ENGLISH FOR ACADEMIC READING AND WRITING (UB00402)

TOPIC ESSAY: DECREASING SOCIAL PROBLEMS AMONG TEENAGERS IN PARENTING DIVORCED.

LECTURE NAME : YVONNE THAM LECTURE TIME : WEDNESDAY (11.00 AM - 2.00 PM) (BT2 SPKS)

GROUP MEMBER:

NAME
NOR HIDAYU BT ISMAIL NUR IZZAT BT MOHD NASIR SAMILA BT MD NOR SITI FADHLINA BT MOHAMMAD ROSLY

NO.MATRIC
BP09110194 BP09110092 BP09110172 BP09110173

TOPIC ESSAY : DECREASING SOCIAL PROBLEMS AMONG TEENAGERS IN PARENTING DIVORCED. 1

INTRODUCTION Divorce refer to the often messy and painful end of a marriage. Divorce is associated with an increase in depression which people experience loss of partner, hopes and dreams, and lifestyle. Not only that, the financial reality of divorce is usually hard to comprehend because the same resources must now support almost twice the expenses. For better or for worse, divorce is a very common event these days. Most everyone has been touched by it, either by going through it themselves as a spouse or a child. The immediate reaction of children to divorce does not predict their long-term outcome. Some who seem crushed by the divorce will do well in life, where as some who seem to take the divorce in sequence are severely affected 5 and 10 years later. Nevertheless , sociologists and psychologist are just beginning to provide reliable information about the effects of divorce on children. Equip parents with skills to discuss the separation and divorce with children or teenagers. Limiting the amount and intensity of conflict between parents. Day-to-day involvement of both parents in their childrens lives is the clearest way of letting children know they are loved and valued. Limit the number of disruptions must handle during separation and divorce. Developed positive ways to handle yours stress. Furthermore, mother and father who are aware of how divorce affects teenagers should also be cognizant of the fact that youngsters will want to know who the custodial parent will be and the extent of the non-custodial parents involvement. The goal during a family discussion will be to offer comfort and solace to a distressed or distraught teen. For divorce parents they must do cooperative parenting with their ex just for give their children continued stability and close relationship with both parents but it certainly isnt easy. In reality, putting aside relationship issues to co-parent amicably can be extremely stressful and difficult. Joint custody arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, can be exhausting and infuriating. It can be exceedingly difficult to get past the history of hurt and built-up resentment they may have with their ex. Making shared decision, seeing one another at drop-offs, or just speaking to someone they rather just forget about can seem like impossible tasks. But while its true that co-parenting isnt an 2

uncomplicated or perfect solution, its the best way to get your childrens needs met and ensure their closeness to both of them. It may be tough going, especially at first, but you can learn to effectively co-parent and still keep their sanity and selfrespect. It can be helpful to begin thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one-one that is entirely about the well being of your children or teenager, and not about either of them. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not and doing what is best for your kids is your most important priority. The first step to be mature, responsible co-parents is to always put your childrens need ahead of your own. Through your parenting partnership, your teens should recognize they are more important than the conflict that ended the marriage and understand that your love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances. Teens whose divorce parents have a cooperative relationship, such as have a healthy example to follow. For example, by cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future. Spending time with children and support them by listening problems of both parties. Children need to know that their feelings and concerns are taken seriously. Parents need to let children express how they are feeling and what is going on in their thoughts. Listen without cutting them off with statements like, Dont feel sad, or, You shouldnt be mad. Acknowledge their feelings and discuss appropriate ways to deal with them. While divorce is not a pleasant experience for anyone, parents can do a lot to reduce the negative effects it may have on children. When you have children, you have to put them first, before any of your own feelings. By putting them first, you are giving your children a better chance at coping with the divorce. If parents reduce conflict, work on their relationships, and minimize stressful experiences, the children can have happy, healthy lives. Although painful, discussing the separation and divorce with your children will strengthen your relationship with them. It will also maintain their trust in you. Sharing general information is appropriate when talking with younger children. Adolescents will want more details. Be sure to let them know what the future holds for them. They will want to know their relationship will be with both parents. The most important factor for childrens well being seems to be limiting the amount and intensity of conflict between parents. Minimizing the conflict and hostility between 3

parents following the divorce can contribute to the childs growth. Agreement between the parents on discipline and child rearing, as well as love and approval from both parents, contributes to the childs sense of well being and self-worth. Although joint living arrangements have many benefits, recent research suggests there may be times when there are drawbacks to this arrangement. Preschool children may think they are being punished when they are moved from one household to another. They feel that they are sent away because they are naughty. Older children may dislike this type of arrangement if it intrudes on their daily lives. Some parents in joint arrangements fight with each other because they are in constant contact. Their children suffer as a result. Successful joint parenting requires regular communication and cooperation that may be difficult for parents who dont get along. If there is a very high level of conflict or violence between the parents, then a joint living arrangement may not be in the best interest of children. Participating in important activities The father, especially needs to participate some activities with the children. For example, forming morals, helping to solve problems, and some more. Father or mother reinforcement are very important in developing lives of the children. Furthermore, be sure to let their children see the positive ways you use to cope with stress. This helps them understand that must also find positive methods to handle their feelings. Suggest activities they might do to feel better. Playing with friends, joining a club, taking up a hobby, or reading can be helpful in reducing stress. Perhaps there are some activities, such as going for walks, that you and your child can do together. In addition, it is critical for divorcing parents to understand the importance of the parent-child relationship following a divorce. For example a positive parent-child relationship is among the best predictor of children's post-divorce adjustment. If children is to adjust well to a divorce, nurturing the parent-child relationship is paramount. A positive parent-child relationship involves affection, warmth, effective communication, appropriate boundaries and discipline, mutual respect and caring, child-oriented time spent together, and a general enjoyment of each other's company. For example, be an "ask able" parent. A child needs to feel comfortable 4

asking parents any question without fear of ridicule or rejection. An "ask able" parent does not withdraw love or support if what is heard is disappointing or less than appropriate. By listening, parents invite children to communicate. We want our children to ask questions and express feelings; therefore, we must be willing to hear what they have to say. This means developing the valuable skill of talking less and listening more. Counseling with social worker, psychologists can help some children Most children of divorce at any age going to benefit from counseling. Most of them can not listen to their parents, and that is the need of counseling session. In counseling they are lots of way that will make children have a better understanding about divorced family. Furthermore, parents who realize how divorce affects teenagers may also seek professional or spiritual help to deal with troublesome and perplexing problems. Experienced counselors can offer therapy and meditation for parents and teens of a broken home. Therapy may include short-term or long-term counseling with one or both adults, the entire family, between and individual teens and the therapist or in the company of other siblings. The first type for counseling children of divorce is group therapy. Therapy groups that are made up of other kids going through divorce are particularly helpful for pre-teens and teens who commonly turn to their peers for help understanding their world. This makes it one of the better choices for counseling with kids over 12. Counseling benefits of children of divorce include things like a sense of belonging, a sense that their problems are shared with their peers and the development of positive coping skills. To get the most benefits from group therapy the right form of this therapy needs to be found. For example, while teens may benefit from peer group therapy, younger kids may benefit more from family group therapy. Several types of group counseling are available which could be beneficial to children of divorce such as situational or transitional groups offer emotional support, catharsis, and information sharing about stress, mutual feelings, and similar experiences. Structured groups can teach children how to deal with crisis situations through group discussions, role playing, and the use of drawings and collages. One-day workshops for children between the ages of 10 and 17 can use sentence completion 5

exercises, assertiveness training, and films about divorce to help group members explore values and assumptions about marriage and divorce, learn to express and cope with their own and their parents' feelings, and develop communication skills for handling difficult situations. A second therapy option for counseling children of divorce is individual counseling. Individual counseling sessions work well for young kids, teens and even for adult children of divorce. The benefits here will focus on emotional release, the development of coping skills and the ability to deal with stress. Individual Counseling. Although there exists little research testing the efficacy of individual counseling with children of divorce, clinicians report a desirable change in the child's affect as a result of individual counseling. Individual counseling is usually reserved for children with long-term, unproductive coping behaviors and for children who cannot work well in groups. METHOD OF EVALUATION The right counseling setting has to be selected, either group or individual. Counselors can make parents aware of the special needs of their child during the divorce transition. A study by Hammond in year 1979 of third- to sixth-graders, revealed that 74 percent of the 82 children who were from separated or divorced families believed that school counselors could help by talking with parents of children who asked the counselor to do so. Counselors can also assist parents by referring them to divorce support groups in the community, by recommending reading materials that deal with families of divorce, and by suggesting ways that parents can help their children adjust to divorce. According Maccoby and Mnook in year 1992 to clarify found that adolescent adjustment is absence of depression, low levels of deviant behaviors, and academic achievement. The influenced by many factors within the adolescents' primary residence. These factors include a feeling of closeness to the residential parent, effective parental monitoring, joint decision-making between the adolescent and parent regarding household rules and youth activities, and low parent-child conflict. Activities that reflect effective parenting include providing warmth and support, 6

assisting

with

problems,

providing

encouragement,

setting

and

explaining

standards, monitoring, and enforcing discipline. According by Amato 1993a; Amato and Keith 1991a,b; Amato and Rezac 1994; Camera and Resnick 1989; Conger et al. 1997; Hanson et al. 1996; Jekielek 1998; Johnston et al. 1989; Kline et al. 1991 to describe about families before parents separate, parental conflict may also explain why children whose parents subsequently separate are often performing less well than their peers even before their parents separate. CONCLUSION After the parents are given the exposure using an authoritative approach to care style, parents are involved in every activity of their children, spend time to explain to children why they decided to divorce and counseling troubled teenagers social problems confronting by adolescents can be reduced. This problem can be solved because for teenagers, they feel confident that they are still underappreciated by parents. In addition, by using this approach is the relationship between parents and teenagers are more closely and more intimately.

REFERENS

Diane, N. Lyne, ph.D. (Jun 1999). What The Experts Say: Scholarly Research on Post-divorce Study. Parenting and Child Well-Being. Washington State Parenting Act

Gerald Corey. (2009). Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy. (8 editions). International Student Edition. Thomson Brooks/Cole.
rd

Manolson, A. (1992). It takes two to talk. A Hanen early language parent guide book. (3rd revision.) Toronto: Hanen Early Language Resource Centre.

Moxnes, K. (2003). Risk factors in divorce: Perceptions by the children involved. Childhood, 10, 131146.

Taylor, R. J. (2001). Listening to the children: Children of divorce speak out about their parents. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 35, 147153. 8