The Stony Brook Press - Volume 33, Issue 9

PRESS
THE STONY BROOK

TUESDAY, FEB 21 2012 VOL. XXXIII, ISSUE 9
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and twice during summer session by The Stony Brook Press,
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1A8LF OF CON1FN1S
editorials
07
Weekend Finals?
news
08
Club Budgets
04
Calendar Wars
06
USGs Efforts
14
Memes
features
16
Emerson
10
Yarn Club
11
My Life As
09
UN Ambassador
12
Occupy SBU
20
Art Supplies
21
6WDOO*UDIWL
13
RecycleMania
18
Chambers
3UROH
Correction: Our last issue stated the USG failed to attend both a meeting and a Senate meeting in which they were to speak to the
LGBTA. The two were not separate occurances.
THE STONY BROOK PRESS
EXECUTIVE EDITOR
MANAGING EDITOR
ASSOCIATE EDITOR
WEB EDITOR
BUSINESS MANAGER
ART DIRECTOR
PRODUCTION MANAGER
NEWS EDITOR
FEATURES EDITOR
CULTURE EDITOR
SPORTS EDITOR
OPINION EDITOR
PHOTO EDITOR
SENIOR COPY EDITOR
COPY EDITOR
COPY EDITOR
TECHNOLOGY DIRECTOR
MINISTER OF ARCHIVES
OMBUDSMAN
AQUATIC ADVISORY
NICK STATT
CAROL MORAN
EVAN GOLDAPER
TREVOR CHRISTIAN
JASMINE HAEFNER
JESSE CHANG
MARK GREEK
ARIELLE DOLLINGER
ALYSSA MELILLO
MIKE PEDERSEN
VINCENT BARONE
JEN NOVOTNY
TOM JOHNSON
LIZ KAEMPF
CHRISTINE BOUCHER
SARAH EVINS
DOUG NEWMAN
SAM LIEBRAND
CAROLINA HIDALGO
GILBERT GAMESH
STAFF
TERICHI BELLINGER
KATIE BLASL
OLIVIA BURNE
ALYSSA CARROLL
AMANDA DOUVILLE
LAUREN DUBOIS
DAN CASHMAR
JOHN FISCHER
MICHELLE FRANTINO
ETHAN FREEDMAN
ARIAM FREZGHI
HALLIE GOLDEN
JOSHUA HA
NICOLE KOHN
PRISCILA KORB
ANDI LIAO
BUSHRA MOLLICK
MATTHEW MURRAY
38
Jeremy Lin
sports
39
Mens B-ball Round-up
Games
culture
Music Comics
35Sleigh Bells 34Awkward Silence
34Boring Rocks 35Lil B
36The Nutshell
Zombies
opinion
40
PETA
25 The Vow
33 Staller Opera
27 SAC Gallery
22 MFA Thesis
Gallery
28 SEX!!!
30
Kevin Harts
Revenge
26
Stand Up 8
HOWIE NEWSBERKMAN
VANESSA OGLE
CAITHLIN PEA
ANDY POLHAMUS
REBECCA TAPIO
MATT WILLEMAIN
24Final Fantasy
32 Tucker Max
41
Birthright
40
EDITORIALS February 21, 2012
4
CALENDAR WARS: ADMINISTRATION
MISSTEPS AND USG COWARDICE
Stony Brook University has long been one of only
three schools in the Association of American Universities
to cancel classes for Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, along
wIIh SUNY ualo and randeIs UnIversIIy. NexI year, IhaI
IradIIIon Is lIkely Io end.
A committee of four administrators has adopted a
new academIc calendar wIIh an assorImenI oI sIgnIcanI
changes IhaI are meanI Io maxImIze InsIrucIIon IIme,
equally respect students of all religions and provide more
consistency from year to year, according to Vice Provost
Charles RobbIns. The commIIIee meI over Ihe lasI year
and a half, and possibly earlier, to discuss the changes, but
dId so In compleIe IsolaIIon. Though Ihe changes may be
supported with well-founded reasoning on the part of the
committee, the secretive process by which the committee
drafted the new calendar stripped students and faculty of
IheIr rIghI Io weIgh In on such an ImporIanI maIIer.
In the past, a committee that included representatives
from the University Senate and the Interfaith Center met
every ve years Io draII Ihe academIc calendar. I wasnI
scheduled Io meeI agaIn unIIl 2U15. y draIIIng a calendar
wIIh sIgnIcanI changes IhaI overrode Ihe prevIously
adopted calendar, the administration abused its power and
assumed authority without seeking proper input about the
ImpacI II would have on IaculIy and sIudenIs.
The UnIversIIy SenaIe dId well In passIng a resoluIIon
February 6 urging the administration to establish a shared
governance committee that would include members of
the University Senate and the Interfaith Center in drafting
an academIc calendar, as had been done Ior many years.
So long as proIessors are requIred Io excuse sIudenIs
for religious holidays and arrange their syllabi so that
major exams or assIgnmenIs arenI scheduled Ihose
days, it seems disadvantageous to cancel classes on
Rosh Hashanah and Yom KIppur. More concernIng was
Ihe commIIIees plan Io schedule nals on SaIurday and
Sunday. However, admInIsIraIors In Ihe ProvosIs oce
proved willing to negotiate on that matter after discussions
wIIh UndergraduaIe SIudenI CovernmenI PresIdenI Mark
MalooI and VIce PresIdenI oI AcademIc AaIrs AdIl HusseIn.
RobbIns saId IhaI Ihe provosI was lIkely Io nalIze a new
calendar IhaI added readIng days beIore nals began and
lImIIed nals Io weekdays, buI classes wIll be held on Rosh
Hashanah and Yom KIppur wIIhouI negoIIaIIon.
Though Ihe admInIsIraIIon has admIIIed no wrongdoIng
In Ihe process by whIch II draIIed Ihe calendar and II hasnI
IndIcaIed IhaI II would aIIempI Io gaIher sucIenI InpuI
from the campus community before making changes in the
future, the fact that it was willing to negotiate on some
changes to the calendar is a sign that it does consider
sIudenI and IaculIy InpuI ImporIanI.
However, the fact that the administration did not
consider any outside input on its decision to hold classes on
IewIsh holIdays Is unaccepIable. USC SenaIor DavId Adams
drafted a resolution rejecting the process by which the new
calendar was created and demanded that the changes not
be ImplemenIed. WIIhouI Ihe approprIaIe or adequaIe
InpuI, Ihe resoluIIon says, Ihe new calendar Is IllegIIImaIe.
But the USG Senate voted it down, and in doing so failed
to send a message to the administration that it would not
tolerate such a front on its right to represent the student
body.
According to the minutes of the February 9 USG meeting,
there was concern that such a demanding resolution would
damage USCs abIlIIy Io negoIIaIe wIIh Ihe admInIsIraIIon
on Issues In Ihe IuIure. So long as Ihe governIng body
that is meant to represent the students panders to the
administration rather than demanding a say on important
Issues, II Is a Iar cry Irom eecIIve. ThIs mosI recenI breach
of trust sets a particularly sorry precedent of cowardly
appeasemenI In place oI legIIImaIe represenIaIIon.
...Ihe new calen-
dar stripped stu-
dents and faculty
of their right to
weIgh In...
EDITORIALS
Vol. XXXIII, Issue 9
EDITORIALS February 21, 2012
6
FROM USG AND CAMPUSVINE, AN
EARNEST EFFORT
the Undergraduate Student Government has been going
out of its way to improve its strained relationship with
campus clubs and organIzaIIons. Is a noIIceable change
Ior USC, and IIs a welcome one.
PresIdenI Mark MalooI sIarIed IhIs Irend by IssuIng an
execuIIve order Ihe rsI week back Irom break. I called Ior
a revIew and subsequenI revIsIons Io Ihe nancIal bylaws,
whIch were rewrIIIen over Ihe summer. MalooI saId IhaI hIs
decision was based on a number of complaints from stu-
denI clubs and organIzaIIons. The problems some clubs
have Iaced are real and soluIIons are necessary.
Restrictive caps on how much clubs are able to spend
on guesI speakers have meanI IhaI mId-sIzed evenIs, as
MalooI reIers Io Ihem, have been nexI Io ImpossIble Ior
anyone buI Ihe SIudenI AcIIvIIIes oard Io hold.
Treasurer Thomas KIrnbauer, who helped wrIIe Ihe by-
laws, has shown IhaI he Is recepIIve Io change. Hes also
exhIbIIed hIs dedIcaIIon Io ImprovIng Ihe way USC handles
the process in which it assigns budgets to each club by of-
fering to shoulder more work than the previous treasurer
dId.
The Iown halls IhaI PresIdenI MalooI called Ior were an
encouraging sign that USG is actively pursuing better com-
munication with clubs and is genuinely interested in which
regulaIIons are causIng clubs Ihe mosI sIress.
Unfortunately, the two meetings were sparsely attend-
ed, Io say Ihe leasI. AI Thursdays meeIIng, a Press reporIer
was Ihe only one Io show up besIdes Treasurer KIrnbauer.
USG certainly could have better advertised the town
halls. The daIes and IImes were noI posIed on IheIr websIIe
and if clubs were sent emails containing said information,
The Press wasnI lucky enough Io receIve one.
ncredIbly, USC dIdnI shy away aIIer Ihe experIence.
n a room packed Iull oI club ocers, KIrnbauer announced
the date of yet another town hall in the hopes that students
would show up Io IhIs one.
When II was lIIerally a sIIuaIIon oI lIIe or deaIh Ior a
few clubs, Kirnbauer and the USG Senate were forgiving
and quIck Io resIore clubs abIlIIy Io IuncIIon. A provIsIon
In Ihe nancIal bylaws, IhaI dIdnI exIsI lasI year, sIaIes IhaI
clubs IhaI donI hold evenIs
on campus will be stripped
oI IheIr IundIng. When IhIs
happened to 15 clubs, the
appropriate parties were
contacted, a post was made
on the USG website and the
appeals process was clearly
explaIned.
The senaIe acIed responsIbly by realIzIng IhaI Ihe new
bylaws were far from perfect and that newer provisions,
lIke Ihe one aecIIng Ihese clubs, were noI well known.
They voIed Io resIore lIne budgeI sIaIus Io each oI Ihe
clubs, wIIhouI condIIIon. KIrnbauer helped Ihem apply Ior
new budgets and the senate approved, only opting for a
ve percenI cuI Io all Ihe clubs Ihey had Io resIore.
The besI Idea, proposed by SenaIor Ryann WIllIams,
would have been a case-by-case examInaIIon oI why each
club was unable to spend money during the fall semester,
followed by a determination of if they deserved their full
budgeI back, or II Ihey deserved less. Sadly, Ihe resI oI Ihe
senaIe wasnI InIeresIed.
The changes Io Ihe budgeI applIcaIIon process are even
more promIsIng, as Ihey oer Io sysIemaIIcally Improve
communIcaIIon beIween clubs and Ihe Ireasurers oce.
Until this year, USG would meet with clubs once to
deIermIne IheIr budgeI. Clubs would aIIend a hearIng In
which they requested a certain amount of money from a
commIIIee, and wouldnI hear back unIIl Ihe nal release
oI Ihe budgeI Ior Ihe nexI year.
KIrnbauer Is changIng IhaI. HIs oce wIll be sendIng
clubs a draII budgeI beIore IheIr hearIngs. The hearIngs
wouldnI be Ihe rsI IIme IhaI Ihe Iwo parIIes would be
communicating and it would be a time for them to work out
IheIr dIerences. ThaIs IaIrer Ior clubs, even II II means
more work Ior USC.
Then Iheres CampusvIne. y replacIng AllocaIe wIIh
a far more comprehensive budget management service,
USC Is seIIIng clubs up Ior success. The new program Is de-
sIgned Io make llIng ouI a voucher lIke llIng ouI an order
Iorm onlIne, compleIe wIIh drop down menus and all.
WhaIs more, Ihe program Is desIgned lIke a socIal neI-
workIng sIIe. I has an In-sIIe Inbox synced Io anoIher In-
box oI Ihe users choIce. Club members wIll be able Io com-
munIcaIe more eecIIvely wIIh boIh each oIher and USC.
Theyll be able Io Irack IheIr vouchers Ihrough every sIep
oI Ihe process. Is whaI clubs needed and now IIs whaI
Ihey have.
Since the
start of
the spring
semester,
NEWS
7
SIony rook UnIversIIys academIc calendar wIll un-
dergo a number oI changes nexI Iall, IncludIng an end Io
the tradition of cancelling classes on Rosh Hashanah and
Yom KIppur. The new calendar, draIIed by a commIIIee
oI Iour admInIsIraIors, also schedules nals Ior weekday
classes on Saturday and Sunday, though that is likely to be
amended after negotiations with the Undergraduate Stu-
dent Government Senate, according to Vice Provost Charles
RobbIns.
The admInIsIraIIon Is ImplemenIIng Ihe changes Io
create a calendar that is consistent and predictable from
year to year with as much equal recognition and respect as
possible for our diverse campus community that provides
maxImum InsIrucIIon Ior sIudenIs In Ihe mosI ecIenI and
eecIIve manner, accordIng Io a presenIaIIon gIven by
RobbIns aI Ihe February 16 USC meeIIng.
The commIIIee was concerned wIIh maxImIzIng class
time for courses with labs, which are often hurt by class
cancellaIIons and make-up days. Under Ihe new calendar,
spring break will take place after the seventh week of class
during the spring semester, which is more logical than ty-
ing it to Easter and Passover much later in the semester,
accordIng Io RobbIns.
Our goal is to increase the level of respect for every-
body, RobbIns saId. Were IryIng Io be InclusIve, noI ex-
clusIve.
Robbins said the committee of four administrators had
been meeIIng Ior approxImaIely Ihe lasI year and a halI Io
dIscuss Ihe changes Io Ihe calendar. ThaI dIered Irom Ihe
traditional calendar-drafting process carried out by a com-
mittee of administrators, faculty and representatives of
Ihe nIerIaIIh CenIer every ve years. The commIIIee was
scheduled Io meeI nexI In 2U15, when II was Io consIder
alIerIng Ihe calendar In consIderaIIon oI MuslIm holIdays.
On February 6, the University Senate passed a resolu-
tion urging the administration to create a shared gover-
nance committee that would include members of the In-
IerIaIIh CenIer, Ihe UnIversIIy SenaIe and sIudenIs.
The admInIsIraIors changes Io Ihe calendar have an-
gered the Jewish community on campus, who fear Jewish
sIudenIs wIll be unIaIrly penalIzed Ior mIssIng class on Yom
KIppur and Rosh Hashanah. RabbI Ioseph Tobeck oI SIony
rooks nIerIaIIh CenIer saId Ihe new calendar wIll Iorce
sIudenIs Io ask Io be excused on relIgIous holIdays and Iac-
ulIy members may noI comply.
Students are going to have to go begging to their pro-
Iessors, sayIng wIll noI be able Io come Io class, saId
Tobeck. I creaIes an unleveled playIng eld beIween sIu-
denIs and IaculIy members.
IhInk Ihere wIll be a negaIIve eecI academIcally,
saId Tobeck. Those wIll end up beIng empIy days because
a loI oI sIudenIs and IaculIy wIll noI show up. I wIll dam-
age SIony rooks Image In Ihe communIIy.
According to Robbins, the population of Jewish stu-
denIs on campus Is approxImaIely 8 percenI, much lower
Ihan II had been decades ago. He saId admInIsIraIors Iound
II dIculI Io jusIIIy cancellIng classes Ior Ihe relIgIous holI-
days oI only one relIgIous group.
USC PresIdenI Mark MalooI presenIed Ihe new calen-
dar Io Ihe SenaIe aI IIs February 2 meeIIng. USC expressed
anger at the administration for failing to include student
and faculty input in the drafting process, especially when a
ve-year plan had already been agreed upon.
MalooI and VIce PresIdenI oI AcademIc AaIrs, AdIl
Hussein, met with Robbins in the weeks following the pre-
sentation to discuss a new calendar that would include
readIng days beIore nals week and schedule nals only
on weekdays. HusseIn saId he wasnI pleased wIIh Ihe lack
of student input in the drafting process, but he was satis-
ed IhaI Ihe admInIsIraIIon heard IheIr concerns and wIll
do IhIngs dIerenIly In Ihe IuIure.
USC SenaIor DavId Adams proposed a resoluIIon IhaI
rejects the process by which the calendar was drafted and
demands that the senate be granted its constitutional
right to represent the student body on matters of impor-
Iance, and IhaI Ihe changes noI be made. The resoluIIon
IaIled, on parI due Io Iear IhaI II would harm USCs abIlIIy
to negotiate with the administration in the future, accord-
Ing Io Adams.
Robbins said that the newly amended calendar, which
has been presenIed Io ProvosI DennIs AssanIs, Is lIkely Io
be approved. MedIa RelaIIons ocer Lauren Sheprow says
the calendar will be released to the students and faculty
once all decIsIons regardIng II have been nalIzed. She also
maInIaIned IhaI Ihere wIll be an updaIed versIon nexI year.
The 2U12-13 academIc calendar Is sIIll In process oI
beIng nalIzed, saId Sheprow In an emaIl. A versIon oI II
has been presented to the USG Senate and feedback was
receIved and [Is] beIng Iaken InIo consIderaIIon. When Ihe
calendar Is nal II wIll be presenIed Io Ihe enIIre campus
communIIy.
CHANGES TO STONY BROOKS
ACADEMIC CALENDAR INEVITABLE
by John Fischer
8
NEWS February 21, 2012
an upgraded version of Allocate,
Undergraduate Student Government
Treasurer Thomas KIrnbauer
announced SaIurday.
Because of the two changes, the
budget allocation process will look
sIgnIcanIly dIerenI IhIs year Ihan In
years pasI.
Kirnbauer told a Student Activities
Center auditorium half-full of club
ocers IhaI Ihe new processes would
give them more of an opportunity to
have [IheIr voIces] heard.
FIrsI, KIrnbauer explaIned, clubs
will submit a spreadsheet containing a
detailed account of how much money
Iheyll need Ior Ihe nexI academIc
year and how they intend to spend
II. Theyll Ihen receIve a draII budgeI
Irom Ihe Ireasurers oce In mId-
March.
ThaI process used Io Iake place
aI Ihe budgeI hearIngs. ThIs year, Ihe
hearings will be used as a forum to
dIscuss Ihe draII budgeIs.
By no means is it going to be
Ihe nal budgeI IhaI youre goIng
to be getting at the end of the year,
KIrnbauer saId oI Ihe draII budgeIs.
He indicated USG would be open to
hearIng clubs concerns and IhaI clubs
would be more aware of what their
2U12-2U13 budgeIs wIll be beIore
Ihey are announced.
Is noI goIng Io be a surprIse Io
anyone aI Ihe end oI Ihe year, he saId.
He did, however, warn clubs that
USG is on a restrictive budget of three
mIllIon dollars.
ThaI we gave you, quIpped a
sIudenI In Ihe crowd.
But skepticism quickly turned to
excIIemenI when AllocaIe creaIor and
Clubs applying
for their budgets
this semester will
be introduced to
draft budgets and
Campusvine,
SIony rook alumnus Alex DImIIrIyadI Iook Ihe sIage Io InIroduce CampusvIne, a
drasIIc ImprovemenI on hIs orIgInal budgeI allocaIIon soIIware.
Dver Ihe lasI year and a halI now, weve been geIIIng Ieedback anecdoIally,
saId DImIIrIyadI, acknowledgIng Ihe complaInIs Ihe soIIware had InspIred. He
also launched a survey on AllocaIe Io learn whaI club ocers mosI wanIed Irom
Ihe sIIe.
The resulIs were dIsplayed In word cloud Ior Ihe club ocers beIore
DImIIrIyadI wenI on Io explaIn how Ihe IeaIures would be IncorporaIed InIo
CampusvIne.
A NEW ALLOCATE
AND A NEW BUDGET
PROCESS
by Trevor Christian
Photo by Mike Pedersen
NEWS
9
FORMER UN AMBASSADOR FOR
WOMENS SOCIAL PROGRESS
by Bushra Mollick
Ambassador Anwarul
Karim Chowdhury led
Thursdays provosI
lecIure aI Ihe Wang
Center as he discussed
United Nations Security
CouncIl ResoluIIon 1325
on Women and Peace B
Security, a plan that aims
to implement the active
participation of women
in political decision-
makIng InIernaIIonally.
Born in Bangladesh,
Ihe UnIversIIy oI Dhaka
graduate began his
diplomatic ventures
In 1567. He served as
angladeshs PermanenI RepresenIaIIve Ior Ihe UnIIed
Nations from 1996-2001, and is most noted for his work in
2UUU IhaI led Io Ihe evenIual creaIIon oI ResoluIIon 1325.
Chowdhury has also formerly served as President of the
SecurIIy CouncIl, PresIdenI oI Ihe UnIIed NaIIons ChIldrens
Fund ExecuIIve oard (UNCEF} and VIce PresIdenI oI Ihe
EconomIc and SocIal CouncIl oI Ihe UN.
DId you know IhaI we Iake more Ihan 21 Ihousand
breaths a day? But most of us use only 50 percent of our
lungs capacIIy, he began, careIully annuncIaIIng each
word, The same Is Irue abouI Ihe worlds seven bIllIon
people, he continued, making an analogy to our global use
oI human resources. AlIhough women have come a long
way socially in the United States, the same certainly cannot
be saId Ior women worldwIde. UnIorIunaIely, many culIures
still embrace the concept that women are subordinate to
men, and IheIr laws oIIen mIrror Ihe same Idea.
ResoluIIon 1325 came InIo eecI In March 2UUU and
urges Member SIaIes Io Increase IheIr volunIary nancIal,
technical and logistical support for gender-sensitive
IraInIng eorIs. The agenda consIsIs oI Ihree ImporIanI
prIncIples: ProIecIIon, PrevenIIon, and ParIIcIpaIIon.
Protection is necessary because women are usual targets
Ior menIal, physIcal and sexual vIolence, They are Ihe
worsI vIcIIms oI war, Chowdhury sIaIed. I Is a naIIons
internal duty to prevent violence towards women, and
lasIly II Is a naIIons acIIve duIy Io IncorporaIe women InIo
communIIy aaIrs.
WhIle Chowdhurys ResoluIIon conIInues Io grow
in popularity among western cultures, it has yet to be
accepIed elsewhere. DI Ihe 153 UnIIed NaIIons members,
only 3/ have prepared plans Io pursue Ihe IurIher socIal
progressIon oI women. angladesh, Chowdhurys naIIon oI
orIgIn, has yeI Io creaIe a course.
Perhaps Ihe greaIesI Issue aI hand Is educaIIon.
Education has emerged as one intervention women can
do eecIIvely, he remarked. Clobally, women make up
over 6U percenI oI Ihose who are IllIIeraIe. n order Ior any
social justice to be served, women must takeand have the
opportunity to takethe most crucial step of education to
achIeve any equalIIy aI all.
I became clear IhaI Ihe soIIware would be dIerenI
Irom AllocaIe as soon as DImIIrIyadI logged InIo Ihe demo.
Campusvine features a dashboard with regular updates
on vouchers and oIher noIIcaIIons vIsIble on Ihe home
page. A messagIng IeaIure In whIch club members could
contact each other through Campusvine is included, as
well. Club ocers wIll also have access Io a lIsI oI approved
vendors and will be able to choose which email address
noIIcaIIons are senI Io.
Josh Graham, the president of the bowling club on
campus, has been through budget allocations before and
he had sIruggled wIIh AllocaIe.
The budgeI IsnI Ihere. They never updaIe II, never Iell
you how much money Ihey have leII, he saId.
WIIh CampusvIne, IhaI wIll change. There Is a new Iool
IhaI wIll allow ocers Io see how much oI IheIr budgeI
has been spent and how much has been allocated and is
awaIIIng USC approval.
As you have more and more events, you can see how
much money you have left and budget appropriately, said
DImIIrIyadI when InIroducIng Ihe IeaIure.
lIke II, acIually. ll have see how II goes, saId Craham
oI Ihe Iool. He descrIbed Ihe meeIIng as yeI anoIher success
Ior USC.
Every year they seem to do something to help out
clubs a lIIIle bII, he saId.
The semInar wenI so well Ihere was even a small
mIracle aI Ihe end.
ThIs Is one oI Ihe mosI convIncIng USC evenIs ve
ever been Io, saId KrIssy AgaIhos, a WUS hosI and sIudenI
acIIvIsI known as a harsh crIIIc Io everyIhIng USC does.
Theyre nally doIng sIu rIghI, she saId.
10 10
GIVING A YARN
by Jen Novotny
The words knIIIIng and
college student do not often
appear In Ihe same senIence.
Then agaIn, neIIher do Ihe words
charIIy and college sIudenI.
But all three of these come to-
gether in the form of a new club
aI SIony rook called We CIve a
Yarn.
The group has only had Iwo
meeIIngs so Iar. nIeresIed sIu-
dents have come together to knit
and crocheI. Some are workIng
on their own projects, and others
use the abundant donated yarn
Io make charIIable IIems.
IhInk IIs preIIy cool Io be
able to make something practi-
cal, while at the same time being
creative about it, club member
Ion HunI saId.
Hunt has attended both of
the meetings and has started
learning basic crochet tech-
niques from co-founders Emma
ChylInskI and TaIIana Pawelec,
who welcome boIh experIenced
knitters and novices to the
group.
It was very frustrating at
rsI, buI II has goIIen easIer,
HunI saId. m hopIng Io acIu-
ally make someIhIng soon.
Ravelry.com Is a knIIIIng Io-
rum that Chylinski spends a lot
oI IIme on. She saId she posIed
the idea for her club there and
received an enthusiastic re-
sponse. ThaI response has re-
sulIed In ChylInskIs closeI beIng
sIued Iull oI donaIed yarn.
One local woman donated
a particularly large amount of
yarn, asking that the group use
it to make hats for her church,
which will then donate them to
cancer paIIenIs.
Chylinski said they are us-
ing squares made while teaching
new members, as well as random
squares from other knitters and
crocheters, to make baby blan-
keIs Io donaIe Io Ihe hospIIal.
Other than that, Chylinski says
Photo by Andrey Dotsenko
Ihe group Is open Io suggesIIons Ior oIher places Io donaIe.
CurrenIly, Ihe group Is meeIIng In Ihe basemenI oI Sanger College In Tabler uad
wIIh Ihe blessIng oI ResIdence Hall DIrecIor MIchael lackman. As long as we donI
have more than like 20 people or break anything, Chylinksi said, the club should be
allowed Io sIay.
NEWS
11
lana Dzernoy, Iormer
foreign correspondent for
U.S. News and World ReporI
ILANA OZERNOY: A
WOMAN OF COURAGE
by Nicole Kohn
lana Dzernoy, Iormer IoreIgn correspondenI Ior U.S. News & World Report
saId on February 1/ In Ihe SAC audIIorIum IhaI she has come Io Ieach aI SIony
rook because [she] dIdnI wanI Io lIve a lIIe based around oIher peoples sIo-
rIes.
wanIed Io Iell my sIory. wanIed Io Ieach, Dzernoy saId. The 3/-year-old
accepIed an oer Irom Dean oI IournalIsm School, Howard SchneIder, Io Ieach
aI Ihe unIversIIy.
Dzernoy explaIned IhaI when she was eIghI-years-old she and her IamIly
ed Irom RussIa as polIIIcal reIugees. FIIIeen years laIer, she Iook up reporIIng,
sIarIIng weeks aIIer Ihe 5l11 aIIacks.
wenI down Io Cround Zero wIIh IhIs slIghIly legal press card, she saId.
From Ihere she goI on a plane Io Moscow, yIng back Io Ihe place she had leII 15
years earlIer. wanIed Io go home, really wanIed Io go home.
She Ihen Iraveled Io AIghanIsIan Io cover Ihe baIIle agaInsI Ihe TalIban.
WrIIIng Ior U.S. News & World Report and The Boston Globe, she followed the
NorIhern AllIance whIle Ihe rebel army pushed IIs way Iowards Kabul.
dIdnI IhInk oI myselI as a war correspondenI, Dzernoy saId, saw my-
selI as a correspondenI coverIng Ihe war.
AI 16-years-old, she goI her rsI job aI Ihe Cap. eIore she goI Ihe job,
she would regularly shop there with her parents and she would always see the
door to the Employees Only lounge;
she wondered whaI happened In sIde.
When she goI Ihe job, II was Ihe rsI
place she wenI.
The day goI Io go InIo Ihe em-
ployees lounge was the greatest day of
my 16-year-old lIIe, Dzernoy saId.
ThaI Is whaI journalIsm Is, havIng
IhaI urge Io nd ouI whaI was behInd
IhaI employee door. AIghanIsIan Is
one bIg, huge employees lounge, Dz-
ernoy added.
Krisald Bala, a senior biology major
said, Her story inspired me, and I be-
lieve it did so with much of the audi-
ence, addIng, The message goI was Io
belIeve whaI you do In lIIe.
When Dzernoy reIurned back Io Ihe
U.S. she suered Irom posI-IraumaIIc
sIress dIsorder. She descrIbed Ihe mo-
ments of joy she had just going to pick
up her dry cleaning down the street, or
IakIng a rIde Io Whole Foods.
I kept asking myself, what is real?
s payIng / Ior a cup oI coee real, or
[is] being shot at real?
Brittany Stapelfeld, a freshman
journalIsm major saId, WhIle some oI
the stories she told were scary it also
made me feel like my dream to be a
journalist was achievable as long as I
am willing to be as courageous as Ilana
Is. leII Ihe evenI moIIvaIed Io do whaI-
ever II Iakes Io achIeve my goals.
Dean SchneIder saId he Is lookIng
Iorward Io workIng wIIh Dzernoy In Ihe
IuIure. Dzernoy had acIually Iurned an
audIence members quesIIon regardIng
IhaI same IuIure Io Dean SchneIder.
When was asked where was
sendIng her nexI, saId InIo Ihe class-
room, because I want her to inspire,
he saId.
Dzernoy gave Ihe audIence greaI
guIdance explaInIng IhaI, RejecIIon Is
noI personable. When Ihe nIghI was
over the audience walked out of the au-
ditorium with a whole new perspective
oI Ihe job oI a war correspondenI.
wanIed Io IesI myselI. wanIed
Io walk Ihrough re and come ouI un-
scaIhed, Dzernoy saId. My lIIe Is Io be
dened as Ihe sum oI my work.
11
12 12
Occupy everything! cried of thousands of protestors
around the United States and even the world at the end of
2011, as the 99 percent voiced their complaints against
corporaIIons, Ihe governmenI and bIg banks.
As the Occupy movement spread to campuses, a group
of students picked up on the idea and decided to form a
Stony Brook chapter of the movement, protesting against
rIsIng IuIIIon Iees and seemIngly Incongruous Iees (Ihe
Ierm academIc excellence comes Io mInd}.
Now, in semester two, you could be forgiven for thinking
that the Occupy Stony Brook movement had been evicted
from the agenda of on-campus activists, much the same
way that the protestors were booted out of their inner-city
encampmenIs.
uI lasI Monday, Dccupy SIony rook made a comeback
in the form of somewhat abstract posters dotted throughout
campus.
The mosI common posIer showed a Iable oI beer
boIIles and asked Ihe vIewer AcademIc Excellence Fee or
1UU cans oI beer? ConIused? Some sIudenIs were.
dIdnI really undersIand whaI Ihey meanI, saId
Leanne Skrabacz, a IechnologIcal sysIems managemenI
major.
uI accordIng Io Ihe posIers creaIor, who asked Io
remain nameless, the posters were intended to focus on
Issues IhaI hII close Io home, lIke Ihe academIc excellence
fee that was announced at the end of last semester by the
UnIversIIy.
The posIers IdenIIed Iwo IIems oI greaI ImporIance
to the general student publicbeer and moneyand told
readers to protest the bullshit at the Occupy Stony Brook
Ceneral Assembly meeIIngs every Monday evenIng aI 5:3U.
We had only a Iew new members, saId Ihe anonymous
posIer desIgner. IhInk II we do more and redesIgn Ihe
posters with our audience in mind, it could be more
successIul.
Fellow occupier, Roger
Palomeque, a senior computer
engIneerIng major Is noI so sure.
Theres a dIsconnecI In
terms of communication, said
Palomeque. Dccupy SIony
Brook is non-hierarchical;
Iheres no cenIral auIhorIIy.
The anonymous posIer
designer agreed, saying that
there is no leadership, but
that there are advantages and
disadvantages to the Occupy
sIrucIure.
The Dccupy movemenI
is a direct democracy, so all
decisions and actions are much
slower because you have to
listen to everyone, the designer
saId. uI changIng would
deIeaI parI oI Ihe movemenI.
The Iocus oI IhIs semesIers
Occupy movement is a
renouncement of the SUNY
2020 billa bill that allows
state schools in New York to
Increase IuIIIon Iees by 3UU per year Ior Ihe nexI ve
years.
By occupying areas like the SAC lobby and putting up
posIers IhaI appeal Io a sIudenIs sensIbIlIIIes, Dccupy
Stony Brook is attempting to awaken a rebellion within
the walls of Stony Brook and, according to our anonymous
source, geI people InIeresIed In acIIvIsm.
Perhaps Ihe nexI logIcal sIraIegy wIll be Io oer Iree
beer aI Ihe Ceneral Assembly, InsIead oI pIcIures oI II.
STONY BROOK MOVEMENT
OCCUPIED WITH FEES by Olivia Burne
Photo by Ethan Freedman
FEATURES
13
An empIy plasIIc Aquana boIIle, a sIack oI old papers
Irom lasI semesIers classes and halI oI an uneaIen burrIIo
Irom Kelly DInIng. WhaI do all oI Ihese IhIngs have In com-
mon?
They are all maIerIals IhaI can easIly be recycled as parI
oI SIony rook UnIversIIys parIIcIpaIIon In Ihe RecycleMa-
nIa compeIIIIon. The conIesI, whIch runs Ior eIghI weeks
during the spring semester, is a way to get students more
Involved and engaged In posIIIve recyclIng habIIs.
Is a IaIr and IrIendly compeIIIIon and we enjoy beIng
a parI oI IhaI because IIs really jusI a wonderIul opporIu-
nIIy when workIng wIIh Ihe conIesI, saId MIchael Youdel-
man, Ihe Manager oI RecyclIng and Resource ManagemenI,
also Ihe represenIaIIve Ior SIony rook. Is a porIal Ior us
Io do ouIreach and IIs also an opporIunIIy or a gaIeway Io
reInvIgoraIe dIerenI areas around Ihe campus lIke cam-
pus dInIng.
ThIs year, over 6UU colleges and unIversIIIes Irom all
over the United States and Canada are participating in the
contest, which started on February 5 and will run until
March 31. DurIng Ihose eIghI weeks, campus represenIa-
tives from each school are responsible for weighing and re-
cording the amount of traditional materials being recycled
every day. Those maIerIals Include mIxed papers, boIIles,
cans, wasted food and, a new category this year, electron-
Ics.
All materials that are placed in proper recycling units
are loaded onto trucks which are then weighed on a large
scale. AIIer subIracIIng Ihe weIghI oI Ihe Iruck, Ihe amounI
of recycled materials are then recorded and taken to proper
recyclIng IacIlIIIes.
We uIIlIze our own unIversIIy Iruck scale, IhaIs cer-
IIed so our numbers are real, saId Youdelman reIerrIng
to other schools that rely on outside vendors in order to
obIaIn measuremenIs IhaI mIghI noI be enIIrely accuraIe.
Is a real advanIage.
Outside of the recycling component of the competi-
tion, another major element is getting students active and
aware oI Ihe ImporIance oI recyclIng. Campus ResIdences
have a huge parI In IhaI eorI as resIdenI assIsIanIs were
asked to assemble bulletin boards in the lobby of every
dorm building highlighting the importance of recycling
and whaI sIudenIs can do Io help. The paper- and boIIle-
covered boards display signs informing students what can
and cannot be recycled and giving further information
abouI Ihe compeIIIIon. The boards were parI oI a compeII-
tion among residence halls which was aimed at getting the
sIudenI communIIy Involved as well.
Is an InIeresIIng way Io geI sIudenIs Involved oIher
than just the normal, day to day telling someone to recy-
cle, said Casey Kurnath, an environmental studies major
and sIudenI ouIreach coordInaIor aI Ihe unIversIIy. Is an
alIernaIIve meIhod IhaI geIs peoples compeIIIIve sIde and
IheIr school spIrII sIde goIng.
Campus DInIng also has a hand In Ihe conIesI, as Ihey
are responsible for measuring and recording the amount of
Iood IhaI Is beIng wasIed aI each dInIng locaIIon every day.
The rsI seI oI resulIs wIll noI come In Ior anoIher week
sInce Ihe rsI Iwo weeks are prImarIly a IrIal perIod. Along
wIIh Iood wasIe managemenI, Campus DInIng also oers
reusable cups and mugs that reduce the number of card-
board cups each sIudenI uses a day.
LeIs say you were goIng IwIce a day, you geI a cup,
and youre IhrowIng IhaI cup away, saId Youdelman.
TImes IhaI by 1U,UUU sIudenIs who lIve on campus, [or
Ihe] 27,UUU sIudenIs aIIendIng. I adds up.
All this week, student outreach coordinators were busy
makIng sure oces IhroughouI Ihe campus had recyclIng
bIns. They also made sIudenIs and IaculIy members aware
oI Ihe new addIIIon oI e-wasIe recyclIng, as well as oce
clean-ouIs Ior paper and oIher recyclable maIerIals.
n 2U11, Ihe RecycleManIa compeIIIIon managed Io
increase the total recycling rate among all participating
schools Irom 2/.37 percenI Io 27.75 percenI durIng Ihe
course oI Ihe conIesI. SIony rook UnIversIIy alone saw an
11.55 percenI Increase aI Ihe end oI lasI years compeII-
IIon, a number organIzers hope Io beaI IhIs IIme around.
We use RecycleManIa as an opporIunIIy Io reInvIgo-
raIe Ihe recyclIng InIrasIrucIure, Youdelman saId. Were
In Ihe game, were compeIIng and our hope Is IhaI more
and more sIudenIs, IaculIy and sIa wIll become aware.
RECYCLEMANIA
by Amanda Douville
14
FEATURES February 21, 2012
Courage WolI, move on over. AdvIce Dog, sIep asIde.
Wole, SIony rooks mascoI, Is now by Iar Ihe mosI popu-
lar canIne-based meme on campus.
SU Memes, a Facebook Ian page IhaI was launched
on Wednesday, has become an InsIanI SIony rook phe-
nomenon. y Ihe IIme SU Memes had been on Facebook
Ior a day, II had already amassed 1,UUU lIkes. A week laIer,
Ihe number was jusI shy oI 3,5UU. The memes are IypIcally
shared by scores of students and seen by hundreds of their
IrIends.
Iess PaIrovIc, Ihe creaIor oI SU Memes, saId she was
InspIred by osIon UnIversIIys meme page.
honesIly wasnI InIo memes beIore made IhIs page,
she said, adding how shocked she was that it became so
popular. dIdnI expecI II Io blow up IhaI quIckly aI all.
ThIs cerIaInly IsnI Ihe rsI IIme IhaI a collecIIon oI
memes has become popular on Ihe nIerneI. mage boards,
curated and crowd-sourced alike, have long been favorite
desIInaIIons Ior nIerneI users.
Tumblr, ReddII and /chan are jusI some oI Ihe meme-
lled sIIes IhaI rank among Ihe nIerneIs 1,UUU mosI vIs-
IIed websIIes, accordIng Io Alexa, a websIIe IhaI monIIors
websIIe Irac. SIIes exclusIvely dedIcaIed Io memes, lIke
Knowyourmeme and Meme CeneraIor, arenI Iar behInd.
I Is, however, SIony rooks mosI popular dIscussIon
Iorum Io daIe. SIony rook ThIngs, a Tumblr blog IeaIur-
Ing sImIlar conIenI, never Iook o quIIe Ihe same way. Is
picked up popularity in recent days, though many of the
newer posIs were orIgInally IeaIured on SU Memes.
And unlIke SUChaI, SU Memes Is embracIng Ihe
maInsIream. y usIng Facebook, Ihe page has been able
Io grow organIcally. The meme IormaI and hosI sIIe also
means IhaI Irouble Is less lIkely. The posIs are noI anony-
mous and the purpose of the page is to post humorously
capIIoned pIcIures. A WIkIleaks-sIyle dumpIng oI sIudenI
InIormaIIon on IhIs page seems unlIkely.
At its best, the page has put the likes and dislikes, along
wIIh Ihe lore oI SIony rook InIo wrIIIng. TheIr dIslIkes In-
clude Ihe admInIsIraIIons polIcIes, (RaIses IuIIIon, buIlds
hoIel, read one chronologIcally-challenged meme} and
geese.
RoosevelI and Kelly uads were boIh sIereoIyped:
Kelly as a haven for potheads and Roosevelt as a shadowy
place and a hood.
By far the most popular meme was one that poked fun
aI Ihe Tabler sIeps whIle reIerencIng a Iay-Z song. I had
more Ihan 1,1UU lIkes and 1UU shares on Thursday.
goI 55 problems. 5/ oI Ihem are Ihe Tabler sIeps,
reads Ihe meme. The IexI was placed over a phoIo oI Ihe
sIeps, covered In snow.
Sophomore Emma TobIas became Ihe sIar oI a meme
aIIer sharIng a phoIo oI herselI on Ihe Where In Ihe World
Is Wole Ian page. n II, shes holdIng a small sIued Wole
ouIsIde oI a pagoda In ReadIng, PennsylvanIa.
1 MIllIon USD and well reIurn Ihe wolI, read Ihe
meme IhaI used her phoIo, suggesIIng IhaI TobIas had kId-
napped Wole and was holdIng hIm Ior ransom, possIbly In
ChIna. TobIas wasnI a Ian oI Ihe joke.
It took me a minute to remember that it was all just
parI oI a joke and could laugh II o, she saId.
Still, she enjoys the page and has shared a number of
Ihe memes posIed on and by II.
THE RISE OF STONY BROOK MEMES
by Trevor Christian
FEATURES
15
Theyre really Iunny as a whole, TobIas saId oI Ihe
memes, and it gives us a way to just tell it like it is on cam-
pus.
Other students have been less emphatic about the
memes qualIIy.
WhIle sIIIIng Iowards Ihe back oI Ihe USC SenaIe meeI-
Ing, Ken Myers, a member oI Ihe SIudenI AcIIvIIIes oard,
decIded Io show hIs Iwo IrIends sIIIIng nexI Io hIm a Iew oI
Ihe memes. AI rsI Ihey laughed quIeIly, as noI Io dIsrupI
Ihe senaIe. uI a Iew memes In, Ihe laughIer sIopped.
ThIs Is so sIupId, Myers saId, closIng Ihe wIndow. He
laIer explaIned hIs IhoughIs on Ihe page.
Some oI Ihem are wrong. People are jusI puIIIng IexI
on a pIcIure, he saId. uI Iheyre geIIIng beIIer. Myers
poInIed Io some oI Ihe capIIoned pIcIures oI Wole as a
sIgn oI Ihe pages ImprovIng qualIIy.
acIually reposIed one oI Ihem, he added.
Myers expressed concerns abouI memes IhaI were In-
sensIIIve Iowards AsIan and AsIan AmerIcan sIudenIs. HIgh
ExpecIaIIons AsIan FaIher showed up quIIe a Iew IImes, as
dId jokes specIc Io Ihe behavIors oI AsIans on campus.
Has Io prInI one page. AsIan In IronI oI you Is prInI-
Ing maIh IexIbook, read one meme. SeawolI? Why noI A-
wolI? read anoIher.
Theyre noI really IhaI oensIve, saId AsIan AmerIcan
E-ZInes VIce PresIdenI rIan Loo aIIer lookIng aI some oI
Ihe memes IargeIIng AsIans. The publIcaIIons sIa was
lookIng aI Ihe memes as he spoke. He saId he had seen
some oI Ihe memes beIore SU Memes shared Ihem and
IhaI mosI oI Ihem werenI very Iunny.
The commenIs, however, were a dIerenI sIory. Adam
Sue, Ihe clubs presIdenI, poInIed Io one on a phoIo oI a
sIgn IhaI read YDUR N SEAWDLVES CDUNTRY.
Damn AsIans wroIe a sIudenI, complaInIng abouI Ihe
mIsused your.
Even people who were born here make that mistake
all the time, said Sue, pointing out that some of the other
jokes on the site stereotyped Asians as being good at aca-
demIcs, someIhIng he dIdnI mInd.
To Ihe campuss credII, a Iew commenIers, boIh AsIan
and noI, jumped on Ihe commenI Ior beIng bIgoIed. DIhers
blamed Ihe grammaIIcal error on scIence majors.
donI boIher IalkIng Io Ihose kInds oI people, saId
WIlson IIang, a sIa wrIIer. The group compared Ihe com-
menIers Io Ihe Irolls IhaI InhabII sIIes lIke YouTube and
IradIIIonal Image boards.
The page has cerIaInly noI been wIIhouI IIs crIIIcs. Pa-
IrovIc was more Ihan wIllIng Io acknowledge Ihem. The
memes are denIIely hII or mIss as a Iew sIudenIs have
commenIed. dIdnI expecI everyone Io lIke all oI Ihem,
she saId.
She mentioned one commenter in particular who ar-
gued with a meme joking that everyone on campus is
Irom Long sland.
So many people are unable to grasp the concept of
exaggeraIIon and saIIre, PaIrovIc saId. DbvIously noI ev-
eryone here Is Irom Long sland buI /8 percenI Is sIIll a loI
A lIIIle hyperbole never hurI anyone. ExcepI IhaI kId, ap-
parenIly.
PaIrovIcs only Iear was IhaI she would porIray SIony
rook In a negaIIve lIghI. She saId a commenIer asked II
Stony Brook was a bad place to go to school and that she
responded by sayIng she loved II here.
dId II Ior laughs, saId PaIrovIc. My sole InIenI was Io
make people laugh, to provide an interactive place where
students and alum could joke about Stony Brook while re-
ally gIvIng everyone a sense oI communIIy.
Patrovic shared a quote from a friend that she thought
puI Ihe InIenIIon oI her sIIe besI.
Wherever you go Io school, you need Io be able Io laugh.
Every school has its share of dumb administrative moves,
proIessor and Iechnology Issues, and conIused sIudenIs.
SBU is a great place, especially if you make it worth your
whIle.
High Expecta-
tions Asian
Father, a meme
character
based on the
stereotype of
demanding
Asian parents,
was popular
long before
SBU Memes.
Thanks to the
The meme
became a
mainstay on
Stony Brooks
page early in
its existence.
No, your
eyes dont
deceive
you. This
Futurama-
based meme
was inten-
tionally left
half blank to
represent a
broken link.
:ROH1HW
creates them
all the time.
This isnt the
only meme
to poke fun
DWRXUZL
service, but
its probably
the best.
16
As one of the most distinguished string ensembles of
our IIme, Ihe Emerson SIrIng uarIeI has Iound success In
IIs longevIIy. Dver Ihe course oI IheIr 33 years IogeIher, Ihe
musicians of Emerson have become giants in the world of
classical music with nine Grammy Awards, a never-ending
succession of international concert tours and an illustrious
body oI recordIngs.
However, the quartet recently announced that their
lIne-up wIll soon change. Dn February 1/, cellIsI DavId
FInckel sIaIed on hIs websIIe IhaI Ihe upcomIng 2U12-13
concerI season would be hIs lasI. FInckel, aI age 6U, co-
produces at a record label, runs a summer chamber music
IesIIval called MusIc@Menlo and Is arIIsIIc dIrecIor oI Ihe
Chamber MusIc SocIeIy oI LIncoln CenIer wIIh hIs wIIe, pIa-
nIsI Wu Han.
I doesnI surprIse anybody IhaI he mIghI Ieel Ihe
need Io have a less hecIIc lIIe, says MusIc DeparImenI
ChaIr IudIIh Lochhead.
SIony rook UnIversIIy has been proIoundly aecIed
by IIs assocIaIIon wIIh Ihe Emerson SIrIng uarIeI. Through
Ihe eorIs oI pIano proIessor CIlberI KalIsh, Iormer provosI
RoberI McCraIh and Iormer presIdenI ShIrley SIrum-Kenny,
Ihe quarIeI was appoInIed as arIIsIs-In-resIdence In 2UU2.
As part of their contract Emerson was hired to perform four
concerts a year and coach the university chamber music
program, cIIed Lochhead. SInce IhaI IIme, Ihe quarIeIs In-
volvemenI on campus has grown dramaIIcally.
Over the course of teaching at the university, members
oI Ihe Emerson SIrIng uarIeI have grown IncreasIngly
connecIed Io Ihe sIudenIs oI SIony rook. I became ap-
Not only have they
been a window into the
professional chamber
music world, but
knowing them as people
has InspIred me.
CLASSICAL MUSIC GIANTS
IN OUR BACKYARD
by Sarah Evins
FEATURES
17
parenI early on IhaI [Emerson vIolInIsI] PhIl SeIzer wanIed Io Ieach
more Ihan jusI chamber musIc, explaIned Lochhead. SeIzer Is now a
full time tenured professor of violin and is soon to be joined by his col-
league. Emerson vIolIsI Larry DuIIon Is expecIed Io begIn hIs Iull-IIme
vIola proIessorshIp nexI year.
The quarIeI noI only expanded IheIr IeachIng duIIes, buI also gen-
eraIed new perIormance opporIunIIIes Ior unIversIIy musIcIans. WhaI
began as a contract of four concerts a year has become three formal
concerts showcasing recent recorded works and a week long spring
chamber musIc IesIIval hIghlIghIIng Ihe IalenIs oI SIony rooks sIu-
denI musIcIans.
The Emerson FesIIval Is really excIIIng because you acIually geI Io
perIorm a chamber pIece wIIh a member oI Ihe Emerson uarIeI, saId
sIudenI and vIolInIsI NaIalIe Kress.
These concerIs are Iree and open Io Ihe publIc, a huge IncenIIve
IhaI has drawn In many members oI Ihe communIIy. n Ihe process oI
seeing the world-class Emerson musicians in action, the community
has goIIen Io know buddIng IalenIs oI sIudenI musIcIans. FurIhermore,
community involvement has been key to fundraising for the music de-
parImenI and SIaller CenIer. DI course, Ihere has been evIdence oI
Increased IundraIsIng because oI Ihe Emerson SIrIng uarIeI, noIed
Lochhead.
The consequences oI Ihese acIIve roles on Ihe SIony rook campus
have helped the music department grow in notoriety, by giving it a
hIgher prole, declared Lochhead. The already presIIgIous deparI-
ment has also seen an improvement in recruitment of talented musi-
cIans Irom all over Ihe world.
Many sIudenIs concur IhaI Emersons presence was a unIque Incen-
IIve Io aIIend SU. VIolInIsI and sIudenI Ion lock has been coached
and IaughI by members oI Ihe Emerson SIrIng uarIeI. He cIIed IhaI
Ihe opporIunIIy Io work wIIh such esIeemed musIcIans was exIremely
compellIng. Much oI IheIr advIce Is Immensely InIuIIIve, he says.
Through IheIr InsIrucIIon, lock saId he has reached a new level oI mu-
sIcIanshIp.
Kress is also thankful for the time she has been able to spend with
Ihe quarIeI. NoI only have Ihey been a wIndow InIo Ihe proIessIonal
chamber musIc world, buI knowIng Ihem as people has InspIred me.
These rewardIng experIences oIIen come wIIh a huge prIce Iag. How-
ever, having the group at Stony Brook has allowed Kress and her fellow
musIcIans Io geI a conservaIory experIence aI a sIaIe unIversIIy.
The ImpendIng membershIp change oI Ihe Emerson uarIeI mIghI
have sIudenIs and communIIy members IearIng Ior Ihe worsI. Loch-
head sees no such mIsIorIune In sIghI. FInckel sIaIed on hIs websIIe
that his withdrawal from Emerson will allow him to pursue, with
greater energy, [his] increasing number of performing, educational and
presenIIng commIImenIs. Lochhead says II Is lIkely IhaI FInckel wIll
sIay on Ihe unIversIIy IaculIy, buI In a somewhaI dIerenI capacIIy Ior
aI leasI Ihe rsI year oI hIs lIIe IndependenI oI Emerson.
The Emerson uarIeI has already lIned up FInckels successor. Lo-
chhead clarIes IhaI Ihe cellIsIs deparIure Irom Ihe group wIll noI dI-
minish its role on campus because of the arrival of new cellist Paul
WaIkIns In Ihe Iall oI 2U13. WaIkIns, a celebraIed solo cellIsI, conduc-
Ior, and chamber musIcIan Irom England wIll Iulll FInckels Iormer du-
IIes. I changes need Io happen, Ihey wIll be resolved as Ihey come
up, saId Lochhead.
Finckel, above, will be departing the Emerson String Quartet
at the end of this concert season. Watkins, below, will replace
him in the fall of 2013
18
When MIndy Mosher changed her major Irom compuIer
scIence Io sIudIo arI wIIh a mInor In dIgIIal arIs, she dIdnI
expecI Io Irade In Ihe IexIbook expenses Io whIch we are
accusIomed Ior cosIly, mandaIory arI supplIes.
Is denIIely way more expensIve Io be an arI major
Ihan a compuIer scIence major, she says.
The 3U-year old senIor spenI 22U on supplIes Ior a
phoIography class lasI semesIer. The cosI mosIly covered
lm, negaIIve sheeIs and paper. To her convenIence, she
dIdnI have Io buy a camera because she already had one.
uI Ior her dIgIIal arIs class IhIs semesIer, Mosher says her
proIessor Iold her class Io expecI Io spend abouI 3UU on
paper and Ink.
For Mosher, Ihese expenses are noI easy Io cover.
m noI made oI money, she says, addIng IhaI shes
noI Ihe only one complaInIng. hear IhIs Irom every arI
sIudenI ve come In conIacI wIIh.
MosI arI courses aI SIony rook requIre sIudenIs Io pur-
chase their own supplies in addition to paying a studio fee,
which is supposed to go towards materials and equipment
upkeep. From oIl pasIels Io clay Io phoIo paper, sIudenIs
can spend anywhere from $200 to $500 on art supplies
per class, and the costs add up with every course a student
Iakes. The unIversIIy does provIde chemIcals, Ihough.
MarIIn LevIne, a prInImakIng proIessor and Ihe under-
graduate director for the art department, says students
have been payIng Ior supplIes Ior years. Due In parI Io bud-
geI cuIs, he says Ihere arenI enough Iunds Io cover sala-
rIes and oIher expenses whIle also provIdIng supplIes Ior
hundreds oI sIudenIs. There Is noI enough IundIng Io oer
scholarshIps, eIIher. Is never goIng Io happen wIIh low
IuIIIon, he says. Theres jusI noI enough money.
There are also poIenIIal Issues wIIh provIdIng every
sIudenI wIIh hIs or her own share oI supplIes, LevIne says.
Some students may use more paper or drawing materials
than others, which would leave some with rations that last
a whole semesIer and oIhers empIy-handed by mIdIerms.
There Is also Ihe possIbIlIIy oI sIudenIs abusIng Ihe sup-
plIes by sellIng IheIr surpluses.
Stony Brook is more than well-known for its focus on
scIence and maIhemaIIcs, II Is a research unIversIIy rsI
and IoremosI. The IaculIy Is layered wIIh award-wInnIng
STUDYING ART: THE
PRICEY PICTURE
by Alyssa Melillo
FEATURES
19
scholars, and the university fosters its own hospital and a
relaIIonshIp wIIh rookhaven NaIIonal LaboraIory. Numer-
ous grants, awards and donationsincluding the $150 mil-
lion Simons donation received last semesterhave been
dedicated to the advancements the students and faculty
manage in mathematics, engineering, chemistry and biol-
ogy. So much emphasIs and prIorIIy Is placed on Ihese cur-
ricula that the smaller majors and minors studied at Stony
rook can easIly be overlooked. ecause oI IhIs repuIaIIon,
and the fact that they have to buy their own supplies, many
sIudenIs lIke Mosher assume IhaI arI Is underIunded com-
pared Io oIher majors.
AccordIng Io lasI years UnIversIIy DperaIIng udgeI,
art was one of the lowest funded departments in the Col-
lege oI ArIs and ScIences. I receIved 2.1 mIllIon compared
Io 3.5 mIllIon Ior musIc, 2./ mIllIon Ior EnglIsh, 3.1 mIl-
lIon Ior hIsIory and 2.5 mIllIon Ior polIIIcal scIence, Ior
example. ScIence deparImenIs, especIally ones InvolvIng
research, receIved anywhere Irom 5.1 mIllIon (geoscIenc-
es} Io 13.6 mIllIon (chemIsIry}. For mosI deparImenIs, Ihe
majority of a budget is allocated for salaries, so the amount
oI IaculIy and sIa Is one IacIor IhaI deIermInes how much
IundIng Ihey receIve. Some deparImenIs requIre several
Ihousand dollars worIh oI equIpmenI. DIhers, such as arI,
Iund o-campus-alIaIed IacIlIIIes: Ihe arI deparImenIs
budget funds the Pollack-Krasner House and the Study
Center in East Hampton, which the Stony Brook Foundation
operaIes. Many deparImenIs also receIve granIs IhaI Ihe
FoundaIIon handles as well.
LevIne says Ihe arI deparImenI has requesIed addI-
tional funding in the past, but the university never granted
the requests, and a university budget representative de-
clIned Io commenI. However, Ior IhIs academIc year, ac-
cording to the University Operating Budget, the art depart-
menI receIves more IundIng by almosI 1UU,UUU. SalarIes
and wages make up Ior 2 mIllIon oI IhIs years 2.2 mIllIon
budgeI whIle 157,UUU cover supplIes and expenses. SIu-
denIs arI Iees IoIal Io roughly 25,5UU, 17,UUU coverIng
supplIes and 8,5UU beIng puI Iowards salarIes and wages.
uI allocaIIon Ior equIpmenI dropped sIgnIcanIly
Irom lasI year Io IhIs year. LasI year abouI 16,UUU wenI
towards equipment the majority of it came from a grant
and IhIs year 1,UUU Is allocaIed Ior IhaI purpose.
Alexandra osub, a recenI graduaIe who sIudIed prInI-
making and lithography, says she is concerned with the
management of the equipment she used while she attend-
ed SIony rook. She says Ihe presses sIudenIs use Io prInI
lIIhographs are old and consIanIly In need oI repaIr. The
lack of funding was most obvious in the litho studio, she
says, comparIng II Io Ihe dIgIIal arIs sIudIo nexI door whIch
Is lled wIIh brand new Macs and secured by an alarmed
glass door.
Along with paying her $50-100 studio fee, Iosub had
to purchase her own supplies as well: sponges, pencils,
aprons and alumInum ball-graIned plaIes. She says her pro-
fessor has rationed materials such as cheese cloth because
Ihere are noI enough Iunds Io replace Ihem.
ArI sIudenIs are requIred Io spend sIgnIcanI amounIs
oI IIme ouIsIde oI classes Io work on IheIr projecIs. Mosher
works as a web designer and takes up sporadic contract
jobs, not working as much as she would like because she
needs IIme Io compleIe her projecIs. AIIer addIng In Ihe
money she spends on supplies, she says she has to bor-
row money from her husband to relieve herself of these
nancIal burdens. osub also worked whIle IakIng summer
courses and she worked in the fall on top of a course load of
ve sIudIo classes. SomeIImes, II sIudenIs cannoI aord Io
buy supplIes Ior a class, II can deIer IheIr graduaIIon.
I youre noI workIng, how are you supposed Io pay Ior
supplIes? Mosher says. Is kInd oI lIke a huge CaIch-22.
Iohn LuIIerbIe, Ihe arI deparImenI chaIrperson, de-
clIned a requesI Ior an InIervIew Io dIscuss Ihese Issues.
Nader Nouraee, a senior and teaching assistant for the
Photography I class, says many students confront him about
IheIr InabIlIIy Io aord supplIes. Dne sIudenI, he says, Iold
hIm she was poor and could noI nd Ihe money Io buy Ihe
suggesIed /UU worIh oI maIerIals. Nouraee says IhIs aI-
IecIs sIudenIs perIormances In class because Ihey are un-
able Io produce decenI prInIs.
However, he agrees wIIh LevIne IhaI IhIs Is someIhIng
Ihe arI deparImenI always requIred oI sIudenIs. He also
agrees wIIh Ihe problems suggesIed by LevIne IhaI could
arise if Stony Brook supplied students with their own ra-
IIons oI maIerIals.
But the studio art and biology double major says he
belIeves Ihere Is noI much IhaI can be done. IhInk IIs
ImporIanI Io sIay opIImIsIIc abouI II, Nouraee says. uI
as oI now, donI really see II goIng anywhere.
I youre
not working,
how are you
supposed to pay
for supplies?
20
Is around 3:15 on a raIny Thursday aIIernoon and
Cheryl Chambers, in a black raincoat and toting an umbrella
oI Ihe same shade, Is runnIng laIe.
She brIngs her appoInImenI InIo her oce, a spacIous
room with a window overlooking the back entrance of the
SIudenI AcIIvIIIes CenIer. Dne wall Is covered In Iramed
cerIIcaIes and awards. Plaques eIched wIIh her name Iop
a lIng cabIneI by Ihe wIndow. All oI Ihese recognIIIons
and achIevemenIs hIghlIghI Chambers success as an em-
ployee of higher education, particularly for her work as the
Dean oI MulIIculIural AaIrs.
Five years ago this month, Chambers established the
Dce oI MulIIculIural AaIrs aI SIony rook. SInce Ihen
she has worked to help students of all races and ethnicities
spread IheIr culIures IhroughouI campus. Her job requIres
her Io advIse several clubs and organIzaIIons and aIIend
countless meetings, especially when there are culture-re-
laIed evenIs Io coordInaIe.
And for a school as diverse as Stony Brook, these events
happen quIIe oIIen.
Theres always sIu goIng on, Chambers says. Is
jusI really wonderIul. enjoy II.
Her schedule is packed: a meeting for Black History
MonIh plannIng, anoIher meeIIng Io plan Ior nexI monIhs
MulIIculIural Show and Food TasIIng, varIous commIIIee
meeIIngs. For Chambers, Ihough, Ihose meeIIngs are jusI
some of the many ingredients that help create the huge
melIIng poI IhaI Is SIony rook.
Before working at Stony Brook, Chambers worked in
Ihe Dce oI MInorIIy AaIrs aI Syracuse UnIversIIy, where
she goI her achelors degree In EnglIsh. She evenIually
branched o InIo sIudenI acIIvIIIes and landed a job aI Cor-
nell UnIversIIy. Dnce she reIurned home Io Long sland aI-
ter a few years upstate, she began working at Stony Brook,
anoIher one oI her alma maIers (she earned her MasIers
degree In human resource managemenI here}, and held
many dIerenI posIIIons wIIhIn Ihe Dean oI SIudenIs DI-
ce and sIudenI acIIvIIIes. ThaIs when she saw opporIu-
nIIy.
All aspects of culture and diversity are right at our
doorsIep, Chambers says. ThIs Is a place where sIudenIs
can learn from each other and develop a sense of commu-
nIIyand see how much Ihey have In common.
The creaIIon oI Ihe Dce oI MulIIculIural AaIrs lead
to new traditions at Stony Brook, as well as the improve-
menI oI old ones. Chambers and her sIa work wIIh sIu-
dents and other advisors on planning events for Black His-
Iory, HIspanIc HerIIage and Womens HIsIory MonIhs, and
they coordinate with the Interfaith Center for the Festival
oI LIghIs In December. And Ihe MulIIculIural Show and
Food TasIIng has become a popular annual IradIIIon wIIh
Ihe oces help.
There are also many sIudenI-lead InIIIaIIves IhaI Cham-
bers and her sIa oversee. The MulIIculIural Womens AllI-
ance Iocuses on womens Issues IhroughouI dIerenI cul-
tures, promoting awareness and coming up with potential
soluIIons. The SIudenI AIrIcan AmerIcan roIherhood Is a
naIIonal organIzaIIon IhaI creaIes a peer communIIy Ior AI-
rIcan and LaIIno men and helps Ihem excel as sIudenIs and
IndIvIduals. The UNT CulIural CenIer, locaIed In Ihe SIu-
denI UnIon, oers programs Ior campus communIIy devel-
opmenI and provIdes IacIlIIIes Ior sIudenI use. Chambers
uses Ihese groups as examples oI Ihe many opporIunIIIes
sIudenIs have as ouIleIs Ior culIural expressIon.
We denIIely have a loI, IhInk, Io oer sIudenIs
here, she says. Theres a hIgh degree oI collaboraIIon,
supporI and accepIance.
DIversIIy Is one oI Ihe IoundaIIons oI any campus,
Chambers says. AI SIony rook, a communIIy compIled oI
numerous races, relIgIons, sexualIIIes, ages and eIhnIcIIIes,
diversity is literally everywhere, and Chambers encourages
students to embrace it through programs and events while
Iheyre here.
uI Ior Chambers, experIencIng dIerenI culIures Is
noI Ihe only parI oI beIng a mulIIculIural person. ParI oI
being such a person, she says, is taking some type of ac-
IIon. She uses Ihe example oI a hypoIheIIcal conversaIIon
where one IndIvIdual mIghI make an oendIng commenI
abouI homosexualIIy and suggesIs IhaI sIudenIs challenge
II. I doesnI mean you have Io Iake up arms, she says wIIh
a laugh. IusI speak up and say, You know, IhInk IhaI re-
mark Is very hurIIul.
Incorporating culture into the lives of Stony Brook stu-
denIs Is Ihe sole mIssIon oI Chambers career. AsIde Irom
involvement with her church and her position on the Alum-
nI AssocIaIIon oard oI DIrecIors, she dedIcaIes Ihe major-
ity of her time to promoting the importance of a multicul-
Iural lIIe Io Ihe campus communIIy.
Were so InIerdependenIIhaI IIs essenIIal IhaI a
person has some skill levelto understand people from
dIverse backgrounds, she says. Is a IacI oI lIIe. Youre
goIng Io encounIer people who are dIerenI.
A CULTURAL EXCHANGE
by Alyssa Melillo
All aspects of culture and
diversity are right at our
doorsIep.
FEATURES
21
The janIIorIal sIa aI SIony rook UnIversIIy Is em-
broIled In a consIanI baIIle wIIh gIrls ages 17 Io 25. More
often than not bathroom stalls are repainted to cover a va-
rIeIy oI graII eIched across sIale bread-colored plasIIc
walls. VandalIsm, Ihe acI oI desIroyIng or deIacIng publIc
or prIvaIe properIy, Is mosI assuredly a crIme, buI shouldnI
that law be amended to allow the spread of Twilight quotes
across campus?
The shorI answer Is no. NoI because vandalIsm Is rIghI
and jusI, buI because donI wanI Io read abouI Team Ed-
ward whIle m IakIng a IInkle. All II does Is remInd me oI
a multi-million-dollar-earning mediocre book series that is
Ihe glorIed dIary oI a paInIully average 1/-year-old gIrl.
uI every now and Ihen, one nds baIhroom graII
gold. ScrIbbled In shades oI baby blue, hoI pInk, and classIc
black, gems of wisdom such as and just when the caterpil-
lar IhoughI Ihe world was over he Iurned InIo a buIIery,
and love wonI Ieed you --> II wIll Ieed your soul capIure
your aIIenIIon. SomeIImes you even geI lucky enough Io
nd an ImprompIu wall mural. Who doesnI wanI a lIIIle arI
with their toilet time, after all?
So while it pleases me to see quotes from brilliant
lms lIke Inception and Finding Nemo, and graII porIraIIs
oI cuddly anImals makes everyone elses baIhroom vandal-
Ism InadequaIe In comparIson, IIs nearly becomIng an epI-
demIc. And Ihe schools janIIors cannoI be IhrIlled.
Dne musI ImagIne IhaI Ihe janIIorIal sIa cleans Ihese
messes up more oIIen Ihan Ihey would lIke Io. SomeIImes
Ihe graII Is noI even paInIed over, buI halIhearIedly
scrubbed from the walls, leaving behind faint streaks of
hIghlIghIer and permanenI marker. s II IrusIraIIon Irom a
IedIous Iask, or Ihe lack oI desIre Io rId a gIrls resIroom oI
scrawled advice?
I Is lIkely Ihe Iormer. The janIIors donI care abouI your
IavorIIe song quoIes. They sImply care abouI geIIIng IheIr
job done. uI IIs a repeIIIIve cycle. Is EInsIeIns denIIIon
of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again and
expecIIng dIerenI resulIs. Vandals are always goIng Io be
paInIed over and janIIors work Is always goIng Io be wrII-
Ien on.
uI II Ihe graII Is gone how am goIng Io deIermIne
the ratio between Edward and Jacob lovers? And how will I
be remInded IhaI all need Is love? When m IeelIng down-
trodden I need the inspiring, recycled, clichs on the walls
oI resIroom sIalls Io remInd me IhaI all lIIes dIlemmas
can be solved with the reading of romantic comedy movie
quoIes.
Hlne VolaI, Head oI ReIerence B nIormaIIon ServIc-
es aI Ihe MelvIlle LIbrary, Is opposed Io IhIs parIIcular Iorm
oI expressIon, callIng II an IndelIble Iorm oI wrIIIng.
When your poeIry aIIaIns Ihe qualIIy and ImporIance
oI EmIly DIckInson or when your paInIIngs rIval Ihose oI
CeorgIa DKeeIe, Ihen we mIghI reconsIder. n Ihe mean-
time you may want to practice on your own bathroom
walls, she saId In an emaIl.
However, I fear that this barbaric method of communi-
caIIon wIll noI dIe, even wIIh Ihe crIIIque oI lIbrary sIa. I
seems we musI seIIle Ior Ihe bIzarre, ucIuaIIng sIaIe oI
cleanlIness Ihe baIhroom sIalls Iace. So II Ihe masses can
forgive these forlorn souls for their indiscretions, than al-
low me to implore all the vandals of Stony Brook not to
Ihrow a hIssy I abouI IheIr mosI beloved quoIes geIIIng
Ihe ax. nsIead, be graIeIul Ior Ihe renewed chance aI pla-
gIarIzIng someone elses creaIIvIIy and InspIraIIon. You
canI draw a new pIcIure on your EIch-A-SkeIch wIIhouI
erasIng Ihe old one rsI, aIIer all.
STALL
WISDOM
by Liz Kaempf
Photo by Liz Kaempf
22
CULTURE February 21, 2012
The MasIers oI FIne ArIs IhesIs exhIbIIIon Is always a
great opportunity for art lovers to be treated to a showcase
of the best up-and-coming talent that our art department
has Io oer.
There Is always an overabundance oI amazIng arIwork
Io look aI so IIs suced Io say IhaI IhIs semesIers exhIbII,
ound, Is no dIerenI.
The gallery space IIselI IsnI occupIed by much In Ierms
oI arIwork. The InsIallaIIons Ihemselves are spread across
Ihe gallery oor and Ihe amounI oI negaIIve space Is sIar-
IlIng aI rsI, buI once you make your way around Ihe gal-
lery and get a good perspective and handle on the works, it
makes sense.
Each arIIsIs pIece InhabIIs IIs own very unIque space
and despite the varying styles and media present, every-
IhIng meshed IogeIher very well. The overarchIng Iheme
became the driving force in understanding and interpreting
the show and it managed to bring incredible cohesiveness
to what would have otherwise been viewed as a disjointed
exhIbII wIIh no dIscernable Iheme or message.
I suppose for those laypersons and philistines who just
donI geI arI or sImply lIke preIIy paInIIngs, Ihey obvI-
ously wouldnI geI II. remember speakIng Io several people
who crIIIcIzed Ihe exhIbIIIon sImply because Ihey IaIled Io
grasp Ihe Ideas IhaI permeaIed beneaIh Ihe surIace.
TheIr loss, guess.
mmedIaIely upon vIewIng Pancho WesIendarps pIece,
was greeIed by IhIs sense oI proIound IamIlIarIIy. There was
just something that struck me and made me feel like I was in
a warm, welcomIng and comIorIable space. I was lIke was
In my own lIvIng room.
The pIece IIselI was jusI sImply unappable. The IacI
alone that he managed to arrange these seemingly unrelat-
Motha Fuckin
Art (MFA) Exhibit
by Andi Liao
CULTURE
23
ed objecIs IogeIher InIo a unIed body oI work Is awesome.
Adding to that, he was capable of creating a self-sustaining
elecIronIc space wIIh a guIIar IhaI plays IIselI. I was re-
markable and looking at it from a geeky point-of-view, the
cool-IacIor Is sImply undenIable.
I was InIeresIIng Ihe way he explored Ihe way In whIch
us humans interact with the world and the objects around
us. The presence oI humans, or Ihe lack IhereoI, Inuences
and shapes Ihe envIronmenIs IhaI we InhabII. For me, hIs
choice to use the guitar was a natural one because it really
encapsulated the idea behind the human identity and the
way in which he drew upon the interrelation between who
we are and how we aecI Ihe world around us. The ambIenI
sounds that emanated from the installation really put me
in the right mood to contemplate the ideas that are being
presenIed.
AnoIher arIIsIs work IhaI sIood ouI Io me was Dan
Hess Swallowed In Ihe Sea serIes. was parIIcularly
drawn to these images because of how much it reminded
me of some of my own printed works and unique feelings
oI comIorI and curIosIIy mIxed wIIh IhIs underlyIng sense
oI dread.
These Images also evoked IhoughIs oI H.P. LovecraIIs
work, especially At the Mountains of Madness, which I per-
sonally IhInk Is hIs mosI IrIumphanI work.
ThroughouI Ihe book, Ihe explorers venIure IorIh InIo
the dark, unforgiving Antarctic with a piqued curiosity cou-
pled wIIh a loomIng sense oI danger. The IeelIngs IhaI pour
IorIh Irom Ihe book are echoed In Dan Hess Images. The
most obvious parallels I noticed between the two were that
Hess swIrl-lIke lInes remInded me oI Ihe Dld Cods oI Love-
craftian lore, most evidently, in the tentacled behemoth
CIhulu.
Hess even states that these works are his representa-
IIon oI Ihe space IhaI occupIes Ihe dIerence beIween re-
alIIIes. I makes sense. We sIIll donI really have a Iull grasp
on whaI we see as realIIy. Sure II may be a lIIIle IarIeIched
to think that there are indeed alternate or parallel realities
buI IhInkIng abouI II, we canI help buI acknowledge IhaI
Ihe human braIns capabIlIIIes have near-lImIIless poIenIIal
and Ihe way IhaI LovecraIIs work, and Ihrough exIensIon,
Hess work, plays on our InnermosI and unIapped IhoughIs,
dreams and nIghImares Is Iruly ouIsIandIng.
Thus by delvIng InIo Ihe human subconscIous, Hess
successIully manages Io hII Ihe proverbIal naIl on Ihe head.
He seI ouI Io exIracI Irom hIs vIewers IheIr InIerpreIaIIons
based on IheIr own Inner desIres and Iears, and he dId II.
The exhIbII Is only open unIIl February 25, so II you have
not yet taken a look at it, you should check out Bound be-
Iore IIs Ioo laIe.
Photos by Mike Perdersen
24
The rsI IIme played a Final Fantasy game, dIdnI
quIIe geI II. was eleven years old and had my hands on
a borrowed copy oI Ihe nInIh InsIallmenI In Ihe serIes core
line of fantasy-based role playing games, terms that I was
oblIvIous Io In Ihe 6Ih grade.
For one, my classmate said I could spend over 50
hours playIng II. AI Ihe IIme, could noI IaIhom Ihe Idea
of spending more time on a game than on Pokmon
Silver, especially one where you had to sit idly in front of
television screen instead of playing it nearly every second
your parenIs made you leave Ihe house. (Yep, was IhaI
kId aI Ihe supermarkeI and docIors oce and mall and
beIore and aIIer school.} also Iound myselI dumbIounded
that a game was capable of spanning four entire discs and
incredulous to the claim of reviewers that it was one of the
mosI graphIcally complex games oI IIs IIme.
In the beginning hours of Final Fantasy IX, I became
IncreasIngly conIused. Why dId IhIs game Involve so much
readIng, dIalogue and exposIIIon? Why dId II Iake hours
upon hours of gameplay to discover what it was I was
actually going to be doing in a game that my friend referred
to as like Pokmon, buI way, way more complIcaIed? Why
were all the male characters so androgynous?
As I plowed through FF IX and proceeded to devour the
seventh and eighth installments as well, I began to see the
series for what it truly was: immersive, book-like fantasy
epIcs. ( have sInce played Ihe rsI, IhIrd, IIh, IenIh and
IwelIIh InsIallmenIs.} They were Ihe rsI vIdeo games
IhaI Iound myselI losI InsIde, spendIng hours explorIng
Ihe world beyond MIdgar In V and comIng Io know Ihe
characIers, lIke Ihe IaIled, exIraIerresIrIal proIagonIsI
Zidane of IX, as intimately as one would any beloved book
serIes oI IheIr chIldhood.
Sadly, the Final Fantasy series is now a hollow shell
oI Ihe golden IIIles oI Ihe laIe 5Us and early UUs IhaI
used Io dene Ihe pre-HD console era. currenIly have a
copy of the latest installment, Final Fantasy XIII-2, sitting
In my Xbox 36U, havIng already swallowed Ihe sIupIdIIy
underlying the release of a sequel to a game titled Final
Fantasy after they did the very same thing with the tenth
game.
ve hardly played II, and noI necessarIly because donI
have Ihe IIme. nd myselI IurnIng InsIead Io 1558s Final
Fantasy Tactics, a title I unfortunately overlooked when I
was younger due to me being uncharacteristically inept at
IacIIcal vIdeo games. m playIng IhaI, and IncreasIngly so
every day, because oI how engrossIng Ihe mIx oI sIory and
battle is, a trait that a traditional Final Fantasy pulls o wIIh
ease. m also enjoyIng II Immensely because oI how well II
illustrates the stark shift in the series since its golden PSX
era.
ThIs evoluIIon oI Ihe serIes has Iaken II Irom some oI
the strongest narratives video games have ever delivered
to glossy, over-produced trash that relies on fan-boy
dedIcaIIon and Ihe promIse oI a revamped baIIle sysIem.
The dIsappoInImenI arIses Irom sIorIes IhaI have, sInce
the transition to the PlayStation 2 more than a decade
ago, become IncreasIngly muddled and IorgeIIable. WhIle
Final Fantasy X dId manage Io pull o IIs delIcaIe mIxIng oI
old and new, II showed sIgns oI Ihe serIes IeeIer Ioward
decline with a borderline-absurd time travel plot that has
returned with a terrible, nonsensical vengeance in XIII-2.
ThIs declIne may have sIarIed wIIh Ihe IenIh game,
but it was Final Fantasy XIII, the basis for the shit-show of
a sequel sIIIIng Ireshly on sIore shelves, IhaI sealed Ians
opInIons oI Ihe modern sIory capabIlIIIes oI Ihe serIes. X
was crIIIcIzed heavIly Ior IIs lInear sIorylIne IhaI basIcally
held your hand from destination to destination and its
sIorylIne IhaI Iell aI on IIs Iace consIsIenIly beIore brIskly
wrapping up in one of the most disappointing endings I
have ever endured. oIh oI Ihese crIIIques were weIghed
agaInsI Ihe games only deIenseIIs hyper-paced and
THE
HALCYON
DAYS OF
FINAL
FANTASY
by Nick Statt
CULTURE
25
Based on true events, The Vow is a bittersweet love sto-
ry of a newlywed couple and was released just in time for
ValenIInes Day. I begIns wIIh PaIge (Rachel McAdams} un-
fastening her seatbelt in an attempt at a little foreplay with
her husband Leo (ChannIng TaIum} on IheIr way home Irom
a movIe on a snowy nIghI. uI beIore PaIge can sIarI any-
thing the pair is hit from behind by a truck, sending Paige
Ihrough Ihe wIndshIeld and leavIng her In a coma. A Iew
weeks later she wakes with no memory of her husband, her
marrIage or her currenI lIIe.
nsIead oI reIurnIng home wIIh Leo, she reverIs Io her
former life with her stuck up, upper-class parents, whose
scandalous secret is long hidden from the audience, and
are Ioo caughI up In geIIIng her back Irom her husband.
When PaIges ex-anc, whom she has no memory oI splII-
IIng up wIIh, enIers her lIIe agaIn II leaves Leo askIng one
question: How do you look at the girl you love and tell your-
self its time to walk away?
TaIums perIormance was noI surprIsIng, as he has
played the heartbroken guy many times before, and he
does so excepIIonally well. uI McAdams Is Ihe real enIIce-
menI In IhIs lm. She Is her same bubbly and Iree-spIrIIed
selI on-screen and she uses IhaI Io draw In her audIence.
kepI cheerIng Ior PaIge even when she was exIremely Irus-
IraIIng In her wIIhdrawal Irom Leo.
PaIge and Leo geI a second chance Io experIence
someIhIng IhaI some people donI geI Io experIence once
In IheIr lIIe: IallIng In love. uI Ihere was someIhIng mIss-
Ing. There Is a lack oI emoIIon and lIIIle magIc seemed Io
spark Irom Ihe couples InIeracIIons. You could see Ihe
aecIIon and consIderaIIon Ihey had Ior each oIher, buI
could noI acIually Ieel Ihe love. Is obvIous when people
are truly in love; the way they look at each other, as if there
Is no one else around, IouchIng each oIher lIke IIs Ihe lasI
IIme IheIr bodIes wIll be near one anoIher agaIn. dIdnI
see IhaI wIIh PaIge and Leo. TheIr love Ior each oIher dIdnI
come across strongly enough and it made their struggle to
sIay IogeIher IhaI much harder Io waIch. AIIer Ihe accIdenI
Leo Is a sIranger Io PaIge, buI how can she Iall In love wIIh
him again if she is a stranger to herself?
A downfall was that The Vow came o Ioo much lIke
earlier romantic dramas, The Notebook and Dear John. I
could just be the actors that played the main characters of
PaIge and Leo IhaI made Ihe movIes seem so sImIlar. m
noI complaInIng abouI seeIng ChannIng TaIums body on
the big screen though; if I woke up and he told me he was
my husband, wouldnI quesIIon II Ior a second. uI when
heard Leo say, Two weeks, IhaIs all II Iook Ior her Io Iall In
love with me, I had to take my ticket stub out of my pocket
to make sure it said The Vow and not Dear John. I m pay-
ing to see a new movie the least the writers could do was
have TaIum learn a new scrIpI.
unIque baIIle sysIem. WhIle IhIs dId make Ior some oI Ihe
mosI IacIIcally InIeresIIng momenIs In Ihe serIes hIsIory,
it did little to alleviate the fact that the game brought out a
level of emotional investment better suited to smartphone
puzzle game.
ThIs devIaIIon Irom placIng a prIorIIy on rIch, well-
written storylines has done irreversible damage to the
series, one of the last remaining torch-carriers of the
classIc RPC. There was a IIme when FInal FanIasy V was
considered by many to be the greatest game ever made
for a number of reasons, the hallmark of which was the
InsIsIence IhaI II was Ihe rsI game Io brIng players Io
Iears when one oI IIs prIncIpal characIers was kIlled.
ExplaInIng IhaI In Ihe conIexI oI Ihe modern Final
Fantasy is almost laughable, and it pains me to play the
currenI copy sIIIIng In my Xbox knowIng IhaI IIs sIory wIll
not only remain emotionally untouchable, but will in fact
frustrate me with its lack of depth and its characters that
manage Io reach an oensIve level oI unlIkable. have
played Ihrough a good porIIon oI Ihe games openIng
chapters and have been consistently surprised at how
IerrIble Ihe dIalogue and sIory exposIIIon has been,
especIally consIderIng how poor oI a job Squar EnIx dId aI
veiling the ridiculous time travel-based, we can change
Ihe IuIure ploI.
Maybe IIs because now IhaI blockbusIer RPC serIes
like 0DVV (HFW and Elder Scrolls, whIch emphasIze choIce
making and sport variations of the ever-popular morality-
based game mechanics now dominating the genre, the
RPC model oI Ihe laIe 2UIh cenIury Is dead and gone. I
truly pains me to see these types of games making huge
developmenIal leaps Ior Ihe medIum whIle Ihe denIng
series of my video game childhood gets left in the dust,
scraping up enough bullshit loose ends to release another
Kingdom Hearts spIno or IaIlIng mIserably Io capIIalIze on
Ihe already-over-crowded MMD markeI.
CurrenIly, developer Square EnIxs Iocus Is on Ihe
remaining two thirds of its ambiguous Fabula Nova
Crystallis saga, whIch conIaIns an exclusIve IIIle Ior Ihe new
PlayStation Vita handheld that a small fraction of people
will probably play and a game that would be far more
excIIIng II Ihe only IhIng weve seen oI II In Ihe lasI Ihree
years was Ihe same rehashed CC cuI scenes. Who knows
whaI wIll come oI Ihe serIes when II reaches IIs nexI unIque
installment, but I know now that the days of being lost in
the narrative of a Final Fantasy are most likely stuck in the
past, and no shitty, ill-contrived time travel storyline can
brIng Ihem back.
THE VOWby Nicole Kohn
26
After being defamed and humiliated by the Stony Brook
Press two weeks ago, very short comedian Kevin Hart took
revenge on Ihe publIcaIIon by beaIIng Ihe shII ouI oI sIa
wrIIer DanIel Cashmar aI approxImaIely 3 p.m. on FrIday,
February 17, unIversIIy polIce saId.
According to witnesses, Hart lunged at an unsuspect-
ing Cashmar, the nearest person to the front door of the
oce, as he was bIIIng InIo a slIce oI pIzza. He proceeded
Io punch Cashmar In Ihe Iace /82 IImes whIle IorcIng hIs
vIcIIm Io keep counI. HarI sIopped when hIs vIcIIm passed
ouI. Cashmar susIaIned mInor InjurIes, IncludIng, buI noI
limited to, a loss of four teeth and severe damage to his
nose and left eye that will most likely need to be corrected
wIIh cosmeIIc surgery.
Why would you ImmaIure college sIudenIs wrIIe
something like that about me? asked Hart of the rest of
Ihe losers who pracIIcally lIve In Ihe Press oce. And
whaIs Ihe deal wIIh Ihe ChrIs Rock phoIo? ThaIs really
racIsI, man.
We dIdnI mean II In a racIsI way, saId sIa wrIIer
AndI LIao, who Is oIIen reIerred Io as AsIan AndI around
Ihe oce.
goI IhIs, saId Web EdIIor Trevor ChrIsIIan. We were
actually kind of mad that you would only give one inter-
vIew and when we dIdnI geI pIcked In Ihe loIIery Io do
II, we decIded Io have a lIIIle Iun on Ihe page. Is noIhIng
personal whaI we wroIe abouI you. We jusI dId II because
we donI lIke you.
Why dId you have Io make me sound lIke such an ass-
hole Ihough? HarI asked.
We IhoughI II we made II sound rIdIculous and vulgar
enough, and even Included a bII abouI how you dIdnI gIve
us an interview inside the interview, that people would
understand that it was satire and would enjoy it for what
II was. We also used Ihe pIcIure oI ChrIs Rock Io be com-
pletely sure that readers would be suspicious as soon as
Ihey glanced aI Ihe page. The lasI IhIng we wanIed Io do
was totally spoil the joke by spelling out that it was fake
wIIh a dIsclaImer, ChrIsIIan explaIned.
Well obvIously II was Iake mean, whaI IdIoI would
honesIly IhInk would respond Io a quesIIon lIke, Would
you raIher have anal sex wIIh a quesIIonable hooker buI
she violently shits all over you after and pics of it leak on
the internet or get the best blow jay ever but wake up on
a deserted island with enough food to live out your life?
HarI saId. ThaIs jusI preposIerous.
Well, IhaIs whaI we IhoughI, saId ExecuIIve EdIIor
Nick Statt, who emerged out of The Press oces archIves
room upon realIzIng IhaI HarI was exhausIed and had Iaken
mosI oI hIs anger ouI on Cashmar.
WhaI upseIs me Is IhaI people acIually came Io me
questioning my moral character after thinking the inter-
vIew was real. HarI saId. ThaI means IhaI II Is obvIously
your duty as student journalists of an alternative publica-
tion known for its tendency to push boundaries to cave in
to the stupidity of your readers and publish a disclaimer
alongsIde your saIIre pIeces.
can see Ihe beneI oI IhaI argumenI, responded
S
A
T
I
R
E
KEVIN HARTS
REVENGE
by Howie Newsberkman
CULTURE
27
AI rsI glance Ihe SAC ArI Callerys laIesI exhIbII En-
counIerIng DaIa looks lIke noIhIng more Ihan a bunch oI
compuIers and IelevIsIons In a large whIIe room. AgaInsI
the wall is a creative little piece called It gets better, Alan,
consIsIIng oI a Macook Pro and an old IypewrIIer Irom Ihe
1950s with a suicide note from an esteemed computer
scIenIIsI In II. ThIs may seem hIghly symbolIc, buI gallery
vIsIIors had Iyped IheIr own words ouI onIo Ihe noIe. Dne
phrase, printed boldly across the suicide note in black ink
read, quIIe sImply, ThIs Is borIng.
And IhaI rIghI Ihere Is Ihe enIIre exhIbII In a nuIshell.
There are Ihose who wIll nd II IncredIbly borIng, a gIanI
room lled wIIh compuIers and daIa IhaI could puI one Io
sleep IasIer Ihan a documenIary maraIhon. uI Io oIhers,
the idea of data being given lifebreathing air into some-
thing so admittedly beyond human sensesis inviting and
InnovaIIve. Through vIsualIzaIIon and sonIcaIIon, Encoun-
IerIng DaIa shows Ihe nerd In us all jusI whaI can be done
wIIh daIa In an age oI creaIIvIIy and scIenIIc advances.
Take, Ior example, Ihe InnovaIIve pIece DecoI by
Shawn Creenlee, a wooden bench In IronI oI a large TV
screen wIIh bulky headphones connecIed Io II. Faded black
and whIIe gures glIded across Ihe screen, blurred and ouI
oI Iocus. A consIanI, loud rIngIng oI several dIerenI pIIch-
es came Irom Ihe headphones. Is noI very obvIous aI rsI,
buI Ihe screen Is acIually showIng dIerenI parIs oI a hu-
man body. Two hands clappIng are vIsIble over IIme. I was
such a universally disturbing piece that gallery visitors all
had one word Io dene II: scary.
FIrsI you see a hand, lIps, noseIIs so creepy, saId
MIchelle LIu, a dIgIIal arIs sIudenI who opens and oversees
Ihe gallery. The dark shadows are so eerIe.
Some pIeces Iouched oIhers on an emoIIonal level.
KInesIheIIc 1.U by Ioseph Esser, an elecIronIc medIa In-
sIallaIIon, seemed Io resonaIe wIIh gallery dwellers.
love IhIs one, IIs my IavorIIe, saId Helen Tseou, a
sound design student who was conducting research for a
class paper. Every IIme you pass by a sIrIng II vIbraIes, and
each one has a dIerenI sound so you can play around wIIh
II.
DIher sIudenIs had more absIracI InIerpreIaIIons.
think it means something in motion can be artistic, said
Marley Solomon, who sIood by KInesIheIIc 1.U and
played wIIh II Ior a whIle. Is all In Ihe name KIn-aesIheIIc,
meanIng II can be pleasIng Io Ihe eye.
The exhIbII, however, Is noI wIIhouI IIs aws. Two oI
Ihe exhIbIIs werenI IuncIIonIng properly: EarIh Io DIsk
by The ArI oI FaIlure and Ephemeral ArIIIacIs by TImo-
Ihy VallIer and MoIra WIllIams. LIu assumed IhaI problems
arose because the gallery was set up later than originally
planned.
It was rushed, she said, they had trouble setting it
up because Ihey had Io geI Insurance rsI, so II was seI up
laIe.
LIu saId IhaI her DIgIIal ArIs proIessor also noIIced an
error In Ihe serIes FFTlRMS 1 and EEC by Paul Pru-
dence.
Still, one cannot deny the fascination drawn from other
noIable pIeces In Ihe exhIbII: lIke a IurnIable booIh, a gI-
anI map depIcIIng sIaIIsIIcs abouI U.S. oIl, and a compuIer
screen with rainbow and gray dots scrolling across it while
a sIaIIc beep chImes In Ihe background.
Though noI everyone may apprecIaIe daIa InIerpreIa-
IIon and analysIs, a vIsII Io Ihe EncounIerIng DaIa exhIbII
Is hIghly recommended. Those wIIh a curIosIIy Ior unex-
plored media of art and communication will appreciate the
InnovaIIon behInd each pIece. I can be a rewardIng experI-
ence for those who are willing to step out of their comfort
zone.
ENCOUNTERING DATA
by Teena Nawabi
Statt, but we came to the conclusion that readers incapa-
ble oI dIerenIIaIIng beIween saIIre and serIous conIenI
arenI necessarIly Ihe readers we are IryIng Io reach. I IsnI
our duty as the alternative publication to simply report the
IacIs and noIhIng else. nsIead, we lIke Io IncIIe debaIe and
push the limits a bit for the sake of humor and to celebrate
Ihe IacI IhaI college journalIsm shouldnI be a dry and pa-
thetic imitation of professional journalism, but a unique
Iorm oI conIenI characIerIzed by dIerenI generaIIons oI
sIudenIs.
Well, as a comedIan, can agree wIIh IhaI. AIIer all,
youre sIudenIs. When you graduaIe, youll never have Ihe
opporIunIIy Io have Iun, play jokes and experImenI. Youll
just be slaves to the higher-ups and basically boot-lick your
way to having enough power to force younger generations
to do the same, Hart said with a nod of his freakishly large
head made IhaI much more apparenI by hIs shorI sIaIure.
Thanks Ior undersIandIng, saId ChrIsIIan. Then, ac-
cording to witnesses, he made the mistake of trying to get
a real interview with Hart, who then collapsed back into a
I oI Iury and beaI ChrIsIIan over Ihe head wIIh a cardboard
cuI-ouI oI oba FeII.
Cashmar and Christian have decided not to press
charges as HarI made amends wIIh Ihe sIaers and oered
to smooth out the sometimes-fragile relationship the news
organIzaIIon has wIIh Ihe UndergraduaIe SIudenI Covern-
menI. They love me over Ihere, HarI explaIned. Theyll
do anyIhIng ask.
28
THE STONY BROOK
PRESS SEX SURVEY:
#SWAG
CULTURE
29
* Based on surveys that were
never acIually Iaken. There
you go...
#SWAG
30
WhIle waIchIng Ihe Iree SIand
Up 8 show Ior SU sIudenIs on Feb-
ruary 13, realIzed IhaI have a new
direction in life: I want to be an aeri-
alIsI.
Dk, IhaIs a dream IhaI wonI
actually pursue, but for the two
hours or so that I sat in the Staller
CenIer waIchIng Ihe Iormer gure
skaIer KImberly CraIg y Ihrough
the air swinging from a hoop and
SIand Up 8 co-Iounder Zay Weaver
twirl several yards up on a silk rope, I
consIanIly IhoughI, wanI Io do IhaI.
Before the show even began,
the performers stood on stage with
no curtain hiding them, to warm up
and Ialk Io Ihe audIence. Weaver
promIsed a Iree gIII Io Ihe rsI per-
son who could pull up a picture of
a seawolf on their phone, so she
could see whaI II was. Sam rown, a
clown, meandered through the rows
IalkIng and hIgh-vIng.
The show was based heavIly on
InIeracIIon wIIh Ihe audIence. DIIen
performers envision a fourth wall
separating them from the viewers;
IhIs Iroupe dId exacIly Ihe opposIIe.
Audience response was completely
InIegral Io Ihe perIormance.
Humor mIxed wIIh deep IeelIng
as the scenes and performers var-
Ied. rown was chased o Ihe sIage
by Brett Copes after slapping him
in a very Three Stooges-style, which
contrasted with another scene with
Weaver appearIng In a weddIng
dress and handcus Io gIve an Im-
passioned speech about why she is
an aerialist before ripping the dress
to shreds and demonstrating her
aerIal prowess.
Singer Sandy Swier seemed a
bit incongruous from the rest of the
casI, buI she dId have quIIe a voIce.
It was very amusing, and slightly an-
noyIng, when ChrIsIIanne SaInz, a
by Jen Novotny
STAND UP 8
CULTURE
31
gymnast, took the microphone from
her and launched into a Justin Bieber
song.
Stage performances generally
hide the backstage area to keep the
mysIery oI Ihe show alIve. SIand Up
8 doesnI belIeve In IhIs concepI.
There were no curIaIns, and much oI
the wings were visible, including the
human sandbag set up for the aeri-
alIsIs. A sIagehand aIIached Io Ihe y
system climbed up and down a truss at
the edge of the stage to lift or lower
Ihe perIormers. ThaI unIque aspecI oI
the performance impressed me, even
more than the awesome contortions
and yIng IIselI.
My one complaInI abouI Ihe show
Is Ihe lack oI ow. The acIs seemed
very dIsparaIe and largely unrelaIed.
At times, there seemed to be a theme
explaInIng why Ihe perIormers do whaI
Ihey do, buI several oI Ihe acIs dIdnI
carry IhIs Ihrough. I could be IhaI Ihe
randomness reecIed Ihe chaos oI a
cIrcus In a bIg Iop, buI dIdnI Ieel lIke
Ihe dIsconnecI was InIenIIonal.
As Ior my dream oI yIng Ihrough
Ihe aIr wIIhouI a harness, Ieel IhaIs
Ihe kInd oI IhoughI SIand Up 8 Is Iry-
Ing Io InspIre. The Idea IhaI one can be
happy doing something out of the or-
dInary, someIhIng exhIlaraIIng, even II
no one else undersIands.
LIke Ihe proverb Irom whIch Ihe
troupe gets its name says, Fall down
seven IImes, sIand up eIghI.
Photos by Mike Pedersen
32
There Is only one person In Ihe world
who can inspire both praise for his actions
and writing and major criticism for his life
choices, being referred to as a vile, scum-
my, abrasIve creaIure IhaI barely qualIes as
human. ThIs commenI Is proudly dIsplayed
on the back cover of his newest book, Hilar-
ity Ensues.
ThaI person Is none oIher Ihan Tucker
Max, who has made a name Ior hImselI over
Ihe pasI eIghI years. He began by launch-
Ing hIs websIIe Iuckermax.com. Then Max
marketed his most outrageous stories of
drunken debauchery, quests for meaning-
less hook-ups, and just plain bad behavior
in a 2006 memoir, I Hope They Serve Beer
in Hell, a 2009 movie of the same name, a
2010 follow-up book, Assholes Finish First,
and nally capped o hIs achIevemenIs
with Hilarity Ensues.
UnIorIunaIely Ior Max, eIIher some oI
the stories in Hilarity Ensues jusI donI In-
spIre much hIlarIIy, or Iheyve become a
bII sIale and played ouI over IIme. WhIle
hIs nal chapIers are sIIll enIerIaInIng and
showcase some witty writing, his stories this
IIme around seem Io lack some oI Ihe avor
and spIce IhaI made hIs rsI ones comedy
classics and full of did he really do that?!
momenIs.
The rsI sIory IhaI really raIes wIIh
Ihe ones In Maxs rsI books Is The TMZ
Debacle. Max begIns by IellIng Ihe sIory
oI hIs anIIcs aI lasI years SXSW, where he
was thrown out of a party by three bounc-
ers for throwing Popchips at a ceiling fan,
but events quickly become much more en-
IerIaInIng Irom Ihere. Max wrIIes, Then,
Ihe nexI day, TMZ emaIled me askIng Ior
a comment about getting kicked out of a
SXSW parIy and callIng some gIrl a greasy
guIdo. WhaI? couldnI belIeve II. AIIer all
Ihe rIdIculous shII ve done In my lIIe, THS
Is whaI TMZ wanIs Io do a sIory on?
Other stories worth reading include
The (AlmosI anned, Now CompleIe} MIss
VermonI SIory, and Tucker Max, Knee
Abuser. Also laughIer InducIng are hIs varI-
ous recounIs oI sexIIng conversaIIons InIer-
spersed throughout the book and grouped
into three categories of absurd, mean,
and alsllocaIIon, locaIIon, locaIIon. However, Ihe resI oI Ihe book jusI
doesnI quIIe lIve up Io Ihe expecIaIIons IaIIhIul readers oI hIs rsI Iwo
books mIghI have had Ior II. The sIorIes mIghI sIIll provIde a chuckle or Iwo,
but there are no real moments of complete lose-control, jaw-dropping, tear-
sIreamIng, knee-slappIng laughIer.
The one parI oI Hilarity Ensues that truly does make it stand above its
prIor InsIallmenIs Is Maxs reecIIons and noIe Io hIs Ians abouI hIs reIIre-
menI aI Ihe end oI Ihe book. Here, Ians do geI Io see a dIerenI sIde oI
Maxone IhaI shows IhaI hes noI jusI a womanIzer or a selI-descrIbed ass-
hole, buI also a real human beIng who does have a soIIer sIde hes jusI noI
as wIllIng Io show. Is a nIce way Io wrap up Ihe book (whIch, aI //3 pages
oI sIorIes Is acIually a heIIy read}, and acIually manages Io reward readers
Ior sIIckIng Ihrough II all wIIh hIm unIIl Ihe very end.
HILARITY ENSUES
by Lauren DuBois
CULTURE
33
The orchesIra begIns Io swell as Ihe arms oI Ihe con-
ducIor rIse, and ClorIa Park, SIony rook Dperas own Car-
men, steps on stage to tell a tale of jealousy, lust and free-
dom.
Love Is a gypsy chIld, Ihe projecIor reads as Parks
characIer romances Don Iose, played by guesI arIIsI Iohn
ellemer. I knows no law. I you donI love me, love you.
Sung in its original French, with translations projected
In EnglIsh, DavId LawIons producIIon oI La Tragedie de Car-
men reduces PeIer rooks masIerpIece Io one acI.
It retains the majesty of an age-old story, one of jealous
lovers, murderous impulses and a young girl who tries to
remain free from the men who wish to possess her and the
socIeIy IhaI wIshes Io Iame her.
ConducIed by TImoIhy Long, members oI Ihe SIony
Brook Symphony Orchestra performed admirably, pro-
viding as much a setting for the opera as the lighting and
props. The seIIIng consIsIed almosI solely oI one Iable IhaI
IuncIIoned aI IImes as a bed, a sIool and a washroom.
The sImplIcIIy oI Ihe sIage allowed Ihe acIors and Ihe
music to tell the story, and reduced distractions from the
ploI Io a mInImum. ThIs was essenIIal Io keep Ihe audI-
ences aIIenIIon, especIally when Ihey had Io Iocus back
and forth between watching the stage and reading the
IranslaIIons oI Ihe words 5U IeeI above Ihe sIage.
The perIormances oI ClorIa Park, a mezzo-soprano
earning her doctorate in music at Stony Brook, and guest
tenor John Bellemer, who has appeared in leading opera
houses across NorIh AmerIca and Europe, were superb.
TheIr IacIal expressIons and movemenIs abouI Ihe
stage told the story as well as their voices did, drawing in
the audience so thoroughly that not a single person left the
audIIorIum durIng Ihe perIormance.
Parks porIrayal oI Carmen was IhaI oI an experIenced
and vivid actress, transforming herself into the charming
schemer IhaI II Is a pleasure Io haIe. Though she manIp-
ulates the characters around her, Carmen is not simply a
hearIless wench who seeks Io ruIn all she comes across.
Inside this seductive, young, gypsy girl is a wild heart,
one IhaI reIuses Io gIve In Io anyones demands buI her
own.
Free she was born and free she will die, Park pro-
claIms as ellemers Don Iose pleads wIIh her Io Iollow
hIm Io a new lIIe. She does noI love hIm anymore, and as
such wIll noI gIve In Io hIs demands In Ihe nal dueI oI Ihe
perIormance.
Yet this wild-hearted girl draws tarot cards multiple
times throughout the performance to predict her fate, see-
Ing Ihe card oI DeaIh every IIme.
By entrusting her fate solely to destiny, she fails to
see how she herselI embodIes Ihe ulIImaIe selI-IulllIng
prophecy, saId SIage DIrecIor IoachIm Schamberger In hIs
program noIe. Carmen belIeves she Is Iree, buI she Is noI.
Embracing her power to co-create her own fate with des-
IIny could lead Io Irue Ireedom, buI oI IhaI she Is unaware.
Thus, he says, Is Ihe Irue Iragedy oI Carmen: Ihe gIrl
who longs to be free cannot truly be so until she releases
herselI Irom Ihe IaIe she Is resIgned Io.
DavId SmIIh, 75, oI London, Is a reIurnIng paIron oI
Ihe SIony rook Dpera, along wIIh hIs IrIend Iudy WIshnIa,
73.
I thought it was very, very interesting, the way that the
Stony Brook version was completely changed around, and
Ihe sIngers oI course were very good, he saId. I was a
very good experIence. would cerIaInly come agaIn.
As part of a tradition of opera at Stony Brook, the sing-
ers participating in the program are primarily students of
Ihe docIoraIe musIc program, IncludIng Seung Hee Lee, a
soprano whose characIer MIcaela IrIes In vaIn Io keep Don
Iose Irom Ihe seducIress Carmen.
She performed with a genuine air of innocence, tinted
wIIh jealousy aI Don Ioses aecIIons Ior Ihe gypsy gIrl.
m IhrIlled IhaI Iheres so much IalenI In IhIs school
IhaI we dIdnI know abouI, and IhaI Ihey have a Iorum,
said Andrew Breslin, a senior theatre and English major at
SIony rook.
LasI years perIormance was oI CavallIs ElIogabalo.
IhInk IIs a wonderIul casI, and we were so lucky
to have John, who was the guest singer, so it was a great
work, saId Park upon Ihe close oI Ihe show.
TheIr nexI perIormance wIll be oI PeIer WInklers Fox
Fables and SheIla SIlvers The Wooden Sword on March 25
and March 27 In Ihe SIaller CenIer Ior Ihe ArIs.
STONY BROOK OPERA: LA
TRAGEDIE DE CARMEN
by Rebecca Tapio
Carmen believes she is free,
buI she Is noI. EmbracIng her
power to co-create her own
fate with destiny could lead to
true freedom, but of that she
Is unaware.
34
CULTURE
35
Sleigh Bells Reign of Terror
As electronics become increasingly prominent in in-
dIe pop, IIs become hard Io dIsIInguIsh InnovaIIon Irom
novelIy. CrysIal CasIles, Ior InsIance, has proven Io have
surprisingly strong staying power with their second album,
despIIe Ihe IacI IhaI a crazy goIh lady screamIng over 8Us-
era video game bleep bloop noises sounds like a horrible
Idea on paper. SleIgh ells, anoIher duo composed oI a
dude controlling chaotic noise behind a female vocalist, is
certainly a more reasonable choice to play Saturday Night
LIve or lease IheIr song Io a Honda CIvIc commercIal. TheIr
rsI album Treats had its moments of irresistible catchi-
ness, and now IheIr newesI release ReIgn oI Terror aI-
IempIs Io maIch Ihe explosIveness oI IheIr breakIhrough
WhIle Ihere Is noIhIng specIcally bad abouI IhIs new
Iull-lengIh, Iheres noIhIng specIcally good abouI II eI-
Iher. TheIr sIgnaIure RaIaIaI-meeIs-punk rock sound Is
still in full force, but it lacks the catchy melodies that made
Treats so lIsIenable. Songs lIke Road Io Hell or You LosI
Me rely Ioo heavIly on sInger AlexIs Krausss medIocre
and repeIIIIve vocals, makIng Ihem compleIely InoensIve
buI undesIrable Io lIsIen Io on repeaI.
CuIIarIsI and producer Derek MIllers harsh aImo-
spheres can occasIonally make up Ior Krausss lame vocal
layerIng, such as In Ihe snappy orn Io Lose. uI when
her incessant yelling and nursery rhyme verses overpower
a promising instrumental track, like in Crush, the results
can be noI only crInge-worIhy buI headache InducIng.
WhIle a major poInI oI IheIr sIyle Is supposed Io be Ihe
conIrasI oI hardcore-Inuenced guIIar layerIng wIIh a gIrls
preIIy, breaIhy voIce, II Ioo oIIen sounds sImply awkward.
uI Ihere are a Iew brIghI spoIs: End oI Ihe LIne,
clearly an attempt to re-create Treats IanIasIIc RIll RIll,
is a relatively light and easy listen for upcoming spring
days. Lead sIngle Comeback KId Is kInd oI caIchy, II
noI InIeresIIng, and a perIecI summaIIon oI IheIr sound.
uI as a whole, SleIgh ells sophomore eorI sounds Ioo
much like Treats less Iun and less caIchy broIher. I Ihey
want to avoid the label of a one-trick pony in the future,
Ihey oughI Io branch ouI IheIr sound Io new IerrIIorIes.
-SAMUEL LERAND
Lil B White Flame Wow Rare Exclusive
LIl s eIhos Is sImple. HIs messages are clear: He owns
swag, He wanIs Io Iuck your bIIch, Hes probably Ihe only
goon nIgga grIndIn In IIny panIs.
YeI Ihe persona oI LIl remaIns so enIgmaIIc. n Ihe
vIdeo Ior VIolaIe ThaI IIch, LIl s SIaIrway Io Heaven,
he raps In IronI oI a dumpsIer whIle wearIng a shIrI IhaIs so
small IIs ready Io explode rIghI o hIm.
He pumps rare, exclusIve and hoI vIdeos lIke IhIs
InIo Ihe Iubes oI cyberspace almosI every day. You can nd
them on his twitter feed, where he also retweets hundreds of
women beggIng LIl Io sleep wIIh Ihem, or conversely, men
who are IhankIng LIl Ior sleepIng wIIh IheIr gIrlIrIends.
IIch, suck my dIckl canI belIeve IIs noI buIIerlm
FabIolHo, go push Ihe lInel meI LIl and ased Cod aI Ihe
same IIme, Is Ihe chorus oI m FabIo, Ihe rsI sIngle o
hIs new mIxIape, White Flame. I Iells you everyIhIng you
need Io know abouI Ihe erkley-based arIIsI.
LIl goes by Ihe monIker ased Cod. Is a reIerence Io
hIs based IreesIyle IechnIque, whIch he coIned. I can be
dened by rappIng whaIever comes Io ones mInd, regard-
less oI wheIher or noI II makes sense. As a resulI, mosI oI
hIs songs are barely songs. There are no reIraIns, verses
or brIdges. nsIead, LIl jusI spouIs mosIly nonsense IhaI
doesnI rhyme, oIIen ouI oI IIme, Ior Iour mInuIes or so.
The charm oI lIsIenIng Io LIl Is parsIng Ihrough all oI
Ihe garbage Io nd Ihe one or Iwo ouIrageous lInes IhaI
couldnI possIbly come Irom any oIher mans mouIh. WhIIe
Flame IsnI any dIerenI. Is 21 Iracks long, halI are Ihrow-
aways, but there are a few Based God classics deep in the
mIx lIke SIraps on Deck, Fed TIme and asedgod Fucked
My IIches.
LIl has become one oI Ihe mosI polarIzIng rappers In
Ihe bIz. SlaIe columnIsI Ionah WeIner labeled LIl a brIl-
lIanIly warped, posI-LIl Wayne deconsIrucIIonIsI. whIle
oIhers who commenI on hIs YouIube vIdeo cannoI IaIhom LIl
s debasIng oI musIc. The Came called LIl Ihe whackesI
rapper ouI. LIl responded In a paparazzI vIdeo by InsulI-
Ing The Came ouIsIde oI a CalI nIghIclub rIghI beIore hop-
pIng InIo a Mercedes and scooIIng away. -VNCENT ARDNE
36
Beach Fossils- Shallow 7
ConsIderIng IhaI couldnI sIop lIsIenIng Io IhIs rooklyn IndIe-pop acI
when Ihe Iollow-up EP Io IheIr debuI dropped lasI year, d be Ihe rsI Ihe Iell
you II IhIs sophomore album prevIew proved Io be a dIsappoInImenI. The good
news Is IhaI IIs Iar Irom II. The IasI-paced, punchy guIIar openIng oI Shallow,
the A-side on their new 7 due out February 21, gives way to an astoundingly
rIch mIx oI Iones, oI whIch Payseurs aIry vocals sIand ouI Ihe mosI. They are
apparenIly aI IheIr mosI eshed ouI and ImpressIve sIage oI developmenI. The
-sIde, Lessons, Is a slIghI Ihrowback Io IheIr earlIesI Iracks wIIh IIs summery
vibe, but still retains the songwriting maturity and heaviness picked up during
IheIr years spenI loang around Ihe neIghborhoods oI rooklyn.
So it appears that Payseur and crew are lifting the songwriting bliss and
beauIIIully woven guIIar paIchworks oI Ihe WhaI a Pleasure EP oI lasI Febru-
arythe one that lodged them deep inside my headbut trading the melan-
choly (well, sorI oI} Ior a bII more punch. And IIs soundIng lIke IIs workIng ouI
quIIe well.
Usher-Climax (SIngle}
As DIplo conIInues Io dIp hIs IeeI InIo Ihe pool oI maInsIream pop, hes ex-
pandIng hIs reach Io bIg-name collaboraIors. Fresh o Ihe heels oI producIng
ChrIs rowns Look AI Me Now lasI year, one oI Ihe weIrdesI and mosI badass
rap beaIs In recenI memory, he exIends a hand Io RB veIeran Usher. ClImax,
whIle IeaIurIng DIplos spacey and mInImal producIIon, sImply doesnI have Ihe
IrIbal sIrangeness IhaI he usually brIngs Io Ihe Iable. LuckIly, Ushers emoIIon-
ally aecIed and hIgh-pIIched vocals meld perIecIly wIIh Ihe paIIenI IappIng
InsIrumenIals In Ihe background, buI IhIs Irack IronIcally Is mIssIng a clImax IhaI
could Iurn II Irom good InIo greaI. ThIs Is Ihe sound oI DIplo appeasIng Io Ihe
club crowd, whIch IoIally works, buI could have been so much more.
CONTRIBUTORS:
ANDY POLHAMUS
SAMUEL LIEBRAND
NICK STATT
TREVOR CHRISTIAN
Cursive- I Am Gemini
Emo pIoneers CursIve reIurn wIIh Am CemInI, IheIr rsI album In Ihree
years. AIIer sIarIIng ouI as a (preIIy good} band IhaI launched a Ihousand shII-
Iy ImIIaIors, Ihe boys In CursIve have Iaken a new IheaIrIcal Iurn. uI maybe
Ihey shouldve sIayed rIghI where Ihey were. The pseudo-reIro pop rock on
Am CemInI Is aI besI InoensIve and aI worsI Iull-on embarrassIng. All oI Ihese
songs mIghI as well have been recorded by PanIc AI The DIsco or My ChemIcal
Romance ve years agoa IhoughI IhaI makes me crInge. DccasIonally, CursIve
throws in shredding guitars that, if done better, could pass for the more technical
sIde oI posI-hardcore, buI IhaI doesnI help IheIr cause aI all. And a quIck noIe
Io Ihe Ians oI IhIs shII show: pull up your V-necks a lIIIle hIgher, guys. Nobody
wanIs Io see IhaI.
CULTURE
37
Grimes- Visions
The IhIrd Iull-lengIh sIudIo eorI Irom MonIreal-based DI and producer
Claire Boucher marks another enchantingly successful reverberation of mod-
ern elecIronIca, and a sure-re sIgn oI Ihe 23-year-olds evoluIIon over her
shorI, yeI ImpacIIul, career. Known Ior her unIque versIon oI IndIe-pop, mIxed
well with impossibly danceable undercurrents, Boucher manages to take a sim-
ple drum-machine loop and a trance-like, heavy bass pulse to an entirely new
level wIIh Ihe help oI her voIce. Shes capable oI hIIIIng remarkable hIghs and
forcing out a variety of tones, from child-like to outright arena pop, proving yet
again that she is one of the most dynamic and genuine vocal talents gracing
Ihe plane oI pop and elecIronIc musIc. Tracks Io lookouI Ior: DblIvIon Iakes a
jumpy synth beat and showers a cascading, smooth-as-glass vocal melody on
Iop. CenesIs pulls CrImes IypIcal song make-up Ihrough an eecI-laden Iun-
nel Io a desIrable, aImospherIc resulI.
Leonard Cohen- Old Ideas
Theres someIhIng almosI depressIng abouI lIsIenIng Io Leonard Cohen
so laIe In hIs years, so depleIed In voIce. And yeI, even Ihough he sounds lIke
crap, Cohen nds a way Io sound good. Old Ideas is a relatively weak album for
Cohen IhaI Iakes enough advanIage oI hIs weaknesses Io make II IorgIvable.
Is lled wIIh deeply spIrIIual lyrIcs, many oI Ihem dealIng wIIh age and deaIh.
The musIc Is mInImalIsI, slow and when Iheres a sIrIng solo, IIs absoluIely
spIne IInglIng. When a song needs IexIure, Cohen provIdes II wIIh hIs voIce or
lyrIcs. I may noI have aged nIcely Irom a IechnIcal aspecI, buI II has developed
a unIquely earnesI Ione IhaI allows hIs words Io hII even harder. He hasnI
been able Io maInIaIn hIs more seducIIve Ione quIIe as well, especIally nexI
Io hIs much, much younger Iemale backup sIngers. ForIunaIely, he only does
IhIs on Iwo Iracks.
Earl Sweatshirt- Home (SIngle}
After over a year in boarding school in Somoa, where he was sent after he
horrIed hIs moIher wIIh hIs bruIal InsIanI-classIc debuI EARL In 2U1U, Ihe
unIhInkably young Earl SweaIshIrI Is back. He oers a very shorI, low-key Irack
Io mark hIs apparenI reIurn Io Ihe U.S. Though hIs Impeccable ow and eorI-
less rhymes (whIch can reIerence anyIhIng Irom ParlIamenI cIgareIIes Io Ia-
vascrIpI} are IurIher prooI oI an undenIable IalenI IhaI exponenIIally exceeds
all oIher Ddd FuIure members, Ihe poor mIxIng qualIIy and clusIerIuck backIng
Irack (noIably noI produced by Tyler, Ihe CreaIor} brIngs down Ihe song as a
whole. NoneIheless, Earl Is sIIll aI Ihe Iop oI hIs rap game here, makIng Ihe
possIbIlIIy oI any IuIure releases sound more promIsIng Ihan ever.
Islands- A Sleep & A Forgetting
A Sleep & A Forgetting shows a newfound subtlety from former Unicorns
IronI man NIcholas Thorburn. Dn hIs IourIh Iull-lengIh wIIh slands, Thorburn
brings out his softer side with an album that combines the best aspects of early
Spoon and recenI DeaIh Cab For CuIIe whIle leavIng Ihe NIkon-and-sundress
aIIIIude oI Ihose bands aI Ihe door. MovIng on Irom Ihe blaIanI IreakIness oI
The UnIcorns and pasI Ihe gImmIcky calypso-pop oI earlIer slands records, A
Sleep & A Forgetting brings some much-needed nuance to the current crop of
garage rockers and DIs currenIly domInaIIng Ihe IndIe landscape. The pIano-
heavy opener n A Dream I Seemed Real InIroduces Ihe record as a major
leap Iorward wIIh a bIIIersweeI, shuIng Ieel IhaI announces Ihe complex-
IIy oI Ihe songs ahead. A Sleep & A Forgetting delivers on its promise with a
careful selection of instrumentationa few horns here and there, an accordion
makesa guest appearance, and a banjo adds a touch of ragtime on the upbeat
Hallwaysas well as a lyrical maturity that puts most indie songwriters to
shame. PuI down Narrow Stairs and lIsIen Io IhIs InsIead.
38
SPORTS February 21, 2012
Knicks were losing pretty badly for a whileso badly
that they were reduced to starting the Asian American team
chemist from Harvard; like when you run out of all your pre-
Ierred boxer brIeIs and are Iorced Io wear your saggy real-
cool-guy-they-used-to-be-red-but-now-are-kind-of-faded-
maroonIsh boxers IhaI rIde up In your panIs lIke youre In
eIghIh grade. CrypI-keeper Amare SIoudemIre was ouI wIIh
a broken hIp, probably, and Carmelo AnIhony had Io y ouI
Io TIbeI Io sIudy Ihe ancIenI arI oI passIng (he sIIll hasnI
reIurned}.
I Iurned ouI IhaI Ihe KnIcks played well In IheIr old box-
ers. Ieremy LIn provIded more ball movemenI, he helped
Ihe Ieam breaIhe. He knows Ihe game lIke you know Ihose
boxers. HIs play Is creaIIve, even II Ihe headlInes arenI.
After the Knicks made a splash in the free agent mar-
keI, we musI ask: Is IR SmIIh a boxer kInd oI guy? Now, m
not a man of speculation, but I know the eyebrow threader
who touched up the brows of the girl that served oatmeal
at the continental breakfast in the hotel JR stayed at in
Canada who is friends with the bellman who saw JR stroll
through with shopping bags from Hugo Boss, a company
IhaI denIIely sells brIeIs. The bellman dIdnI geI a really
good look, but my friend said that he said they were either
socks or brIeIs. ThereIore, SmIIh wears brIeIs.
I will denounce this acquisition even after watching
SmIIh come o Ihe bench Io drop 15 poInIs In 3U mInuIes
oI play. Hes a bad-Iempered, selsh player who has a no-
IorIously Terrell DwensIan ego whIle sharIng Carmelos dIs-
pleasure Ior sharIng Ihe rock. Also, IhIs pIck-up comes In
Ihe mIddle oI a LIn gellIng process. They had played lIke a
bunch oI porIly, mIddle-aged dads Irom Ihe YMCA Ior mosI
oI Ihe season. LIns energy and passIng prowess had Ihe
Knicks playing like a real, live basketball team and Smith
can be Ihe real y In Ihe proverbIal poIaIo salad.
ThaI beIng saId, we could use Ihe depIh In Ihe small
Iorward posIIIon. Ill Walker Is a lousy backup. The only
IhIng IhaI amazes me more Ihan hIs poor play Is hIs oyz
Men haIrsIyle choIces.
shudder Io IhInk oI Ihe day when Melo, Amare and
SmIIh are on Ihe same oor IogeIher. There arenI enough
baskeIballs In Ihe world Io run IhaI oense. The Irade Is es-
senIIally undoIng everyIhIng IhaI LIn had broughI IogeIher
wIIh hIs chemIsIry, maIh and book IhIngs. We could have
had II all, rollIng In Ihe deep.
THE JEREMY LIN
SHOW
by Vincent Barone
SPORTS
39
SIony rooks mens baskeI-
ball team is heading directly for an
American East Conference Champi-
onship and the NCAAs, if their cur-
renI momenIum Is any IndIcaIIon.
Following a defeat by the Uni-
versity of Vermont on February 12,
the Seawolves came right back to
best Northeastern in a decisive 76-
65 wIn on Ihe HuskIes home IurI.
IunIor Tommy renIon orches-
IraIed Ihe oense on SaIurday, kIck-
Ing Ihe Ieams energy InIo hIgh gear
In Ihe second halI. He was one oI
three players to end the game with
double dIgIIs, scorIng 13 poInIs and
adding seven rebounds, seven as-
sists, two blocks and two steals to
Ihe acIIon.
Sophomore guard Dave Coley
matched a career-high of 21 points,
previously set against Boston Uni-
versity in the early days of the sea-
son. SenIor DallIs Ioyner added a
double-double of 10 points and
10 rebounds and remained a sol-
id force inside the paint, making
Northeastern look outside to their
jump shooIers.
The Seawolves, whose record
from the free throw line was a satis-
IacIory 13-15, relIed on IheIr InsIde
game and speed to match the three-
pointers of the Huskies, who went
1U-17 Irom behInd Ihe arc.
Since their February 9 win
agaInsI UMC, Ihe long shoIs have
noI been IallIng Ior SIony rook.
In their game against Vermont, the
Seawolves went a startling 0-15
Irom Ihe Ihree-poInI lIne.
MENS BASKETBALL
ROUND-UP
by Rebecca Tapio
Photos by Tom Johnson
40
OPINION February 21, 2012
Graphic by Matt Willemain
CRAZY PEOPLE PASS A CRAZY BILL by Liz Kaempf
Some backwoods sIaIes In Ihe MIdwesI have managed
to recently pass a little something called the Personhood
Ill. I dIcIaIes IhaI lIIe and Ihe rIghIs IhaI come wIIh II be-
gIn aI concepIIon, when sperm IerIIlIzes an egg. WhaI IhIs
does Is underhandedly ouIlaw aborIIon. I does noI deem II
Illegal, II canI. The legalIzaIIon oI aborIIon Is a Iederal law
and cannoI be overIurned by sIaIe laws. However, II youre
Ihe Dklahoma or MIssourI SenaIe, you nd a way Io sysIem-
aIIcally ban II wIIhouI conIcIIng wIIh Ihe Iederal govern-
menI.
By deciding that conception is the moment a life be-
gins, and thus that the unborn baby has liberties and rights
as declared by the Constitution, abortion would then be-
come a Iorm oI murder. NoI In Ihe way EvangelIcal ChrIs-
tians see it as a murder, but the actual taking of another
persons lIIe agaInsI IheIr wIll. ThIs Includes cases oI abor-
tion in which the woman becomes pregnant as the result of
rape or IncesI.
Allow me Io backIrack Ior a momenI. Long ago, only
whIIe males were permIIIed IheIr cIvIl rIghIs. They goI Io
eaI all Ihe cookIes In Ihe cookIe jar. uI Ihen enough people
Iook acIIon and InIIIaIIve IhaI Ihose whIIe males nally had
Io share IheIr cookIes wIIh Ihe resI oI us. Now IhaI we are
all created equal, that means a woman has the right to
make informed and appropriate decisions regarding her
own bodya group of Bible-thumping men cannot do that
Ior her.
Is absurd IhaI II a woman has Ihe unIorIunaIe expe-
rIence oI beIng physIcally and sexually assaulIed and be-
comes pregnant as a result that she has to live with that
Ior Ihe resI oI her lIIe. Sure, men can be sexually assaulIed
Ioo, buI Ihey donI wInd up carryIng a small human InsIde
of their belly for nine months if the person who raped them
IorgoI Ihe courIesy oI a condom.
A mother may always love her child, but is it fair to
force her to live with something that will always be a con-
stant reminder of the day a man thought it would be fun to
IormenI, maIm and scar her? Then II Iurns InIo an epIsode
OPINION
41
People Ior Ihe EIhIcal TreaImenI oI AnImals, more com-
monly known as PETA, named ve SeaWorld orcas as plaIn-
IIs In a lawsuII earlIer IhIs monIh, conIendIng IhaI anImals
have the same constitutional rights against slavery that hu-
mans have.
U.S. DIsIrIcI Iudge Ierey MIller In San DIego dIsmIssed
the case, writing, the only reasonable interpretation of the
ThIrIeenIh AmendmenIs plaIn language Is IhaI II applIes Io
persons, and noI Io non-persons such as orcas.
As someone who generally disagrees with the stances
oI PETA, have Io admII, In IhIs case Ihey have a poInI.
PETAs aIIorney, Ierey Kerr, Iold Ihe +XQJWRQ 3RVW
IhaI Ihe lawsuII sIemmed Irom Ihe organIzaIIons belIeI
IhaI slavery doesnI depend upon Ihe specIes oI Ihe slave,
any more than it depends upon the race, gender or ethnic-
IIy oI Ihe slave. SeaWorlds aIIempIs Io deny [orcas] Ihe
protection solely based on their species is the same kind of
prejudIce used Io jusIIIy any enslavemenI.
y Ihe reasonIng oI Ihe honorable Iudge MIller, our
own species, Homo sapiens, are the only ones who cannot
legally be enslaved or kepI In condIIIons oI slavery. WhIle
this logic is sound as long as we are at the top of the food
chain, what will this mean for future lifeforms we encoun-
ter?
WhaI oI Ihe KlIngon, Ihe org, Ihe Vulcan? WhaI oI Ihe
Racnoss, Ihe Dod, Ihe SonIarans? (A Star Wars reference
should go here, buI seen Ihe EpIsodes, have noI.}
WIIh Ihe advancemenIs In InIerspace Iravel beIng
made in our time and those of times to come, how can one
man decIde IhaI only one specIes In exIsIence has Ihe rIghI
to basic freedoms?
Do none oI Ihe advanced races ve menIIoned above,
wIIh IheIr complex culIures, economIc sysIems and lan-
guages, deserve the same courtesy?
Have we the right to dismiss the happiness and well-
beIng oI oIher specIes Ior our own personal gaIn? We may
soon have Io Iace Ihese quesIIons dIrecIly, as ScIenIIc
American has reported on a planet that is not only close to
our own solar sysIem, buI In Ihe habIIable zone oI IIs par-
enI sIar.
There could be lIIe as close, accordIng Io Ihe magazIne,
as a mere 22 light years away from Earth, in the constel-
laIIon ScorpIus.
TwenIy-Iwo lIghI years? The duraIIon oI a IrIp IhaI dIs-
tance is virtually no time in comparison with how long the
unIverse has exIsIed, accordIng Io our human esIImaIIons.
And so we must consider, if we deny basic rights to the
mere creatures of our planet, down to the tiniest termite
In IIs mound In AIrIca, how wIll we reacI when we nd Ihe
gIanI scorpIons lIvIng In ScorpIus IhaI wIll probably y and
have highly developed speech patterns, and who will ob-
viously want to mate with us because our species is awe-
some?
AI Ihe raIe were goIng, well probably jusI blow Ihem
up wIIh a couple oI nuclear weapons.
KIll II wIIh re.
PETA PICKS UP WHERE LINCOLN LEFT OFF
by Rebecca Tapio
GIVES FREE WILLY A WHOLE NEW MEANING
of Decisiones Extremas, a Spanish telenovela, in which the
mother calls her daughter a child of sin her whole life be-
cause she was born ouI oI rape.
m a nIce ChrIsIIan gIrl wIIh nIce ChrIsIIan belIeIs,
but at no point do I take it upon myself to impose them
on oIhers. You can use Ihe Ible Io deIend mosI anyIhIng.
It seems to condone slavery, no? And sodomy too? But it
never deIermInes Ihe begInnIng oI lIIe. n Ihe second cre-
aIIon sIory, humans arenI alIve unIIl lIIe Is breaIhed InIo
Ihem. You could say IhaI means a baby Is noI consIdered
lIvIng unIIl II Is breaIhIng on IIs own ouIsIde oI IIs moIhers
womb.
Long sIory shorI, Ihe Personhood Ill Is some kInd oI
Iemporary InsanIIy. Much lIke Ihe InIervIew wIIh KaIIe
CourIc In whIch Sarah PalIn saId she wouldnI leI her own
daughter have an abortion even if she were raped; that
kInd oI InsanIIy. And ll be damned II IhIs comes Io New
York and by some happensIance nd myselI In need oI a
boIched TIjuana cloIhes hanger aborIIon. No bueno.
AA E-ZINE February 21, 2012
AA E-ZINE

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