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Kara Ward Dr. Cohane Eng150 12:30 1 May 2008 Complaining the Way to Happiness My sister never stops talking. Why are there always dirty clothes all over the floor? My mother-in-law wont leave me alone! Some would say that these complaints should not be verbalized. Complaints such as these, however, are an essential part of everyday life. According to William F. Buckley Jr.s article Why Dont We Complain?, in American society we do not complain enough. Similarly, in Do You Complain Too Much? (Or Not Enough) Hagar Scher argues that complaining helps bring people together and can actually strengthen relationships. And without strong relationships, writes Alan Thein Durning in Are We Happy Yet?, one cannot achieve happiness. Based upon these three articles, one can conclude that complaining helps to create bonds with those around us, and thus leads to greater happiness. In his article Why Dont We Complain?, William F. Buckley Jr. discusses a major problem he has noticed in himself and in American society. According to Buckley, people do not complain enough. Buckley provides several examples within his article, each of which is easily related to a similar event in everyday life. In one example, Buckley boarded a commuter train in
the dead of winter, only to discover the heat was at about 85 . To his astonishment and dismay,

not a single commuter complained. He began to complain, but then was discouraged by a look from another passenger and did not finish his complaint. The entire train cart sat in the unbearable heat for the rest of the trip without complaint (Buckley 456-457). In another example, Buckley and his wife were at a movie theater, trying to enjoy a

Ward 2 movie. Unfortunately, the movie was slightly out of focus, but neither Buckley nor his wife complained. In fact, every person in the theater sat through the whole out-of-focus movie without complaining. If just one person had worked up the courage to complain, the movie would have been more enjoyable for everyone. In these cases, just like many others, complaining would have led to more happiness. When our voices are finally mute, when we have finally suppressed the natural instinct to complain, whether the vexation is trivial or grave, we shall have become automatons, incapable of feeling (Buckley 460). Incapable of feeling anything especially happiness. Complaining helps us to feel. Complaining with friends helps with empathy. For example, when a woman complains to her friend about her mother, who has been constantly nagging her, the friend feels for her. She is able to see the womans point of view. From there, she feels the womans pain. This is empathy at work. Do You Complain Too Much? (Or Not Enough) discusses the use of complaints in forming and strengthening relationships. This article states that there are two different kinds of complaints: instrumental and expressive. Why are there always dirty clothes all over the floor? is an example of an instrumental complaint. When someone says this, he or she is hoping that the person he or she is complaining to will do something about it. Expressive complaints serve a different purpose to help the speaker vent, feel better, and form bonds. Expressive complaining can be used to start a conversation, to strengthen a relationship between friends, or to relieve tensions in a different relationship, as in complaining to a friend about a significant other (Scher 1). Strengthening relationships leads to greater overall happiness. By complaining to friends about significant others, in-laws, and everyday problems, not only is the bond between friends strengthened, but the bonds between the complainer and who he or she is complaining about are strengthened as well. For instance, if a husband and wife are having issues with something say,

Ward 3 who cleans what room in the house if the wife talks to her mother about it, it helps her. Not only do the wife and her mother have something to talk about, but her mother can give advice. Thus, the wife relieves her stress by talking about it, and gets advice on how to fix her problem. There can be a problem with complaints, of course. According to Scher, there is such a thing as a bad complainer. Bad complainers take expressive complaints and abuse them. These bad complainers bellyache to anyone who crosses their path and dont pick up on peoples cues that theyve had their fill of negativity (Scher 2). They give complaining a bad name. Usually, when someone is told to think about complaining, he or she immediately thinks of his or her annoying friend who constantly complains about everything. Everyone complains it is both mentally helpful and healing. Complaining brings people together, and strong personal relationships are a major component in happiness. Studies on happiness indicate that the main determinants of happiness in life are not related to consumption at all; prominent among them are satisfaction with family life, especially marriage and friendships (Durning 71). Durnings article mainly discusses happiness (or a lack thereof) in American culture. One of Durnings main points is that a huge part of happiness with life is strong relationships with friends and family. Without the support and help of friends and family, happiness is very hard to achieve.

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Are We Happy Yet? shows that happiness is directly related to relationships with family and friends. Why Dont We Complain? discusses the problem with complaining in American society. That is, the lack of constructive complaining in American society. Do You Complain Too Much? (Or Not Enough) ties these two seemingly unconnected articles together. Based on the facts from these three articles, one can conclude that complaining can positively affect ones surroundings, as well as relieve stress while strengthening relationships. Complaining, in moderation, can lead to greater happiness.

Works Cited

Buckley, William F. Jr.. "Why Don't We Complain?." The Brief Bedford Reader. X. J. Kennedy. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2006. Durning, Alan Thein. Are We Happy Yet?. Scher, Hagar. (2006, August). Do You Complain Too Much? (Or Not Enough). Good Housekeeping , pp. 1-2.