 2. Other dependencies such as infidelity, workaholism, obsession with outside interests. 3. Eating disorders. 4. Angry most of the time. 5. Develops stress related illnesses such as ulcers, rashes, migraines, depression, high blood pressure and stomach disorders. 6. Becomes passive or controlling in relationships. 7. Becomes totally dependent on others for feelings of self-worth. Low self esteem develops. 8. See themselves as failures. 9. Labeled, rigid, judgmental, self centered, and perfectionist. 10. Life becomes simplistic - either black or white.

Obstacles to Recovery From Codependency

Your use of drugs or misuse of alcohol Your parents (or grandparents) use of drugs or misuse of alcohol Your spouses use of drugs or misuse of alcohol Your enmeshment Your guilt regarding any of the above Your urge to over-simplify any of the above (or a need for simple answers) Trouble with the disease concept Your successful drug use as a child Your partial recovery Anger at any of the above.

SOLUTIONS:
1. THERAPY 2. SELF EXAMINATION 3. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 4. AL-ANON 5. OTHER 12 STEP MEETINGS

EXTERNAL MOTIVATION CREATES EXTERNAL CONSEQUENCES CREATES INTERNAL MOTIVATION

3/21/2011

TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

STEP 6 WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER.

STEP 7 HUMBLY ASKED HIM TO REMOVE OUR SHORTCOMINGS

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

THEN GET TO WORK!!!

RULE 62
DONT TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY!!