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MARRIAGE

THE WAY TO ONENESS


Genesis 2:24 Introduction: Someone sent me this. Difference between Women and Men A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Of course those are silly stereotypes but we laugh because they have some element of truth. We know we are different. And this makes it tough to build a solid home. The two have to be one! Last week we the beginning of the process. Consult the architect. Unless the lord builds the house. Get a good set of plans. The scripture. Lay a solid foundation. The two shall become one flesh. Solid foundation. This morning I want to focus on that. How do you build a solid foundation out of two very different people?

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, Razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

I. Consensus about Jesus


The best foundations are laid on Jesus. The home must be built on the teachings of Jesus. Ideally both partners in the marriage will agree to this. Without that consensus you struggle with values. Vision. Practice. Thats why Paul said that we shouldnt marry non-believers. 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

What fellowship. Doesnt matter as long as you love each other. True. But someday you wont love each other. Two snowflakes on the great divide. They fall a few feet apart, but one melts and goes into the Arkansas river and eventually into the Mississippi to the gulf of Mexico. It gets caught in the current drifts to the Atlantic and then to the eastern seaboard up to England. The other flake, a few feet from that, melts and slides into the mighty Colorado. Into the gulf of California to the bottom of the Baja peninsula to the pacific where the currents carry it to Japan. How you start will dictate where you end up. One of two things will happen. Either you will try to drag him to church, or he will drag you away from the Lord. Either way its going to be a drag. Some of you are thinking, Great Bill, my mate is a non-believer! Now what! God is the ultimate McGuiver. He can take the messes we make and turn it into something good. God does amazing things through committed spouses. You made a commitment and God will work through it. But I have to tell you that there will always be a struggle until your mate comes to Christ!

In this passage it is in the present tense. Which would mean you havent already acquired it. So why does it say possess. Next word. Body. Saying get or acquire your own body doesnt make sense. How do you get what you already have? Word translated vessel is really a word that meant dish or vessel. Might refer to your own body, but it might also refer to your wife. That word was used of women or wives. 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands likewise live with your wives as with a weaker vessel. So some scholars think this is not only a reference to possessing your body, but the core emphasis is on acquiring a mate. In Gods sovereign wisdom it probably meant both. Double entendre. Double meaning. Control your body and acquire a mate. Emphasis is on dating. Each one of you know how to acquire a wife. And the focus is on how: in holiness and honor. God wants us to be pure in our relationships. I think that whenever God says something it is for our interest. After all, he made us and that means he knows what helps and what hurts. So I can understand from this that if I dont do it the way he laid out then there will be painful consequences. They might not always show up immediately. One of the consequences of this is a breakdown in intimacy.

II. Focus on Growing together spiritually


This starts in dating 1 Thessalonians 4:3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; For this is the will God your sanctification. Holiness. Gods will for all of us is holiness. Uniquely like HIM. 4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, Possess your body. New Testament was originally written in Greek. Sometimes makes it difficult to translate into English. This is a classic case in point. Word possess really meant acquire. Ktasthai. Like our word acquire, it only meant possess when it was in the past tense. Acquired it you possess it.

Intimacy starts in dating. God created us: spirit, soul, and body. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Real intimacy includes all three of those elements. Spirit, soul and body. Thats why its important to have a spiritual connection. When we talk about intimacy we want to achieve it on all three levels. Spiritual, emotional, and finally physical. One big catch that everyone today is ignoring. God set it up to be done in that order. Biblical model for Intimacy First spiritual. Be sure you are connected spiritually.

Second emotional. Get to know their mind will and emotions. Then marriage. This creates the commitment and security to introduce physical intimacy. After marriage physical. The biblical model is 1: spiritual intimacy. 2. Emotional intimacy. Marriage. Then 3. Physical intimacy. Do that and the spiritual intimacy and emotional intimacy will grow throughout your lives as you enjoy oneness.

When it comes to getting a mate, do it in holiness and honor. Dont do it like the gentiles in lustful passion. Dont transgress the law of God and defraud your Christian brother. Not brother in masculine of brother, but brother in the spiritual sense: brother in the Lord. Male or female. Often times when physical intimacy is the primary focus of the relationship, the woman feels defrauded. This creates a breakdown in communication and ultimately the relationship. Listen, Gods not trying to kill the party. He knows whats best. If you want a beautiful home then do it His way. Make spiritual growth a major priority. 7 For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. What about the rest of us who have already blown it? Again, seek Gods correction. Allow him to heal and forgive. The beauty of the Lord is that he can cleanse and correct any mistake we make if we are willing to repent and seek his healing. Seek forgiveness from your mate. Purpose to seek the spiritual and emotional oneness that is lacking. It is never hopeless in the hands of God. Then purpose to redirect your efforts at coming together spiritually.

The Modern model turns it all around.


1. Physical intimacy. Put the physical first, and you will struggle for years to achieve the other two. Some never do. Its like bringing a 500 pound gorilla into the living room. Once hes there he becomes the center of attention. Never get around to understanding who this other person is. You are also violating the law of God. Pre-marital sex is sin. God will not bless sin.

2. Emotional intimacy.
This connection happens in part but it is always overshadowed by the physical. She wonders if he loves her or if hes just after her body. Those doubts will never be fully satisfied. Somewhere in the process they decide to marry. Just seems like the thing to do. Spiritual longing is usually already starting to emerge. Not long after the marriage the thrill of illicit sex begins to fade and emotional longing starts. This leads to a breakdown in physical intimacy that creates physical longing. Net effect: fragmentation. This is the image of the modern home. Go back to 1 Thessalonians 4 one more time. Notice this phrase. 1 Thessalonians 4:5-7 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.

Spiritual connection
Talk about the things of the lord. Share your struggles and your victories. Where you see God leading you. How hes working in your life. Pray together. Families that pray together stay together. Evening meal time. Worship together. Attend life groups and grow deeper in your walk. Sometimes together, sometimes it really helps to separate and study as men and as women. Then come back to your mate with new insights.

Emotional connection
Get in tune with one another on an emotional level. Connect to the soul. Listen and talk. Share your feelings. Be honest about it. After Marriage

Physical Connection
This is the way to oneness.

III. Commitment to the relationship


I touched on this last time, but it is such an important part of the marriage bond that I need to redress it. Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. The word for joined is dabaq. It means to get stuck or glued together. Committed. Commitment is what holds that together. We think healthy relationships are possible without commitment. What does a ring matter if you really love someone. Listen, a ring is nothing. I take this ring and let you have it and it wont mean a thing. The ring is only significant in what it stands for. Commitment. Commitment is what gives substance to the marriage. Love is an act of your will, not your heart. Get two people out of the audience. Lets pretend that you love one another. How do you show that? Holding hands. The holding of hands symbolizes your union. Dont let go of each others hands. Begin to add tings. Suitcase. Briefcases. Home mortgage. Car. Now here comes trouble. These two guys are uninvited and unexpected. But they pull you apart. Hard to hold hands. Wait, let me make this real. Give most of it to your exwife, she will carry the load for the rest of her life. Girls, you are getting a bum rap. Start with this. Cellophane represents the commitment. Clear, not easy to see, enough of it and you get strong connection. Now you can hole a lot of stuff, but you dont come apart, even when trouble pulls on you. Let me say two things about commitment and Im done. Make it permanent Jesus quoted Genesis 2:24 in Matthew 19. But he added something. 5 and said, FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED

TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Permanent. Keep it open ended When you make a commitment you usually have some clear and reasonable guidelines. Ill do this as long as you do that. Someone once asked a wise pastor, Will you please tell me in a word, what your idea of consecration is? Holding out a blank sheet of paper the pastor replied, It is to sign your name at the bottom of this blank sheet, and to let God fill it in as He will. When I said I do I signed a blank sheet. Amy and the Lord have been filling it in ever since. And Ive been writing on hers. Foundations must be laid. Firm. Solid. Ready for construction. Hows your foundation? What kind are you trying to build? Matthew 7:24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 "And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.

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