The Freedom Blueprints

Module 10 Social Freedom: How To Surround Yourself With Great People
The Freedom Blueprints
By John Hoffman
Module #10 part B
Social Freedom
- How To Surround Yourself With Great People -
2009-2010 by John Hoffman. All rights reserved. Published by http://www.freedomblueprints.org/. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in an ad database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of John Hoffman. The Author and publisher have used their best efforts in preparing this book and the document contained herein. However, the author and publisher make no warranties of any kind, express or implied, wit regard to the informational content, documentation, or files contained in this book or in any accompanying media files such as CDs or DVD, and specifically disclaim, without limitation, any implied warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose, with respect to program listings in the book, the techniques described in the book, and/or the use of files. In no event shall the author or publisher be responsible or liable for loss of profit, or any commercial damages, including, but not limited to, special incidental, consequential, or any other damages in connection with or arising out of furnishing, performance, or use of this book, program files, instruction, audio or video connected with this information. All information provided in this document is provided purely for informational purposes only, does not in any way purport to be medical or prescriptive suggestions. Any reference to medicinal or health benefits is not meant to treat or diagnose any problem and is not meant to replace professional medical advice and should not take the place of any prescribed medication that has been prescribed by a physician. We suggest you always use caution when taking any herb or medication other than those prescribed or suggested by your physician. If you suffer from illness, disorder, are pregnant or nursing, again, please use caution. All herbs and medications should be kept out of the reach of children. Further, the author and publisher have used their best efforts to proof and confirm the content of the files, but you should proof and confirm information such as dates, measurements, and any other content for yourself. The author and publisher make no warranties of any kind, express or implied, with regard to that content or its accuracy.
V. HOW TO FIGHT YOUR FEARS Scientists have spent a lot of time and effort trying to understand fear. The truth is, we all should try to understand and overcome our fears. After each such success we feel accomplishment and personal empowerment. Remember that fear is not a rational response to challenges. It is not something that comes from the outside, threatening us. It is from the inside, all in our mind. It exists so that we get alarmed when threatening things happen. But because it is irrational, sometimes the best decisions are not the ones we take guided by fear. It is the reason we have to overcome it. Because it limits our minds, clouds our judgment and spreads panic. Because of fear, our mind shits and we tend to think of nobody else than ourselves. But unlike the fear for our life, which is an animalist, understandable emotion or reaction, there is another fear that has been developed by society and its continuous struggle for evolution. It is the fear of failure. This type of fear is one of the most crippling emotions that can limit your potential in life and is very destructive. There are also other types of fear we need to overcome, such as fear of social censure (which makes one feel lonely), for example. You can read bellow several tips and tricks on how to conquer your fears: A. Face it Many famous quotes state that the brave one is not the one that feels no fear, but the one that faces his fear. Fear is natural but irrational. Facing it, feeling it but doing your thing anyway, means the victory of the mind over the body, reasons victory over instinct. When reaching for a goal, fear of failure is something that stays in your way between you and obtaining new knowledge. Moreover, it cripples you so that you cannot perform at your highest potential.
B. Learn Learn about what you are afraid of. People are afraid of what they do not understand - sounds familiar? Well, by knowing the risks involved, you also know the available solutions. By knowing more, you fear less. Doctors, for examples are less afraid of facing surgery than common people. You become more confident by preparing yourself in the field you are approaching. Being prepared calms down the butterflies in your stomach. C. Motivation Give your fear source a positive perspective through motivation and self affirmations. You should put them down on a piece of paper, stick it somewhere visible. Buy motivational posters. Make your own. D. Visualization Imagine yourself overcoming the fears you face. Picture yourself succeeding. This is a very efficient technique to fight your fears. If you are afraid of someone, imagine that person being friendly to you, or, maybe tripping while in an argument. Be positive, however and keep the image firmly in your mind. E. The worst case scenario? Imagine what is the worst thing that could happen, and this way you will be able to appreciate how important the fear is. In most of the cases, the fear is a minor subject. When the worst case scenario is not as big of a deal as it may seem, then you feel more powerful. The classic example is asking someone out on a date. You
hesitate a lot, but what is the worst that could happen? She (or him) says no. No, just a simple word. Not a very big deal now, is it. You come to the conclusion that, come to think of it, you have got nothing to lose.
VI. BONUS! "Fear of public speaking", rings a bell? Overcome it! There is an entire industry built upon this fear: The fear of public speaking. There are millions of dollars spent by people throughout the world on what to do when facing the horrific act of speaking in front of a crowd. Did you know that statistics indicate death scarring less people than public speaking does?
Most of the tips and tricks sold on the market are useful, but let us face it. They cost too much. Analyzing the problem to its root, we come to understand that the biggest fear we face is, in fact, fear of failure. We all dream of a day when we get to speak in front of a crowd and every single person cheers and approve what we say. However, in reality, things go a bit different. It is what gives birth to the nervousness we all experience when standing in front of a crowd of people. Any person, no matter how experienced he or she is at speaking in public, once felt the anxiety and fear when facing the first big crowd. There is nobody in the world that is good at public speaking but says that he hates it. There are a lot of symptoms public speaking manifests: heart bouncing out of chest, stomach tightening, sweaty palms. The easiest way to deal this fear is to stop presenting things in front of people. But that is
wrong! That is, in fact, not dealing with the problem but sustaining it. Look outside yourself, then learn and try to face your fear. Here goes the bonus chapter of this report: how do conquer your fear of public speaking.
We are not that important As long as we see ourselves more important than what we do or say, we will have a problem with public speaking. We should focus more on what we create on the stage than ourselves. Stop being concerned of how you look. By being concerned of not looking like idiots we look like idiots. This creates a type of spiral: we think of not appearing incompetent so much that all our thoughts are connected to the fear and our aptitudes can no longer perform. The reason you speak in front of a crowd is to send a message to the people. Focus on the goal when preparing the speech. Ask yourself the following questions: 1. What value am I providing for my audience? 2. What is the most important thing for them to take away from my talk? 3. How will this talk/topic benefit them? These are the most important questions to ask because: A message without value is useless, just a waste of time. You have to know exactly what your goal is. Having a specific goal means having a specific direction. Words come easily and the message is clear this way. By having a single thing in mind you will manage to have at least a simple, cohesive and comprehensive speech design and delivery. See the presentation through the eyes of the person sitting in the chair listening, and not from your position, as the person that is talking. When you simply speak without caring about the audience, centering your speech on yourself is the easiest way to do. However, it is not recommended, since there will exist no link between you and the people that should be listening.
It is within our nature to only be able to focus efficiently on one thing at a time. It is why we will not be able to focus both on giving the most outstanding presentation and the worry of what others think of us at the same instant. Focus entirely on giving your audience value. By acting this way, you will be able to shift your point of focus from yourself, and into giving something of value to your listeners.
Imagine success
Do not look down, they say, but every time after hearing these words, the person looks down and is height sick. It is easy to imagine the worst. Just like looking down, imagining ourselves failing is handier when in front of a crowd than imagining ourselves succeeding. The problem is that by having these pictures inside our heads, we are not as efficient into presenting our message, and we become flooded by this unpleasant, false image of us failing. Do your best to fill your mind with visions of success.
a) Visualization: Spend 5 to 15 minutes in the morning of your presentation day, to relax, calm your mind and centering yourself. Sit down in a comfortable place and protect yourself from interruptions. It may be a good idea to turn off the phone or blackberry or whatever devices you may have that could distract you. Focus on your breath, by closing your eyes and breathing deeply and slowly for a minute. Imagine that you are somebody else and you see yourself speaking. Look at yourself with complete confidence, strength and charisma. Stand tall. Imagine that you are giving the conversation and that the room is full with people smiling back at you. You are also smiling at them and you feel a positive energy radiating from your smile. Imagine that you give the most outstanding presentation ever
The speech ends and you say It was easier than I thought! Positive affirmations about you are a powerful tool to boost confidence. By doing this, what actually happens is that you are giving positive suggestions to your subconscious. Your mind will this way be filled with positive images of yourself. What you basically do is that you are tricking your subconscious into believing you are the best at what you do. Believing is half the battle won. b) Affirmations: Positive statements about yourself, written on pieces of paper, have a strong impact over you and build an image of strength and confidence. Write the affirmations down and follow these examples, which other sociologists or scientists have recommended in various situations before: I am a fantastic speaker and I deliver engaging presentations. I am confident and powerful. I create tremendous value for other people. I am an outstanding person. My work is important. People rely on my excellence. Say all these things out aloud as frequently as possible. Do not just repeat them in your mind. You have to use your voice in order for this method to be effective. There are some cases when it would be weird to tell them out loud, so when this happens you should say them in your mind. Accept that you are afraid As you may have also read in a previous paragraph of this report, one of the most efficient ways to deal with your fears is to face them head on. Accept that you are afraid, but be strong enough to overcome your reactions. Observe that emotion and discover where its source lay.
Fake It Till You Make It Fear implies discomfort. It depends on our inner strength to face that discomfort. Certain people know this. They are the happiest people. Because they know what they have to face in order to achieve happiness. And because they know they are not as afraid as others. Imagine that you are someone strong, someone that would be able to face any challenge. Ask yourself: What would that person if he or she was in your shoes? How would he or she present this point?
How would he or she engage the audience for this point?
Strong people carry strong energy. They can lift you up and make you strong when you need it the most. Putting yourself in somebody elses shoes, somebody that you truly admire and look up to, gives you the responsibility and confidence that you can face any challenge he or she can face.
Be authentic As we have told you at the beginning of this report, the most important thing in social relations is to be yourself. You have made it to give your speech because of your aptitudes, your ambition and your good ideas. People are present in that room because they are somewhat interested in what you are about to say. The best advice we can give you is this: be honest, be pure, be open, and show your vulnerabilities. You are no super hero. You are simply a guy with great ideas worth sharing.
Share your thoughts with the audience. Make them feel you and see you as one of them. You will, this way, have a quick access to their hearts and they will understand you better. Some people speak about the flaws in their presentation, for example screwed up the timing for the auto-slides. In such situations, most of the audience is sympathizing with the person on the stage and is rooting for her to succeed.
Keep your mind and concentration on the thing you are doing: having a presentation or a speech. Express yourself beautifully, fully and naturally. You do not need to waste time being yourself in these moments. If you are relaxed, you are yourself.
The icebreaker technique The moment of top tension is at the beginning of your speech or presentation. It is the moment when you first have contact with the people whose admiration and attention you need to win. No matter how tense you may be because you are in front of a crowd, think about one thing: all you have to do is speak. Speak in front of these people. It is not like you are going to die from delivering some words to the audience.
After realizing all this you will see that you will be more relaxed. The best thing to do at the beginning of a presentation or speech, is to use icebreakers to crack the silence and cut the distance between you and your public. By doing that you will make them aware that they are encouraged to participate. Many people choose to be happy on the stage, laugh in order to rid of the publics tension and their tension, as well. Here are some ideas of ice-breakers and audience engaging techniques: Ask the audience a question. Do not ask complicated questions, but simple ones that anyone can answer. By asking a complicated question you will get the opposite effect, meaning you enlarge the distance between you and your audience. What you need to do is to encourage people shouting their answers. If no one answers at first, make fun of
them in a gentle manner, so they do not get offended. The purpose of this technique is also that you will channel attention towards the people that answer and not only on yourself, relieving you of some tension. Interact with your audience. You need to make the people feel as comfortable as they can. If they feel comfortable, so will you. Encourage them to raise hands, in order to participate at certain activities, answer questions and so on. By doing such things, the audience will be more engaged in the rest of your speech, since theyve already psychologically invested in you by taking a participating in your request. Making your audience move a bit also helps when the event you are speaking is a long one and they have been sitting for a while. Ask them to stand up and stretch a bit. Make their blood flow again. This will also keep them awake or awake them. Get the audience to repeat what you said, because of the same reason as the physical exercise. You may also want to make the people repeat your main points. However, it is a good idea not to have more than three main ideas, because more than three is harder to remember. Remind the audience of your main points throughout the talk, so that your audience is familiar with what these points are. Tell a joke. Show a funny picture or video related to the topic you talk about.
IT IS THE TIME TO MOVE ON! (Conclusion) People break up. It is the way things are. It is because people should have not been together in the first place, but most often it is because poor relationship management. Whatever the reason, when relationships get to a certain point of decay, it is best to put them to sleep. Ill relationships do no good to either of the people involved. They damage the third parties also (children, partners, and friends). This does not mean that all relationships are unhealthy. Nor does it mean that all relationships eventually turn into being so. What we are trying to say is that, due to various reasons relationships may become harmful. Due to other various reasons it is very difficult to let them go. We will try to help you. First thing you should know is that it did not happen only to you. There are a lot of people in the same situation: not getting along anymore with the mate, friend etc. You get at a crossroad. You need to decide. It may be the same unpleasant, horrific feeling of having to let one of your hands or legs go, and amputation is needed because of gangrene. But it is required in order to save the rest of the body. At the crossroad we have two options.
You can go on the main road, the one you already are on, and you can see, due to the number of tracks, which road that is. The other option is to go on the least walked road, the one you are not that sure where it leads, but which gives you more opportunities for a happier life. The decision is never easy to take. There are some steps you need to take, however, in order to decide. Here they are: A. Realize the need of change You will not get anywhere without realizing that you need to change your social ways. The fact that you admit problems exist is winning half the battle. However, try to adopt the general, third person perspective. Try to see yourself through somebody else's eyes. This way you will see what is wrong. But it is not as easy as it sounds. It takes a lot of will and courage to do that. Most people would normally quit after the first few attempts. For most of us it is very difficult to put ourselves into somebody else's shoes. But if you can do it, then you are a winner. This advice applies and will grant you success in most of the social activities you participate at. The truth is, we all think highly of ourselves and say that we can do "this" or "that", a multitude of activities. Of course, we can. However, the things we say we can do, and maybe we truly can, are not always the things that represent us the most.
B. Ok, so you need to change. But change into what? Once you realize you have a problem, and need to change, half the battle is won. As mentioned above, most of us can or think that we can do almost anything. It is true, humankind is very adaptable and if you have the brains and muscle you can perform virtually any activity destined for human management. However, you may not want to do all those things. Not that you can't, but because inside, you crave for something else. Something that you know you would be best at, something that continuously motivates you. Due to social, financial, geographical, political constraints existing in the world, few of us achieve that level of self-achievement. So, whether you reach that point or not, is not important. What is important is that we struggle into doing what we want, or what we like. Most of the times, what we are best at doing is doing what we like. So, what do you like? What is there that you wanted to spend more time in doing but never managed to because of various other reasons? Find out what that thing is and go for it! The main reason for which you need to face the fact that you have a problem is that if you, by any chance, choose to end your relationship, without knowing exactly what you left behind, you risk entering a new situation which will turn out to be like the old one. As an example we could give you, let us say, a smoker that chooses quit smoking, he does just that, but ends up drinking or eating to compensate the whole thing. The reason for which this risk exists is that the person in question did not stop to evaluate his situation. He took a decision without knowing what he gets himself (or herself) into. The best way to avoid such complications is to take some time for yourself and think about what you are doing, from any possible perspective. It might turn out to be a good idea to keep a journal of your problems and achievements. Words and ideas have a greater value and impact when they have a form, a platform, a physical existence. It is like they come to life. C. Face your fears. Change! Fear of the unknown. One of the most ferocious fears humankind faces in the modern society. It is, however, less fearsome than fear of public speaking (that is a fact!) but we will get to that later, in our bonus section of this report. The idea of change is a monster that represents the only obstacle between us and the new life we could be living. No matter how bad things are, they are that way
after a complicated process you are accustomed with. Your life is your baby, you gave birth to it, and no matter how unperfected it may be.
It is hard to let it go. It is hard to leave behind something something you have spent a big part of your life into creating. Even if you do not see these things this way, it is the way things work. We all feel fear when facing change. We also feel anxiety. But behind all these lays freedom and success: a new life. Change implies discomfort. It depends on our inner strength to face that discomfort. Certain people know this. They are the happiest people. Because they know what they have to face in order to achieve happiness. And because they know they are not as afraid as others. Trading some discomfort for years of happiness seems like a big deal. D. You know you have to change. Now learn how to do it! Most of the things that are obvious, because they are so, are hidden from the common eye. Changing is simple. You get to know that your mate or groups of friends (it may be a specific person or more) are unhealthy for you. They do you no good. What you have to do is stop seeing them! However, before you do that, there should be a step it is recommended you take: speak to them.
Speak to the people you consider unhealthy for you. Sometimes the problems can be solved after having such a discussion. Sometimes they cannot be solved this way. However, be sure you do all that you can to save the relationship before you choose to end it. Also, be sure that it is clear for you whether there is something worth changing before you spend any effort intro trying to do it. As you may have already learned from reading the previous paragraphs, it will turn useful to keep a journal. Writing down everything helps you solve your problems better. Getting those thoughts out and laying them on a sheet of paper allows you to see yourself and your thoughts through the eyes of a different person. You can observe yourself better if you keep a journal. It is also easier to face change and to take decisions this way. Allow yourself to feel. Feel freely. It is one of the keys (if not the most important!) to achieve happiness. Do not resist. Things you try to resist will keep on staying and annoy or harm you. Choose to act. Happiness is just around the corner! E. Fill the empty space! Once you complete the steps described above, you have almost made it! But there are several things that, if you are not careful, can go wrong and take you back to the beginning of the journey. If you are back, it is even harder to walk the same route all over again.
It is very important that you feel the empty space with new things. It is vital! What can you do in order to keep on going? Well, you can meet new people; join
certain groups of people that share the same interests with you. Try to spend your time in pleasant places, ones that fill you up with positive energy. Open new doors and walk through them. There is nothing drawing you back! F. Face the future smiling but respect the past Feeling sad when you leave something behind is normal. You should not feel ashamed nor should you hide your feelings. It is the main goal of this report: to show you that you do not have to hide your feelings and that you can get along with yourself in a better way, simply by being you. Sadness is a human emotion. It is natural. It will pass. You will be happy again. No need to overreact nor to try and kill this emotion. It is neither natural nor healthy to run from normal feelings or emotions. Trying to block sadness only leads to other problems. Let it flow through you and then go out. It is the proof that you truly cared, that you respected the past and that you had to take the decision to change. Face your sadness. Remember your purpose. It might be the best moment for self-examination. You took your decision. You have acted. There is no place for remorse, guilt or shame. You need to stand tall and face the future while respecting the past. Learn from your mistakes, yet do your best not to repeat them. Else you will find yourself in a vicious spiral that takes you through the same spot over and over again and you will slowly lose faith in the world surrounding you. Imagine that you are a doctor analyzing a patient, and that the patient is you. Give yourself advices without judging yourself. Surely, you can learn a lot from the mistakes you have made in the past. Be comfortable with yourself. No matter what goes on, you are the one youll be stuck with for the rest of your life. It is why you have to do your best into accepting your flaws and trying to solve your problems. Forgive yourself that is true power! G. Be grateful Once you have passed through all of the previously described steps, you should now feel change kicking in. It is the moment when you should be thankful for what you have achieved. The past is behind, you have made it! You feel better, different, and more powerful. However, you could also feel some remorse, or unaccomplished. If this is your case, you should go over the previous stages and see what you did wrong, or what you have missed. It is where the problem lays. Chances are, though, that once you get to this point, you will feel the way described in the paragraph above.
It may prove to be a great idea to write your accomplishments inside a diary or on a sheet of paper. Indeed, it is like you write a contract with yourself, a contract of commitment to change. Surely, you have a lot to be grateful for. It is the moment in time you should review all those things you are grateful for. By doing that, you strengthen your bondage to this new life you have just started. By appreciating and underlining your achievements you will be able to repeat them, and progress on this direction. And believe me, it is a great direction to go! When starting this journey, you also start to truly understand what went wrong in the past. You already have left everything behind and regard it like it happened a lifetime ago. You realize you made the best choice that could have been made. You have ended, survived and overcame an unhealthy relationship. You are happy. It radiates from the inside of your chest and you can feel it. And it is just like the song says:
Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right. I hope you have the time of your life

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Module 10 Social Freedom: How To Surround Yourself With Great People