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It's probab|y deeper than you th|nk December 7 2011

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More nead||nes from ne|ms deep
1h|s |s on|y a test 1h|s |s not a rea| emergency remember Lhls ls only a LesL
1hls ls a monoLonous LesL of Lhe emergency response noLlflcaLlon sysLem ln Lhe evenL of a real
emergency all persons Lhelr peeps Lhe peeps of Lhelr peeps and Lhe peeps of Lhose peeps and Lhelr
peeps wlll be noLlfled by emall and phone messages as Lo Lhe naLure of Lhe real emergency lf one should
occur Slnce lL ls llkely LhaL by Lhe Llme a real emergency occurs many persons Lhelr peeps Lhe peeps of
Lhelr peeps and Lhe peeps of Lhose peeps and Lhelr peeps ln addlLlon Lo Lhelr peeps as well wlll have
become desenslLlzed Lo Lhls sysLem by Lhese Llresome LesLs lL ls also llkely Lhen LhaL a good number of
Lhem wlll Lhen also very llkely perlsh so lL would be a good ldea Lo say goodbye now before a real
emergency happens whlch donL kld yourselves lL could And LhaL's Loo bad because Lhe purpose of
Lhls sysLem ls Lo prevenL Lhose needless ln[urles and or deaLhs from happenlng ln Lhe flrsL place should
an emergency occur buL oh well lL's noL llke we dldn'L Lry Lo warn you le Lhls warnlng 8e aware LhaL
aL LhaL Llme le should a real emergency occur lnsLrucLlons wlll be glven as Lo Lhe lnsLrucLlons of whaL
lf any acLlons you should Lake lf you sLlll can or wanL Lo? Slnce Loday's noLlce ls only a LesL of Lhe LesL
sysLem lL ls llkely LhaL no one ls llkely Lo be elLher ln[ured or dle alLhough someones feellngs may geL
hurL and so a LesL wlll be glven laLer as Lo Lhe maLerlals conLalned ln Lhls Lhe nonemergency LesL of
Lhe noL real emergency response LesL sysLemsysLem 1he grade scale ls as follows A 91 Lo 100 8 81
Lo 90 C 71 Lo 80 and lf you canL geL aL leasL a C Lhen you're probably noL worLh savlng anyway sorry
buL lL's probably Lrue Agaln 1odays message ls noL an emergency lL ls a LesL of Lhe emergency
response noLlflcaLlonsysLem sysLem 1hank you for your compllance

Stocks Surge After Centra| 8anks' use fancy bookkeep|ng at the Debt Cr|s|s f|na|s
Ch Lhere all happy now danclng llke Snoopy ln a Charlle 8rown ChrlsLmas speclal afLer Lhe CenLral 8ank
8ragoons beaL Lhe CnLhecusp 8ank noneers 9 Lo 3 ln overLlme acLlon ln Lhe LurowhenwllllLend
dome 1he CenLral 8ank 8ragoons were able Lo really Lake advanLage of Lhelr lose end Scuzzy Madoff
who Lhey aqulred lasL year from Lhe Mlddleclass Losers afLer LhaL Leam was evlcLed from Lhe
WewanLLobelleve uome followlng Lhe loss of all Lhelr money ln 2008 We LhoughL lL would be a close
one from Lhe sLarL sald Coach Wehave 1omuchmoney now we have Lo geL ready for Lhe flnals



It's probab|y deeper than you th|nk December 7 2011

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1yp|ca| repub||can move he forgot to use spe|| check before he pr|nted h|s s|gn so sad
S|gn reads
I want a donut no more rhymes I mean |tsplder splder on Lhe wall donL you have no sense aL all
canL you Lell LhaL walls been plasLeredgeL off LhaL wall you sLupldsplder Anyone wanL a peanuL?

S1 AUL M|nn Dakota County ls carefully plannlng Lo bulld parL of a 27mlle blke paLh ln Lhe Sprlng
Lake ark 8eserve near anclenL Amerlcan lndlan burlal mounds lf Lhls flrsL one goes well Lhen we wanL
Lo bulld one ln every cemeLery ln MlnnesoLa lLs really fun Lo rlde pasL Lhose slow dead people sald
8arL CusLer We have Lo make a sLand somewhere

An actua| M|che|e 8achmann quote
Cbama puL us ln Llbya now he puL us ln Afrlca!
nexL sLop Sesame SLreeL All aboard choochoo l meanL coocoo
l really never know whaL l Lhlnk unLll lL comes ouL of my mouLh" Cne wonders


now to prepare for unemp|oyment |e "be|ng downs|zed" by the "Ireemarketeconomy"
SLeps Lo Lake lf unemploymenL ls on your horlzon
Cne Make loLs of sandwlches whlle you can and save em
1wo repare Lo move from your condomlnlum Lo your cardomlnlum
1hree Say goodbye Lo all your frlends who dldn'L lose Lhelr [obs Lhey're noL abouL Lo wanL Lo hang ouL
wlLh some unemployed freeloader who can'L flnd a [ob for ChrlsLsake
lour Max ouL all your credlL and borrow from you're soon Lo be exfrlends before Lhey flnd ouL your
unemployed scum
llve lf you have access Lo senslLlve corporaLe daLa leak lL Lo Wlklleaks
Slx Pope LhaL all Lhose nonproflL soclal safeLy neL programs LhaL you used Lo rldlcule haven'L been
compleLely guLLed by Lhe republlcans
Seven repare Lo become a democraL

It's probab|y deeper than you th|nk December 7 2011

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keca|||ng the shoot|ng of kep Gabr|e||e G|ffords and the k||||ng of s|x others

Mr WnLsLLsof8ooby a conservaLlve columnlsL for Lhe l am lnfalllble so don'L make me hlL you agaln
[ournal" wrlLes LhaL Lhe llberal esLabllshmenL rushed Lo [udgmenL and condemned Lhe 1ea arLy for
Lhe shooLlng"
WhaL l guess l mlssed LhaL
Mr WnLsLLsof8ooby wenL on As lL Lurns ouL Lhe assassln !ared Loughner was an apollLlcal radlcal who
would flL ln well wlLh Lhe CccupyWall SLreeL movemenL"
1haL's odd Lhe CccupyWall SLreeL movemenL seems preLLy pollLlcal Lo me noL Lo menLlon 1hey
don'L carry guns and shooL people!
LaLer ln an lnLervlew when asked why he LhoughL Lhls Mr WnLsLLsof8ooby responded Well because l
sald so you goL LhaL! And no more CoL?a" quesLlons from Lhe peanuL gallery l mean you
reporLers! Ch and never mlnd abouL LhaL freedom of speech and press sLuff ln Lhe ConsLlLuLlon Lhey
really dldn'L mean Lhose parLs abouL ahhh you know havlng an lnformed clLlzenry and publlc
overslghL and all LhaL"
More from hls arLlcle l heard on lox We know LveryLhlng news" LhaL he (Loughner) was heavlly
lnfluenced by a movle called 'ZelLgelsL' whlch had Lhree cenLral polnLs Cne LhaL 8ellglon ln general and
ChrlsLlanlLy ln parLlcular were sysLems of soclal conLrol 1wo LhaL 9/11 was an lnslde [ob by Lhe uS
governmenL and 1hree LhaL Lhe lnLernaLlonal 8ankers' are ln conLrol of everyones money and Lhe
fuLure and LhaL's exacLly whaL Lhose proLesLers belleve Loo"
Asked how he knew whaL Lhe proLesLers belleve Mr WnLsLLsof8ooby sald l [usL do goddamn lL!
Anybody LhaL proLesLs agalnsL Amerlca ls lmmoral so Lhey would have Lo belleve some preLLy wacky
sLuff"
(Wow now Lheres a LwlsL an observaLlonally blased dogmaLlc conservaLlve pollLlclan callously uslng
Lhe Lraglc deaLhs paln and sufferlng of oLhers Lo mallgn a group of people he doesn'L agree wlLh Lo
furLher hls own agenda WhaL a shocker )

C|t|bank Secur|ty |ocked customers |ns|de as they arrested 23CccupyWallSLreeL proLesLers for
aLLempLlng Lo close Lhelr bank accounLs durlng a mass publlc acLlon Lhls afLernoon
1he Wall SLreeL !ournal has conflrmed Lhe arresLs Accordlng Lo Lhelr reporL 24 people were arresLed
1he proLesLers who Lrled Lo close Lhelr accounLs were Lold Lhey couldn'L and Lhen asked Lo leave by
ClLlbank when Lhey refused Lhey were arresLed for Lrespasslng LaLer some were arresLed ouLslde Lhe
bank for dlsorderly conducL and reslsLlng arresL for belng arresLed for wanLlng Lo close Lhelr own
accounLs
CusLomers arresLed for closlng Lhelr accounLsprlceless


It's probab|y deeper than you th|nk December 7 2011

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Wa|| Street b|owout the start of a Santa C|aus ra||y?

lnvesLors say lL's vlLal Lo look aL Lhe fundamenLals We consLanLly have Lo assess Lhe probablllLy of
geLLlng balled ouL by WashlngLon should our lllegal Lrades go bad" Sald Mr needless Markup of Lhe
We sell anyLhlng no maLLer who geLs hurL" group l am of Lhe mlndseL LhaL l don'L wanL Lo have all of
your or Lhe governmenLs caplLal aL work unLll a deal ls hammered ouL and slgned ln LurowhenwllllL
everend zone" 8elleve me l would never rlsk my own money llke Lhls" lf a Luropean deal does noL
maLerlallze from Lhe wlLches' brew l mean negoLlaLlons Lhe markeL ls golng Lo geL hammered
meanlng you and Lhe governmenL haha and Lhen so am l"
kentucky kepub||can Says ne 'Iee|s ||ke Go|ng 1a||ban' Cn the Wa|| Street rotesters
A kenLucky 8epubllcan has posLed a raLher dlsconcerLlng commenL on lacebook abouL Lhe Wall SLreeL
proLesLers
SLeve lrank clLy commlssloner of CovlngLon kenLucky apparenLly wanLs Lo klll Lhe proLesLers occupylng
Wall SLreeL
arallel Lhe 1allban wanLs Lo klll Amerlcan soldlers ln AfghanlsLan
ln hls posL on CcLober 9Lh lrank wroLe 1urn ouL Lhe llghLs on Lhe Cccuplers l feel llke golng 1allban
on Lhem!!! 1he 1allban as Lhey see lL ls reslsLlng occupaLlon l am reslsLlng Lhe Cccuplers and very proud
Lo be a 1'er
1hls guy shouldn'L be commlssloner of a popsLand

Speak|ng of opStands and Maroons
nere's a few pr|ce|ess uote's from the Newt
Warn|ng botmfol lf tokeo setloosly oqteemeot wltb moy well loJlcote btolo Jomoqe yoo sboolJ ooly
teoJ tbese ftom o sofe ooJ optlqbt posltloo
1 l'm noL a naLural leader l'm Loo lnLellecLual l'm Loo absLracL l Lhlnk Loo much" newL Clngrlch
2 lf Lhe SovleL emplre sLlll exlsLed l'd be Lerrlfled 1he facL ls we can afford a falrly lgnoranL presldency
now" newL Clngrlch
3 1he ldea LhaL a congressman would be LalnLed by accepLlng money from prlvaLe lndusLry or prlvaLe
sources ls essenLlally a soclallsL argumenL" newL Clngrlch on eLhlcs
4 Clve Lhe park pollce more ammo" newL Clngrlch 8espondlng Lo reporLers' quesLlon abouL whaL
should be done wlLh Lhe homeless followlng Lhe shooLlng of a homeless man ln fronL of Lhe WhlLe
Pouse days earller
3 1he problem lsn'L Loo llLLle money ln pollLlcal campalgns buL noL enough"newL Clngrlch on
campalgn flnance reform
6 l have enormous personal amblLlon l wanL Lo shlfL Lhe enLlre planeL And l'm dolng lL l am now a
famous person l represenL real power" newL Clngrlch on hls place ln Lhe world
It's probab|y deeper than you th|nk December 7 2011

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7 Clngrlch My rlmary mlsslon AdvocaLe of clvlllzaLlon ueflner of clvlllzaLlon 1eacher of Lhe rules of
clvlllzaLlon Leader of Lhe clvlllzlng forces" newL Clngrlch deflnlng hls role ln Lhe world

8 l am Lhe mosL serlous sysLemaLlc revoluLlonary of modern Llmes" newL Clngrlch unable Lo geL
enough of hlmself
9 lL doesn'L maLLer whaL l do eople need Lo hear whaL l have Lo say 1here's no one else who can say
whaL l can say lL doesn'L maLLer whaL l llve" newL Clngrlch do as l say noL as l do
10 1hls ls one of Lhe greaL Lragedles of Lhe 8ush admlnlsLraLlon 1he more successful Lhey've been aL
lnLercepLlng and sLopplng bad guys Lhe less proof Lhere ls LhaL we're ln danger lL's almosL llke Lhey
should every once ln a whlle have allowed an aLLack Lo geL Lhrough [usL Lo remlnd us"newL Clngrlch ln
PunLlngLon n? Aprll 2008 suggesLlng LhaL 8epubllcans oughL Lo leL LerrorlsLs Lo aLLack and klll us on
Amerlcan soll as a remlnder of Lhe dangers ln Lhe world LhaL only Lhey Lhe republlcans can proLecL us
from
11 now we don'L geL rld of lL ln round one because we don'L Lhlnk LhaL LhaL's pollLlcally smarL and we
don'L Lhlnk LhaL's Lhe rlghL way Lo go Lhrough a LranslLlon 8uL we belleve (le hope) lL's golng Lo wlLher
on Lhe vlne because we Lhlnk people are volunLarlly golng Lo leave lL volunLarlly"newL Clngrlch
suggesLlng LhaL republlcans shouldn'L [usL klll Medlcare ouLrlghL buL raLher Lhey should leL lL wlLher on
Lhe vlne and dle from a Lhousand republlcan budgeL cuLs"
12 She lsn'L young enough or preLLy enough Lo be Lhe resldenL's wlfe"newL Clngrlch abouL hls flrsL
wlfe afLer dlvorclng her
13 l read Men Who PaLe Women and Lhe Women Who Love 1hem and l found frlghLenlng pleces LhaL
relaLed Lomy own llfe" newL Clngrlch re hls undersLandlng and empaLhy for women
14 lL ls Lraglc whaL we do ln Lhe pooresL nelghborhoods enLrapplng chlldren ln chlld laws whlch are
Lruly sLupld1hese schools should geL rld of unlonlzed [anlLors have one masLer [anlLor pay local
sLudenLs Lo Lake care of Lhe school"newL Clngrlch suggesLlng an end Lo chlld labor laws allowlng
buslnesses Lo flre unlon workers and replace Lhem wlLh cheaper chlld labor
13 We should replace blllngual educaLlon wlLh lmmerslon ln Lngllsh so people learn Lhe common
language of Lhe counLry and Lhey learn Lhe language of prosperlLy noL Lhe language of llvlng ln a
gheLLo" newL Clngrlch demonsLraLlng hls persplcaclous sense of Amerlcan hlsLory
16 1he lefLwlng uemocraLs wlll represenL Lhe parLy of LoLal hedonlsm LoLal exhlblLlonlsm LoLal
blzarreness LoLal welrdness and Lhe LoLal rlghL Lo crlpple lnnocenL people ln Lhe name of leLLlng
hoollgans loose" newL Clngrlch on Lhe meanlng of lrony


It's probab|y deeper than you th|nk December 7 2011

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17 1hese people are slck 1hey are so consumed by Lhelr own power by a Mussollnlllke ego LhaL Lhelr
wllllngness Lo run over normal human belngs and Lo desLroy honesL lnsLlLuLlons ls unendlng" newL
Clngrlch agaln deflnlng lrony

18 l Lhlnk one of Lhe greaL problems we have ln Lhe 8epubllcan arLy ls LhaL we don'L encourage you Lo
be nasLy We encourage you Lo be neaL obedlenL and loyal and falLhful and all Lhose 8oy ScouL words"
newL Clngrlch allowlng LhaL words have no meanlng and lnLegrlLy ls a wasLe of Llme
1he above were unLouched or edlLed ln anyway Lhe man acLually sald Lhem ln publlc

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