Title: FAP Category: Books Twilight Author: 107yearoldvirgin Language: English, Rating: Rated: M Genre: Humor/Romance Published: 02-19-11,

, Updated: 03-22-11 Chapters: 18, Words: 54,320

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

A/N: SM would be ashamed with what I am about to do with her beloved character's names...

Chapter 1

BPOV It was as if my fingers were made of lead, wrapped together with twist ties and sealed over the top with Super Glue. I couldn't type. My eyes felt like they were bleeding and full of fiberglass due to the amount of time spent at my computer staring at the same passage over and over again. Maybe if I started from the top and read it through, inspiration would strike again? I was desperate for it, because I'd given myself a certain amount of time to write the first twenty chapters of my novel, andit just didn't seem to be happening. Either I had developed the worst case of writer's block in historyor I was going to have to trash everything and start over. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and counted to ten before opening them and reading through the beginning of the chapter again. My heroine was sitting by the sea, waiting for her lost lover to return from a voyage that had ended presumably in his death. She was sad and heartbroken thinking that he'd never return Irina sighed and laid her back against the cold, damp sand, watching her hair rise and fall with the wind coming off of the sea. She closed her eyes and imagined him there, walking towards her from the foggy shoreline. His rippling chest muscles beneath tattered clothing. Eyes as dark as the stormy ocean waves that had been rumored to have taken his life. She turned her body sideways to curl her legs into her chest, her hands gliding across the bodice that held her together so tightly, allowing her bountiful breasts to spill from the top, her pink pebbled love buttons threatening to pop out of their rigid home. She shivered at the thought of his lips there, the memory lingering after so many lonely months. "Laurent," she whispered, knowing that her words would be swallowed by the sound of waves. Her mind fought through her sadness to pull the images of him, naked and warm beneath her the night before he boarded his vessel. She'd kissed him with as much fervor as she could muster, letting herself become lost in his touch. Her hands trailed over her breasts as she remembered his lips kissing her hungrily. With one firm tug, she pulled the bodice lower and allowed the salty sea air to assault her already aching nubs. A moan left her mouth as she caressed a thumb over each and shuddered visibly.

He'd taken that bodice in his hands and ripped it apart, allowing her hefty bosom to bounce in his face. He had smiled and licked all over her pale, white skin, making her thrash about in ecstasy as she was brought to the pinnacle of passion by his mouth on her chest. As the memory took hold, she allowed herself to sink her feet into the sand, her knees widening beneath her gauzy skirt as her hands drifted lower across her abdomen and between her thighs. She let her mouth fall open as her fingers pressed the delicate center of her aroused flower. Her moans became louder as she conjured up more memories of her beloved Laurent pressing his turgid manhood into her lustily and filling her so thoroughly that she ached and felt split in two. "Finish with me," he'd growled as he picked up his pace, throwing her to her back and assaulting her breasts again and again until she did reach her climax and was sent soaring into the stratosphere as everything went black and her body went limp under his. Irina cried out at the release as it washed over her again at the thoughts that had invaded her mind. She felt herself let go and her fingers stopped their ministrations, now silky wet with her expulsion. As she came down from her high, she began to sob, feeling as though she had betrayed him by pleasing herself when she should have been grieving. ... ... I stared at the screen and sighed. I was stuck. "Bella?" With a groan, I closed my laptop and scooted away from the desk. "Bellaaaa?" "Coming, James," I called as cheerfully as I could. The older gentleman that I cared for during the day usually slept a little later than three, but he was up and about so it was my job to help him after his nap. James was propped up on his bed, his arms folded across his chest as he waited for me to appear in his doorway. A naughty smirk crossed his wrinkled face as he gave me a wink. "You gonna give an old man his dying wish and crawl in between the sheets with me today, babyface?" He wiggled his white eyebrows and gave a kissy noise while I scrunched my nose and rolled my eyes. "Not if you were the last man on Earth and your ball bags held enough man batter to repopulate the planet," I retorted with a snicker. He laughed loudly and slapped his knee. "That's my girl. I'll leave you a five dollar bill in my Will" Now that probably wasn't a joke. The old coot was always going on about how much it cost him to have inhome care. I wouldn't be surprised if I actually ended up having to chip in for his funeral when he finally decided he'd had enough of his time in the bed he'd been restricted to. Sometimes I could get him into his wheelchair and take him on walks around his property, but the weather in Washington was so murky as it was, that the majority of his time was spent sleeping, reading or watching television.

The job was easy because of that fact. I cleaned bedpans and helped him shift from side to side to eliminate bedsores. Otherwise, he kept to himself and I kept his house clean until his daughter, Bree, would come home from work to take over for the evening. It really worked out to my advantage to have a day job that left me open to do as I wished. I was allowed to write as much as I could fit into the hours of my day, and then I went to some classes at the Community College at night three times a week to work towards my degree in English. I'd failed a few classes and lost my financial assistance, so I'd had to make the decision to come back home and get a job. It was time to knuckle down and go to the local college and find my focus. I figured having a degree would help me look more credible when I started sending out my manuscript to publishing houses. After all, only a few writers that I knew of had made it big without having a degree behind them. I didn't want to risk that chance. The rest of the day went by in a blur and by the time Bree showed up, I was running late for my class. She gave me her usual apologies about traffic and being held up at work. And I knew I couldn't really be upset about it because she was doing her best to care for her father in his old age. She probably didn't want to rush home to care for him anymore than I wanted to wipe his ass on a daily basis. Bree and I understood each other to that extent. I waved goodbye to her, telling her that I thought her new hair cut looked nice, even though she had been much more attractive with longer brown hair than the shorter, shoulder length black-dyed-bob she had acquired during her lunch hour. Bree had probably been attractive at one point in her life, but the death of her mother, Victoria, had been very traumatic for her. Add on caring for her ailing father and the lack of any type of social life, and the result was that Bree had become a shell of the woman she could have been if her life had taken a different turn. At the rate I was going, my life might end up much the same as hers Pushing that thought from my mind, I headed towards the campus and ducked into my class ten minutes late. Slipping through the door as quietly as possible, I climbed onto the only empty stool at the high tables that were afforded to us for the lab. Professor Gerandy simply gave me a dirty look and turned back to the whiteboard, raking his green marker noisily over the board and making my eyes squint each time he dotted an 'I'. "Bunny." My shoulders stiffened and I pulled my laptop from its bag, placing it on the table instead of responding. "Bunny. BunnehBunnehBunnybunnybunnybunny" I shot a dirty look his way and glared. "Stop calling me that, you immature prick." His eyes widened and he snapped his teeth together happily, his gum popping and crackling in his back teeth. "You love it." "Never have, 'Wardo." I opened my laptop, shielding my face from his. Edward Masen's long fingers appeared over the top of my screen and he folded it down from his side of the table. Green eyes twinkled with mischief as he popped another bubble. "I just wanted to borrow a pencil. You don't have to be such a bitch."

Rolling my eyes, I sighed and dug around in my book bag, pulling out a mechanical pencil and handing it to him without looking his way. "Sorry. I'm just going off of all of my other interactions with you for the past ten years. You're usually an asshole. Call it a Pavlovian response to your voice," I trailed off and put my attention to the professor as he droned on. Just as I felt my eyes starting to droop, Gerandy dropped a bomb on us. "Partner up. Lab is due in two weeks." He waved some papers around and handed them out as people began to slide their stools together. In a panic, I turned around to look for someone to couple up with and was met with the amused laugh of Edward Mindfuck Masen. "Jesus," I muttered under my breath. Edward waved for the papers from Gerandy, never dropping his eyes from my irritated face. Once he had them in his hands, he scooted his stool over to mine and slapped the copies down on the tabletop. "I have to pee," I sighed and slipped off of my chair to head to the bathroom. Substantial space from Edward was needed at that moment before I hauled off and hit him upside the head. I decided to take a moment to settle down in the girl's room. No one in this entire world could fluster me as badly as he could. I'd known it since I was ten years old. And while I was surprised to find him in my class on our first day, I'd had every intention of letting sleeping dogs lie and giving him the benefit of the doubt about having grown up in the three years since we'd graduated. Within the first minute he'd called me Bunny and I knew he'd never change. I'd been an idiot to think otherwise. But having him as a lab partner? Ugh. If I believed in Karma, then it would lead me to believe that I was getting pay back for some severely reprehensible crime at the moment. Maybe I had known where Jimmy Hoffa was buried and never told the cops With a huge sigh, I washed my hands in the sink and re-secured my ponytail, making sure there were no bumps on the crown of my head. I swiped at the dark rings under my eyes, laughing a little when I realized that they weren't caused by runny makeup. Just by my own self-doubt eating me alive from the inside out. One last glance at my tired brown eyes in the mirror and I pushed away from the sink, shuffling into the hallway and down the corridor towards the lab room again. Pulling my sweatshirt down over my hands, I bunched the material in my fists and opened the door with my foot to step inside. Which is when I stopped dead in my tracks. Edward was hunched over my computer, his face pressed close to the screen and his hand clutching the back of his bright red neck. My heart stopped and then restarted thunderously as I darted towards him and grabbed my computer from his shaking hand. His eyes lifted to mine, wet with tears and laughter as he released his neck and offered up both hands in innocence. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I seethed, noting that he was indeed looking at my story. "This is private property and you could go to jail"

He choked on his laughter and ran a hand through his wayward dark-honey-colored locks. The front stood on end as he chuckled, gasping for breath. "Oh, Bunny Swan" he started, shaking his head as if he were disappointed. "Do your parents know what kind of a sexual deviant you are?"

A/N: So...Every time I have attempted to write a fluffy story, it's gone in another direction. Somehow body issues or serial killers show up and I get all caught up in this stuff that I never intended to. This time around, I wanted to do something different. I'm hoping FAP is it. There are no morals to the story, here. No one has anything wrong with them or a horrendous back story. No hurdles to get through except their own idiocy. This Edward is a dirty talking bad boy who wants the sex from Bella. In all reality, there isn't anything remotely related to Twilight in this fic. Just the names are the same. No sly winks or nods toward canon. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and going balls to the wall with raunchy humor and gratuitous sex. If you're in...awesome. If not, that's cool too. I just wanted to try my hand at something that would force me to think outside of my own self created box...And trust me when I say that writing that AWFUL smut up there was way harder than I thought it would be! Much love goes out to Katmom for beta'ing for me, regardless of the way I plan to execute this story line; APM, Fanny and KitsuShel for pre-reading and making me feel like it was worth posting. Yeah, I love them. HARD. Posting should be every Wed and Saturday. 'Cuz the chaps are short... Reviews are better than Edward reading your terrible Harlequin novels out loud.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

A/N: SM would be ashamed with what I am planning to do with her beloved character's names... Urbandictionary defines Fap as: The onomatopoeic representation of masturbation. Often used to suggest that something is attractive. i.e. "Did you see those Natalie Portman pics? *fap fap fap*"

Chapter 2

BPOV I moved to Washington in fifth grade. Trust me when I say that I still remember it like it was yesterday. Growing up in a military family made us nomads of sorts, since my father was in the Air Force, as was my grandfather. My mom went to school on base and once she and my dad made goo-goo eyes at each other by the pool, it was all over. They married while she was still in high school and then BAM baby Bella.

Being that they were used to moving around so much, we never really settled down until I was in fifth grade. Half of the school year was already over by the time I walked into that classroom. I remember that my outfit didn't match. And I also remember that the first person I laid eyes on was Edward Masen. He was adorable with his untamed hair, chubby cheeks and a devious look in his eyes. I noticed that he had one foot propped up on his desk as he looked me over like a piece of meat. Like a ten year old bad ass. I'd taken my seat next to a tiny redhead who promptly told me to steer clear of him. By the next day she told me that Edward had been telling people on the playground that he was going to make me his. Fat chance. I was nobody's, much less some guy who hadn't even introduced himself to me. Little Red ended up being a plethora of gossip and would give me daily accounts of when Edward was looking at me, and what he had said about me. By the second week that I had been there, I had had enough. Edward was standing off to the side of the playground in an open field, beyond the perimeter where the rest of the kids were playing. I'd made my way over to him and stood by his side while he looked at the woods just beyond the fence we had to stay in, his hands stuck in his jeans pockets and a far away look in his eyes. "Quit telling people you want to have sex with me," I told him quietly. He'd turned and given me a look with one eyebrow raised. "My mom says that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. You shouldn't be ashamed of sex." My eyes were probably popping out of my head at that point because I remember making a sound like I was going to throw up and I made a face at him before declaring that he was gross and running off to join the rest of the class before P.E. After that, Edward became Edweirdo and eventually just became 'Wardo. It was necessary to have something to call him when he would start the 'Bunny' shit. His house was within walking distance to mine, and we would ride the bus together whenever my mom couldn't pick me up. My dad had decided to join the police force and she took a job as a secretary part time just to get out of the house. My mother, Renee, has always been easily boredfiling paperwork and getting people coffee seemed to fill up her days and make her feel useful. She wasn't always reliable, but Edward was. He was always just there. That boy was a staple of my childhood, always in my classes, walking down the hallways or riding the bus. I knew he made remarks about me when I started getting boobs. I saw him staring at me from the end of the lunch table. He was everywhere and nowhere all at once. A constant buzzing in my brain or hum in my ear. By the time middle school rolled around, I was trying to fit in the best that I knew how. Edward and I knew each other, but we never hung out. And I guess being seen with him would have ruined what little credibility I did have within my classes. I wanted to make good grades. I wanted to be popular. He wanted to talk about tits all day and get in fights.

But he never really gave up. And after a while, we kind of fell into a habit of talking to one another, but only when no one else was around. That is, until the day of our school skate night. There, in front of the entire school it seemed, he skated by me with his hand stretched out and yelled, "Marry me!" I wanted to die. The other girls in my class fell all over themselves at my embarrassment and I was mortified beyond all belief, running off to the bathroom to lock myself away until I disappeared down the toilet. And then I heard some girls come in and they started talking about how cute Edward was and how they liked bad boys like he was and suddenly I understood the stigma attached to him. He'd always been good looking. I'd always actually liked him. But if those other idiots were going to go after him, then I was going to get to him first. After all, he'd already staked his claim on me years before I pushed my way out of the bathroom in those stupid skates, across the hard floor and onto the carpet before I stumbled out onto the rink and circled around to find him chilling out on one of the benches in a dark corner. Watching me. It was like he was always watching me. Coming to rest next to him, I plopped down and let my feet stretch out in front of me, the wheels of my skates dragging along the carpet as we watched the lights dance across the floor. "You really wanna be my boyfriend?" I asked him over the music. "Duh. That's why I asked you," he laughed like I was an idiot. I took a deep breath and leaned forward so that no one could see my face. "Fine." He cocked an eyebrow at me again. "Serious?" "Yes. Nowleave me alone," I giggled and stood up to skate away from him. Less than thirty minutes later, my mom was picking me up. Less than five minutes after that, Little Red, who had been bumming a ride that night, revealed that I had a boyfriend. Thirty seconds later, I no longer had a boyfriend and was told that I needed to break the news to Edward the following day. Talk about a nervous wreck. I avoided him until lunch the next day and he walked by me to flip my hair before taking his regular seat at the far end of the table. When we were dismissed, he sauntered by me with his tray and I blurted out, "I'm not your girlfriend." He just laughed and muttered, "Yeah, I know." So we did this little dance for a while. I knew he liked me. He knew I hated to like him. And somehow, he found out my addressso on a Saturday while I was eating Cheerios in my room and watching the VH1 Countdown, our doorbell rang. I heard my mom open the door and a slightly deep voice answered her before she responded and closed the door again. "Who was that?" I asked, turning the corner and holding my t-shirt over my thighs to cover my underwear. My mom shrugged. "Edward Masen? He came over and asked if you couldcome out to play." My face instantly turned bright red. "So, you told him to leave?"

She laughed. "I told him you weren't dressed and to come back later." My hands flew to my face and I screamed, "Why would you tell the school pervert that I was naked?" Running to my room, I slammed the door and curled into the fetal position, knowing damn good and well that the cocky bastard was walking home to think about me without any clothes on That summer he called me once or twice, but it felt weird, and he would say strange shit, like, he was throwing pocketknives at his wall. Or his walls were made of carpet. I imagined him in a dimly lit cell looking room, throwing knives at walls covered in puke green colored shag. Eventually, the phone calls stopped, or I stopped answering. I'm not a hundred percent sure, anymore, really. By the time we made it to high school, he was hanging with a completely different crowd than I was. I was academic and trying to find my place. He was with the stoners and showing up to school whenever he felt like it. He may or may not have been the one to make a nasty fart sound when one of the cheerleaders was thrown into the air and did a spread eagle. He may or may not have been suspended for it. He may or may not have been single handedly to blame for the school not being allowed to have any more pep rallies that year For some reason, I was secondhand embarrassed for him. Possibly for myself, too. Because with as much as we didn't hang out, the rest of our class knew that he and I had a bit of a history, so whenever someone mentioned his name I got the side-eye. And I hated it. Eventually I found a group of friends through Drama and built up my own little world that way; ignoring those that thought they were better than me, and those that didn't travel within the same circles that I did. Halfway through my tenth grade year, my inner circle turned on me like a pack of hyenas and I was left scrambling for new friends. I had a crush on a senior, but he barely even knew my name. Regardless of that fact, I wanted nothing more than for him to take me to Prom. Instead, he ended up going with one of my closest friends who already had an older boyfriend that didn't want to take her. And since I only had eyes for the one guy, and hadn't given anyone else the time of day, it led me to be dateless for my Junior Promand wouldn't you know it? One of my Drama friends just happened to have a brother that wouldn't mind taking me to Prom. How was I supposed to know that Alice Cullen was the stepsister of Edward Masen? I didn't. But when I accepted, he was been cocksure, thinking it was all kinds of funny. Then he showed up late to pick me up because his car had gotten a flat tire and he'd changed it in his tux. His white tux. The same white tux that he had gotten oily black shit on. My parents were less than impressed. Yet, we had fun at the dance and he humored me with the YMCA and some other stupid dances that went with songs. Then, halfway through the night, he disappeared and I was left wandering around before I noticed that there were glass double doors leading out to a patiowhere he was outside smoking. Yeah, it pissed me off. So the night ended with us at a friend's houseme downstairs bundled in a sleeping bag at midnight, and him in the hot tub with god knows who, drinking god knows what, until god knows when, and having Alice drop me off at home the next morning because he had a hangover. We definitely went our separate ways after that point. His mom and Alice's dad ended up getting divorced our senior year. Alice moved in with me for a whileand after graduation, I just forgot all about Edward Masen. I went to college. And then I came back home to try and rectify my life.

When I lost my financial aid, it became important for me to find a job so that I could pay for my own classes. But it also meant moving back home when everyone else I ever knew was still away at the universities of their choice. It felt like failure. So, I made a point to get a place of my own. And I started writing online. After a few months, I began getting really good feedback from people. And by the time I'd written my third fiction, my friends online were telling me to get my own stuff published. At that point I had my own blog and FaceBook page. I'd won a couple of awards. My Twitter account was being followed by large numbers. It felt great. It felt like I was accomplishing something. Finally. So, before I had a chance to chicken out I did it. I took the plunge and I started my book. The same book that was now making me feel inadequate. The same book that was causing me to have panic attacks because I couldn't find the right words and tone to move forward with it. The same fucking book that 'Wardo Masen was laughing hysterically at in the middle of our college Bio lab that we were supposed to be partnered in. My face must have been as red as Elizabeth Berkley's tits in Showgirls. "I hate you," I told him with as much passion as I had in my body. "How dare you look at my privateshitand judge me? You don't even know me, 'War-do. So. Fuck. Off." He let out a low whistle and leaned in so that he could breathe next to my ear. "You are a dirty girl, huh?" "Shut up," I mumbled, my face ablaze. Edward leaned back and settled against the table, knees open and eyes raking me over. "Too bad you can't write sex for shit." I flipped him off and grabbed the rest of my things to leave, not even caring that the class wasn't over yet. He'd essentially confirmed my greatest fear. And I wasn't about to let him see me cry.

A/N: Ah, man. I know I said Wednesday...but...Michelle over at The Lemonade Stand promised to run around naked if I posted tonight. And Sue got a new FB page. Plus, Colleen/Lisa/Loretta/Jess wanted me to. And Jamster's getting snow. Anyway. I posted ch 2 early. So, lets just say that there is not update schedule...mmkay? That way, I can just post these puppies when I wanna. Which should be pretty often. A billion thanks to Katmom for the super fast beta work. Love to APM, Fanny and Kitsushel for prereading and at least pretending to like what they see. Heh. And to all of YOU who are reading! Dirty talk starts next chap. And the chapter is done. It just needs to be beta'd. *shakes head*I'm so in over my head right now. Reviews are better than Wardo calling you a dirty girl...

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

A/N: Is it okay to stop putting these disclaimers up here, now? This story goes out to all the wusspervs. (Yeah, I'm lookin' at you, Darnell) The following chapter is not meant to offend any virgin writers of smut. It's just...not. So, don't get offended. Also, I'd like to dedicate today's chapter to the memory of Uber_Vamp, who was a huge supporter and one of my fave Tweet friends. She will be missed greatly.

Chapter 3

BPOV After a terrible night of sleeplessness, thanks to that asshole, 'Wardoand a day of James battling an epic case of sharts from Hell, I finally made it to my first night class. Only to find that it had been canceled. Last minute canceled classes were probably a lot like surprise butt sex. Painful and shocking. Probably left you with a headache and a pain in the ass. Not that I would know Trudging back to my broke ass truck, I was cursing under my breath and threatening castration of my English professor when the smell of a cigarette caused me to pause with my keys in my hand. Edward Masen was sitting on the roof of my vehicle. Smoking like a freight train. And was heyeah. The douche was sitting all criss-cross-applesauce in his jeans and leather jacket. "Get off my truck before I get a restraining order," I called out to him from a few feet away. The wind had started to pick up and my hair was blowing in my eyes, causing me to swat at it every three seconds as I attempted to give him a bitchface so powerful that his nuts fell out of his jeans like shriveled up raisins. "Your hostility is only confirming my suspicions, you know," he taunted me, flicking his cigarette butt down to the ground below. It caught in a gust of wind and darted by his knee, making him lean back a little too quickly. I snorted as he lost his balance and went shoulders first into the bed of my truck. He moaned and rolled to his side, popping up quickly and brushing his leather jacket off with a look of amusement on his face. I rolled my eyes and shoved my hair behind my ears as I attempted to unlock the driver's side door. "What suspicions are you talking about, you moron?" He laughed and jumped out of the back of my truck, sending it bouncing in the process. "You have another class tonight, right?" he asked, sniffling a little at the cold air as it hit his nose, wiping his sleeve over his top lip and bouncing on his toes as he waited for my answer.

My face must have portrayed my irritation because he took a small step back. "How do you know my schedule?" I asked giving him a raised eyebrow much like the one he'd sported for over a decade. Edward made a face, shrugging his shoulders and looking across the parking lot to avoid my gaze. "Let's not get into specifics. You have another class. I know. You know. Let's leave it at that." My eyebrow stayed in the arched position. He sighed and cleared his throat, reaching for another cigarette. Turning to light it, he exhaled a long steady stream of white smoke from his nose while he re-pocketed his lighter. "I've been thinking about your shitty story." "Go to Hell." "No, really," he laughed and took another drag, exhaling in a slow manner, letting the white tendrils curl upwards towards his eyes. "Your story is really, really awful." The last word came out in a cough of laughter. "Probably the worst I've ever read. And Alice used to read that shit with Fabio on the cover, so I know bad when I see it. Yours is a whole new level of terrible. Whole. New. Level." My patience was already wearing thin. "I'm not kidding when I say that I can kill you and bury your body in a place that no one will ever find you. I have connections." Edward stepped in front of me and held his hands up to stop me from walking forward. There was an evil glint in his eyes as he took one long drag from the stick. Flicking the remaining butt into the damp grass, he grinned with his head bent forward. "You're a virgin, right?" "Oh, fuck off," I yelled and pushed him aside with my forearm, stomping away from him to get back inside the building. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible. Hopefully to a more populated place where I could get lost and he couldn't find me. Except, most people were in class. Shit. His cold hand wrapped around my wrist and he twirled me back towards him, landing my chest flush with his. I gasped as his face lowered to just above my own. "Listen, Bunny. I knowjust admit that you've never had cock and we can get on with this." I snorted in a very unlady-like way, watching the bitter wind wrap my hair around his head and ears as I stared into his eyes. "Sorry, 'Wardo. I lost my v-card in college to Mike Newton. Soyou're about two years too late. Give or take." He blinked in surprise. "The Mathlete? That Newton?" I nodded and pursed my lips. "The very same." Edward exhaled long and soft as his curious eyes held mine. "How was it?" "In. Out. Back of a car. Just how I wanted it." I shrugged. He shook his head. "See? That right there. That's the problem. You've never been properly fucked." My eyes bugged out of my head. "Say what?"

With a sigh, he released my arms. "Your story sucks because it's false. No one wants to read that shit because it's not real. Hell, it's barely even fantasy. You have nothing to go off of. The best advice a writer can have is to write what they know. And you know jack shit about sex." My mouth dropped open. He leaned forward and smirked. "Am I right?" I believe my awesome response was, "pffffff." Edward laughed again, releasing my arms and taking a step back. "Why are you writing this, anyway? Did you lose a bet?" "I'll have you know that I'm kind of a big deal in some online fiction circles. I have thousands of reviews and people telling me every single day that I should write my own shit. Every. Single. Day. Sothat's why. Okay? Because these women online say that I'm good enough and they would buy my 'shitty romance', as you so delicately call it!" My voice had reached dog-only-hearing status and I clamped my hands over my mouth, mortified. Sliding my eyes from side to side, I checked to see if anyone else had heard me lose my mind. Apparently not. Taking a step back, he tsked, shaking his head from side to side. "You essentially write porn. You know that, right?" I gave him the stink-eye. "No, really. Women are getting off on your words. Wet panties. Vibrators handy. Husbands confused as to why they suddenly want to be tied up or spanked. You're writing fap fiction." He fucking smirked. "They're going to know you're a fraud from the get-go, Bunny. If you don't actually know what you're talking about, they will devour you like a pack of hungry wolves." "It's fan fiction. And my smut is fine," I whispered without conviction. Was he right? Could I not finish my chapter because I was being a fraud? "No. Your porn is bad. You suck at it. I'm sorry, but no one talks like that. Ripping bodices. Love buttons. Pink pebbled peaks and shit? They're nipples, for God's sake. Nipples." His fingers pressed into my cheeks and he made my lips poke out like a duck. "Say it. Nip. Ples." Squirming away from him, I pushed him as far from my body as possible. "It's romantic. Women love it." His laugh was hollow. "You've read so much of it, you're brainwashed." Stepping closer, he dropped his voice to a whisper and pressed his lips to my ear. "Did you even come with Mathlete Mike?" I pushed him away and pressed my back against the brick wall of the building we had finally reached in our advancement during our conversation. "It was more convenience than anything." "Like a business wager?" Edward pressed his lips together to stop his guffaw.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed and pressed my head to the wall behind me. "It was convenient. Needed to be done. Happened. End of story." There was a long pause as he contemplated my answer, looking up into the dark sky with reflection etched in his smooth features. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally met my gaze once again. "Youhave no damn idea what it's like to have a man inside of you." He stepped closer and I held my breath as his palms came to rest on my sides. His voice dropped to a low rumble as his nose moved my hair away from my ear and he leaned in to whisper. "If you really want to succeed with your novel," his fingers twitched and pressed into my tender flesh, "you need to feel what you want to write about. How it feels to have a man use his hands" another twitch of his fingers. "His mouth," a light brush of his lips against my cheek. "His cock inside of you" He stepped closer and my eyes squeezed closed as the front of his jeans brushed across my own zipper. I gasped when I felt his hands lower to the belt loop of my jeans. "I can help you, Bunny Swan." His breath was warm in my ear and I pressed my lips together to stop myself from moaning as he pushed in closer to me, squishing my breasts against his chest firmly. "Do you want to know what it feels like to really, really come?" My chest rose and fell in a rush of fear and excitement. "Do you want to know what it's like to be so wet that you feel like you could die if you don't get fucked properly?" Without any thought, my hands gripped his leather jacket tightly in my fists and pulled him closer. "Let me guess. You're offering your services?" His chuckle caused the hair on my arms to stand up. "Anything to help you obtain your dreams of being a real," he exhaled softly in my ear, "honest to God," his tongue darted out quickly and made me gasp, "writer" Unknowingly, I had been arching my back against the wall and angling my chest into him, my thighs rubbing together minutely. I closed my eyes as a shudder ran through me. "And what do you get out if it?" Pulling back a little, he looked me in the eye. "Are you kidding? I get to help pull that stick out of your ass" he wiggled his eyebrows, "and maybe put something else in it." "Ugh. You are a demented asshole," I sighed and started to push him away, but he held fast. "It can be for research purposes. Don't you want to be the best literary porn pusher there is? Don't you want to succeed?" His smirk was back. But he had a point. "Research purposes" "Yeah. So your writing will definitely be authentic." I watched his eyes roam my face as I thought it over. "For authentication purposes." My heart was about to burst out of my chest and I was sure that my vag was going to catch a cold from the damp home it was now in and the wind trying to claw its way through my jeans. He smiled wide and closed his eyes as he repeated what I said. "For authentication purposes. Yeah. I like it." Opening his eyelids he grinned even wider. "We can shorten that to f.a.p." A laugh escaped his throat.

"Why are you laughing?" Edward shook his head and stepped back. "No reason. You just let me know when you want to start fapping. I'm at your service." I sighed, feeling confused and turned on and still seriously irritated at the whole situation. "Meet me after class. We'll go to my apartment." He popped a piece of gum in his mouth and nodded, amused. "Sure thing, Bunny. Fap you later." With a chuckle, he turned and shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and walked back towards the parking lot. Edward Masen and I had just made an agreement. He was going to have sex with me. And I was going to let him. I was going to be so fucked. In more ways than one.

A/N: "Fap You Later" is sole property of Fanny LeMikehuntisnotsorryshannon. Copyright 2010/ via Myshitdon'tstink (dot) com. (I have a t-shirt signed by JRath to prove it.) Team Criss Cross Applesauce: Fanny, APM, Kitsushel and Katmom. They pwn. FAQs answered below: Umm, for those asking: YES, the nickname 'Wardo is an homage to Andrew Garfield (heretofore referred to only as Garfi) in The Social Network. Because I love him. And I loved him before you did. (insert epic stink-eye) Yes, Bunny is an annoying as shit nickname. The origin will be revealed in *checks outline* Oh! Chapter 4. Sweet. It's being used for a reason. Promise. If you'd like to think of actors during the reading of FAP, I have my 'brain movie' cast below: Edward: Always Rob Bella: KStew Alice: Ellen Page Jasper: Jesse Eisenberg Emmett: Andrew Garfield Rosalie: Emma Stone (the blond SpiderMan version) Garrett: James Franco Bree: Selma Blair

James: Stan Lee (Seriously. Google 'Feisty Old Man' and SL comes up first - LOLOLOL) I'm hoping to have character cards created for them on my blog this week. Reviews are better than 'Wardo offering you his services...(except you, Cullenosopy. He just wants to have a beer with you, dude)

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

A/N: It's safe to say SM would be ashamed of me for using her characters this way.

Chapter 4

BPOV Edward followed me back to my apartment after school, and I tried to calm my nerves as he tailed my ass so closely it was as if he were sitting in the bed of my truck instead of his own car. Sitting through that class had been sheer torture as I tried to figure out exactly how everything would go down once we made it to my place. The anticipation was making me nauseous. And excited Once at the apartment, I barely waited for him to get out of his seat before I headed straight inside and up two flights of stairs to my floor. With shaky hands, I threw my front door open, stepped to the side, and as soon as Edward crossed the threshold, I grabbed the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. Up on my tiptoes, I watched from my periphery as the door swung shut and cloaked us in darkness. With every ounce of confidence I had in myself, I pressed my lips to his and kissed the hell out of him. The fucker laughed. "What are you doing?" he whispered through his chuckling. My lips were still pressing to his as I huffed. "This was the plan, right?" Gently, he pushed back and slipped away from me to fumble around for a light switch. A click later left us bathed in the ugly yellow glow of the overhead kitchen light, making the situation all too real. I was in my apartment. With Edward Masen. To have sex. "I need a drink. Do you need a drink?" My hands flailed about my face as I brushed by him to retrieve some tequila from the freezer.

He leaned on the bar that was facing my fridge and gave me a bemused look. "Nah. I'm straight. Thanks, though." I nodded and filled a shot glass, tossing it back without a chaser and wincing as it burned my throat. Licking salt would have taken too much time, so I simply refilled the tumbler and took a second one quickly. Edward whistled. "Wow. I'm just seeing a whole new side of you tonight." "Please. You keep acting like you know me" His expression turned to hurt for just a second before he recovered and scooted away from the bar to roam about my living room. A few feet into the small space and he stopped, leaning over my desk to survey the picture I had hanging there. His eyebrows shot up and he turned slowly to face me as I leaned against the wall, letting the alcohol sink in. "Is this the guy you picture when you're writing?" My eyes flicked over to the cut out from the TRON promotion that I had posted above my desk. With a nod, I answered, "Ah, Mr. Hedlund. He's my Laurent." Edward's eyes sparkled, as he looked him over again. Wiping his hands over his face, he lowered them to shrug off his jacket and lean in to look at the picture more closely. "Seriously?" I shuffled over to him, removing my zip-up hoodie and shifting my shoes off with my toes in the process. "Don't you think he looks like he could be a pirate?" "A butt pirate" Edward muttered. "Don't be jealous," I laughed, feeling more at ease. He snickered. "I'm not jealous that you're picturing a man you'll never meet in your entire life, while you write masturbatory fantasies about him." My mouth fell open. "It's essentially what you're doing, you know. Who do you picture as your heroine?" "Amanda Seyfried." "Liar." "Nuh-uh. She's slim with big eyes and long blond hair" My words trailed off as he stalked his way towards me and stopped when we were toe to toe. I tilted my head up to look into his face as he licked his lips and hunched his shoulders while pulling me towards him with his palms on my hips. I stepped into him and closed my eyes as he leaned forward, his lips hovering just above mine. "You're farther off course than I thought." "Huh?' I asked, stepping back from him as his hands dropped to his sides. "I thought you were going to screw my brains out so that I could write 'authentically'." My face scrunched up in disgust. "Did I get a mixed signal from you or something? Because I'm pretty sure you were about to hump me into a wall just a few short hours ago and now you're acting all weird standing in my apartment like you want to say something else to me" My words were cut off as his mouth descended rapidly and crushed into mine, taking my breath away.

He tasted like cigarettes and mint, laced with hot desireOh, there was the romance novelist in me againI felt my knees give way a little when his lips parted and he slipped his tongue into my mouth, causing me to give off a sultry moan. My fingers found their way up around his neck as he stepped forward and I leaned back, until he had me pressed against the apartment wall. Instinct made my knee bend and my calf wrap around his to pull him closer to me, but he resisted, instead using his hands to anchor my shoulders against the wall. "Is this really what you want?" he whispered, hot and heavy against my lips. His right hand descended over my breast and lower until it was resting between my thighs and his palm was pushing upwards into the seam of my jeans. "You think I just wanted to come in here and fuck you senseless? Like that would be enough?" My eyes were open but only barely as he shifted his palm on a circle and pressed into my clit from outside my jeans. "Do you really think that you can learn everything you need to learn from one," he maneuvered his middle finger so that it was pressing into the space between my cheeks, "quick, hot session?" I let out a startled gasp when his finger pulsed there. "I dunno," I stuttered. He shook his head a little and moved his hand again, raking his fingers across me as he let them play along the zipper of my jeans and then, in one quick movement, popped the top button. "I can give you that, if it's what you want. But trust mejust a few minutes of my cock in your pussy isn't going to give you what you need." His fingers played along the exposed skin of my abdomen and I closed my eyes as a chill ran through me, making my nipples stiffen and the weight in my pelvis turn to an aching pulse. "People don't really talk like that, Edward," I breathed, attempting to regain my senses. "You sound like a bad porno." His laughter caught me off guard, as did his sudden release of my body. I almost melted into the floor, but managed to keep my bearings enough to slump against the wall, taking in a deep breath. "What the hell do you want, Bunny Swan?" I glared at him and blew a piece of my hair from my eyes as I straightened up. "For one, you can stop calling me that God awful name. I got braces eight years ago. My overbite is long gone." He chuckled darkly and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "You don't even know what you want. It's sad really. Let me ask youis your book based off of any of those shitty eighties movies that you were so obsessed with when we were younger? Because you seem like the kind of girl to me that's always wanted a Bender, never given a shit about her Duckie and was always chasing assholes named Blaineeven if they never gave her the time of day. But where does that leave a girl like you? Giving up her virginity to the first guy that was bland enough to take it? Living alone, not dating and writing about imaginary men on boats?" He took one long breath as he turned and looked towards the TRON cut out. He shook his head and walked over to grab his jacket off of the chair, muttering under his breath the entire time. "Where the hell are you going?" I asked, stepping in front of him to stop his exit. "Home." His answer was abrupt, his jaw pulsing with irritation.

I took the chance to look him over for a moment, debating on whether or not to sock him one good time in his nads. "How do you know so much about those old movies?" He raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "You talked about them incessantly. I wanted to know what the big deal was." I couldn't respond. "There wasn't any big deal about them, by the way. They were as much fantasy as the shit you're writing about. So maybe I should leave you to your pretty boy on the wall and forget about trying to help you figure it out." He made a move to get by me and I stepped in his way again. "What did you plan, here? You made it sound like it was just us having sex" He sighed and reached into his pocket for gum, depositing a piece in his mouth before responding. "Like I said, having sex once isn't going to point you in the right direction. You have no clue about your own bodyor pleasure. And yet you're trying to sell it to the public? If you were doing this book on Victorian history, would you only visit one website? Would you only read one book? Or would you do a shit ton of research?" My mind reeled with his revelation. "What are you saying?" Edward moved towards the door again. "I'm sayingif you want my help, we do this my way. Get some damn patience, because I'm not going to make this fast for you. Or easy. And if you're still interested in what I've got for youyou can let me know. Otherwise," he shrugged in dismissal, "I'll just hand in my portion of the fruit fly lab the day that it's due." His hand wrapped around the doorknob and he opened the door, letting a gust of cold air in from the breezeway. My voice was stuck in my throat as I watched his first foot step forward and before he could make it all the way out the door, I yelled. "I'm in, dammit! I'm inGod. You are such an arrogant asshole, you know that?" He smiled a little as the door began to swing closed behind him. "Yeah I know. See you after classes tomorrow." The door closed with a very final click and I stared in disbelief as silence surrounded me. Leaving me with only my thoughts. My heart beating in my chestand between my legs. With a frustrated grunt, I stormed over to my backpack and pulled out my laptop, opening it and queuing up my Word document. My words appeared onscreen and I stared at them with disdain as I pointed my cursor at the Edit button. With one heart wrenching click, I scrolled down to the Select All option. And then hit Delete. It was gone. All of it. My hands felt numb and my head was dizzy as I positioned my fingers atop the keyboard and typed out the first words that popped into my head. I hate mother fucking Edward Masen. The cursor taunted me as it sat there, useless. With a deep sigh, I went to close out the program and ignored the Save notification when it popped up. I couldn't bring myself to erase it. I'd worked so hard and it seemed like failure if I did. But Edward was right: there was no salvaging the shit I'd attempted to write.

My only hope was that the following night, he'd give me something to work with.

A/N: Oh, snap! I went and inserted a transitional chapter right there ^^^. WTF? Katmom beta'd this like a champ. APM, Fanny and Kitsushel gave amazing feedback. I'm lucky to have them guiding me in this trainwreck...and laughing about disgusting things that my mind is coming up with for these two... No worries, Fappers. The funny comes on long and strong, tomorrow. All three per-readers agree. It's an EPOV, too, for those who have been asking for it. Huge-normous thanks are in order for all of you that have hopped on and straddled this FAP-train. I'm blown...away. Rally. O.o Reviews are definitely better than the frustration Bella is feeling after being cockblocked this chapter...

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

A/N: Insert witty disclaimer : here : I'm uploading early in honor of angelspinknose's birthday. And also because this is my favorite chapter. Ever. I wrote it at 2 am. Fanny says I should get insomnia more often...

Chapter 5

EPOV She met me at her truck the following evening, seeming much more at ease than when I'd left the night before. "Are we headed to my place?" she asked, suddenly looking apprehensive about the entire thing. Maybe that James guy had been in an ornery mood. Maybe she was about to start her period. I don't know. Her boobs were looking kinda bigger I was chewing on the knuckle of my right hand as she looked me over. "Actually, why don't you ride with me? I need to head over to my friend Garrett's house for a few minutes." This was my plan now, and she knew it, so she said fine and crawled into my car while shoving some papers and cigarette packages out of the way before sitting her prissy ass down on my seat. I watched from my periphery as she settled in and secured her book bag in her lap, trying not to look disgusted by the sheer amount of shit in my car. I'd purposely not cleaned it up just to see if she would say something.

Looked like she wasn't going to. It had always fascinated me that Isabella Swan came rushing into my life at the age that she did. My mom, Elizabeth, was such a free spirit and had been telling me all about the difference between love and lustfascination and desire. We had easy, extensive conversations about sex. About urges and needs. And then Swan came walking through the door and it was like everything Liz had told me suddenly clicked into place. It's not like as soon as I saw Bella my world stopped and music started playing in the background. It was more like, a rush to my system. My blood was flowing fucking EVERYWHERE. And I justwanted her. Ten years old. I knew she was my match at ten years old. Everything about her was compatible to me. Every inch of her skin. Her hair. Her eyes. It lined up perfectly to what my mom had been talking about. So it confused the shit out of me that Bella didn't feel the same way, too. I'd watched my mom float from relationship to relationship for years and never once did I ever see her look at anyone the way that I looked at Bella. Not once. That was probably the reason her relationship with Carlisle Cullen, Alice's dad, didn't last very long. Liz liked him enough. She just didn't love him. It was frustrating, having the object of my desire sitting so close to me in school. Or on the bus. But she was always running from me, like she was better than me. But, I'm persistent to a fault. Especially when it's something that I'm passionate about. I get bored incredibly easy, which was why I decided to take night classes to begin with. Imagine my surprise when she came walking through that lab door on the first day. Isabella Swan. I had been there on her very first day of school in the state of Washington. I had watched her grow from a sweet-faced girl to an awkward teen who got boobs a little later than the rest of our grad. I'd been there when the other girls were making fun of her having a mustache in Middle School. I'd also been really, really grateful to her mother when she was introduced to waxing her lip and shaving her legs. All the while, I was on the sidelines, making mental notes of how her bunny teeth shifted inward when she got her braces, or her hair grew four inches longer. I felt like I'd known her my entire life. And then, in the blink of an eyethe entire perception that I'd had of her shattered. Isabella Swan of the Honor Roll Society, Thespian Society, squeaky clean good girl who didn't even drink on Prom night and never had detention in schoolwas writing porn online and wanted to sell it for a living. Fuck. Me. Please. I don't know that anyone else would ever understand the rush of excitement that I'd experienced then. Her good girl image fell away from my eyes and I saw a dirty, naughty, smut writing horndog standing there in front of me. Clearly repressed, of course. But the potential was there.

And dare I say? The thought of getting to defile her and bring her over to the other side was way too much for me to pass up. It was a dream come true, really. She and I weren't so different after all. Well, we wouldn't be after she calmed her tits, of course. Garrett's place came into view and I couldn't help but smile. If anything were going to make Bella chill outit would be an hour or so at Garrett's. I parked and led her to his door, where I walked in without knocking, pleased as fucking punch to see him hunched over a pipe, mid-inhale. Giving him a nod, I jerked my head back a little to introduce him. "G? IsabellaBunnySwan." "Bella," she corrected me sourly. Coming to rest behind me she hissed, "Are we at your dealer's house?" I laughed and moved over to the bar, taking a seat on one of the stools. "Wait. So, because he's smoking up, he's gotta be my dealer? Nice. Real nice." She shifted from foot to foot as she looked for a place to stow her bag. I motioned for her to hand it over and she did blindly, not realizing that I intended to pull out her laptop. "Bella," Garrett wheezed out as a long stream of smoke erupted from his lungs. "You're the bunneh, right?" He scratched his head, his nasty fingers scraping through his shoulder length hair. It was brown that day. I guessed he had washed it. Bella rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. "Really, 'Wardo? You tell everyone about that shitty nickname?" Garrett raised his hands in defense. "No. Not everyone. We're family here." "We?" Bella's words came out just a second too late, because the bedroom door opened to reveal my friends, Rose and Emmett, tumbling into the living room, laughing hysterically. And Rose's shirt was on inside out. Classy. "Hey, Edward," Rose called in her scratchy voice. She was the closest thing that I had to a sister, other than Alice. Emmett scratched his head and grabbed a cookie, doing a funky dance as he moved by us. "Heya, 'Wardo." Bella's eyes got huge. "They call you that, too?" I shrugged, trying not to reveal that I'd kind of always liked her attempt at getting under my skin. It made me think she cared. A little. Whatever. Emmett sidled over to Rose and pretended to chew on her face and I groaned at their rampant PDA. "Guys, this is IsabellaBunnySwan. I.B.Smeet Emmett and Rosalie." I didn't look up from her laptop as I spouted off intros.

"You canjust call me Bella," she huffed and gave a small wave in their direction, muttering about Irritable Bowel Syndrome under her breath. I guessed her password and laughed when I made it in and opened her documents. "Okay, everybodycircle up. I brought this one," I pointed at Bella, "over today because we need to run a few things by you for opinions. Are you in?" They all shrugged in response. "Perfect," I muttered. "Oh, here's a good one. See, Bunny's writing a book and she seems to be using some very interesting alternatives for words. First off, do any of you know what the fuck a bodice is?" Garrett looked confused. "Bod-what?" Rosalie cocked her head to the side and chewed on a piece of cookie in her mouth. "Bodice. That's old underwear, right?" "Old underwear? Like, dirty?" Garrett scowled at her. "Old fashioned," Rose explained, pursing her lips together for effect. "Oh" AndGarrett had lost interest. "It's like a corset," Bella explained lamely. I smiled at Bella. "Lose the bodice." "Eat me," she retorted. My head was turned towards the computer again as I pulled up the rest of her chapter. "Not now, darling, we have guests. Maybe later?" I turned and gave her a wink. She rolled her eyes. "Ah! Emmett. Do you know what pink pebbled love buttons are?" "Uhnegative." He scratched the back of his head and laughed. "Is that code for clit?' Rose asked and Bella covered her face with her hands, letting out a defeated groan. "Aching nubs?' I asked. "Did someone lose an arm?" Emmett leaned forward to see the screen. "Aroused flower?" I pressed. "Oh my godwhat the fuck are you reading?" Rose laughed and then started to choke on her cookie. Emmett jumped behind her, slamming her on the back until she spit the cookie chunk out and it landed on the screen. I pointed to the mess. "Silky wet expulsion." "You are such a shit!" Bella yelled and punched me in the arm. "Look, I get it, okay? I get it. Just shut up, already."

Swiveling a bit in my chair, I rested my elbow on the bar. "Rose? When you come" She raised her eyebrows. "Yeah?" "Do you catapult into the stratosphere and burst into stardust before you see stars behind your eyelids?" Rose went completely still and her mouth fell open a little. "That sounds like a stroke or something." I clapped my hands together once and closed Bella's laptop. "Thanks. I think we're done here." Bella looked mortified and I loved it. "I've never had an orgasm like that," Rose continued, seeming to be concerned. "I mean," her voice dropped to a conspirator's whisper, "I'm a squirter, but I've never had that shit happen." Her hands were waving in front of her like an umpire calling a strike. "You're a what?" Bella asked, eyes wide and intrigued. Rose made a face. "Huh?" Emmett leaned over Rose's shoulder, holding up two fingers and wiggling them. "A squirter." "Oh my god," Bella whispered. I handed her the laptop and she hurried outside as I grabbed a few things from Garrett and told everyone goodbye. Getting into the car, I grinned at Bella slumped down in the passenger seat. "They like you. Said you should come back this weekend." "YeahI'm gonna pass on that. But thanks." Feeling a little bad about tricking her, I sighed and gave an encouraging pat to her shoulder. "Look, I know you have certain perceptions about me. And, after I left last night, I got to thinking that maybe you feel like I'm just trying to get in your pants. I needed to show you reactions from other people so that you'd...trust me a little. You never would have agreed if I had told you upfront. But aren't you glad you got some credible feedback?" She looked at me in horror. "Feedback? From Count Cannabis? And the Squirter?" I couldn't help but laugh as she looked out the window and muttered, "I don't even know how that works..." before staring out of the windshield, not saying a word for the remainder of the drive back to her apartment. Once inside, she walked slowly to her room and placed her things inside before poking her head out. "Umm. What are we doing today?" I sighed and sat down on her couch, leaning back and spreading out. "You're gonna get off for me." "I'm going to need you to repeat that," she said, looking confused.

"Please tell me you know how to get yourself off" She snorted. "Bitch, please. I've been scratching records since I was three." My brain shriveled a little with that information. "Let's not talk about you doing those things that young, okay?" I adjusted myself on the couch, feeling pervy and not in a good way. "I just want to watch you make yourself come. It'll give me some insight" Bella looked around the room and tugged at the sleeves of her shirt. "Here? Or in my bedroom?" All of her bravado was fading right in front of me. "Wherever you want." She nodded and looked around. "I guess the couch is as good as any place." After a second of deliberation, she walked over and sat down next to me, scooting to the back of the couch. She closed her eyes and crossed her legs, letting her hands press onto her thighs. "Whatare you doing?" I asked, confused as shit. "I can just cross my legs and you know," her face turned pink as she looked up at me. "Seriously? You're just going to cross your legs. Rub them together and get yourself off?" She nodded. "Do you do this in class? On the bus?" I leaned forward, enthralled. "Have I ever been around you when you've done this?" Her head fell back and she giggled, turning even redder. "Probably. I'm sneaky." I exhaled and leaned back against the sofa. "Fine. We'll start here. But, sit in between my legs and lean back against me, okay?" She agreed and shifted herself so that her back was secure against my chest and her ass was nestled between my thighs. "Relax," I whispered and pulled her to me. She rested her head against my shoulder and licked her lips, letting her eyes close slowly. My hands covered hers on her thighs as she crossed her legs. And I watched in awe as she squeezed her thighs together, her legs pulsing only a small amount as she rubbed them together and flexed her muscles as the same time. Her chest grew heated and red patches appeared on her cheeks as she let her lips fall open and she inhaled raggedly. My fingers interlaced with hers while she wiggled in my lap and I focused my concentration on her instead of the raging boner in my pants. Dropping my face to her temple I opened my lips next to her ear. "Who are you thinking of, Bella?" She sighed and her cheeks grew redder. I let out a low hmmm. Taking one of her hands, I raised it to her breast and let it lie there until she gripped it by herself through her t-shirt. "Fuck, Bella. I bet your pussy is so wet right now, isn't it?" My hand dropped to the top of her jeans and I let my fingers play over the exposed skin there as she started to move

a little faster. "I can't wait until you're doing this on my cock. Letting me taste you." I moved her hair from her neck and flicked my tongue along her pulse. She was open mouthed now, her air almost completely cut off as I wrapped her hair around my fist and pulled a little, allowing her head to fall to the side so that I could breathe beneath her ear. "I can't wait to watch you really come, Bella" Her legs jerked and I wrapped my fingers around the front of her neck, letting them splay along her pulse as I shoved my other hand down her pants and pressed my fingers between her now open thighs. She slumped into me as I rested my hand outside her panties and counted. "God," she panted, letting her fingers uncurl from their spots on her body. I moved my hands away from her and stood up, adjusting myself in my jeans. "Was that good?" It came out with more of a laugh than I intended. She eyed me lazily. "Yeah." I shook my head. "No. It wasn't. Your orgasms are really, really weak. You need to work on that." Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out some money. "Buy a vibrator. A real one. A Rabbit. Turbo speed. Something. Because you need to get off. Badly." She sat up and glared in disgust. "I thought that's what you were here for?" Shaking my head, I started for the door. "Patience, remember? How am I supposed to please you if you don't know how to work your own clit?" Silence fell between us and I had to hold my tongue, not wanting to give in so easily. I nodded towards her desk, before stepping to the door. "Maybe use that picture as inspiration." "You suck," she called after me. Chuckling, I peered back through the door before it closed. "Maybe try to write tonight?" As soon as the click alerted me to the barrier between us, I doubled over and palmed my dick, cursing my hard on and wondering if I would have to jack off in the parking lot or if I could make it home.

A/N: You guys don't think they're gonna do the sex any time soon, do you? (giggles evilly) No... Katmom beta'd this chapter this afternoon. Yeah, 2 chaps in a day. Thank God she loves me...Fanny gif'd the hell outta my FaceBook wall in response to this and made me feel like a rockstar. Along with APM and Shel, they gave me incredible insight to work with. I owe them a thousand cyber cookies, so I'd better start baking! A million thank you's to Michelle from The Lemonade Stand for pimping the hell outta this. For starting the Bunneh porn, make fawesome avi's and getting her girls on board. And to Sariedee for Fapping the hell outta Twatter. You're all making me feel achy in my nubs and pink pebbled love buttons... Reviews are better than Edward paying for a new Rabbit...

Chapter 6: Chapter 6

A/N: SM owns Edward Cullen. I own...fake Cheez Its.

Chapter 6

BPOV Irina stands alone on the beach watching the tide roll in as gusts of wind from the open sea tousle her long blond hair. She's glad she put a hole in Laurent's boat before he sailed away. He deserved to drown in open water for leaving her in the first place. ... I slammed my head against the desk as I closed my laptop in frustration. Not only was I frustrated over my writing, but also I was horny as hell and it was all Edward's fault. Plus, he'd left me stranded at my apartment without my freaking truck so I had no way of getting anywhere except on foot. Thankfully, it was a Saturday and I didn't have to work with James. It also reminded me that I had planned on sleeping with someone whose phone number I didn't even have access to. After a long shower, and an attempt at getting myself off to no availI decided to try another route to get to Edward: Alice. "Yello," she deadpanned when she picked up on the third ring. "Alice?" I was chewing the skin on my fingers so hard I was afraid I'd lose my fingerprints. "Eh, Alice es no aqui." "Don't be stupid, Alice, I know it's you." She huffed. "Why do people do that? You dialed my number. You know I answered. Why do you ask if it's me like some other girl with my voice will answer my phone?" I imagined her sitting at her desk in her apartment with her feet up on her boyfriend's lap. Jasper was probably busy feeding his crops on Farmville. Or looking up code to hack into the UN's database. "God, your entire family is just full of asses," I grumbled. Alice was quiet for a second. "I take it you've seen 'Wardo?"

Jasper piped up, "She saw 'Wardo?" "Yes, didn't I just say that? What is wrong with you people?" Alice snapped back, dryly. "Shut up, you two. Damn. ListenI need Edward's phone number because we have a class together this semester and he's my lab partner. So, can I please have his cell number to contact him aboutourfruit fly project?" "She's says she has a class with him and they're studying fruit flies." Jasper made a weird sound. "I fucking love fruit flies. Ask if I can come watch their experiments." "Uh, Jas" "OHMYGOD," I practically yelled, "just put the damn thing on speakerphone. I can hear you both and it's driving me insane!" There was a click and hum and then Jasper cleared his throat. "Heyhey, Bella. Can I come watch your fruit fly experiments?" "No," I answered, completely frustrated. "Please just give me Edward's number before I end up in jail for manslaughter from climbing through the phone to strangle you both." "Yeah, that's not physically possible," Alice responded, dead serious. "Okay, I'm hanging up now. Text me his number." I resisted the urge to throw my phone and instead waited, chewing my nails until the text came through. Less than a minute later, I was calling his phone, not even the least bit surprised that it went to voicemail. "Uh, Edward. It's Bella. Yeah, you brought me home last night and I don't have a car here. So, I'm going to need you to come pick me up. Please. And, thanks." I started to put the phone down and stopped, "Oh, and this is my number, obviously, since I just called from here. You can call me back. I mean. Do. Call me back. I'm getting dressed now. Bye." Shaking my head, I put the phone down realizing that I had essentially told him I was naked. Just like my mom did all of those years ago. And it got me thinking about the past few days, the conversations and revelations that had unfolded. Who did Edward think he was to teach me about sex anyway? Did he have some kind of sex therapy degree that I didn't know about? My heart stopped for a second. Was he a gigolo? I wouldn't have put it past him to have been out selling the goods for the past few years. But the thought made my stomach queasy for some unknown reason and I didn't like it. It's not that I didn't know about sex. My great grandmother had an entire basement full of those damp, old romance novels that she read in a day's time and never threw away. She ordered them from some mail service where she could get, like, ten of them for a dollar. They were short and sweet and filled with well filled with ripping bodices and wet folds.

I used to disappear down in that cellar for hours, taking the books and setting the spines on the table, watching where the pages were bent the most. That was always the spot that had the hottest sex scene in it. I knew because the pages were bent more there from the clutching that Great Gram's hands did as she read. So, I could sit down there for hours and read only the smutty parts. Cross my legs. Do my thing. Whatever. Maybe that's why I didn't feel it was all that necessary to have sex. Or that losing my virginity wasn't that big of a deal. I'd read all about it for years. And I could handle myself just fine. In fact, when I got older, I would go spend summers with my Aunt Vanessa in Florida. She has this kickass house on a lake, with a boathouse and a full size swimming pool. Her entire downstairs was a rec room that had a pool table and big screen T.V. in it. It also had a library where I would get lost in books all day every day for the entire summer. I'd devour three books at a time, making sure to take only one trashy novel for every three suspense books I found. That way, she wouldn't think I was a total perv She had some of the really good shit that had threesomes and spanking or whips in it. Seriously. I learned a lot over the course of those summers. I used to imagine that when I was swimming by myself or watching my cousin Jessica at night, that there was a boy just about my age that was watching me from across the lake. It would both excite and scare me at the same time to think about the possibility of having a secret admirer I guess that's why I loved Vanessa's old collection of movies from the 80's. They spoke to me in a way that movies my friends were watching didn't. It was like, everything that a little girl could ever fantasize about was right therewritten by a manon the television. The nerdy book loving girl who was pursued by just about everyone. I wanted that to be me. But, maybe Edward was right. I'd lived my life vicariously through romcoms that had nothing to do with my own life. What a sad, sad epiphany. With that on my mind, I made myself go into the bathroom to blow dry my hair. And think some more over what I'd just discovered about myself. Turning off the dryer, I tilted my head to check my hair in the mirror and screamed bloody murder. Edward was standing in my bathroom doorway, wearing a shit-eating grin. "Holy shit!" I screamed and clutched my robe in my fist, thinking I was going to have a heart attack. He held up a brown bag. "I brought breakfast." Terror gave way to fury as I stared at him in disbelief. "How the hell did you get in here?" A shrug. "You left your keys in my car. You seem to be flustered around me a lot. Very forgetful" That smirky bastard laughed. I shoved my way by him and turned back to address him once I reached the bed. "I need to get dressed. Can you please take me to my truck? I have stuff I have to do today." His hand reached into the brown bag and he pulled out a muffin, taking a slow bite as he settled himself in the comfy chair I had in the corner of my room. "Where ya goin'?"

"Pfft, why? Do you need to follow me around for 'research'?" I scowled and moved over to my dresser to grab some underwear. He didn't move an inch. "Depends on where you're going." "I need to go to the grocery store." "And?" I rolled my eyes, feeling my cheeks turning red. "Shut up." "Come on. Say it. I know where you're going." Shifting a little to look at him, I resisted the urge to simultaneously kick him in the nuts and lick his neck. I mean he looked pretty hot sitting in my chair eating that muffin. Stupid handsome face and fornication hair paired with, what I assumed were dirty jeans and a plaid flannel. "Fine. I'm going to buy a vibrator with the money you gave me. Happy?" His smile was in full force now. "Hell yeah, I'm happy. Ecstatic, even." He chewed around the pastry in his mouth and laughed. "I'll come with you to make sure you get the right one." "Oh, hell no. Being with you in a porn shop is one my list of Things to Never Do Before I Die." "Who else is going to help you? The guy behind the bong counter?" That damn eyebrow of his went so high up on his forehead I thought it would fly away like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. "No!" "Yes." "Hell no." "Fuck yes." He stood to his feet and brushed crumbs off of his lap. "Get dressed, let's go." "Uh, get out of my room and I will." I shooed him with my hands but he stepped closer instead. "Why so shy, Bunny? You were gonna let me do all kinds of nasty shit to you before. Now you want to stay all bundled up? Trust me when I say that dropping your robe in front of me will be the least of your worries" That smoldering look was back in his eyes and his voice had dropped an octave. "Do it. Lemme see." My thighs automatically pressed together and I shook my head a little, letting out a barely believable, "No" He inched forward, head bent a little as he smiled softly. "What are you worried about? I'm gonna see it soon enough anyway." "Maybe I like to do it in the dark" "You'd have to like to do it, first."

"Come on, 'Wardo. I just want to put my panties on." I lifted the cotton underwear in the air, dangling them from the tip of my finger. Edward sighed, taking them in his hand and bunching them up in his fist. "What are you stalling for? I'm guessing you don't have lips down to your knees or anything, so it's probably a very standard pussy you're sporting under there." He dropped his face to mine, his lips just out of reach. "Let. Me. See." "You first," I blurted out. "Really? Are you negotiating?" he was amused. "Yeah. Let me see what all the fuss is about." I backed up a foot and looked down at his zipper. He shrugged and reached for his top button, popping it open as he stared at my face. The teeth of the zipper made a delicious noise as he held it between his fingers and lowered it to move his hands inward and into his boxers. Shoving them down a bit, along with his jeans, he reached inside and moved his dick from the precarious downward position it had just been in. I held my breath and pressed my lips together as his fist came up with "Dear God," I breathed. He chuckled as I stepped closer and my fingers curled into my palms to not reach out and touch it. It was really pretty. He was hard, obviously. And it was long and looked to be a good circumference. But it was the head that had me so enamored. The pretty pink and blue hues of it, how round and helmet like the tip was. All I could think was: lick, lick, suck, nom. I wanted to nuzzle my face against it. Give it a little kiss on the slit. For shit's sake. I wanted that bad boy inside of me. After another thirty seconds of staring, he secured it inside of his underwear and zipped his jeans back up. "Why are you hard?" I asked, breaking my tractor beam gaze away from his crotch. A laugh erupted from his throat as he reached out a hand rubbed his thumb over my earlobe. "Because there is something so sexy about how intimidated you act around me. You want me to think you're so shy, but you're not." He dropped his hand and shrugged again. "It turns me on. A lot." I let out a long breath as I stared into his eyes. "Now. You." He pressed. Like some stupid harem girl transfixed by a snake charmer, I dropped my robe to my feet. His eyes scanned my body slowly as he sucked in a quick breath between his teeth. Landing on my stomach they raked even more torturously slow until they settled between my thighs. My hands were fisting and unfisting as he pursed his lips and thenlicked them. "We should go," he muttered lowly and pulled his gaze back up to my face. My entire body had been so rigid under his inspection that it felt almost sore to move when he turned his back to me and retrieved the bag he'd brought over. Tossing it at me, he gave a quick smile. "I got you carrot cake."

And the moment was lost. Stupid asshole buying his bunny some carrot cake

A/N: Awe, man. I totally gave a cliffy. I suck SO HARD! Yes, yes. There will *some* action tomorrow. And I will not be posting on Friday as that is Rabbit Heart posting day. FAP is just here to fill the void between Shel's postings... A BAJILLION thanks to MichelleGooglesEverything for starting a 107 fan page on FaceBook. Fapper's Delight is a stroke (see what I did there?) of genius! You girls make my world go 'round. More thanks go to TwiBetween for the FAP rec! And the biggest thanks go to Katmom for her speedy beta skillz. Kitsushel/APM and Fanny for their incredible feedback. Reviews are better than innuendo filled carrot cake...

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

A/N: SM has the rights to Twilight. I have a red face from writing what you're about to read below. Almost 5000 words? Must mean there's some foreplay involved...

Chapter 7

BPOV In the history if bad ideas, this had to be at the top of the list. Top 5, at least. Dildo shopping with Edward Masen. Had I gone insane? He leaned away from me in his driver's seat, driving with his right hand and knee while his left flicked his cigarette out the window. After blowing a quick burst of smoke from his nose, he turned and addressed me. "Sowhat made you decide to write what you were writing?" I sighed and looked through the windshield to avoid the scrutiny in his eyes. "I guess the ocean just seemed romantic. The basis of the story was that" "Laurent was still alive and coming back for her, making it all good that she had waited the entire time, right?" Closing my eyes, I slumped in my seat and groaned. "Now you're telling me that I'm unoriginal?"

Edward chuckled a little. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just want you to think outside of the box, that's all." "Well, this trip to a porn shop should help," I snorted. "Umm, I did want to ask youdoes your Irina work in a bar?" "Like a beer wench?" He snorted. "Sure. Why not? Serving whiskey and wine? I'm just wondering if she listens to the sailors as they tell their sailor stories. If she wears a chain made from the finest silver from the North of Spain. Did Laurent tell her she'd make a fine wife, but that his lifehis lovehis ladywas the sea?" I shifted in my seat to look him over. "No, but that was really poetic" "It's a song from the sixties, Bunny. Come on. Brandy? By Looking Glass? Really? I guess I'll have to broaden your horizons in music, too." "Oh, so now I'm stealing shit from before I was even born?" He made a face like, 'I didn't say that' But he damn well implied it. By the time he pulled into the parking lot of our destination, I was up in arms again. Irritated and feeling less than stellar. And the posters on the walls of the store were definitely not helping my situation. But then something weird happened. Edward Masen pulled me to his side with his hand wrapped around my waist, securing me to his hip as he guided me straight to the back of the store, like he knew exactly where he was going. Probably because he did He stopped when we were faced with a massive wall display of vibrators and I felt my face go red at the same time that a distress signal was sent down to my birth canal, alerting me to the fact that nothing as big as anything on that wall had ever been inside of me. "I don't think this is gonna work," my words rushed out of my mouth as Edward tightened his grip on me. "Relax. I assure you, you will be fine. I'm not going to hurt you, Bunny." His eyes were soft and assuring as I looked at him and for some reasonI felt like he was telling the truth. "Regardless of what you've probably read in those books of yours, more than a pinky finger can fit inside of a woman. Not that you'll want to be able to fit a glass wine bottle all the way up there, but you get my drift." I was stunned. "How the hell do you know so much aboutyou know," I stopped, making a hand movement towards my very scared crotch. "Pussy." He squeezed my waist with his fingers. "Say it. Pu-ss-ss-y. It's okay, I promise. Especially in here." His hand swept in a dramatic gesture around the room. "Fine!" I hissed, lowering my voice to look around the store at our fellow shoppers. "Pussy. How do you know so much about it?" I whispered. "Do I need to see an STD test from you before we do anything?" His expression turned thoughtful. "I can get one for you if you want." "Real fast. How many women have you slept with? Answer now."

"Three," he responded immediately. "One in High School. One long-term relationship. One hook up." His face was relaying his honesty. "And, some day, I might tell you why I know so much about," he leaned in with a smirk, "pooooooseeeeee." "Asshole," I laughed and leaned into his side, feeling more comfortable after that exchange. Turning my attention back to the Wall of Cock, I surveyed what they had to offer. After a couple of minutes, I felt Edward move from my side and I began to look at the different items that were offered. The choices were extensive and I was pulling some boxes off of the wall, disregarding the boobs that were on all of the packages, as I looked the items over. "What about this one?" I asked, turning to find Edward pulling a bottle off a shelf a few feet away. He glanced over my way and tilted his head to survey my choice. "If that's what you want." And all I could think was that, at this point, I really just wanted to sleep with Edward Thirty minutes later and we were arguing at the checkout counter. "I'm notNo." I was adamant. "Why do I need four different vibrators? I'm not starting a collection, 'Wardo." The guy behind the counter watched us go back and forth, clearly not amused. "Because, you do." He shoved the boxes towards the cashier but I intercepted and pulled them my way instead. "No, I'm pretty sure one of these will be fine." Throwing a fake smile at the worker, I slid the one Rabbit over to him. Edward huffed and lunged for me, wrestling the Bullet from my hands and chucking it at the guy before having to chase me three feet into the porn aisle to physically rip the G-Spot wand and some freaky looking beads he had grabbed. "Not gonna happen," I yelled as he tried to manhandle me to get the beads out of my dead grip. "You're going to like it, I promise," he grunted as I turned my back to him and fought against his brute strength. "No. I'm. NOT!" I yelled, yanking hard and losing my balance in the process. The package ripped in my hands and I went flying face first into a XXX video display, groaning when I looked up and realized I had landed with my nose in a porn star's crotch. "You opened it. You have to buy it now," the clerk called, pointing to the sign above his head that clearly reiterated what he'd just said. With a defeated huff, I threw the beads at Edward's head before pushing myself to stand and shuffling away to wait for him at the door. He appeared a few minutes later with a black bag under his arm and triumph written all over his face. "I bought batteries and some lube. You know. Just in case." "Where in God's name do you work to have the money to buy this stuff?"

"Umm, I work at the bookstore down the road. And I have some money saved updon't worry about it." He reached into his pocket and unwrapped a stick of gum, pulling his sunglasses out of his shirt pocket and depositing them on his face. "You ready?" For the first time, I wasn't sure exactly what his question was referring to. The ride to the school was quiet. And once I had retrieved my truck, I was glad for the time alone. It was an odd relationship that Edward and I had to begin with. But, the added level of intimacy was boggling my mind and I was having a hard time understanding why I was so comfortable with him. And why I was so easily moved to do whatever he requested of me. It was like he had stolen my backbone and replaced it with wet panties. Part of me knew that the guise of becoming a better writer was what was pressing me forward in the endeavor. But another part of me really wanted the experiences that I had read about for so long. I did want to know what it felt like. All of it. And who better to show me than someone I'd known practically my entire life? Plus, he was sexy. And his mouth said words that made my toes tingle. Maybe I was a little attracted to him. Ah, hell. Who was I kidding? I was stoked that I was going to get to be all over that soon. I rushed into my apartment and listened as he followed behind, closing the door and securing it with a final click of the lock. Excitement buzzed in my veins as I put my purse down and looked around for a place to stand while not looking overly anxious. Edward was cool as a cucumber, sailing by me and into my bedroom to deposit my new goodies onto my comforter. He pondered the selection and seemed to decide on the Rabbit before grabbing the pack of batteries and heading off into my bathroom. I listened as water from my sink started to run and walked over to peer in the doorway and see him washing off the 'unit' with care and concentration I'd never fully seen before. When he was done, he turned and held it up for me to see. "Gotta keep it clean," he joked with a wink. I fidgeted with the sleeves of my shirt, pulling them down and stretching them out as he dried the thing off and placed batteries inside, giving it one quick click to ensure that it worked to his satisfaction. Then, with an almost demented glint in his eyes, he chuckled. "Ready?" "Huh? You want me to use that while you're here? Watching? Umm" The prospect hadn't even crossed my mind. Letting his hand lower a bit, he smiled seductively. "Did you want meto help you?" Air left my lungs in a whoosh as I stared into his eyes. "Yes," I squeaked. It looked like he was the cat who swallowed the canary. "Sounds good to me."

Brushing by me, he cleared my bed of the remaining items and slipped his jacket off as well as his socks and shoes, placing them off in a corner as I did the same. When I was down to my t-shirt and jeans, I glanced his way. He was propped on my bed, his back against the headboard and the vibrator sitting on my bedside table. With a quirked brow, he lifted his hand and crooked his finger in a 'come hither' motion. My head swam and my knees started to shake as I crossed the few feet to my bed and crawled up on my hands and knees to his feet. "Come here," he whispered. And I followed his words, slinking up his legs and across his thighs to straddle his hips, hovering there, as he looked in my eyes. Swallowing loudly, he brushed a piece of hair away from my face and rested his fingers on my cheek. The slightest movement sent my face forward, to meet his and our foreheads rested against one another's for a moment before I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, letting my lips meet his. It was sweet, that first kiss. Slow and soft; our lips barely touching. I settled onto his thighs and rested my hands on his shoulders as I became bolder. Letting my mouth open a little, I slid my lower lip between his and sighed as he sucked on it lightly. All of my senses were on high alert as I melted into him, completely caught in the moment. It just felt sonice. Not just pleasant. Sweet and simple and lazy kisses that were making my insides turn to hot butter. His hands were at my back, trailing through my hair and lower to skim my back, where my shirt had ridden up. I shivered and he smiled against my mouth, letting his fingers trail higher and underneath my shirt to play along my spine lightly. That time, I swear I moaned a little and he took it as encouragement, slowly teasing his tongue into my mouth until I opened to let it in and touch it with my own. All of it was so slow and I didn't even realize how incredibly turned on I was getting until I shifted in his lap and was met with his hard length trapped between us. It was all the incentive I needed to press myself down on top of it and flex my hips to feel him slide against the seam of my jeans. His mouth fell open and he exhaled, his eyes opening and boring into mine. "You're a good kisser, Bella." "Yeah?" I asked, rocking forward on him again. He lifted a brow as he pulsed his hips into me. "Could you not tell?" My heart raced inside my chest as I kissed him again, feeling his hands drift to my sides and up my ribs to stop at the swell of my breasts. "Are you getting wet for me?" he whispered and I gasped as he ground against me a little more, causing my eyes to cross unexpectedly. I merely nodded sheepishly and bit my lip as he arched up into me with more force. "Mmm, I bet you are." His lips trailed over my cheek and down to my neck as his hands finally moved inward on the ascent and he cupped my breasts in his hands. "Perfect tits. Amazing ass. Your lips taste so sweet, baby. I bet the rest of you is even sweeter."

My head rolled back as he brought my shirt up and his face moved down while his fingers pulled the cups of my bra lower to expose my nipples to him. His mouth found them and he breathed hot and moist across my skin before pulling a nipple into his mouth to suck softly. "Oh, God" I hissed, palming the back of his head. "I know," he murmured. "Arms up." I obeyed and my shirt was pulled over my head right before he unsnapped my bra, allowing my breasts to hover in his face. "Just perfect." His lips wrapped around the other nipple and he sucked harder on that one as we ground into one another more forcefully. "Fuck, I can't wait to be inside of you, Bella. Now that I've seen you? It's gonna take every ounce of willpower not to." "You don't have to wait," I stuttered as my body began to shift seductively with his. "I do," he breathed. "You need me to wait." "But I want it." "Me, too. But there are steps," he nuzzled my breast once more before sucking a nipple harshly into his mouth and making my legs twitch as I felt a shock wave hit me straight between my thighs. There was a rush of expletives from Edward's mouth as he pushed forward to land me on my back and his hands were tugging at my jeans and yanking them off of my thighs, throwing them across the floor before he grappled with my underwear and they landed on the lamp next to the bed. He took a moment to gaze down at me, completely naked beneath him and I shuddered. He looked like he wanted to devour me. "I'm gonna taste you soon, Bella. But today, I want to see you come." "Please," I whispered, rubbing my calves along the outside of his thighs. I was shaking with anticipation and overwhelmed with sensation, unaware of the next thing to come out of my mouth. "Please, take off your clothes too." I don't know why it felt more equal that way, but it did. Maybe I was hoping he'd get too caught up in the moment and let us do it, anyway. He was hasty in disrobing and I stared at him naked and above me in the most surreal moment of my life to date. His lean frame was muscular beneath those clothes he wore and I was enamored by the way his shoulder muscles flexed as his head tilted to look me over. My legs were open and straddling his and he licked his lips as his gaze fixated. Without words, his hand reached for mine and he held my fingers up, folding them in until only my pointer finger remained extended. I watched, breathless as he lowered it to my lips and ran it gently between them, sliding me open. I was wet. Like, really, really unfathomably wet and the feel of it on my fingers was intense. "Like that," he whispered as he shifted over me to stretch out and straddle my right thigh. His cock pressed firmly against my bare skin and I closed my eyes at the feel of it. Our hands were still together as he moved my finger higher to run over my clit, making my left leg fall open in the process. "Here," he instructed, "show me." His hand moved away and I felt him settle into the mattress as I moved my finger quickly over my clit. "Slow down," he sighed in my ear. "Draw it out. Just feel it, baby." My chest rose and fell in short spurts as I slowed down and switched my pointer finger for my middle one. "That is a beautiful sight," he murmured, letting his hand travel across my breast. "I think I could watch you play with your pussy all day, you know that?"

Warm kisses were placed on my jaw as his hand worked firmly over my nipples in a slow circuit. "Are you writing this in your head as you go?" My eyes opened and I turned my face to look at him. "Just kiss me, Edward." He obliged, his torso bending across me as our lips met and he cupped my chin in his hand, propping himself up with the other. The feel of him against me, my hand working over my clit, and his tongue in my mouth caused me to jerk a little and my legs instinctively began to close. "I don't think so," he grunted, reaching down to stop my thighs from meeting. In a blur of movement, he moved over me, grabbing the vibrator and turning me on my side to press my back to his chest. Positioning my leg open and over his thigh, he nuzzled my ear and laid one soft kiss there. I was open and shaking as his hand reached between us and he rubbed his fingers into my wetness, over my clit and then shifted to slide his fingers around and between my cheeks. "Umm," I snapped out of my haze and started to turn, but he held me in place. "Shh, I'm not going to do that today. You'll ask me to, eventually. But not today. Trust me," he said seductively and I relaxed in his arms as he slid his cock between my cheeks and then secured my leg over his thigh again, trapping him and giving him friction to slide between us. "Are you ready?" he asked again, letting his finger flip the vibrator on. I only nodded, squeezing my eyes shut as I felt his arm lower. The buzzing of the vibe caused my skin to prickle and I braced myself for what was about to happen. But, there was no way to be prepared. He gently placed the tip of it to my clit and I bucked a little, feeling him slide behind me. Overload. I was in overload and had barely been touched. He skimmed my clit firmly and circled my entrance slowly, letting me acclimate to the new sensation. And then, with gentle and firm pressure, looking over my shoulder the entire time, he pressed it into me. I gasped as it filled me a little at a time, my eyes trying to take in what was happening below. He moved it in and out a little, shifting it around and making my back bow outwards as he teased. "Ohmy god," I whined as he pumped it in only an inch and retracted. My hips were circling, angling for more as he worked it inside of me a little further. His laugh was part desperation and part dark fascination. "You're going to come so hard. I know it. You're already soaked and so fucking swollen, baby. I can already feel you leaking all over my cock back here." He shifted his hips into my back to make a point and I closed my eyes, letting out a timid moan. "Relax for me," his words tickled my ear and I tried my hardest to comply. He slid it home. My arm flew over my head and I gripped his hair, pulling as it filled me and spun inside, the rabbit ears tickling my clit as he let it rest for a moment before pulling it out slowly and then shoving it back inside. My hips met his thrusts, causing his cock to slide between my cheeks as I writhed against him. He would whisper a light 'yes' every once in a while, watching the way my body responded to what he was doing. Kisses to my neck and shoulders were hot and wet and I practically screamed when he bit down on my shoulder lightly.

A small flick of his wrist and the pulsing of the vibrator increased, sending me into a fit of jerks and spasms before he stopped moving it around and just angled it into the front of my pubic bone. My entire body went rigid and I screamed, gripping his head in one hand and the sheets in another. I felt the pulsing and contracting escalate as I came fast and hard, the rabbit making a weird whirring noise as I clamped down on it and my muscles threatened to make the gears burn up. Edward pulled the vibrator from me and replaced it with his hand as he grunted in my ear and pressed into my back one last time before hot spurts of his come hit my spine. "MotherfuckBella," he shakily breathed in my ear. "That was so hot, baby. See? Look how hard you came" He lifted his hand, covered in glistening wetness as I took in a lungful of air. I turned onto my back and stared up at him, dazed and twitching as the tremors still wracked my body. "Holy shit," I mumbled. He nodded, smiling before leaning down and planting a gentle kiss to my lips. I closed my eyes and let his touch sink in before he pulled away. "You totally just came on my back, didn't you?' I asked, opening my eyes and giving him a look. His eyes widened in shock. "Where the hell else was I supposed to do it?" I shrugged and shifted as the sheet stuck to my spine. "You came on my hand," he reminded me, wiggling his fingers. I sat up and sighed. "I know, but if I lay here any longer it's gonna dry and them I'm going to be that chick they sing about in that Superman song." Edward rolled off of the bed and shook his head. "You're one of a kind, Bunny Swan." "Yeah, I know, 'Wardo." I sat up and pulled the sheet from my back. Before he made it to the bathroom door, I stopped him. "Hey" He turned and looked me over as I pulled my knees to my chest, taking a second to breathe. "Thank youfor this. You know." Ducking my head, I pressed my mouth to my knees and smiled a little. He tapped the doorframe with his hand, getting my attention and I looked up to see him leaning against the door, beautifully naked and looking satisfied. "Oh, we're just getting started. I'll be in the shower if you want to join me"

A/N: Umm...hai. Yeah. So. *clears throat* I'm glad there's no updates tomorrow, because I need to rest after that. Feel free to Urbandictionary 'Superman' if you'd like. And Google the song if you wanna. Thanks to Katmom who almost fried her computer to get this back to me today. For Lori who has told me that this 'Wardo is the hottest Eddie in her universe. For Jody agreeing that he should definitely finish on her back...And to Shel, who wasn't here today to pre-read because she was out being cultural and shit, but still finds the time to let me know she loves me. Nothing could be better than a 'Wardo-gasm, but reviews are pretty nice, too...

Chapter 8: Chapter 8

A/N: I just realized how very little I own of anything pertaining to Twilight. Bummer. Happy birthday, Michelle! Thanks to everyone who reviewed about 'Brandy'. Bella clears that up with Edward below...

Chapter 8

BPOV "They say, they say, 'Brandaaaayyou're a fine girl, what a good wife you would be," I sang and did a quick spin to throw some trash into the can. "But my life, my love and my laaaaaaadaaaay is the seeeeeea." Lifting the lid I shimmied. "Doo do do do do, do do do do dooooo doooo." Taking a deep breath, I let my eyes close and the flashes of Edward in the shower rushed at me so quickly I had to lean against the countertop for balance. His hands as they washed my back. Down my legs. Higher over my calves and thighs before he leaned over me and let his fingers slip between my legs and rub until I was shaking and pressing myself to the shower wall for support. Fingers, soft and firm, moving gently up and around between my cheeks to stroke while he whispered in my ear all of the depraved things he wanted to do to me. Feeling his cock growing hard against my spine again less than thirty minutes after he'd come on my back. I got to touch it. He showed me how he liked to be touched and I watched with fascination as his hand guided mine up and down over and over until he was grunting and swearing and I was dodging his second load as it hit my stomach that time "Bella?" James' voice startled me and I took a deep breath, letting it out and sighing as I realized how damp my panties suddenly were. Just from memories of Edward alone. "Bella!" "I'm coming," I yelled back, snickering a little at the innuendo. 'Wardo was turning me into a perv. "Yeah, James. I'm right here," I said, winded as I turned the corner into his bedroom. He appraised me suspiciously. "Who is he?" "Who iswho?"

His eyes narrowed. "The guy that has you singing god-awful hippie music from the seventies in my house." "It's not from the sixties?" I asked, folding my arms in challenge. "I bought the 45 in 1972. Of course I know what year that damn song came out." He coughed out a laugh and returned to giving me the stink eye. "What's his name?" Shrugging, I turned a little and scuffed my toe against the carpet in his room. "I seriously don't know what you're talking about." "You're practically glowingand that can only mean one thing for a girl your age." I batted my lashes playfully. "I got my menses and I'm finally a woman?" He scowled. "Go ahead and try to deny it, but I know. I know when a woman has finally gotten hers" "James, come on. I don't think we should have this discussion" He cut me off. "Pish! Victoria had that look in her face after our second date. Pink cheeks and walking all funny." His smile was wicked. "Damn, she was flexible." "Okay, that's enough." I waved my hands for him to stop. "I need to change your bedpan and I don't want you going into cardiac arrest from getting your first chubby in ten years while I'm doing it. The clean-up would be awful." Moving to the side of the bed, I made to lift his blanket when his frail hand came down upon my own. Glancing from the thin, pale skin of his knuckles, coated with liver spots, back to his face, I tilted my head in question. His eyes searched mine and the smile faded from his face. "Just make sure he treats you right, Bella." I gave him a reassuring smile and nodded, patting his hand gently. "I will, James." Because everything Edward was doing with me feltsoright. \_()_/ Bree ran into the house almost an hour late, apologizing all over herself for it. "It's fine, Bree. I justhave a class, you know? And, if I'm late too many times I'm going to get into trouble and I need to stay in school. So, pleasejust remember that if you decide to stop off at the bookstore on the way home again." I motioned to the receipt in her hand as I stepped by her. Apparently there was a huge rush on a pre-order of a book that was deemed severely controversial. Rumor was that the book was so explicit that there was a call to ban it, but distribution had been pushed through and stores everywhere were getting limited amounts of copies. The fuss was over the fact that the novel was based on true events surrounding a college professor and a student engaging in a torrid affair for a couple of years. But the shocker was that the professor was a woman. And the student was a male. Just eighteen years old when it all started. My mind struggled to understand what the student could have seen in a woman over twice his age. I certainly couldn't imagine being with one of my teachers. Especially Gerandy, with his halitosis and super-

obvious toupee. Most of our teachers smelled like old coffee and popcorn. Maybe it was just Community College that was that way I rushed into Bio to secure my spot at the lab table, only to be met with a piece of paper taped to it saying that seats would need to be used elsewhere because there was a water leak directly above it. Yellow plastic buckets surrounded all four legs and I grumbled under my breath as I took the remaining table in the back corner for Edward and me. The table to the right was empty as well, and the lighting wasn't as good as it was toward the front. One of the fluorescents was always buzzing and blinking and I prepped myself to have a migraine by the time class was over. Class was ten minutes into session when Edward arrived, looking harried and keeping his head tucked into his chest as he made his way back to where I was sitting with our lab information. He shrugged off his jacket and nodded to me once in acknowledgment. "Hey," I said, leaning back and taking him in. He lookeddifferent. He looked up from his paper and then back down. "Hey." It was weird, but I was kinda, I don't know, worried about him. "Are you okay?" Edward just nodded and looked over the notes again. I leaned into his ear, hoping to make him smile. "So, you were wrong about that Brandy song." "How so?" His eyes never lifted from the paper. "It's from the seventies, not the sixties." A slight smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. "Is that right?" "Yep." His eyes finally met mine. "You were paying attention, I see." I laughed a bit and shifted my stool closer to his, suddenly feeling like playing a little. "Oh, I'm a very fast learner. I've been paying attention" It seemed fun enough, playing with him in public like that. After all, the only thing we'd done outside of my apartment was the vibrator shopping. Gerandy called our attention to the front of the room and announced a quick video that he wanted us to watch, so we all put our pencils down to face the front of the room while he loaded it into the VCR attached to the television on a rolling cart. "You'd think this college would have enough money to buy at least one DVD player," Edward remarked with irritation. The lights went down and the film started but I couldn't hear a damn thing. The buzzing in my ears from being next to Edward was intolerable. My entire body was trying to angle his way because it knew he brought the pleasure.

I leaned on my elbow, scooting closer to his side with my stool. He glanced my way and then back at the movie. "Do you have any gum?" I whispered, letting my hair fall onto the tabletop. He nodded, whispering back, "In my pocket." I watched him make a movement like he was going to put his hand in his pocket, but I hit it out if the way with my own. His eyes went wide with surprise. "What are you doing?" he whispered again, moving his face closer to mine behind my curtain of hair. "Getting gum," I mouthed, watching his eyes fall to my lips as I slipped my hand into his pocket. Sure enough, there was gum in there, and I pulled the pack out along with the remainder of his pant pocket, leaving it out of its home. Edward swallowed loudly and I slipped a piece of gum into my mouth before I leaned down and reached for my purse, keeping my face hovering just above his thighs. I came back up triumphantly with my manicure set and some of my hand lotion. "Seriously," he leaned closer, "what the fuck are you doing?" I didn't answer. Instead I took his pocket in between my fingers and inserted a small hole in it with my nail scissors. One quick snip and a couple of pumps from my fingers and there was a hole big enough for my hand to fit through. He watched as I reached over for the lotion and slathered it onto my hands, making wet noises between my palms as I did so. A quick glance at his crotch revealed that the noises were getting to him and I pressed my lips together to stifle a grin. "Looks like I used too much." My eyes fell to his lap. "I'd better not waste it" Without another word, I pushed my hand into his inside out pocket and felt my fingers make contact with the warm flesh of his thigh. He adjusted himself on the stool, letting his knees widen a little and his hips pulse forward under the table. With another push into his jeans, my fingers found the smooth hardness of his cock and I did an internal fist pump as I encircled it and squeezed it in my palm. Edward dropped his shoulders and pressed his elbows to the table as his palms cupped his chin and his fingers pressed into his mouth. No one was near us, but it felt so dangerous anyway. I was beyond turned on at the moment. Risking a little more closeness, I swiveled in my stool and set one foot behind him on the highest metal rung underneath his seat. My other knee gently grazed his thigh as I propped my chin on my hand above the table and stroked him long and slow once below it. Something in me wanted to have some control over our situation. But another something wanted to make him feel good because it had looked like he was having a pretty shitty day when he'd walked into class. He made me feel better with orgasms, couldn't I return the favor? He turned his face towards me and moved his fingers to exhale and let his eyes close before opening them again. "I knew you were a dirty girl, deep down, Bunny." I picked up my pace, feeling powerful. My whole body was turned on, and I could feel the heat settle into my cheeks as I held my breath and exhaled to keep my wits about me. His fingers slid down his face and landed silently on the table as he gripped the edge of it. I felt his hips surge upward once and then his right hand was on my knee and he kneaded it roughly.

My heart was racing and I was pretty sure I was leaking through my jeans with how turned on I was by my bravado. I could see from the corner of my eye that the video was starting to wrap up because the notes were popping up for us to write down, but I couldn't pay attention to anything else other than the speed of Edward's breaths and the steady way his eyes bore into mine. His right hand landed on mine working him over and he hissed almost inaudibly, "Faster." My hand sped up and the buzzing increased, as did the steady thumping of my heart in my ears and the rush of blood through my cheeks. He leaned closer to me, making my hand almost immobile around him, caught in between the soft skin of his thigh and the rough texture of his denim. There was a second where he swelled in my palm and thenhis face fell forward and he kissed me, behind my wall of hair, and grunted softly into my mouth as my hand grew wet with his come. I took in a shallow breath and relaxed my fingers around him just in time to hear Gerandy get up from his desk and move to the television to retrieve the tape. Edward held eye contact as the lights came up and we both leaned away from one another. I slithered my hand from his pocket and he shifted his situation, appraising how much sticky wet splooge was in his pants. Chuckling, I looked around for something to wipe my hand on but came up with nothing. Shrugging, I wiped it on the inside of my hoodie and pressed my thighs together to appease the new ache that had grown there. A chuckle came low and soft from Edward and I looked at him questioningly. He held up his phone and waved it at me for a second. "Jasper just texted. Said that he'll be in town this weekend with Alice." My stomach did a flip-flop of sorts. He side-eyed me. "Says he wants to help us with our fruit fly project?" "Shit." Edward smiled, broadly. Leaning into my ear, he breathed heavily and I heard him lick his lips. "What's wrong, Bunny? Alice and Jasper don't know that 'fruit fly' is code for fuckawesome hand job?" My chin lowered to my chest and I laughed, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it all. "It was good?" His eyes, when I looked up, were full of truth and encouragement. "Top three I've ever had." I slapped his arm and turned forward in my seat, red-faced. "Arrogant asshole." He slid his hand across my lower back and sighed, the smile never leaving his face as I watched him settle against the table again. "They want us to go to dinner. Together. All four of us." And my stomach met my heart in my throat as I imagined what that would be like, trying to keep my hands off of Edward in front of his sister. We could do that. It wasn't like the arrangement was anything more than sex. It would be ridiculously easy to pull that off

A/N: Biolab handjobs are the property of Dani KnifeweildingHooker Writes. She just let me use her 'situation'. She's preggers and her stories have been on hiatus, but they are back and running now if you wanna check 'em out! DaniWrites right here on FFN. Katmom was waiting on pins and needles to beta today! And she did it so fast. My pre-read girls were on it like Bunneh and 'Wardo's fingers...APM, Fanny & Kitsushel: I lurve you guise! Reviews are better than changing James' bedpan...

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

A/N: I'm not Stephenie Meyer. And I'm not at the Oscars. Meh. Neither is Rob.

Chapter 9

BPOV I closed my eyes and envisioned a placethat was not an ocean. And a time that was not so far in the past. My heroine had changed as well as the location; her hair was darker and eyes were smaller. She had less curves. Her lover was not as broad, but taller. His hair was still light but in a different hue. Eyes piercing green and an angular jaw. "Dammit," I swore and opened my eyes as I tried to focus. My Laurent and Irina were looking suspiciously like Edward and me. 'Wardo had already pretty much accused me of trying to pull a Mary Sue and doing a 'self insert' of myself in my story as it was. If I kept it up, he'd be right and then I would have to tell him that he was right. And as it was, he could barely fit his head through the door of my apartment because he was so damn cocky. We were going to be meeting Jasper and Alice for dinner tonight, and I was a little worried about how everything would progress. Edward had been a little off since Monday, and I was getting a weird vibe from him I mean. I had gotten a 'vibe' from hima physical one. But this was a different vibe. He was just acting strange. \_()_/ All during class on Wednesday, he had been quiet and I wasn't about to cut another hole in his pants to help him feel better. Instead, I turned the cold shoulder his way and we just did our lab work like we'd intended to. Barely speaking unless we needed to. And I'd figured that he wasn't going to come over afterward, like we had planned the previous weekend. So, I just left without saying goodbye.

When I pulled up to my place, he was already there, leaning against the wall next to my apartment building door. His eyes weresmoldering. And I was pretty much mute under his gaze. So I just walked by him and up the stairs to my door, unlocking it and pushing it open to close it behind him after he'd entered. It was like we didn't need to talk anymore. I just took off my shoes and he was behind me, his nose to my neck and hands tugging at my coat to get me naked as soon as possible. I leaned into him and let him do what he wanted to because it all just felt so damn good. We undressed and he turned me to his chest to kiss me hard and deep, taking my sense of gravity away as I melted against him. He scooped me up in his arms and carried us to the bathroom where he started the shower and placed me inside the tub before he got in after me. And he washed my hair as well as my body, his fingers beginning to play me like a finely tuned piano until I was trying, without success, to claw my way up his soapy, wet chest. "Not yet," he murmured in this low, gravelly voice that made my head spin a hundred miles an hour. Instead, he finished washing himself, swatting my hands away every time I attempted to touch him. When he was done, he wrapped me in a towel and lifted me off of my feet to carry me into the kitchen. I laughed and settled onto the bar top when he'd deposited me there. "What are we learning today, Professor?" His eyes narrowed and he bit the inside of his cheek as he stalked towards me and pulled the towel from my frame, letting it land around my ass. I was caught off guard at his aggressiveness, and leaned away a little as he pulled my knees towards him and settled my feet on the two bar stools underneath my legs, spreading me wide open to him. "I'm helping you, Bunny. I'm not your teacher," his nose tickled the inside of my thigh and I felt goose bumps erupt over my thighs and higher as his teeth nipped lightly across the ticklish place by my knee. His face tilted up to look at me and I pressed my lips together as his wet hair caught the lighting in the kitchen, making it shine as rivulets of water trailed down his temples, across his jaw and down his neck. They disappeared lower down his chest into puddles on the floor and I tried to move a little to see him, but he placed a firm hand on my hip to stall my advancement. He only whispered, "I'm hungry," before his face was pressing between my thighs and I fell back onto the Formica counter. I rolled my eyes at his cheesy line until they crossed at the intensity of his mouth on me. My wet hair dangled above the floor as I gripped onto the towel beneath me and my hips arched upwards into his face. He kissed me hungrily, unrelenting in his assault on my clit. His fingers were digging into the tender flesh of my thighs, keeping me open wide as he settled my heels on his shoulders. His tongue lapped roughly between my lips, sliding to trace my entrance before ducking inside over and over and over; then he would start again, sucking on my clit, and skimming it with his teeth. His forearm pushed my knees back into my chest and I squealed as he pressed his face into me with more vigor, making my back thrust up like a rainbow as I moaned and cursed him loudly. Edward chuckled darkly, his unoccupied hand slipping across my hip and lower to rake across the wet skin of my thigh, and in between, as he sucked and licked. He pressed a sticky kiss to the back of my thigh and I felt his shoulders shudder against me. "I knew your pussy would be delicious, Bella. I just knew it." "Liar," I whined as his fingers made the ascent up the inside of my cheeks and his thumb pressed into my back entrance. He breathed warm air across me and I felt my stomach tense before a warm rush traveled downwards and he made an approving sound. "You like that. You're twice as wet now" "OhGod," I choked out as he made the maneuver again. He slid his fingers upward again and circled my entrance slowly, letting his tongue dart out every once in a while as they teased mercilessly. Even higher,

they rolled roughly across my clit and he switched out licking, sucking and touching me there until I was sure I couldn't take anymore. Then he stopped and hoovered like a suckerfish, causing my legs to twitch and my back to slide even farther off of the counter until I was sure I would fall, but he pulled me back just to do it over again. And I gave into the sensory overload as his stubbly chin moved up and down between my lips and his tongue lapped high and then lower to skim between my cheeks. Suddenly, his mouth was on my stomach, and his eyes were searching my face as his fingers pressed inside of me lightly. I trembled, anticipation outweighing any other thought in my mind. "Please," I gasped, letting my head fall back again as my eyes squeezed shut. "Don't tease, Edward. I want your fingers" Two long digits inched inside of me and I felt my whole body go rigid, my legs tightening in spasms as he proceeded to go deeper. There was a slight pressure elsewhere and I tried to place it but there was so much going on that I couldn't figure it out, until his fingers were fully seated inside of me, making me feel full and achy at the intrusion. "Tell me what you feel," he rasped, his voice seeming to come from incredibly far away. "I can't," I stuttered, feeling his fingers begin to slide out. "It's too much" He pushed them back inside of me and I panted his name out, realizing that he'd moved my wetness back far enough togive me the Shocker. "Youdammit. OhIIFuck. Me." My words were coming out in spurts as my stomach tightened again. It was unlike anything I'd experienced with him before and I loved it. Picking up the pace a little, he licked circles over my hipbone. "Bella, babyyou've gotta tell me what it feels like. I need your words." "No, no" My hands were pulling at my hair as I fought to get closer to him and farther away at the same time. It was such an intense pressure and so much pleasure at once that I was visibly shaking. "Do it," he begged, a type of pleading in his voice I wasn't used to. "Why?" I begged back, waiting for the inevitable crashing wave of orgasm that was building so rapidly below my pelvis. His left hand came up to the sensitive skin beneath my belly button and he slipped his three fingers back into their respective homes before he spoke with a smirk in his voice. "You have to tell me right now because in about thirty seconds you're going to black out." "What?" I yelled, trying to lift my head as he slipped his pinky from between my cheeks and twisted his two fingers inside of me, curling them upward at the same time that he pressed down with his other hand from the outside. The pressure he applied made my entire chest tighten, and I felt like I'd lost my air, my vision going dark before I experienced the most intense mixture of release laced with discomfort followed by pure, orgasmic bliss.

And then nothing. He was kissing my ribs when I came to. "Bella? You awake?" Laughter was evident in his tone. "What the hell was that?" I asked, trying to push up on limp arms. "Shh, just rest," he whispered, brushing wet locks of hair from my face. I turned my head to see that I was in my bed instead of on the kitchen counter. Raising a weak eyebrow, I scoffed, "You realize you ate me out in the kitchen, right?" He sighed and nodded, trailing his palm down between my breasts to lie over my belly button. "The linoleum was easier to clean up." "What? Clean up? I, uh" "Yeah, I just mopped" I shot straight up, red-faced. "No" He laughed, full and hearty. "You and Rose have a lot in common now" \_()_/ My legs were tensing at the memory and I blushed even though no one else was around. Who would have thought I'd be a squirter, too? I giggled. Then sighed. Then I caught myself giggling and sighing and flailed my arms in an attempt to clear my mind, catching my funny bone on the side of the desk I was sitting at. Howling in pain, I slid off of my chair and curled into the fetal position, breathing in and out slowly in an attempt to ease the pain and throbbing in my elbow. I was going to be severely pissed if James woke up because of that Turning over on my stomach, I let my face rest against the wood floor of the hallway and groaned. I really didn't want to get up Shifting onto my side, I looked down the hallway and then back again and something caught my eye: a book lying on the floor in Bree's room. Her door was ajar and I could see the hardback novel right there at the edge of her bed. Checking my watch, I noted that James had at least another hour left of his nap, which would give me ample time to check the book out and see what the fuss was all about.

A/N: Yeah... Thanks to Sandy at Southern Fanfiction Review for the lovely rec today!

And to Team CrissCrossApplesauce (Katmom, APM, Fanny and Kitsushel) for working on Oscar night... Reviews are better than cleaning Bella's floor...

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

A/N: I am not responsible for Twilight or the Vanity Fair pictures of Rob holding an alligator like a snake in a Britney Spears video.

Chapter 10

EPOV Dinner was already starting out as awkwardly as I expected it to. Bella had shown up almost half an hour late, looking flushed and excitedin a fucking skirt. Her legs? No words could describe her legs in a skirt. Alice was never one to be overly excited about anything, so I wasn't surprised that she didn't jump out of her seat to hug Bella. And Jasper was so damn awkward I was a little worried that his hand was going to fall off from being extended for so long waiting to actually pull her in for an embrace. I'd already started drinking before anyone showed up because my life had just taken a severe nosedive over the course of the past few days. And I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be catching up with my ex-stepsister and my old best friend from high school that I saw on a very rare basis because they were both still living away from home while getting to have their genuine college experience without any of the corresponding bullshit Bella's knee brushed mine under the table and I snapped out of my internal bitch session to glance her way over the top of my beer bottle. She was smiling slyly as she nodded at Jasper. "I mean, they're fascinating, right? How fast the orientation time is to when the male starts his seduction?" Jasper flitted his hands by his shoulders like a fly. "Singing his 'song' and then pretty much following the female around. He stalks herit's really sexual, you know. And then" His eyes grew wide and he looked over at Alice who was rolling her eyes to the ceiling and muttering under her breath. "There's the licking" Holy shit. He looked like it was legitimately turning him on. "Then they," he motioned with his finger poking into his other hand, "seal the deal andjustwow." Jasper wiped his hands through his hair and I could swear I saw some sweat on his forehead. "Fuckin' fruit flies, man. Amazing."

Alice sighed heavily and tilted her head in his direction. "Cool story, bro. Do you need some time alone in the bathroom with a copy of Fruit Flies Illustrated? Work out some of that pent up sexual frustration? Should we rent The Fly tonight and get kinky?" "Well, that would just be disgusting," Jasper retorted, completely serious. "It's such a farfetched premise and it's" "So, how have you been?" Alice asked Bella, cutting Jasper off mid-sentence. Bella chuckled and ran her hand through her hair, letting her calf brush against mine under the table. "I've been reallyreally good, actually. Things are starting to," her eyes slid to me for just a second, "look up." I swallowed my mouthful of beer and choked a little as I looked away. What was she doing? "How's your book coming along?" Jasper leaned over the table and I tipped back in my chair to appraise her reaction. I'd been under the impression that she hadn't told anyone about her writing, but this was Alice we were talking about, after all. Of course she would know about Bella's book. And that meant that Jasper would know about it, too. Bella cleared her throat. "I'm doing a lot of research." Alice made an 'hmm' sound and Jasper looked distracted. "Speaking of books, though. I was at work today and Bree had this new novel that just came out." Bella turned in her seat to address me, her hair swinging and the smell of her fruity shampoo hitting me in the face and making my stomach tighten. "Did your store get copies of An Early Education? I heard that a lot of places were all but banning it being sold" She licked her lips. "But I started it today, and holy motherthat book is seriously erotic and no holds barred" I slammed my beer down on the table and pushed away from it, my chair making a rough sound against the floor. "That book is garbage and complete bullshit. I wouldn't waste my time with it, Bunny." Aggravated, I stood up from the table. "I need a smoke." Shoving my way by the random people milling around the bar, I pushed the door open and gulped in a huge breath of air as I moved out into the chilly night. I needed to think. Needed to breathe. The entire book situation was eating me alive and I had no idea what I was supposed to do about it. It was about me, that much was obvious. I'd gone away to college after my mom divorced Alice's dad. No one knew I was as smart as I was, so I hadn't drawn any attention to myself after I had un-enrolled from Forks High. I'd simply taken my placement test and gone into college half a semester early. It was there that I met my mom's friend, Siobhan. She was a professor and my mom had kind of hinted for her to take care of me while I was away from home. And take care of me she did. Right around the time I turned eighteen, the professor and I started an intense physical relationship. I hadn't lied to Bella when I said that I'd only been with three women. It's just that, one of the women had like the experience of ten women and then some. She'd taught me every last thing I knew. Even some I didn't want to know. I'd only slept with the one girl in high school, and after the college found out about our affair, she'd been asked to step down and I had been paid a lump sum of money to keep quiet, as long as I left the school.

I'd tried to have random sex once when I'd come back home, but I'd experienced so much with Siobhan that meaningless sex wasn't fulfilling enough to justify getting hard for. And then Bella had appeared and I knew I could give her what she needed and as long as I could keep her interested for the long haul, and not give in to sleeping with her, then maybe I could convince her that there was more between us. There always had been more. I had asked her to marry me, after all, when I was just ten years old. I lit a cigarette and moved into the darkened alley behind the bar and leaned against the cool bricks, closing my eyes and laughing with annoyance. Obviously Siobhan had decided to write a book. Or else, someone close to her had decided to ghostwrite it to keep her name out of it. But, really? They renamed me Elijah Mann. E.M. Those are still my initials, you callous bitch. "Edward?" I opened my eyes to see Bella staring into the darkened alley with concern written all over her face. I could see her clear as day with the streetlights behind her, but I was pretty sure she could only see the smoke from my cigarette. "I'm here," I called to her, taking another drag from the stick. She walked quickly to where I was giving off my smoke signals and stopped just close enough to see my face. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Don't lie to me, 'Wardo. I know you" I laughed and flicked my cigarette to the ground at my feet. "Do you, Bunny?" "Yeah." Taking her hips in my hands I pulled her to me roughly. "I'm pretty sure you know some things about me, but mostly," I dropped my face to her neck and took in a deep breath, "you know what it's like to have me lick your pussy and make you come." She shivered and a thrill ran through me. Licking at her neck, I pulled her flush to my chest and moved us farther down the alley. When I was sure we were far enough away that no one could see either of us, I pinned her against the bricks. Nudging her thighs apart with my knee, I moved a hand down to raise her calf and settle her foot on a nearby crate. Trailing my fingers upwards, I traced the soft skin of her thigh and higher until I was palming the front of herbare skin. "You planned this?' I asked, raising a brow and moving back an inch to see her face.

She shook her head a little and gasped, "Not in an alley. I figured maybe a little action under the table would be funbut," her words tapered off as I kissed her roughly, shoving my tongue into her mouth and spreading her open with my fingers between her thighs. Her mouth opened even wider and I felt her grow impossibly wetter in my hand. "You want it so bad, don't you, baby? Huh? I can tell" My fingers played along her clit, teasing until she was pushing into my palm for more. "So hot and slick. You want my cock, don't you, Bella?" "Yes," she admitted, and I could hear the hint of desperation in her voice. "I'll give you a taste," I murmured, yanking my belt open with my other hand and shoving my jeans down low enough to retrieve my aching dick in my hand. I stepped into her and slid the tip along her opening once. Her other foot scrambled to find another crate and once she secured herself, I slid the entire length of my cock against her, pressing up with my pelvis so that her clit was flush with the base. Grinding into her, I listened to her breathing pick up and I anchored my forearms next to her head, as it tilted back and she gripped onto the back of my jacket tightly. "Edward," she breathed and my heart surged at the sound, making me angle against her more furiously. Her lips found mine and I kissed her, letting my eyes fall closed as her mouth opened to me over and over again. I let my hands fall to her head and I controlled the kiss as I controlled our bodies sliding against one another until the experience was just too much and I knew I was about to come. "Bella," I choked, pulling her face away from mine, "step down and close your legs, baby, like you did when you made yourself come in my lap the first time." She nodded; her eyes half open and dazed as she dropped each foot slowly, making me bend at the knees to keep level with her. Her thighs closed shakily as I resumed my motions between her legs and grinding against her clit. "Are you close?" I asked against her lips and I felt her tremble as she nodded and then buried her face into my shoulder, letting out a moan into the leather. I turned my chin into her ear and whispered, "Stay with me tonight, Bella. I promise I'll make you feel so good" "Yes, okay, yes," she stuttered as I felt her body tense and her legs go weak. At her admission, I gave in and buried my face into her neck, pulsing and shooting thick spurts between her cheeks and onto the wall behind us. I held her to me, my heart thundering in my chest and the warmth from my orgasm coursing through me, making the edges of my vision hazy. Her face tilted back to mine and I kissed her long and tenderly, letting my lips play over hers again and again. "Bella Swan," I murmured, "What do you want from me?" She sighed and looked into my eyes. "The same thing you want from me?" I shook my head and sighed. "I highly doubt that." Bella's eyes went wide and I ignored it to help her move her legs in order for me to take a step back from her. There was a mess, that's for sure. Down her legs and the front of my pants. "Shit, how am I supposed to explain this?" I groaned and looked around to think of something quick to clean up with. Bella grimaced and held her skirt away from her legs. "I can't go back in there like this"

Nodding, I zipped my pants and pulled my shirt down as low as it would go. "I'll go inside. You wait here." "In an alley? Without panties?" she hissed. "You're more than welcome to drip your way inside," I motioned towards the restaurant. She huffed and settled against the wall. "I thought so," I smirked. Rushing towards the end of the alley, I slowed as a familiar form came into view. Jasper was leaning against the far wall with his hands in his pockets. "Heya, 'Wardo." "Uh, hey, Jasper." I pushed my hand through my hair out of habit before remembering that it had Bella's juices all over it. He nodded and cleared his throat. "So, you're past the licking phase, huh?" I stared at him in disbelief. He simply shook his head. "Fuckin' fruit flies."

A/N: Who knew fruit flies were so kinky? All of my love to Team CrissCrossApplesauce (Katmom, APM, Fanny and Kitsushel) for working during actual work hours, or at 2 a.m. during a heat wave... Reviews are better than listening to Jasper get excited about fruit flies...

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

A/N: I didn't write Twilight. I also didn't direct it years and years ago, but still can't stop talking about it(Yeah, I mean you, Hardwicke) Just a short note: In case any of you are wondering if I am making fun of you for reading or writing fanfiction, you are wrong. I'm making fun of myself. FAP is an exercise in shedding my self-created box of rules that I set for myself less than 2 years ago when I started writing. Read Into the Mystic and you'll get it. I promise.

Chapter 11

BPOV I had waited in the alley for what felt like forever before Edward appeared in the darkness, holding some napkins in his hand. My legs were sticky, but drying, and I made a point not to lean against the wall behind me for fear that I would end up with an even bigger stain on my skirt from Edward's loadand I also had to wonder if there were other people's love eruptions on those bricks

"Here," he whispered as he pressed the napkins into my open hand. I'd thanked him and moved to clean up when I felt him drop his hand between my thighs and press a wet napkin to my skin. With a tender touch, he cleaned me up a little and I followed behind him with the dry napkins, feeling taken care of or something. "What did you tell Alice?" I asked as I straightened my skirt. He sighed and looked quickly towards the restaurant. "Umm, I didn't have to say much, really. Jasper was waiting for me when I left you. Apparently Alice had sent him to find us because she noticed that something was up." "What are you saying, 'Wardo?" My heart was jackhammering in my sternum. "I'm saying that we've done a shit job of concealing what's happening between us in front of Alice and Jasper." Even in the dark I could see the heat in his eyes and I took a deep breath as I let his words sink in. "Whatis happening between us?" I whispered. He took a small step towards me and I blinked rapidly as his arms encircled my waist to pull me to his chest. Pressing his lips to my cheek he let out a soft sigh. "It's probably a good idea for you not to come back inside. You have jizz all over your skirt. And shoes." "Dammit," I muttered. Edward laughed. "I'm going back in to tell them goodbye. I'll text you my addressmeet me there as soon as you can." "Okay." I pushed away from him a little. His mouth hovered above mine before he placed a delicate kiss to my top lip. "Bring enough clothes for the entire weekend." "What?" Another kiss. "You heard me." "Planning on keeping me hostage?" I joked. His eyes opened and seared into mine, making me squirm. "Pretty much. Oh, and remember to bring your toys too." I snorted indelicately. "All of them." With that last instruction, he'd kissed me hard, leaving me breathless before he stepped away and pulled my hand until we were out of the alley and back on the street. I tottered on my shoes as I tried to make it to my car without falling down on my newly weakened knees. And when I pulled away, I saw him watching me from the front door of the restaurant. Like he was making sure I was safe \_()_/

Pulling up to his apartment made my stomach explode in butterflies. What was going on with me? What had he turned me into, some kind of drooling sex addict? It was like being near him and having him bring me to orgasm was something that I craved almost as much those badass white chocolate macadamia nut cookies from Subway. I'd run into my apartment and shoved as much as I possibly could into an overnight bag, packing the vibrators and beads that he had requested that I bring. I'd also slipped in a couple pieces of lingerie, just in case I actually had time to change between whatever kind of lessons he had planned for two days and three nights of pleasure. Damn. He sounded like an advertisement for a Hedonism cruise It was weird how quickly I could block everything else out when I knew I was going to be seeing him. Even knowing that I would have to discuss what had happened at dinner with Alice at some point didn't stop me from opening my car door. Knowing that I had lied about fruit fly experiments to Jasper didn't keep me from taking my overnight bag in my hand. I had the distinct feeling that whatever steps Edward had wanted us to take, we had done them. There was no way he could possibly teach me everything sexual that he knew without us finally having sex. And the thought of actually having him inside of me made my entire body vibrate with anticipation. After experiencing what he could do with his mouth and his hands, I was beyond sure that his little 'Wardo could very well kill me. And I would let him do it over and over and over "The hell?" I muttered to myself as I got onto the elevator and pressed the button labeled '5'. My eyes roamed around the small space and I noted the mirrors that made up the four walls, my mind immediately conjuring up images of me straddling the handrails and Edward's face buried between my thighs as he made me come in record time before the elevator chimed to let us off on the fifth floor. The doors whooshed open and I licked my dry lips, suddenly very aware that I had been mouth breathing and about to hyperventilate because of my own imagination. Walking towards his apartment, I heard music floating out from beneath the door and wondered for a moment whether or not he would hear me knocking. Instead of chancing it, I jiggled the doorknob and felt my tummy dip a little as it gave way. He'd left it unlocked for me Now, a million scenarios were going through my head at that time. His apartment could have been completely unfurnished, with only milk crates as chairs to sit on. Or it could have been painted with graffiti all over the wallsmaybe there would be green shag carpet on them to make him feel like he was at home in his childhood bedroom. Maybe My mouth fell open as I looked around the completely furnished and clean living space. With art on the walls above the couches. And lamps? "I must be in the wrong apartment," I muttered to myself turning back towards the door, feeling utterly embarrassed. "Bella?" Edward's voice called to me from above the melody coming from the living room speakers and I spun on my heels to see his torso leaning inside from a window, his legs and feet still outside on the fire escape, a cigarette dangling from his lips and a beer bottle between his fingers. The same two fingers that had made me pass out "This is really your place?" I might have yelled it at him. Maybe.

He laughed and nodded, taking the cigarette from his mouth and exhaling sideways. "Why? Did you expect me to live in Government housing or something?" My mouth opened to speak but I had nothing. Crawling back inside, he closed the window behind him and ran his hand through his damp hair, clearly having just taken a shower. "You really know nothing about me at all, Bunny. Why even have preconceived notions anymore?" I dropped my bag to the floor and took a small step forward, feeling magnetically drawn to him as we moved closer to one another. "Then tell me something about yourself, Edward Masen." He raised that one eyebrow at me and pursed his lips. "Like what?" I shrugged. "Likewhat the hell is this music you're listening to?" Eyes wide, he pointed to the stereo. "That is real, classic music. Not the synth-pop, auto-tuned, regurgitated shit that we get fed now." "I had no idea I was offending your hipster ways, 'Wardo." I moved by him quickly to make my way to his stereo. "On vinyl, no less!" His body heat permeated the back of my shirt and I closed my eyes as he pressed his chest into my back, his arms wrapping around my waist and chin settling on my shoulder. "Show some respect for Tommy James, Bunny." Edward's arms tightened as he pulled me closer and I allowed my eyes to close as he began to sway us from side to side. The song was slow and sweet and after a few seconds I heard him singing in my ear. "Well if she come walkin' over, Now I been waitin' to show her, crimson and clover" I relaxed into him and allowed him to lead as he sang softly against my skin. "My mind's such a sweet thing, wanna do everything, what a beautiful feeling" If I had to pinpoint exactly when the dynamic of our agreement changed, it was right then. As he turned me towards him and pressed my chest to his. When he brushed my hair away from my face. The look in his eyes before he bent forward and pressed an honest to god kiss on my lips that made my entire body tense and relax before buzzing with excitement. I fisted his hair and tugged as he roamed my mouth with his tongue, the taste of him, the beer and cigarette that he'd just had in his mouth, making a heady combination that usually would have been disgusting, but was somehow incredibly erotic when it was Edward. He lifted me against him and moved tentatively towards his couch before seeming to change his mind and pivoting to head into his bedroom instead. I could smell the remnants of his shower as it hung in the air. I felt the slight breeze of his ceiling fan cooling my overheated cheeks as he laid me against his pillows. I took in the softness of his comforter against my legs as I settled there with him hovering over me. "What did you bring?" he asked, kissing a soft trail over my neck and collarbone to nip lightly above my breast. "Everything," I sighed, letting my head roll to the right. "Good." He stepped away and I watched in confusion as he left the room and returned less than a minute later with my bag. He unzipped it and dug around for whatever it was that he was looking for and once he'd found it, he looked incredibly pleased.

"I want you, Edward," I confessed, hoping he could hear the truth in my voice. "I know. I want you, too. But I'm not done yet." Feeling frustrated, I crossed my arms and made a face. "Can't we just" "No," he said quickly. "No." Crawling over me on the bed, he pressed his forehead to mine gently. "But, I can tell you that it will happen this weekend. If you stay with me here, it will happen." His kiss to my lips was sweet and I melted against the bed as he pressed his weight onto me, molding against me with his lips and hands and legs. It was amazing how fast I reacted to his touch. How turned on I was in such a short amount of time. Breathless, I was tugging at his shirt and pulling at his jeans, desperate to get him undressed. His eyes held mine as he moved away to disrobe, and then pulled me by my feet to the edge of the bed to take my clothes off. When we were both naked, I finally took a calming breath. It was like everything wasright. He was hard, and his cock was wavering in front of my face, making my stomach tighten and moisture pool between my thighs. Tentatively, I lifted my hand and ran the back of my hand along the smooth shaft, giggling as it bounced a little. Looking up at him, I could see the look on his face, questioning what I was about to do. And instead of asking him, or saying something stupid to ruin it, I leaned forward and planted one kiss to the tip. "Fuck," he hissed and I smiled in return, taking my hands and wrapping them around the middle so that I could kiss it again. My lips parted and I breathed out, warm and slow across the head before letting my tongue slide out and across it a little. His stomach contracted and I watched his hands ball into fists at his sides. "Show me," I whispered and had to hold back my laughter at how fast his hands were in my hair, cupping my skull as his hips shifted forward a bit. "Lay on your back," he sounded like he was being strangled. I did as he instructed and watched as he leaned forward to pull my head almost completely off the side of the mattress. He stepped away for a moment before taking his place in front of my face again. My mouth couldn't suppress my smile as he lowered himself to me and kissed me upside down, running his tongue playfully across my top lip. "Relax your throat. I promise I won't hurt you," he whispered before standing back up. I had no reason not to trust him, so I waited as he gripped his cock in hand and brought it to my lips. Opening as wide as I could go, I let him fill my mouth, sliding my tongue over the soft and firm skin of his head and then the shaft. "That's it," he sighed with encouragement. My hands settled onto his thighs as he leaned over me a little and pushed forward to fit more into my mouth. His hands were roaming my stomach and I felt my legs fall open as his fingers trailed slowly between my breasts, across my stomach and towards my pelvis. His middle finger caressed my clit once and I felt my mouth widen as I took all of him in. His hips shifted back minutely as he took in a deep breath. From somewhere to my left I heard a soft buzzing sound and then felt his fingers sliding between my lips as his pelvis tilted forward and he filled my mouth again. Edward straightened up a little, looking down at me with glassy eyes. "You have no idea how beautiful you look with my cock in your mouth, Bella. Take your tongue and press it right under the head" I did as he said and watched smugly as his jaw pulsed. "Yeah, like that. Now, suck a little harder"

I followed his instructions and felt my cheeks hollow out as he slid out a little and pulsed back in. Breathing through my nose, I justfelt. I could tell by his reactions when I was doing something that he liked, and eventually I closed my eyes, concentrating on the feeling of him hitting the back of my throat before retracting. He'd moved himself a couple of times and I hadn't thought anything of it until I felt his hands on me again, splaying me open and his fingers sliding between my drenched lips and across my clit. The buzzing sound that I had heard earlier was now coming from somewhere else and I tried to place where it was before I felt something being placed against my clit. I jerked and Edward shushed me as he brought the vibrator down a little more firmly against me. "This is the G-spot one we got." My memory clicked through the toys we'd purchased and I knew exactly which one he was talking about. I moaned around him as he pressed my left leg to the mattress and let the vibrator glide against me to pause at my opening before he very, very slowly pushed it inside of me. My entire body went rigid as it settled directly onto my g-spot. Without knowing it, I'd begun to dig my fingers into his thighs. My hips were shaking and rolling, jerking sporadically. My lips had clamped down around him like vice grips. His hand started to move faster between my legs as he pressed repeatedly against my g-spot and tapped, rolled, twisted the vibe against me until I was squeezing my eyes shut and screaming around his cock. I came hard and gripped his thighs, clamped down on the vibrator as my knees pulled upwards toward my chest and I faintly felt his hands at my ears as he gruffly exclaimed that he was coming before I felt thick, hot shots of his come hitting the back of my throat, threatening to make me choke and come flying out of my nose. But he was whispering for me to relax. Telling me it was so good. His hands kneaded my breasts and my throat as I swallowed and felt him stagger backward until he was out of my mouth and I was left with a salty taste at the back of my throat, teeth indentions in my cheeks and an active vibrator between my legs. Rolling to my side, I slid it out of me, turned it off and threw it to the ground, shaking and gasping for breath with my eyes closed. Pressing my face into his comforter, I let my heart beat a crazy rhythm in my chest, satisfied and happy. The music was turned off. The lights followed. And right before I fell into a deep sleep, I felt Edward's arms around me. He secured me to his chest, maneuvering our bodies underneath his blanket. It was comfortable throughout the night, and I found myself waking every once in a while just to snuggle in closer to his chest. Bury my nose into his neck. And he would press a kiss to my forehead or breathe my name in his sleep, making me feel lightheaded before drifting back into my dreams.

A/N: Awe, they're getting kinda sweet on each other, huh? Sorry for the delays. I'm sicker than sick. Plus, other stuff...Meh. Now I'm gonna go curl up with Garfi and watch him cry in Never Let Me Go. Katmom said, "They're getting sweet!" APM said, "Swexy..." Fanny said, "POST POST POST"

And Kitsushel said, "I'm at Bobby Long. It was not a good idea to read this here..." I love my team! Reviews are better than a dark alley walk of shame...

Chapter 12: Chapter 12

A/N: I make no money from Twilight. And I never will.

Chapter 12

BPOV A few things hit me at the same time when I woke up the next morning. One: My mouth tasted like it's usually swampy self, but there was a definite extra sticky quality to it that instantly made me regret not brushing my teeth and letting 'Wardo's jizz take up house in the back of my throat all night. Two: Apparently, 'not-sex' still smells like sex, and can permeate a room just as badly. Three: My mouth wasn't the only sticky thing in that room, and I was dreading having to remove my thighs from around Edward's because, from the looks of it, I had been attempting to ride his leg in my sleep. Four: Morning wood is NOT a myth. I kept my eyes closed and tried to feel my surroundings for the moment, wondering if I could roll away from him and get to the bathroom without causing any interruptions to his sleep. Sliding my hand down from his chest and between our bodies, I pushed a little in hopes that I could roll him back enough to disentangle myself with dignity. But this was Edward we were talking about here. He would never let me off that easy "Going somewhere?" he chuckled and I let my eyes open to see him looking down at me with amusement painted all over his face. I pulled the sheet up to my face and covered my mouth. "I was going toya knowpee and brush my teeth." He raised both eyebrows. "You sure about that?" "Yeah, why?" His knee nudged upward and into me, making me stifle a whimper. "Because you're leaking all over my leg. I wasn't sure if you were done trying to get off on my thigh yet."

So, playful 'Wardo was back. I had to admit I'd kind of missed him. "I was not," I countered, moving my leg a little and maintaining eye contact as I did. He was totally right, of course. I was super wet and sliding over his thigh effortlessly. Of course, that just meant that his hard-on was bumping into my stomach each time I moved Edward laughed, short and quiet. "No? Then what were you dreaming about that was making you call my name out so loudly?" Again, busted. But how do you describe a dream and not have it sound like a complete acid trip? Like, 'I was running from clowns, but they had dog bodies and when I found you at my old childhood home in Kentucky, you were wearing a mask. But I knew it was you, even though you were a girl and had lobster claws for hands' In the dream I had been having, I was doing all kinds of kinky sexual positions with Edward. Except, his face was blurry. His cock was not. I missed his face. Clearing my throat, I shifted my hips again, sliding against his leg and tensing as my clit scraped against him. "You were, umm," thinking quickly, I pulled something from thin air, "a were-panther and were trying to kill me. I was calling your name because, it was likelife or death." Closing my eyes, I moved against him one more time before shoving him away and rolling out from beneath the comforter to stand up and pull my hair up in the ponytail holder I had around my wrist. "A were-panther?" He sat up and leaned forward to give me a face that let me know he didn't believe any of the shit I'd said. "Yeah, why? Thoseexist." I shrugged and looked down, suddenly remembering exactly how naked I was. "Uh-huh." His eyes were trained on my nipples and I felt my hands start to move to cover them and then stopped, letting my arms fall to my sides, instead. Edward's lips pursed in approval and he let out another chuckle before scraping his hands across his face and getting out from beneath the covers, too. Standing up, he stretched, his lean frame extending and showing off every one of his taut muscles. And his massive boner. Staring at me in some sort of raunchy showdown. Almost like it was waving a red flag at me, convinced I was a bull that was going to start running at it. It only had one eye, but I was pretty sure that fucker winked at me "I'm gonna make breakfast," Edward's voice called to me from my one-sided staring contest. "Yeah, okay." Tearing my eyes away from him, I moved across the room to where he had dropped my bag the night before. I looked over my shoulder to see him staring, arms crossed and that expression on his face again like I was the funniest and most awkward woman he'd ever encountered. "Do you mind?" I asked, motioning towards the bag. "I'm pretty sure that squatting or bending over to get into this bag in front of you would be considered one of those 'ugly naked' times. Can you, justturn around or something?" He was by my side faster than I could blink. Careful to keep his mouth at my ear, he laid one hand on my shoulder and let it start trailing its way lower until his pinky caressed my nipple. "I already promised you that I'd be seeing you in a lot of positions this weekend, Bunny. No need to be shy now." But instead of taunting me further, he bent and picked up my bag for me, letting it drop lightly into my shaking hands. His

breath was warm on my shoulder as he sighed and I felt him smile against my skin. "Just one more thing" "Yeah?" "I have a detachable shower head." My stomach tightened at the reference. "Awesome." "Don't use it," he cut me off. I whipped my head around to look into his eyes. "What? Why the hell not? I'm leaking like a busted dam and you're playing mind games. Why would I not?" His hand pressed to the soft spot above my pubic bone. "You save those for me." The hell? Like my orgasms were little coins in a piggy bank? With one gentle touch, he applied pressure there and I was shuddering and immediately reminded that I had to pee. "God, I really do hate you sometimes," I muttered and sprinted for the bathroom door. And sprinting made me realize how jiggly certain bits of my body were. By the time I got into the shower, I kind of wanted to use his showerhead to get myself off out of spite, but the effort wasn't there when I realized that it was just so much better when Edward was involved. After brushing my teeth, I wrapped my body in a towel and my hair in another before opening the bathroom door to let the steam out. Which is when I noticed Edward sitting back in the bed with just the sheet over his lap and bowls of food surrounding his knees. He smiled at me and made a gesture to the spread as if to silently imply that the food was for me as well. "What's this?" He looked down at the bed. "Looks like fruit. And Nutella. Some croissants" "That's a pretty impressive spread." I walked over to the bed and started to sit down when he held up his hand and wagged one finger in my direction. "This bed is a clothing free zone, I'm afraid." "Towels aren't clothes," I countered. His eyes held playfulness in them. "They are when you're in my room." Rolling my eyes, I dropped the towel and pulled the one off of my head, feeling goose bumps erupt all over as my wet hair hit my spine. "Can I get under the sheets?" He shook his head, no. "Fine." Taking my seat next to him, I settled my back into the pillow and let my legs settle as I crossed my ankles in front of me. He had a small fruit knife in his hand and I watched as he sliced the top off of a strawberry, the juice trickling over his thumb before he brought it to his mouth to lick it off with his tongue. My staring must have been a little more obvious than I thought because he licked his lips deliberately

slowly, making me shift around a little against the pillow. "What kind of lesson is this?" I asked, dropping my eyes from his mouth to my bare stomach. "Who said this was a lesson? I just want to eat breakfast off of your fuckhot body." I laughed, letting my eyes squeeze closed and my head fall backwards against the headboard. "I should have known." Shaking my head, I opened my eyes to see him staring at me, smiling as he placed a sliver of strawberry on his tongue, the shiny metal of the knife bringing a memory to mind. "You know, I always thought your roomwhen we were growing up? I thought your walls were made of carpet." "Why?" The laughter had started up again. I flailed my hands in front of my face, embarrassed. "We were on the phone and you were throwing knives or something. I asked what you were doing and you said you had carpet on your walls." He placed a piece of the red fruit between his fingers and brought it to my lips. "I had a dart board thing that I put carpet on. I can't believe you thought my room waspadded." My mouth opened to take his tiny offering and I noticed his finger linger on my tongue just a second longer than necessary. Wrapping my lips around his digit, I sucked on it lightly, pleased at how erotic it felt. He must have been, too, because he shifted me over until I was straddling him above the sheets. My knees tucked into his sides as his hands roamed behind me into the bowls. "What else did you think of me?" he asked; bringing a finger covered in Nutella around to the front of my face. His eyes never left mine as he applied the sticky spread to my collarbone. I closed my eyes as he dipped his head forward and licked his way across the chocolate. One long stroke of his tongue. Sucking pressure from his mouth. A small nip of his teeth. My breath was getting shallow and I struggled to clear my head as my body was starting to respond to him again. "Mmm, should we be talking about this right now?' I asked breathlessly. "I wanna know," he whispered into my neck. His hips shifted and I could feel him, hard and aroused beneath the sheet. He placed a slice of strawberry on my nipple and I pressed my lips together when he looked up at me, his mouth level with it. "You know I always thought you were cute," I confessed, feeling utterly stupid for telling this man those things. His tongue darted out and he laved it across the underside of the nipple before sweeping it across the fruit and letting his lips suckle for a second, causing my back to bow inward a little. "You did, huh?" Another well-placed sliver of fruit was nibbled off of the other nipple. "Hmm." My hips were shaking from sitting so rigid and I settled my lower half as firmly as I could against him. "Did you ever think we'd end up here?" I asked, nudging his forehead with my nose until he looked up at me. His eyes were intense and he licked chocolate off of his lower lip before responding. "Yeah, actuallyI did." There wastruth in those words. "Really? I never in a million years thought I'd be in Edward Masen's bed." My defenses were down as I continued, kissing his eyebrow and lower to skim my lips across the bridge of his nose. "Though, I have to wonder if we ended up hooking up in High School how very different the experience would have been. I chuckled, "Like, if we'd actually had a good time on Prom night"

His spine stiffened a little at the remark. "Well, it certainly wouldn't have been as extensive as this." With a shift of his hips, he rolled me off of him and moved to the edge of the bed, placing his elbows on his knees as he cradled his face in his hands. With eyes closed, he breathed in deeply and held it for a moment. "Edward? What's wrong? Did I say something" I was trying my damnedest but couldn't figure out what I could have possibly said. Edward let out a long sigh and turned to look at me over his shoulder, his eyes tired and suddenly looking as though they were filled with defeat. "You should clean up and get dressed. I have to tell you something and I'm going to be a huge pussy about it" "What do you mean?" He looked away again. "I have to tell you something about my past. And I'm going to need to do it in front of my friends."

A/N: There's always a reason for my madness. That cliffy has a reason. I promise. Team Criss Cross Applesauce: I owe you lots of Nutella covered strawberries. Thanks for being such a #WINNING team and being my #tigerblood. Thank you for all of the well-wishes when I was sick! You're all so nice to me, I can hardly believe your words are mine to keep - lol I appreciate all of you that have been reading this story, loving these kids, pimping it out hardcore EVERYWHERE. (I'm winking at you, Michelle) I've met some awesome people through The Lemonade Stand, and FAP was even voted for one of the stories of the week. And, hold your panties...EBT is gonna do the review of it! OMG - If you know anything about me, you know how HUGE that is for me. She's the reason I started writing fic. I feel like I'm living someone else's life! To everyone that has been leaving questions about the positions or toys used here, I have been posting pictures over on Fapper's Delight on FB. It's a pretty awesome place that you should visit. I even give teasers! Big love to all of you who play with me on FB and Twitter, even when I am rambling off Mean Girl quotes and lamenting wide set vaginas. You're all AMAZING and I LOVE YOU! Reviews are better than going to Garrett's for confessional...

Chapter 13: Chapter 13

A/N: Twilight sucked me in almost exactly 2 years ago. Stephenie Meyer owned the tail end of my twenties. Any resemblance to MotU is purely coincidental. I've never read it...please don't burn effigies of me in the street. Twi Guuuuy...I left some love for you in this chapter. Michelle said I could;)

And for the rest of you, this is the love letter I've wanted to write to the fandom for quite some time. Thanks for being amazing for the past 2 years.

Chapter 13

EPOV I'm fully aware that my plan to take Bella to Garrett's was a pussy move on my part. But, I really had no other option. What I was about to tell hertell all of themwas something that could change the way she saw me forever. And after she made that damn reference to Prom night, I just couldn't take it anymore. See, if I told her at my apartment about Siobhanshe could run. She could flip out and scream or lose her mind and the entire thing would be called off before I'd even been given the chance to have sex with her. I'd spent the past couple of weeks working up to it for many reasons, but if I was being honest, it was because once we had sex, it could very well be over. I didn't want it to be over, So, maybe if she heard the news around my friends and didn't react immediately, but had the opportunity to see how they handled it, she'd be more likely to listen. It was a long shot, but I was willing to take the risk. Because, I hated to say it, but Bella Swan had me Bunny whipped. She sat in the passenger seat of my car, her arms folded across her chest and her palms twisted up in the sleeves of her sweatshirt, which was her signal that she was anxious and probably a little upset about my abrupt end to the breakfast foreplay. Not like I wasn't suffering too, mind you. Not only had she alluded to the fact that she had always kind of liked me, but I was getting a distinct feeling from her that she was into me now, as well. Instead of talking about it, I smoked the entire way over to Garrett's. Knowing that Rose and Emmett would be there kind of set my mind at ease. I was just glad I'd skipped over inviting Alice and Jasper to the confessional. I couldn't imagine all seven of us in one room together like that. I think Alice and Jasper had met Emmett and Rose once before. It was freaky, to be honest. If I thought Jasper was crazy about fruit flieshe was even more enamored with Emmett. That was a bromance I didn't want to see pan out. Garrett's house appeared much too quickly and my nerves ambushed me as I parked the car and jumped out to open Bella's door. She barely looked at me as I held the door open and I reached out to grab her hand, but she kind of shrugged me off. I couldn't say I blamed her, really. It just made the dread in my stomach knot up even more as I pushed Garrett's door open. Rose was standing in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal. In only a t-shirt. And a red wig. "Hey, 'Wardo," she said sleepily as she waved the spoon in my direction. Her eyes grew wide and I was afraid milk would come pouring out of her nose when Bella appeared behind me. "Holy shit. The Bunny is back."

Bella leaned her head around me to acknowledge Rose with a small wave. "Hey, Rose. I like your hair." Rose's spoon hand immediately went to her head. "Yeah? I mean, I think it's pretty cute" "You'd look stellar as a redhead." Bella stepped around me and walked over to stand in front of Rose. "Your eyes and skin tone? Please. I'd think you were a certified ginger baby." Rose spooned some cereal into her mouth happily, rubbing her toes along her opposite calf. "See, Emmett kinda has this Spiderman fetish. Andyou know, Mary Jane has the red hair and all." She grinned at Bella. "Sure, but the new Spiderman has Gwen Stacy in it and she's a blonde. Plus, I'd rather look like you any day of the week over Kirsten Dunst," Bella laughed, leaning over Rose's bowl to see what was in it. Rose leaned her head back and snatched the wig off before pushing her bowl across the countertop and stomping into Emmett's room, loudly declaring that he was an asshole. Hearing the commotion, Garrett's head eased out of his room, his reddened eyes roaming over me and landing on Bella. "Bunneh," he exhaled with a plume of smoke from his lips. Bella gave him a thumb up. "Circle up," I instructed him, moving towards the kitchen to raid the pantry for the donuts I knew they kept there. "I gotta tell you guys something. So, put pants on and I'll get your breakfast ready." Within five minutes all four were sitting on the couch, looking at me expectantly. I stood in my spot between the sofas as I shifted from side to side, gathering my courage to speak. I'd never felt so unsure of myself in front of my friends before. I fucking hated it. Pressing my palms to my eyes, I listened as Garrett passed a bowl to Rose and after she exhaled I dropped my hands and looked at the ceiling, "So, you guys know that book that came out last week about the professor and student that were fucking and it's all over the news because its scandalous and raunchy and not suitable for the public to read?" I took a breath and waited for a response. Emmett leaned forward and scratched his cheek slowly. "Yeah?" Closing my eyes, I opened my mouth and blurted out, "The book is about me." "When were you a professor?" Garrett asked. My shoulders slumped and I looked at him in disbelief. "You were the student." Bella. My face turned towards her and I nodded once in agreement. "Holy shit," she said quietly, settling back against the couch cushion. "I mean, it makes sense I guess. Elijah Mann is Edward Masen?" "Look, the school paid me off to cover up the 'transgression' and I had to leave. That's why I came back home, because we got caught and called out by a TA. It went in front of the board and everything. But the point is that Siobhanthe teacherwasn't supposed to say anything about it and now there's a book out

that's getting major press and I just wanted to be honest with you, okay? Before the truth came out, if anyone figures out it was me. I don't know how it's going to affect my 'settlement' and whether or not I can sue." The gravity of my reality suddenly hit me like a freight train and I slumped down onto an empty chair to catch my breath. Emmett sat back against the couch again as Rose leaned forward, cradling her chin in her hand. "So, she was, likeold?" Everyone shifted to look at her. "What? Like that's not what the rest of you were thinking?" Bella looked down at her fingernails and then back up at me. "That's the long relationship, then. Two years with an older woman." It sounded so final coming from her mouth. "She was a friend of my Mom's. You don't know Liz and the people that she's friends' with. If you did, this wouldn't be a surprise at all," I explained quietly. The rest of the group nodded their heads a little. "Well, that's just fucked up," Bella snorted and rubbed her face with her hands. "I don't know whether to thank her or mail her anthrax in an envelope." "Anthrax. Definitely anthrax," Garrett monotoned. "I know a guy" Bella held up a hand to stop him. Glancing at me again, she smiled a little. "No wonder you were all kinds of upset about me reading the book." "I didn't want you to figure it out on your own and think I was keeping things from you." It seemed like that conversation was the first legitimate one we had taken part in since, well, ever. She looked thoughtful. "Garrett? Do you have a computer I can use for a few minutes?" He stood up slowly and pointed toward the room he had made into an office. "Iyeah. Just let me move somestuff" Bella laughed. "I don't care how much weed you have in there. I just need internet access." They moved into the other room and Emmett stared after them before addressing me. "Bunny's a lot cooler than she was the last time she was here." I sighed. "Multiple orgasms will do that for a girl." Rose shifted closer to me, her face still frozen in confusion. "Seriously. How old was this woman? Because, I'm picturing you giving it to Betty White right now." "Please. I'd still fuck Betty White," I snorted. "But Siobhan can burn in Hell." "Soforty-ish?" Rose waved her hand back and forth. "Come on. I'm fascinated." I stood up and wiped my sweaty hands on my pants. "I think I've fucked this up. Big time." Motioning towards the room Bella was in, I set my jaw. If only that night at Prom I hadn't lost my nerve to ask her to be my girlfriend. My entire life could have been different. I'd gone outside to smoke and gather my courage, but she thought I was ignoring her and went about being a bitch for the rest of the night, making

cartoon-eyes at that Riley douche who she had a crush on. I knew all about it, but still thought for just one second that I'd have a chance with her. Now that chance had come and I was screwing up all over again. Garrett stepped out of the room and gave me the once over before sliding by me in the hallway. "That's a cool-ass chick you've got in there" "What are you talking about?" I asked, lowering my voice a little. He snickered. "She's getting online to get some friends of hers to give her legal advice for you." "Are you serious?' "Hell yeah." He coughed into his elbow and then raised his fist to bump. "Better give that girl something good tonight." Distracted, I bumped his fist and moved to the door leading to Bella. "I'd already planned on it." She was hunched over the screen on Garrett's laptop when I entered and she looked up just for a moment to offer me a smile. "Hey, don't get upset or anything. I'm not gonna use your name. But, I have some friends here that might be able to help figure out your situation." She logged into an account and groaned into her hand. "Oh my God. I haven't checked my Gmail in a week. I have seven thousand emails." "Yeah, right." She turned the laptop to face me and my mouth went slack. "You're serious." "Yeah, well, between Facebook, reviews, Twitter and private messaging, it's kind of a full time job." I dropped to a squat next to her; trying not to think about how close she was in the small confines of the room. "So, who are these people that you know?" "Friends. Readers. Other writers. All kinds of people from the community." She tapped a few keys and a Facebook page filled the screen. "Who is that in your profile picture? And what the hell is that name?" I pointed to her page. She slapped my hand away. "They are all references to fanfiction. Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to. And don't," she looked at me pointedly, "make fun of the people who are about to save your ass." I watched as she filled her status update asking for legal advice. Within seconds, replies were coming through and her inbox started lighting up with PMs. "Holy. Shit." I looked up at her face and she was smiling. "You make fun of these women for reading my trashy stories, but you'd be surprised who is on the other side of the computer screen." "Do tell."

She shifted and leaned forward to look in my eyes. "You think they're all bored housewives sitting at home with bad marriages, right?" I just shrugged, unable to reply. She pointed to the screen. "You see what that says? That says I have over a thousand friends on this one page. And they are actual friends. Some of them are people I talk to on the phone. Meet for dinner. We exchange stuff in the mail. I get presents or an ear to listen when I've had a particularly shitty day." Her eyes were wide and soft. "They're teachers, lawyers, doctors, artists... Some do stay at home but a lot of them are full time in the military or working from behind a desk making a hundred thousand a year. We contribute to charities and send baby gifts, stuff like that. So, when you say shit like you did about me writing terrible fiction for women to get off to, you're partially right. But you're mostly wrong." I slid up on my knees and looked at the screen more closely. "There are thousands of women in these groups and shit?" She nodded and gave a chuckle. "Unfiltered. All day. Every day." "It's like pussy central. Why don't more guys know about this?" "Some do. We have guys in here that hang out with us." "Do they get eaten alive?" I asked in awe. She smirked. "Oh, yeah. Poor boys who've never even had their dick sucked at the age of twenty-one." She looked like she'd just remembered something. "Hmm. I haven't talked to J in a while. Maybe that's changed" "J?" I asked with a smirk. She sighed, "Just one of the young, inexperienced ones." Her eyes flicked to me and she frowned sadly. "Like you were once, I guess." "Listen, BellaI didn't mean for any of this to come out how it did" Bella laid a hand on my shoulder and shook her head. I was confused by the sympathetic look in her eyes and the smile on her lips. "No one should have to put up with what you are going through right now, Edward. If I got mad at you, it wouldn't do any good. It happened. And she's a bitch for putting it out there." I looked into her eyes as she said that and felt something shift definitively between us. "Why are you being so understanding?" She smiled again, leaning her forehead to mine. "Because I really do care about you, Edward. More than our agreement." I listened. She didn't say that she cared about me as a friend. She didn't say she cared about me as Alice's brother. She simply said she cared about me. It was all I had been waiting for,

Nownow I could properly fuck her. With meaning. And I planned on doing just that as soon as I had her back in my apartment.

A/N: Oh, yeah. Next chapter? It's on. No more holding out and cockblocking from me. Nuh uh. Bella's reaction...not what you expected? It wasn't for APM, but Kitsushel said it was exactly the route she would have taken. Katmom said that it really showed how much she cared for Wardo, which we know he has been waiting for. And Jody? Well, she seriously wants some EmRo action with Jesper. I'm submersing myself in Garfi/EmStone/Jesse/Ellen movies to get their mannerisms right so that they can have a roundrobin of dry one liners CCAS FTW! Man. I am floored by the response to the Fappers page on FB! To Lolypop, Bobby and Melissa for making BEAUTIFUL manips and banners for this story. Huge love to TwiSherry for her amazing gifs and pics that she finds to accompany some of the chapters. Ass smacks to the ladies on RAoR for even reading my stuff, but harder ones for actually liking it! Ooh! Can I share some recs? Please? Sexy Silk by jlho...umm...hotness. Takes place at The Golden Globes. And...huh...hotness. Sorry. I'm incoherent. It's that good. The Best I Ever Had by WhatsMyNomDePlume. ExB are friends who hook up. And can't go back. Witty banter out the wazoo. I love it. Maybe you will too? Play With Me by Angela4148. Besides being a cool ass chick, Ang tackles BDSM with a little tongue in cheek humor, an E that's never been tied up, and a B that's pretty sure she wants to dominate him once he gets his cock pierced...Yup. RUN TO READ IT. I'm up for Bets Bella at the Inspired Fanfic awards (for Puddle Jumping)! Go vote if you'd like? Also, PIC's FanFic Corner is doing a read along of Puddle Jumping tomorrow if anyone is interested? I'm so humbled by that, just so you know. I hope to be able to join in this time! Reviews are better than 7000 Facebook alerts...

Chapter 14: Chapter 14

A/N: SM faded to black in Twilight. Umm. I SO did not. Sue asked for a Freaks and Geeks joke to be added here. If you know that Linda Cardelinni was in F&G with James Franco, and that she looks exactly like Garfi's girlfriend, Shannon Woodward, then it will make sense. If not, you can Google them. Here's hoping Emma and Andy figure out they love each other while filming Spiderman and make me and Fanny's dreams come true. #Garstone2011

Chapter 14

BPOV After telling my closest friend why I had been MIA for a week, then signing off on my account, I made my way back into the living room where Edward was sitting watching Emmett and Rose as they argued on each side of Garrett. "Her name was Linda," Rose practically yelled. "It was Shannon. I remember her damn name, Rose," Emmett huffed and crossed his arms. Rose reached across Garrett's chest and gripped hold of Emmett's nipple, squeezing tightly until he howled and wrestled the sensitive skin out of her fingers. "No, Shannon was your ex girlfriend, you idiot." Rose clambered over Garrett's lap and jumped onto Emmett's, swinging her fists at his shoulders. "That smug faced bitch" Garrett laughed and scooted away as Edward covered his mouth to hide his laughter. "My ex's name wasn't Linda or Shannon," Garrett said, settling back into the couch. "I don't remember what it was but it definitely wasn't Linda or Shannon." I perched on the edge of the couch next to Edward and shook my head. "Garrett?" "Yeah?" "I gotta ask" "The answer... is no," he said slowly. I was confused. "Huh?" "No. I've never felt like a plastic bag, drifting in the wind. Looking to start again." Losing myself to the giggles, I bent at the waist and laughed until my stomach hurt. "Nicely played. I was just going to ask how the hell you could forget your ex girlfriend's name." Every eye in the room was staring at me. Garrett cleared his throat and his eyes flicked from me to Edward for a moment before he shrugged. "Well, it's not like she was my first love or anything" I felt Edward shift at my side and I looked down to see his gaze fixed across the room. He seemed to be holding his breath for a ten count before he glanced back over at Garrett. "I think we should head back to my apartment. Get some lunchand whatever." It was the whatever that made my stomach tense up a little. Whatever was between Edward and I had changed drastically over twenty-four hours, and I wasn't so sure about our agreement anymore. I mean, let's face it, I'd essentially be doing the same thing that bitch Siobhan had done to him if I used his sexual prowess to write a book. And if it ever became public knowledge that he allowed me to get away with using him for research purposes, yet pushed against the release of An Early Education, I could only imagine that his life would be royally screwed.

I needed to not think about that, though. Pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind, I said goodbye to the gang and climbed into Edward's car, contemplating what I should do for the entire ride back to his place. Perhaps the best thing would be to just order some food and then say goodbye so that I could get some space between us. That way I could figure out what I'm going to do in the long run. I liked Edward. I liked what he could do to me way too much to be able to act like any of this was just casual between us anymore. But mostly, I wanted him to be okay. We walked into his apartment and I steeled myself to tell him that I was just going to leave, but before I could say anything he was at the freezer, pulling out a frozen pizza and pre-heating the oven. Surely, it would be rude to leave before eating. I leaned against the counter and watched him open the cardboard box with ease; his fingers siding against the perforation and popping the container open in one fell swoop. My fists were tugging at my sweater again and I shifted a little to look out the living room window. "Listen, if this is going to make things weird, I can just go home. I don't want you to feelweird," I sighed lamely as he put the pizza in the oven. "Why would I feel weird?" I shrugged. "It's been a long day already and you're dealing with a lot right now, which I wasn't aware of, and I just don't want you to feel obligated to have me around if you need space or time to think and get your shit together" He was in front of me before I had the opportunity to finish my rambling, gazing down at my mouth as I pressed my lips together to stop myself from saying anything stupid. "Why do you do that?" he asked. "Do what?" "Come up with excuses that don't matter." "I'm not." Instantly, his lips were on mine, urging me to kiss him back and allow his tongue into my mouth. I had no resistance to him, so I fisted his shirt and pulled him closer. "I promised you that it would happen this weekend," he breathed hot and sultry across my lips. "But" "You want it." He said it so honestly. "You don't have to" "Take your clothes off, Bunny."

My chest flushed red as I opened my eyes and stared up at his, hovering above my own only millimeters away. "You take them off." He didn't need any more invitation. Spinning me around and pinning me to his chest, he walked us backwards to his bedroom where he kicked the door closed with his foot before stopping at the end of his bed. Slowly, he released me, leaning in to kiss me again. He was soft lips and firm pressure; wet tongue and the smallest amount of scruff that was making my lips feel swollen and puffy already. Nibbling lightly on my lower lip, he angled his hips up against me and I sighed, flicking my tongue out to touch his upper lip once. His hands roamed lower to my pants and he tugged, pulled and shimmied the denim down until I could step out of them easily. And then he was pulling my shirt above my head, his greedy eyes taking in every new inch of skin exposed. A quick snap of his fingers and my bra was swinging down to my elbows and he let out an appreciative breath. "Crawl up and lay on the pillows, baby. I want to see you." His voice had dropped to a low, gruff rumble and I felt it reverberate through my chest, causing my nipples to harden and my knees to shiver. Doing as I was told, I slid backwards across his rumpled sheets and laid down on the bed to watch him staring at me. Without looking away from my body, he made quick work of dropping his pants and shedding his socks and shoes. Licking my lips, I fisted the comforter when his hand went over his shoulder and he pulled his shirt off in that seriously sexy way that guys sometimes do. I was nervous. I was breathless. I was confused as shit. How had I come to be so damn attracted to Edward Masen? Settling on his knees, he leaned towards me on the mattress and rested his hands along my calves. His face had a look on it that I'd never seen before and it made my heart flutter in my chest. He looked genuinelyenthralled with me. Perhaps it was something he had been taught? Ugh. I needed to not think about that kind of shit and focus. Focus Focus on his head descending to kiss the tops of both feet before his lips trailed softly up my left leg starting at the ankle. His fingers moved on the other side of my leg, mimicking the rise of his lips on my skin. I took in a shuddering breath and watched, awestruck as he raised himself up to press a sweet kiss to my knee. Then the inside of my thigh. And higher. "What would he say?" Edward asked from somewhere below my belly button. "Huh? Who? What would who say?" I leaned up a little on my elbows, trying to focus on his face as it nudged my thigh to shift and widen the space between my legs. His nose traced the tendon there and I jumped a little at the sensation. Licking a straight line across it, he placed a soft kiss at the end when his lips met mine. "Your story guy. What would he say in your book?" His tongue flicked out again to run over the outside of my labia. I moaned and moved my palms to the top of my thighs, scratching along the skin there. "I don't know," I gasped as he pressed a firm kiss to my slit. "Sure you do, baby. What would the words be that he would use to seduce her?" "No words," I stuttered as his tongue delved in to spread me open. "Oh God. No words."

His strong hands played over the inside of my thighs lightly, causing an eruption of goose flesh to appear as he lapped slowly in a circle around my clit but not touching it. "Would he sayYour pussy tastes divine?" "Nope," I struggled, trying my hardest not to close my thighs on his head. "Hmm," he hummed against my opening and dropped his hands to below his chin, his thumbs playing along the lower half of my entrance. Changing his rhythm, he sucked once, long and slow on my clit, making my hips lift off of the bed and shift violently into his face. "Would he say that he's never, ever tasted a wetter pussy and that he's dying to get inside of youher?" My head pressed into the pillow and I shook under him as he lifted his eyes to sear into mine. I was caught in the moment staring directly at him, his mouth soft and red, chin shiny with my juices and a wicked smile on his face. I was so enraptured with how gorgeous he looked that I didn't even notice that he'd moved two fingers against me. With one fluid motion, they entered me and my back arched upwards toward the ceiling as I let out a terribly loud moan. His face lowered to bury his mouth between my thighs again and, working in tandem with his digits, he licked and sucked and pulled me right to the edge of orgasm. I was wound tight and fighting to let go, to grip his soft hair in my fingers, to concentrate on how good it all felt. Edward's mouth was writing sonnets to my pussy and at the moment, he was fucking Shakespeare. My thighs were splayed open and wide, my knees bouncing against the mattress as he maneuvered his fingers around, twisting them slowly and then tapping against my g-spot over and over and over. "Edward," I shouted, writhing against the bed and struggling to breathe. "So good. Ohgod" My voice sounded foreign, like it was far away and four octaves deeper. I'd obtained Tranny voice. "I fucking love watching you come, baby," he whispered before kissing my pelvis firmly. Never losing his rhythm, he shifted his upper body above me, still working his fingers and adding his thumb to my clit as it vibrated back and forth steadily. "Will you say my name? Huh? It's my fingers in that pussy, right?" "Yes," I grunted, feeling the edges of my orgasm tightening into a concentrated knot right where his fingers were tapping inside of me. My shoulders left the mattress and I surged upwards, my arms wrapping around his neck as I kissed him roughly. The orgasm was intense and I sucked in air noisily as my mouth fell open against his. "Jesus" I felt my body rock into his. "Edward" "I love it when you say my name," he whispered, his mouth attacking mine as his fingers continued to move slowly inside me. "You should say it every time you come." Another kiss. "Every. Time." I nodded, unable to speak as his fingers still slipped in and around my pulsing center. His lips trailed down my neck and he pushed me back a little to lie down as he made his way down to my breasts. "Would he tell her that she has the most exquisite breasts he's ever had in his mouth?" I felt his lips wrap around one nipple and he sucked gently before capturing it in his teeth and tugging a little. I was only capable of making consonant sounds at that point and it was a steady stream of, "Hhhhhhh." I sounded like a deflating tire. Unable to make sense, I tried to look at his face, and when my eyes fell on his, under those dark lashes and beneath those wicked eyebrows, I had to look away. It was too intense.

Wet trails were made up my stomach as his fingers crept higher across my ribs and under my breasts to capture them in his palms. Working them slowly, he squeezed and kneaded them between flicks of his tongue to my nipples. I whined and he smiled, applying more pressure to make me squirm. My hands flailed helplessly as I succumbed to the pleasure and allowed my eyes to close, the image of his face in that moment searing into my brain. I felt his lips on my neck and opened my lids as his face met mine, forehead to forehead, his knees between my thighs. This was it. I was gonna have sex with Edward Masen. "Would he tell her that he's always been in love with her and that he's so glad she waited for him to come back?" His mouth was open only slightly, his eyes shining as they gazed down on my flushed cheeks. I shook my head a tiny bit. "No. He wouldn't." His eyebrow arched seductively. "Then what would he say?" My fingers slid up the side of his face and I let them splay across his cheeks. "He'd say, 'I really want to fuck you senseless, Bella Swan'." Edward's pupils enlarged and he breathed out raggedly through flared nostrils. "Smart man." In a flash, he was gone and I sat up to see where he was. Condom. He turned and held it up for me to see. "It will last longer this way. Did you want to do the honors?" Staring at his pretty cock, I shook my head. Strong fingers ripped the package, rolling the condom on and covering his shaft completely. With a sly smile on his face, he was back on the bed, crawling toward me as I rested my head against the pillows again. Slowly, he spread my legs and placed my knees on each side of his hips. Leaning forward, he kissed me again, letting his tongue trail over my bottom lip before tugging it between his teeth. My heart was racing and my mind was spinning as I held onto his shoulders. He was firm and strong beneath my fingertips and I couldn't help but flex my fingers and squeeze him to remind myself that it was all real. His lips never left mine as I felt his hand move between us, his fingers sliding between my lips once more before he nudged the tip of his cock to my pussy. It pressed there for a moment, as he tested to see if I was ready. Dipping forward, the head nestled against my entrance and I shifted my hips slightly to try and let him know it was okay. With aching slowness, he shifted forward and I swear I could feel every last inch advancing inside of me, stretching me open to accommodate his length and girth. Eyes flying open, I watched his face and my whole body tightened under his stare. His face was etched in concentration and it really looked like he was trying his best to hold himself together. The vein on his forehead was bulging and his neck was pulled taut, strands of his hair hanging in his eyes. His lips were moving but I couldn't hear him, the experience between my legs overriding everything else in that moment. Sliding back out a little, he exhaled one long breath and pushed back in all the way. I pressed my lips together and swallowed the squeak that was lodged in my throat. He hissed out a small, "fuck," before a full body tremor rolled through his frame, causing his arms and stomach to flex. Ever so gently, he ran his chin across my cheek and exhaled into my ear. "It's better than I ever imagined."

Happiness surged through me and I allowed myself to breathe, moaning out his name as he rocked back and into me slowly for the first time. Shifting my hips upward to each of his downward thrusts, my hands gripped his shoulder blades and I concentrated on the feel of his stomach against mine. The amazing friction caused by his chest against my breasts. His hands roaming the outside of my thighs to press them closer to his waist, urging me to wrap my legs around him and hold on. "God, I wish I could feel how wet you are right now, baby. On my cock." He laughed lowly. "It's for the best. I don't want to come too soon." His face moved down my neck, placing hot kisses there and across my chest before his shoulders rounded and he dipped his face to my breasts, alternating licking and sucking his way across to attend to each nipple as our lower halves rolled against one another. Each time he pushed all the way inside, the breath left my body. Each time he moved out, I almost wanted to cry. It was a cacophony of conflicting emotions, making me shiver and shake, feeling the wetness creeping between us and into the sheets below my ass. My hands couldn't find a home, but they felt amazing in his hair, so I settled for that, pulling on his locks as he continued to tease my nipples softly. "More," I begged and was unsure if he understood my request, but when his mouth sucked harder and his pelvis snapped forward, I knew he heard my plea. "Like this?" he asked, thrusting roughly into me, his pelvis hitting my clit. "Godyes," I choked out. "Nowaityes" My brain was threatening to fold inwards as he lifted up and raised my left leg to hook over his forearm. It was so much deeper and he'd only changed the angle by forty five degrees. My answering cry spurred him on and he licked his lips, looking between us as his cock slid out and then back in with another snap of his hips. "Fuck, that's sexy...watching my cock disappear in your pussy, baby." A gentle kiss was applied to the top of my knee as he extended my leg even higher to rest on his shoulder. Another kiss placed on my ankle as his hand ran softly across my calf. "Look for yourself." I shifted up on the pillow, fighting against the bliss threatening to leave me immobile. My eyes landed between us and I moaned wantonly, watching his stomach muscles flex, and his shaft slide out covered in my wetness, just to disappear again. And my thoughts were racing around how hard it would be to actually put the experience into words if I needed to. It was more than mechanics. It was feeling. Sensory. Tactile. So many different things at once that I couldn't possibly do it justice. "That's so sexy." I finally answered, the strain in my arms and neck starting to take their toll and I collapsed back onto the pillow, hands on my face and in my hair, pulling and tugging as I became lost in the sensations. "You feel so good, Edward. Don't ever stop. Please." He gasped and I looked up quickly to see his face contort, his mouth falling open as his eyebrows pulled together. "Jesus, Bella. You can't shit" and then his head shook from side to side as he dropped his hand from my leg to my hip and slid it lower quickly to touch my overheated flesh. He gathered wetness on his fingers and I felt him move them beneath his balls and between my cheeks as he swirled my back entrance swiftly. "Whatoh, IUmm" My lips were dry and my tongue felt swollen as he pressed his pointer finger into my ass. It felt so amazingly good, like every last part of my body was filled withEdward. "That's it," he gasped, his breaths coming short and shallow.

My hips angled to meet his cock and his hand as I rode them both, my back arching upwards in an attempt to get ever closer to him. He shuddered and a string of expletives shot out of his mouth as he bucked into me a few more times, the feel of him so deep and thick inside of me making my orgasm begin to approach even more rapidly. He stilled slightly and I whined, dropping my hands to the sheets and still working against him. He pushed back into me gently as I rolled my hips for friction and to feel his fingers and cock even more now that I was the one rushing towards release. It coiled slowly but once it began to unravel, it happened so quickly I lost my breath. Rigidly my legs jerked and I twisted away as it hit me harder than I had ever experienced in my life before. The entire experience was too much and I screamed his name as my inner walls clamped and pulsed around his shaft, my stomach going hollow as my knees tried to pull up in my chest. Flushed with sweat, I pressed my hands to my forehead and shuddered over and over and over, while he held himself above me, watching my orgasm rock through me. After another minute, I felt my muscles begin to relax and I settled back onto the pillow, sucking in breath after breath, trying to gather my bearings. Edward reluctantly removed himself from me, placing a sweet kiss to my temple before rolling off of the bed and disappearing out the door. Closing my eyes, I let my hands rest on my breasts as I replayed the entire thing over in my mind. It was beyond anything I could have imagined. I'd had sex with Edward Masen. "Oh shit," I muttered when a new thought hit me. What if there was some kind of fanfiction about Elijah Mann? I chuckled, stretching out a little and flexing my toes. I'd have to look into that. Maybe I could be a big shot in that community, what with having so much firsthand knowledge Edward appeared at the bedroom door again, smiling at me from afar. "Hey," I called, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious. "Hi." His smirk was in place as he stepped forward. "I burnt the pizza." I laughed, rolling onto my side to sit up. "No worries." He shook his head. "I called in a delivery." His eyes sparkled with mischief. "We have forty-five minutes before it gets here." "Forty-five minutes for what?" I asked, my eyes growing wide as he continued his predatory approach. Edward's smirk turned to an evil grin. "For round two, of course"

A/N: I have no idea why I am nervous for this chapter, but I am. Be kind? *runs and hides* I am in love with Team Criss Cross Applesauce. They give me incredible feedback and are ALWAYS available. They are Fapulous! Reviews are better than burnt pizza...

Chapter 15: Chapter 15

A/N: SM introduced me to her world of Twilight. And I am forever grateful. The beginning of the chap is in retrospect of the weekend and ends in present.

Chapter 15

EPOV Round Two. Then Three. Then Four...I may have lost count It will forever go down in infamy as The Sexlympics. Being inside of Bella Swan was so much more than I had anticipated. Every last stupid feeling I'd been pushing under the rug for so long had bubbled to the surface and I'd admitted to her how I felt, even if under the guise of it being in Laurent's voice. She'd been so focused on what I was doing to her that it didn't seem to register that I was inadvertently spilling my heart. It was just as well. When she finally did start responding to my words, and she'd told me not to stop, I came so fast it was almost embarrassing. Almost. It was almost embarrassing. Once again, I'm not even sure she knew I had finished, what with me working her over the edge so quickly. And when she was done, I'd had to walk out of the room to get my bearings, which is when I noticed the smell coming from the oven and had figured out that we'd burnt the pizza. It didn't matter, though. After I'd taken the opportunity to calm down and collect myself from the most incredible experience I'd ever had, I wanted it again. And again. Fuck, there's a chance that I would quit my job and live off of my settlement in order to keep Bella there as my mattress wench. She looked like she might have been interested in that proposition when I was bent over her, telling her that it was time to learn something new. Holy shit, the look on her face as I'd all but pounced on her, even more turned on by knowing that we had a timed goal to meet in order to beat the pizza delivery. I'd yanked her by her ankles to the edge of the bed, feeling my chest puff up as she squealed and laughed in an awkward attempt to get me to stop. But once I'd had her underneath me again, everything else in the world just disappeared. It was overwhelming to think that something that I had wanted for so long had finally been mine. Her eyes were big and bright and her cheeks were flushed pink, those lips swollen and pouty as she licked them over and over. I'd pulled her up to sitting and she'd come face to face with a very hard and ready 'Wardo Jr. I swear to you, the girl moaned. I watched as she leaned forward and placed a kiss to the tip, her plush lips parting and her tongue sneaking out to taste before we both realized her mistake and she winced making a terrible face at the taste of spermicide in her mouth.

"Sorry," I chuckled and moved away to put on another condom. I definitely noticed that she turned and buried her face in my sheets. It was obvious that she was wiping her tongue on my bed. That probably should have made me laugh, but instead, I was focused on getting back to her. Back inside of her. I pulled her to standing and settled my ass on the edge of the mattress, planting my feet apart just a little as I gazed up at her face. Sliding my hand between her legs, I felt a low rumble in my chest as my fingers slipped into her wetness. "You're even wetter," I'd mused. Bella's head fell to the side and she let her eyes close as her chest rose quickly under my touch. With a gentle nudge, I pushed her thighs apart and then moved my hands to her hips. "This is all you," I spoke softly, pointing to my cock. "You're in control, here" Guiding her forward, I bit my tongue as she swept her pussy over the tip and held herself steady with her hands on my shoulders. My eyes wavered from looking up at the concentration on her face to the way her hips were swiveling and seeking how to take me in at that angle. And then she had the head nestled into her entrance and her eyes opened slowly, looking down at my face as her arms shook a little and she dropped slowly down across my shaft, letting me feel every part of her from the inside as her walls clung to me tightly, cushioning her descent until she was sitting on my lap, her ass flush with my thighs and her breasts trembling against my chest. We both exhaled long breaths as her legs relaxed and she allowed me to settle inside of her. It was beautiful how perfectly we fit together. It was amazing the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach having her in my arms after all of the years I had dreamt of it. But nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the feel of all of that combined with her face leaning forward to capture my mouth in a kiss as she secured her elbows on my shoulders and pushed forward with her hips at the same time. My hands were in her hair, on her spine, cupping her ass. Everywhere that I could touch her, I did because I was trying my hardest not to plow into her and make her scream my name so loudly that the neighbors would hear. She moved slowly, her moans and sighs telling me that she was relishing each tiny movement and feeling between her legs. And I met her with tiny pulses of my hips and flicks of my tongue across her own, sucking and nibbling at her lower lip and jaw. I held onto her as she found her rhythm, her hands gripping my hair painfully as she started to ride me with more force. "So good," I encouraged her as my toes were digging into the carpet. "Baby, you are honest to God, so fucking good." Her thighs tensed and she let her head roll to the side as I felt her becoming increasingly wetter. Without asking, I moved my hands to her thighs and down to her calves, bending her back in the process to anchor her against my knees as I pulled her feet up onto the bed and she balanced herself, breathing raggedly as she tried to hold on. "OhGod," she gasped and I allowed my smile to appear as I nodded. "Feel that? How much deeper I am?" Her eyes rolled and then closed as she rolled her hips against me, grinding onto my pelvis. Pulling herself to me with her arm around my neck, she began to move off of me and then back down, the sound of her skin slapping against mine threatening to make me lose my mind and making it increasingly difficult to not piston back into her harshly. I was supposed to be helping her, not breaking her and making it impossible to do anything else for the rest of the weekend. My intent had been to move her leg farther up until she had her back to my knees and was practically hanging upside down, her feet over my shoulders. But that would have to wait for another time.

I was unraveling fast. Instead, I slowed her movements with one forceful thrust and held her there as she went rigid and cried out my name to the wall behind me, shaking and swearing a blue streak at how deep I was inside of her. And I knew then that I'd only get another couple of minutes out of myself before I was done for, so I rolled us to the bed and slipped from inside of her to turn her over on her stomach. "Prop yourself up on your elbows." I was breathing heavy, grinding my teeth at the feeling of no longer being inside of her. She complied and I watched her shoulders flex as she did, her face turning to eye me suspiciously over one. "Lift your ass and spread your legs, baby." She did as I asked and I leaned over her back to guide myself into her, settling deep inside of her again to take a much needed breath before I pulled back and gave it to her slowly. Her hips were pushing back to meet me, greedy as she was to feel release again, and I rested my face against her spine to wrap my arm around her waist and find her clit to tease and circle, making her legs shake and buckle as we moved. That time, she came first. She came hard. Her fists pulled at the comforter and her back arched, her neck curving back so that I could angle her face to kiss me as she sobbed my name through her release. The feel of her fluttering and pulling around my cock sent me overboard and I couldn't control the way my body reacted, thrusting into her harshly a few times before losing my ability to breathe and spilling into the condom as I chanted, "Fuck, yes" We both crumpled to the bed in a pile and I waited for a few minutes to pull out of her, not wanting the sensitive feeling of leaving her to remind me that it was over. But soon enough, the pizza had arrived and I gave the pizza guy a knowing smile as I answered the door wrapped in a sheet. I knew he knew what was up. And I knew he could hear Bella making her little satisfied whimpering sounds in the bedroom. He kind of gave me a silent fist bump with his eyes and I gave him a smug smile, tipping him more than usual because I was in a fucking good mood. The rest of the day was spent eating pizza and talking here and there between crawling over her naked body and seeing how worked up I could get her before she was begging me for more. But I didn't give in until later, knowing that I was winding her tight with teasing until she couldn't take anymore. Only then did I pull her into the shower with me and wash her all over, testing her sensitivity to our activities. And when I was satisfied that she was still up for it, I bent her forward in the shower to brace herself against the wall and I pushed my way back inside of her, using the shower head to help her come with me inside of her. Twice. After that she was pretty much putty, and exhausted and I had no problem with just holding her against my chest, sleeping with her naked and soft in my arms as she dreamed. As she called my name. As she pulled me to her in the night and sought out contact repeatedly until I couldn't resist her anymore and I rolled her on top of me for a slow, three a.m. round with her on top, pushing tiredly against me as she told me in a sleepy voice that she never knew it could be so good. That she had no idea. I kneaded her breasts and whispered that she was beautiful, encouraging her that she was making me feel just as good. The orgasms were slower to build. Not weaker, but warmer and smaller, rolling over both of us before exhaustion finally did take over. Sunday had been bittersweet and we'd both walked around, smiling through thoughts of things ending that day. She'd cooked eggs in my t-shirt and nothing else, spurning me to mess with her as she tried to flip eggs and pancakes with my hand between her thighs. She did wellI mean she only burnt two of the pancakes and three of the eggs. I didn't care. She looked so blissed out as we ate that I felt undeniably happy that I'd been the one to put the smile on her face. As the day drew to a close, I had that heaviness in my chest that I had felt all of those years ago at Prom. It was undeniable that I was in love with her. And the prior two days had given me more insight into her life

than I had ever thought I'd get. I had learned that she failed out of school because her Math partner was a chatty bitch who talked during the entire class, and they both failed together. On her second attempt at the class, MotorMouth was back in there with her and they failed again. Goodbye college. I knew that she really did want to write and that those women online had given her the confidence to try. She'd looked so torn as she explained that it hadn't been easy to take the praise and support at first, but that, after some time, it had made her feel like less of a failure in her life. Especially at that time. I'd held her as she showed the first signs of real emotion she'd ever had in front of me. She'd sniffled and I'd wiped her face, giving her a small kiss and telling her that she wasn't a failure. "'Wardo," she'd started, looking down at her hands as they flattened against my chest. "I don't want to write that romance novel anymore." Her face was sad, her eyes seeming to hold a small bit of fear. "Don't be mad?" "Why would I be mad?" I asked, utterly confused. "Because of this weekend? I don't want you to think I was using you for something that I'm not going to do anymore because I was being honest when I told you yesterday that I care about you more than the agreement and after being here with you for a couple of days I'm sure that I do care for you more than that and I can't see myself using what's happened here between us for other people to read simply because I could never ever do it justice" Every nerve ending in my body was on alert as I looked at her face to gauge the truth. It was there in spades. Isabella Bunny Swan liked me. Maybe even loved me a little. For real. "Shut up, Bunny," I whispered as I leaned forward and kissed her hard, wrapping her entire body against me. "You talk too damn much." She laughed and let out a relieved sigh. "I really thought you'd think I was a psycho." Pushing her face back with my hands on her cheeks, and staring into her soft brown eyes, I smiled at her. "I've been waiting for you to say that to me since I was ten years old." "What?" She appeared alarmed. "Yeah, I've had a crush on you since I was ten years old." "ButProm? You could have" "I was going to ask you out and then I got nervous so I went outside for a smoke. Then I ended up smoking a full pack and by the time I walked back inside you'd turned on full 'bitch' mode and ignored me the rest of the night. It would have been stupid of me to pursue you after that." Bella had smiled shyly and looked away in embarrassment. "Well, then I guess failing out of college was the best thing I've done in ten years." I shook my head. "Nah, I'd say that handjob in Bio was better than that."

And we'd laughed, not verbalizing what was happening, but just letting it unfold. When she'd left that night, I'd held her tight, and the weight in my chest felt much lighter. She'd promised to send me the information her fandom friends had forwarded about what I could do regarding Siobhanbut I wasn't so sure it mattered anymore. Before she left, I held her face in my hands and dipped my chin to kiss her soft lips one more time. "Are you busy tomorrow night?" She'd winced and backed away with a small laugh. "I'm not sure I can handle more of your lessons, 'Wardo. My girly bits are waving the white flag and asking for a time out." I'd laughed and shaken my head, pulling her to me once more. "I was going to ask you out on a legitimate date, Bunny." Her smile had been so wide I could feel it in my soul. "Yeah. I'd love that." I'd watched her walk away and then lain in my bed thinking of her all night. And once I'd gotten to work this morning, I'd walked right by Siobhan's book without any thought or reaction at all. Because it didn't matter anymore. Walking by the Erotica section, I swallowed a laugh. There were two people there, standing very still and red faced, each pretending not to notice the other as they scanned the book spines for whatever was tickling their fancy. And I wanted nothing more than to tell them that they could probably find better things online to read than what could legally be published in print. Instead, I stocked the four books I had in my hand and removed my lanyard from around my neck so that I could clock out for the day. I had a date with destiny.

A/N: Thoughts? I know it covered a lot in a small amount of time, and I'm sorry for that. I have to shave these puppies down in order to have the story end by the end of the week. Kathie and APM were immediately available today, while Kitsushel and Fanny were not. I went ahead and posted since I have the time tonight. Team Criss Cross Applesauce is amazing, even at half staff. Yes, it is true that I have been asked to step away from Fanfiction. And I am pulling my stories and hosting them in PDF form so that you can keep copies of them and read them at your leisure. It's a clean break and easier than having the nagging thought in the back of my mind that someone may be leaving me reviews and PMs and questions on stories that I have left up. There should be 2 more chapters of FAP to tie it up, and i am working with my team to ensure that I give you exactly the ending you deserve. There will be a massive A/N that will probably post as a chapter right after the end of FAP that will give deeper explanation and allow me the chance to say everything that's on my heart to all of you... So much love has been given to me since Sunday: on my Facebook wall, on Twitter, emails, PMs...at the Lemonade Stand where love letters were left today that made me cry. I want nothing more than to respond to every single one of you. I just ask for your patience as I find the right words to say. Reviews are just the icing on the cake of being part of this fandom...

Chapter 16: Chapter 16

A/N: SM would definitely be red faced with the way I've used her characters here. Yeah, so...this chapter contains unconventional sex. Be warned. As I told the lovely Kitsushel, YellowGlue and Laurenorder last night: " I figure if I'm gonna go out, might as well do it with a BANG. And buttsecks."

Chapter 16

BPOV He smelled incredible. Edward showed up at my place just about ten minutes earlier than he had asked me to be ready. I'm not sure if it was because he thought that I might still be naked or if he was trying to be punctualeither way, he looked amazing and smelled so good I wanted to rip his clothes off and give him a tongue bath like those alley cats behind my apartment did on a nightly basis. He'd traded out his leather jacket for a grey pea coat, and his hair was a little more tame than usual. His hands were fidgety as he handed me the small bouquet of white tulips that he'd purchased on his way over. And I couldn't contain my smile as I gazed down at the green silk ribbon tying the stems together, the color so close to that of his eyes. It would have been completely perfect in every way if he hadn't attempted to pull my dress off five minutes after entering the hallway. "Stop," I laughed and pushed against him as his mouth came down on the soft skin of my neck where it met my shoulder. "I thought you wanted to take me out on a respectable date." He groaned lightly and sighed before releasing my skin from his lips and licking over the spot one more time for good measure. "I do. But I also want to show you a few new things I've been thinking about all day." I pushed him away and ran my hands down the front of his coat, letting them slide lower until I palmed his zipper. "We have all the time in the world for that, 'Wardo." The gleam in his eye was all the affirmation I needed that he was thinking the exact same thing. We held hands on the car ride over to the restaurant, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't trying to get him going by letting my pinky wander just a little too far inside of his thigh to brush across his still hard dick. He even shifted a little in his seat to let his legs open a little wider so that I could access it better. The smirk on his face told me that he saw right through my game.

The restaurant was really nice, and I felt a little odd, being that Edward and I werewellus. We weren't fancy dinner people. We were 'not' sex in an alley. Or naked pizza. We were anal beads after a shower. Not duck and flamb. His eyebrows pulled together as he perused the menu and I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing at his confused expression. "What's wrong?" He shook his head, clearing his throat before he straightened up in his seat. "Nothing." "We can go somewhere else," I started. "What? Why the fuck for?" His eyes grew wide as the people at the table next to us turned to give him a dirty look. Lowering his voice, he leaned across the table. "Sorry," he whispered. "Why the fuck for?" I finally did laugh, laying my menu down and leaning across the table towards his face. I lifted a hand to his cheek and traced it in the candlelight. "Because this place is stuffy and it sucks. And I really want a hamburger." His face relaxed and something sweet appeared in his eyes. "Yeah?" "Yeah. Let's go before we get charged for having our asses in the seats." We were up in a flash and out the door, not even bothering to tell the waitress that we were leaving. Edward stopped at a burger place on the way back to the apartment and pulled off the side of the road, driving up a desolate gravel driveway that led to an open expanse of grass and a few trees. The sky seemed to be wide open above us as we perched atop the hood of his car. Wrapped in his jacket, I bit ravenously into my cheeseburger and let out an appreciative moan. "Oh my god. I would say this is better than sex" My eyes caught his. "But now I know better." He grinned; his cheeks filled with food, and let out a small chuckle. "Poor Mathlete Mike." Chewing happily, I hummed a bit and swallowed my mouthful. "Do you think Alice and Jasper will be upset about us?" Edward cocked his head to the side and looked me over. "What about us?" I choked a bit on my burger and looked down at my hands. "Ummnothing. I mean, we're out on a date, and, likeyou knowwe've had sex and " His laughter sliced through the night air and he cut me off. "Damn, Bunny. I'm messing with you. I know we're 'something' now." My cheeks pulled up to my eyes as I smiled. "Still an asshole. Whatever will I do with you?" His voice barely registered in my ears, but I could have sworn he mumbled something aboutlove. We finished our food in happy silence, staring up at the stars and inching closer to one another on the hood of the car. He finally pulled me close and wrapped his arm over my shoulder to pull my left side to his chest. Placing a sweet kiss on my head, he sighed. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feeling of being held in his arms. It was so much more than I had bargained for

Moments passed as the bitter wind began to blow a little harder, and I shivered under his arm, nuzzling my face into his chest, inhaling his clean scent and loving the warmth that was provided right over his sternum. "How was work today?" he asked, his voice a low rumble that made my cheek vibrate. "Very educational." "Yeah? Did you learn something new for caring for James?" I shook my head and buried my face in his chest before letting my cheek slide against the softness of his shirt and upward so that I could place a tiny kiss on his neck. "He wasn't feeling well, so he slept most of the day. I did a lot of reading, actually." He shivered and I smiled against his skin as his arm tightened around me and the other one crept forward to cup my knee, his long fingers splaying out and giving me goose bumps. "You didn't read any more of that?" I sat up quickly and pressed my lips to his, feeling so at ease with the act that it frightened me a little. "No, I didn't read any more of what that bitch had to say." His chest relaxed and I kissed him again, urging him to make it deeper. I opened my eyes to look at his, watching his closed lids and eyelashes fluttering a little as I pulled away from the embrace. "One of my favorite authors in the community has a new story that I missed out on while trying to take a couple of weeks off." Edward's one eyebrow pulled up. "Is that so? And did you learn anything new?" I nodded, scooting closer to him to kiss his soft lips again. Exhaling softly, I opened my lids halfway in what I hoped was a seductive stare. "She reallyreallymakes anal sound hot as hell." There was a moment of silence between us as he stared at me, stunned, before he turned so quickly he lost his balance and toppled off of the front of the car. Burger wrappers bounced and fell on him as he hit the ground, but he brushed them off quickly before jumping to his feet and planting himself between my legs. His hands ascended underneath my skirt and I gasped at the feel of his cold fingertips along my skin, traveling higher before they stopped and moved back down to my parted knees. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" The excitement in his eyes made my heart swell, knowing that he was looking forward to doing that with me. Not someone else. Me. I shrugged and looked up at the sky again. "I meanmy Bunny bits feel like they've been punched, so I don't figure you're going to be going all the way in there tonight" "Fuck, Bunny. Don't tease me. Are you serious?" Swallowing the nerves that had taken residence in my throat, I looked back down at his face and nodded once. "We can certainly try." We'd had conversations over the weekend about it, and I knew he eventually wanted me to try it with him. I was betting he hadn't foreseen that I would have been up for it so quickly. But, he'd mentioned that the

Bullet was for me to use while doing that, and he'd even used the beads on me onceokay, twicewhen he was working me up in his endless hours of foreplay. Maybe it made me look a little lesswholesome in his eyes. Who the hell was I kidding? The man made me a freak in the sheets. And I loved it. He sped back to my apartment like a bat out of Hell, throwing the car into park and practically running to my door to throw it open. Lunging at me, he caught me around my waist and pulled me to his chest roughly, cradling me there for a second before gripping my hand and bounding up my stairs two at a time. I couldn't stop laughing as I dug around inside my purse for my keys. He was so pumped, I was starting to get a case of the giggles at his expense. That was, until we actually made it into the apartment. He was on me like a feral cat, pawing at me and pulling my clothes off before I had a chance to turn any lights on. "Do I need to do anything?" I asked as his hands bunched up my dress and he pulled it over my head to stare down at what I was wearing underneath. "What is that?" he asked, staring at my chest as it rose and fell between us. "This?" I asked coyly, running my fingers over the lace front. "This is a corset." "Like that old underwear you told Garrett about?" "Old fashioned," I corrected him, smiling up at his face. Lifting a brow, I smirked. "Wanna rip my bodice?" He didn't even think about it. I was pulled as he walked backwards into my bedroom, kicking the door wide open with his foot like I'd come to expect, yet it still filled my tummy with butterflies. Twirling me around, he let me go and I bounced against the mattress, feeling free and happy, as well as nervous. But I was bold as well, and I looked him in the eye as I let my hands wander over the top of the corset again. "Go on. You know you wanna." I was playing with him and he liked it. I could see it in his eyes as they widened and then narrowed. The way his nose flared out and his lips pressed into that decades old smirk that I should have given into years ago. With a look of determination, he dipped his fingers into the top of the lingerie and I felt him test the fabric to try and judge how much he would have to pull in order to do it. And before I could think about how damn sexy it all was, he tugged roughly and the seam in the middle split wide open, jerking my whole body in the process as my breasts popped out in his face. Leaning up on my elbows, I looked down and watched the rest of the fabric give way between his fists. He exhaled long and soft before licking his lips and leaning forward to kiss the soft spot between my boobs. "Yeah, that was hot. No wonder they do it in all of those books. You should totally add that into anything you decide to write." His mouth ascended higher as he kissed firmly, pushing me onto my back in the process. I touched his hair and skimmed my fingers across his shoulders as his lips met mine. "Are you sure?" he asked, hope in his voice. "Just be gentle," I whispered, suddenly feeling apprehensive. He muttered something that sounded like, 'of course' before he was off of me and rummaging around in my newly dedicated sex toy drawer next to the bed. I could hear him rustling through all of the items and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down

and remember that, of all of the people in my life, I had come to trust Edward Masen more than anyone. Ever. He was back above me in no time and I relaxed as he kissed me tenderly, letting his lips silently tell me that he would take care of me, just like I knew he would. And then they were gone and he was tugging at my underwear. His own clothes fell away and we were back to being just us, with nothing between. It was everything that was right. I sighed with appreciation as he kissed his way down my stomach, glad that I had showered and shaved right before the date so that I wouldn't have to waste any time. His hands trailed over my sides until his face was buried between my thighs and his fingers were working me into a frenzy. I waited, knowing that he was going to test me first. The click of the top of the lube bottle sent a thrill straight down my stomach and settled like wet electricity between my thighs. His tongue worked steady laps around my clit as I felt his pointer finger brush against my other entrance and I exhaled audibly to let him know it was okay. Slowly, he slipped it inside, coating me with lube as he worked a little and then pulled it out. Another minute of that and I was pulling the sheets so tight at my sides that I thought they would rip. Edward lifted his face to press his mouth to my inner thigh. "How's that?" he asked as he slowly added a second finger. My body jerked a little and I gasped, angling my hips upward slightly. "Good." Twisting them a little, he pulled them back out and I moaned embarrassingly loud. He continued to tease me, letting his tongue work as his fingers did and finally, once I'd acclimated to the sensation, I couldn't take anymore. "Edwardplease" In a flash he was gone and I was left to catch my breath wondering where he was. Sounds were coming from my bathroom and I heard water running before he was hovering above me again, instructing me to sit up so that he could put a towel beneath me. He had a couple of other ones, but I didn't pay much attention, instead, my eyes were trained on his bare cock and I reached out to stroke it a couple of times, suddenly wishing I wasn't so sore because it would feel so good to have him again. His eyes closed lightly as I touched him and I couldn't help the feelings that coursed through me as I looked him over from head to toe. How perfect and beautiful he was. How sweet he'd become under that hard exterior I'd always known. "I want you," I spoke so honestly that it felt like I was even more naked and exposed than before. He leaned forward, pushing me back with his hands on my shoulders and settling between my thighs as he bent his knees. Our lips met again, full of hot passion and need that had me breathing heavily before he even had the chance to roll the condom on. The lube and Bullet were off to the side of my head and I held my breath as he opened the lube again, bringing it between my legs to pour out more than I had ever imagined using. My stare was trained on his hand as he used even more to coat himself, working his palm over his shaft and tip over and over until he was satisfied that it was enough. And then something truly amazing happened. Edward brought his lips to mine in a sweet kiss as he handed me the vibrator. His face hovered above mine as he stared into my eyes, his features softening as we looked at one another. So quietly it made my heart ache, he simply whispered, "Thank you." Like, thank you for letting me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for letting it be me.

I smiled at him and nodded in encouragement as he let me settle my legs around his waist and he aligned himself with me. He murmured for me to relax and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the pressure I was feeling as he pressed forward only the tiniest bit, my chest expanding with anticipation. I knew the exact moment he worked it inside because there was a strange stretching feeling followed by the smallest sharp pain that made me wince only a little. "Okay?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. I nodded in response, my hand tightening around the vibrator. He pulsed forward again and I lost my breath, experiencing every inch of his shaft moving inside of me, my nerve endings on high alert as he bypassed another barrier and thenholymothermy body instinctively gripped him and pulled him deeper inside of me until he was fully seated and I felt my eyes cross for a moment as he went still, his hands gripping my inner thighs deliciously hard. "Bella," he rushed out quietly as we acclimated to one another. It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't what I'd expected and I waited for a moment before whispering to him that I was okay. He was so gentle for the first in-stroke and I pressed my head into the pillow underneath it as my senses threatened to overtake me. I know he was talking, but it wasn't the usual 'Wardo rhetoric. There was no talk of how I was a dirty girl, or his usual 'fucks' and dirty talk. He was murmuring how good it felt, in wavering tones of voice that sounded like choked back pleasure. He was telling me that he wanted to watch me use the Bullet so that I could feel as good as he did. And as soon as I turned it on and slipped it between my lips, I got it. Edward above me, inside of me, taking his fingers and pushing them into my pussy as I worked my clit with the vibrator: all of it was a recipe for the most intense sexual pleasure I had known to date. Every movement forward with his hips, he pushed his fingers inside of me and moaned, spurring me on as I wriggled beneath him. "So beautiful," he hissed as I circled my clit quickly and jerked. My orgasm was building so fast I could barely get my wits about me. It was as if I had no control over anything and I gave up any semblance of it as I felt him push deeper into me, filling me more completely than should have been legal. My eyes squeezed shut as I felt the first tremors begin and picked up my pace with the vibrator, pressing it to my wet flesh more fervently, as if my release would save me from the pure bliss I was feeling. "I'm so close," I whined, hating how desperate I sounded. But Edward knew what would drive me over and he picked up his pace a little more, twisting and curling his fingers inside of me as he did. And I felt my heart try to beat out of my chest as the wetness between my legs increased and I felt all of it at once, the perfect harmony of it as that aching and burning settled low and deep inside of me before it shattered and broke, pulsing violently as I screamed his name and reached for him with desperate hands to pull his mouth to mine. He kissed me fiercely, letting his hands tangle into the back of my head as he angled deeper and I brought my legs higher against him in reaction to my orgasm, and in a single moment of unfiltered ecstasy, Edward shouted that he was coming and he pushed even deeper to go still and cry out into my mouth. I could feel every part of him, pulsing and finishing, thick and strong. I held him to me as his head rolled to the side and he buried his face in my neck. "Oh, GodI love you," he gasped. I went rigid at his words and counted my heartbeats as his back straightened a bit and he lifted his face again to look me in the eye. "Oh, shit, that is not at all how I wanted that to happen."

Dry mouth overcame me and I tried to laugh. "We can chalk it up to orgasmic hysteria." His eyes conveyed something else entirely. "I'm not lying, Bella." With a sigh, I ran my hand through his hair. "Only you, 'Wardo. Only us. Only this relationship would have the first I Love You while your dick was in my ass." "I do, though. Always have. Since the first time I saw you at the door in those purple pants" My heart clenched in my chest and I smiled, kissing him on the lips lightly. "I know. I think I've always known" "How?" I shifted a little and concentrated on him pulling out of me, watching as he rolled away and cleaned off with one of the towels and then handed me a damp one to clean up with as he gently attended to my ass with another one. Throwing all of the towels in a pile in the corner of the room, he turned back to appraise me. "Go on. How do you know I love you?" I shifted onto my side and patted the mattress, inviting him to lie down face to face with me. He did and I pulled one of his hands between us, wrapping my hand around two of his fingers, marveling at how large his were in comparison to mine. My chest tightened as I tried to find my words, but I pushed through. "You know you never call me Bunny when we'reintimateright? It's 'baby' or 'Bella'. But never 'Bunny'." His eyes dropped to our hands and he was silent. "You call my name in your sleep. You hold me all night without complaining. You kiss my forehead and temple more than you kiss anything else" Our eyes met again and I melted under his gaze. His eyes were clear and bright, truth evident in them. "You love me." He nodded. I smiled, letting the revelation roll over me, warm and gentle. "Well, I'm pretty sure I love you, too." He chuckled, "Pretty sure?" "Yeah. I mean, it's only been ten years. I might need to get to know you a little better, ya know? Not enough history between us for me to make a true decision, yet." His fingers dug into my stomach and I giggled, trying to push him away as he rolled me over and straddled my stomach, holding my arms above my head. He leaned over me again, kissing my forehead, skimming over to my temple and then over to run his lips across my own. "You will love me one day, Isabella Bunny Swan." Parting my lips, I kissed him with every last ounce of strength I had in my body. "Too late. I already do, 'Wardo." His mouth smiled the biggest smile I'd ever seen, pushing up towards his eyes as they all but disappeared. "Who knew, after all this time, the one I wanted was the one who'd always been there?" Edward just shrugged, tilting his head. "Me. I knew."

Sliding my hands from above my head to around his neck, I hugged him even closer. "Then thank you for waiting for me to catch up"

A/N: Awe, that 'Wardo. He never stood a chance. EBT and Angela4148: I hope I did you proud with my funky buttlovin'! You know that was a nod to you, right, EBT? Bella was totally reading I'll Be Your Lover, Too. That's all I'm gonna say. This is the final full chapter, loves. I will post one more small chapter with all seven of our beloved characters having a fun roundtable discussion about fapping, bromance and, of course, fuckin' fruit flies. After that, I will be posting the explanation A/N for all of you to more clearly understand my decision. I hope it will let you see my heart clearly in regards to the subject. And while most will support me, as you have already shown, there will be some naysayers who will blab about teal deers and NO1CURRRRR. I expect it. AliceSweetcheeks is busy linking all of my PDFs on the blog so that you can access them. While the blog is being worked on, it is closed. Once we have everything up (which should be by the time the last chapter posts) I will make the announcement and you guys can log onto the blog again. It will be public, unless it becomes a problem... Special thanks to Whitley Twilog for her awesome blog post regarding FAP. Love you, bb! Team Criss Cross Applesauce are the best team of people I could have been blessed with in this crazy place. They know I love 'em. At least, they better know! Reviews make me so excited I fall off the hood of 'Wardo's car...

Chapter 17: Chapter 17

A/N: SM got to dream of Edward in a meadow... I got the inspiration to write FAP when I reconnected on Facebook with my fifth grade 'Wardo. All of the early interaction stuff I wrote about was truedown to the skating rink proposal. He was the bad boy down the street that nowis a preacher. A hot, tatted up, pierced all over, radically saved preacher. And I thought how ironic it was that he was now preaching and I, the girl who never did anything wrong, waited to drink at 21, married her first boyfriend and slept alone on Prom nightAmberwas writing porn on the internet. The Prom story happened too, but with my husband. White tux, tire grease and all. What can I say? I've had interesting things happen that work well in fic, I suppose

Chapter 17

EPOV Having all seven of us in one house was such an epically bad idea. Garrett settled his back against the couch cushion, slumping down as he raised the book up higher and stared at the pages with a bewildered expression on his face. "She made you slap her tits?" My eyes instinctively flicked over to where Bella was sitting with her laptop at the kitchen table. She barely registered a look of acknowledgement, but I knew she had heard. In the months that had passed since Bella and I had established our relationship beyond our original agreement, we had been very honest about our pastswhat little of a past she hadand the ridiculous shitstorm of a past that was mine. Over the course of time, as she was speaking with her friends online, the few that were legal professionals had all offered the same advice. Instead of suing Siobhan, we needed to write another book, counteracting her story from my point of view. She'd breached her end of the bargain with the school by releasing all of that information. Essentially, my book would be in reaction to hers. And mine would include the truth, not some romanticized version of an older woman teaching a young man the ways of pleasure. She had basically used me and coerced me into doing certain things that I should have had better sense not to do. But, I'd been heartbroken over Bella. I'd needed to feel wanted. As much as I hated to do it, I needed to tell my side of the story. And lucky for me, my hot ass girlfriend was interested in writing the book for me. That put us in the position to read Siobhan's book together so that we could know which excerpts to address and expound upon, beyond the physical aspects that she had focused on so intently. Because of that, I had told my familywell, my family that consisted of Garrett, Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper, of course. Which was why Garrett was reading through Siobhan's book as Bella and I were visiting his place with Alice and Jasper in tow. I sighed, nodding at him once as I leaned forward to place my elbows on my knees. "She did. And she also liked to be fish hooked while" I stopped, clearing my throat and shrugging my shoulders. "Nevermind. I'd rather not relive it." Bella smiled smugly and kept her eyes on the laptop screen. I was keenly aware that she was thankful to the Professor for giving me insight to a woman's body, because Bella was clearly reaping the benefits from it. But Bella was also in a class all on her own. She had become a million times more sexually adventurous than I had ever imagined once I'd helped to release that Dirty Bunny from her cage. To say that we were both satisfied would have been an understatement. It was more than that. We really were in love. Now I sounded like a damn Harlequin novel Rose shuffled into the room with an unimpressed Alice behind her. "I think they're in love."

Alice nodded, folding her arms and flopping on the couch across from Garrett. "I knew this was going to happen." "It's Guy Love" Garrett sang and then lost himself in a fit of laughter, coughing and closing the book before shoving it across the floor at me with his foot. "I can smell the bromance from here." Emmett and Jasper could be heard in Emmett's room, talking fast and excitedly over one another, and I couldn't help but snicker at the mental picture of the two of them looking into one another's star filled, googoo eyes. I wondered if they were holding hands, yet Rose reached down for the book and held it up with a sigh. "You're really not going to tell me how old this bitch is? Because I'm still picturing you banging a Golden Girl." "If you screwed a Golden Girl, it had better have been Betty White. She's the only one worth being a necrophiliac for," Alice deadpanned. "She's not dead, is she?" Rose's hand flew to her mouth in alarm. "Yeah. She died, like, twenty years ago. She's either a zombie or a hologram. I'm not sure which, though." There was a twinkle in my step-sister's eye that made me shake my head. She just loved fucking with people. "Zombie makes sense. Betty White would totally lead the Zombie Apocalypse," Garrett pondered his words for a moment. "All of these new books at your store are about fucking vampires and werewolvesit only makes sense to have zombies involved now, too." Bella slid onto the couch next to me, curling into my side and resting her head against my chest. "Why not? Chicks even dig were-panthers." "Are you talking about those Suzy Steakhouse books?" Emmett's head popped out of his door as he surveyed the room. "Pretty sure that's not her name." My arm tightened around Bella's waist. Leaning in to kiss the top of her head, I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Did our dear friends online have any new information for us? Or were you just over there reading dirty updates that you're going to want to reenact later?" Bella pinched my side and laughed when I jumped and let out a painful, "Ow!" "Ugh. I was actually looking to see how many Elijah Mann fanfics there are now. It's unbelievable." Rose's eyes went wide. "Now other people are writing about you?" Alice groaned. "I tried to not even picture you as I was reading that piece of shit book. My brain replaced you with that hot guy from the elephant movie." "I pictured the dude from TRON," Emmett piped in. Bella laughed loudly in my ear, her whole body shaking as she gripped onto my shirt and kept me from jumping out of my seat and lunging after him. "We're gonna set everyone straight with our book, anyway," she giggled, running a soft hand through my hair and instantly calming me. "Right, baby?" I narrowed my eyes at the rest of the room as I kissed her head again.

Garrett snorted softly and scratched his head. "So, Bunnehhave you decided what you're going to name this Pulitzer Prize Winning novel of yours?" Bella sighed and tucked her feet beneath my thighs. "UmmShe named hers An Early Education. I figure, since we're getting the facts straight, we could name itFor Authentication Purposes. FAP." I held my breath as she let the words leave her mouth. Jasper shook his head violently. "No, nonononononowait. No. What? I can't evenno" Emmett nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, you can't name that shit FAP." Bella sat up and looked them over skeptically. "Why not?" Emmett sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Fap is a sound" "It's the sound that your hand makes when you masturbate," Jasper jumped in. "Like in Hentai or MangaAnime porn?" Emmett's eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them. "And everything is just, like, sofuckingwet" Jasper's hands were flailing. "I mean, sweat on their foreheads and foaming at the mouth" Emmett nodded enthusiastically. "Way more wetness than actually physically possible. But it helps make the sound," his hand mimicked jerking off. "Fap, fap, fap" moving faster he continued, "fap-fap-fap-fapfap-fap-fap" Jasper was pretending to work a girl with two fingers, making the same sound at the same time. It was like a fap chorus. In stereo. Suddenly, they both stopped and locked eyes, hands still mimicking the wank sessions. Jasper licked his lower lip once and breathed out quietly. "Emmett? How do you feel about fruit flies?" Emmett's big eyes went all Bambi-like as he sighed. "I fuckin' love fruit flies" Alice stood to her feet and threw her hands up. "I give up. You two move in together, I'll get a place with Rose." Rose watched the entire thing unfold, watching with rapt fascination. And Bella leaned into my ear, dropping her voice so that no one else could hear. "Still an asshole, 'Wardo. You're just lucky I'm so in love with you" I turned to give her my one raised eyebrow as she shook her head and smiled. Leaning in to give her a kiss, I let it linger before pulling away. "I kept my promise when I said I would fap you later" Her laughter assured me that she got the joke. She got me. And I got her. We always had, it just took some time to get on the same page. We'd started out story years ago And I knew we would live fappily ever after.

A/N: I came into this fandom on the word 'semen' and I'm heading out on the word 'fap'. I have nothing else to say about that - LOL This past weekend I got a treasure trove of jewelry to refurbish, and in the pile of stuff was a gold necklace with 2 love bunnies on it...and a bracelet with a silver carrot. I legit cried real human tears. I am going to miss writing for you guys so damn much. But I am so glad to call you 'friends'. I'll see you every once in a while on Facebook and Twitter. I've updated my profile to link you to the PDFs on my blog...enjoy? Huge thanks to Fanny, Lisa and Redgie for introducing me to the wonderful word 'Fap' in the first place. Without you...*sniffle*...none of this perversion would have been possible! Katmom: You are, by far, the most wonderful woman I could have ever asked to beta for me. Thank you. My words are insufficient, so I'll leave it there. APM, my lobster, thanks for sticking it out regardless of where my brain took us. We'll always have monkey socks and coke head face licks. Kitsushel, you once asked if I could pass the torch to you. You know that the torch you carry is bigger than mine, but I'm passing my little, hot pink, diamond encrusted Bic your way. Do good, bb. You always do. I will still be offering up a couple of one shots for things I had already committed to. Also, I promised to judge a one shot contest. So, I will be around in the background for a while... I hope all of you that have read this story liked my love letter to you as a community. You really are amazing people who do wonderful things. We are commonly linked by our love of all things Twilight and Roblated. Just...thanks so much. For everything. With all my love, Amber