First came the pains. The knife stabbing through my chest at speeds faster than lightning.

Like nothing I had ever felt before. Torture. Intense Torture. Death. I knew it was coming. I was sure. I started thinking about everything in my life. Who would miss me? Would anybody turn up to my funeral? Who would tell Chase that I wouldnt be at skating? How would Brenton know the reason I wouldnt be on msn? He would think I had betrayed him! And would mum cry? Who am I kidding! Of course she would, she loves me more than life, would she kill herself too! But Im too young too die! This is what my head was doing instead of the smart thing, which would be trying to stop the knife. You never hear about 14 year old girls dying from their stomaches collapsing inside them at random times of the day. As this wasnt the first time it had happened today. I needed saving. I wasnt sure I could even move! I held my stomach as tight as I could till breathing felt as hard to do as Pythagoras theorem and ran for the medicine closet. I reached for the first aid box too fast and held my breath as it all fell to the floor. I waited for confirmation that mum had woken upnothingso I continued my search. There! Panadol! No time for water I swallowed my saving grace in the form of two white circles. Turns out GREAT things come in small packages! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! ITS TWO IN THE MORNING LEIGHA! Crap. Mum was awake. And then it started again; the knife was back for revenge! And my bladder was on the verge of exploding. No time to chat mum. I ran for the bathroom as I realised I hadnt actually said that out loud like I had planned. And there it was. For certain it was the devil in liquid form. The small sticky mess that confirmed I was a woman. BANG BANG BANG the sound came from mum hitting the door like you see the police do in films when they are trying to break it down. Leigha would you please explain to me what the hells wrong with you! mum was using that tone again, the one that says I swear to god a wrong answer here could end your life so I didnt respond. My body seemed to detach from my head and I lost control of movement, within moments I found myself with my head in my hands sobbing like I WAS dying. But my story doesnt begin here; it begins three days before that, at school. I woke up early because I had to rehearse the speech that was due at school today. It was this stupid assignment from PDHPE where we had to write a speech that had to be funny. You got more marks for how creative you were and how many times everybody laughed at you, or with you? I wasnt really sure which. When we first got the assignment, mine also came with a detention! All I did was ask the teacher what was the point of the assignment and then bang! Ill see you at lunchtime room 23! Miss Botany said. Im sure she had her period because mum told me that people are always unhappy when they have what she called a period which I thought was silly because a period was referring to a time in somebodys life or a lesson at school but a period was (as far as I could tell) something that comes once a month and makes you want to eat lots! And also made you cranky. If I could call it something...I would rename it grandma, because they visit once a month and make sweets that make you want to eat lots, but then you get sick and your really cranky. I thought it was more appropriate. I thought maybe Miss Botany was just cranky because she wanted something sweet, that was the real trouble, she thought I was making some sick joke that she was too thin when I offered her my last choc-chip cookie. And thats how I ended up in the principals office. I wasnt dreading it at all which was strange because the normal me would start crying like a little girl at the mere mention of the principals office. This time I was confident. I had it all planned out in my head, the principal would ask why I harassed miss Botany and I would tell her all about how I was only being generous and she should have thanked me for trying to help. And Miss Botany (who was older than 21(I knew this because every year on her birthday she would exclaim to the teachers 21 again today so I knew she was lying) would have had a period many times before) should understand that grandmas come and go, they

dont stay forever and she shouldnt be getting cranky at people who didnt even make her grandma come in the first place! I would usually never back chat a teacher or even dream of being rude to one, but I felt this issue needed to be addressed. And it wasnt just aimed at Miss Botany, but all the women in the world who ever got cranky at people, youd think that after years and years of peoples grandmothers making their monthly visit, that they would realise that they always leave! Not once has a grandmother come and not left. So anyway I entered the office knowing exactly what I was going to say, it wasnt like me at all. But Mrs. Allen (did I mention her name was Mrs. Allen? Well thats the principals name) had to go and change everything! She asked me sit down just like I expected and thats where It all went wrong. So Leigha, I have to talk to you about something very serious and I need you to understand that I am not picking on you, this is for your own good. Mrs Allen spoke as if she had just seen a ghost or something shocking. Maybe she had, maybe she had only just found out that Steve Irwin was dead. I didnt know she was such a big fan. I didnt even think anybody liked him. Oh well she wasnt my problem. Her boyfriend could deal with her period issues. Then I must of lost interest because I found myself looking around the roomand thats when I noticed my sex ed teacher in the corner of the room (Mrs. Butcher, I thought the name really suited her because she was butch she really tall and round, the kind of teacher that you never get on the bad side of because you imagine they will actually knock you down if you do). I looked back at Mrs. Allan and realised she had been intensely studying me the whole time, waiting for my response so I just said okay after all I just wanted to get out of there, I wasnt about to make this any longer than it already was. Thats when Mrs. Butch decided to step in. Once she had started speaking and I knew what she was talking about I just kind of blacked out. I dont think it was because I was scared really, more just out of shock and complete embarrassment that I fainted. At least, Mrs. Allan told me later that I went all red before tumbling over so I imagine it was all from embarrassment. Once I was back home in my bed I started going over everything that had happened. Mrs. Butch had gone into explaining that the school required me to start wearing a bra. Apparently other boys had been drawing cartoons of her in class with boobs, instead of doing her work. And after close observation Mrs. Butch had come to realise that the only solution would be to come forward and tell me that at my age I should be wearing a bra. So my dilemma; I had no idea what to do. It was a good thing I had fainted, for 3 reasons; one: it happened right in time before they could go into any further details. Two: I now did not have to go over the situation again by explaining it to mum. It was embarrassing enough having to talk to my teachers about boobs, MY BOOBS but I dont think I could have talked to mum about it. That would have been the final straw; Id have gone over the edge, maybe wound up in a mental institution. And three: I could put the whole thing off at least for a day. After the ambulance had arrived and the super cute doctor splashed water over my face to wake me up (and oh my god what a sight, I thought I had died and gone to heaven! Imagine waking up to a heavenly face like that, Im even considering fainting at school more often!) I had only listened to a little of what he had to say, of course it was very hard to focus on what he was saying when I couldnt stop staring into his eyes, anyway the main thing I heard was that I would have to go home and go straight to bed, to rest. This meant I wouldnt have to go bra shopping until tomorrow, which also meant I couldnt go to school. That at least meant I could have 24 hours to get over everything that had happened. And then, enough thinking (I had a headache anyway) I fell asleep. AHH what a stressful day, I wondered if adults ever got stressed like this.

6th of September 2004 could not have been a more dreaded day. I was beginning to realise why the devils number was 666, it all made sense, 6 was a horrible, evil number. The worst of all the numbers in the history of numbers. So mum woke me about 12pm. It wasnt as if I had actually slept for that long, I just didnt want to get out of bed. I felt sick. It was pubertys fault. I suddenly found myself wishing that I could have been born over 2004 years ago. Before Christ, before schools, before bras and clothes. The cavemen knew how to live. A leaf, I thought would be a much more suitable option right now. I sort of just went through the motions of the day without paying attention. I remember mum holding up loads of bras asking me which one I liked. I just kept shrugging and mum was getting frustrated. I didnt care. I just wanted to grab any silly one and get out of there. But mum had other ideas. By the time we reached the change rooms, mum was clasping about a thousand coat hangers with bras on them, and when I refused to cooperate, thats when she pulled out the big guns. Mum loves doing that, making things awkward. She left the change room in a huff and came back with a strange lady with a measuring tape. MUM WHAT THE HELL I DONT HAVE A SHIRT ON! I screamed, how dare she, wasnt I allowed any privacy at all! OH dont get your knickers in a knot! This is Tracy she is going to fit you for a bra. It was so weird. Have you ever been fitted for a bra? If you have then you know what I mean! You have to stand there while somebody pokes and prods at you with a measuring tape that is VERY COLD! I imagine I should compare it to getting checked for breast cancer, except that for a breast cancer appointment, you have warning, you book it way before and you know that it is coming. Whereas in this situation I didnt know, a strange lady with a measuring tape (Tracy) just walked in and started prodding. I decided I was never going to be bra fitted ever again. I am skipping to when I got home because I dont really want to go into the details that was the horror of our outing. Anyway I now am the proud owner of 5 multi-coloured C cup bras. The next day at school was really strange. I felt so many emotions. Anger at my friend Chelsea for not sitting next to me in English because she swore her boyfriend Chad was looking at my boobs. Awkwardness when all the guys started talking to mewell sort of, they were talking to me, but they werent looking at my face, they were really talking to my boobs. And absolute happiness when Chase Donahue asked me to go skating with him! Its all I can think about. But I was also stressed, about what I would wear, how I would do my hair. What if he didnt like me? And why was he all of a sudden talking to me? I didnt think he knew who I was, wed never spoken before but I knew a lot about him. Chase is the HOTTEST guy in my grade. All the cool girls have been out with him a few times, and they act like they dont care when he breaks up with them but I can tell that they all still like him. But the cool girls are nothing like me! They dye their hair, and spend an hour every morning doing their makeup and hair, they have piercings and talk about fashion and the newest songs. They all flirt with Chase and Ive heard about things they do for him, to make him like them. Probably things I shouldnt talk about. Not really the type of girls I would ever want to be friends with.