Price 1 Jenna

Price Mrs. Caruso ENGL 1102 February 15, 2012

Beth Caruso 2/27/12 9:05 PM Comment [1]: Put your name in the filename and change the date, margins, and title font.

Sinking of the Titanic: Behind the Scenes

The well-known story of the Titanic is one preserved through the years, and for good reason. Most memories of the Titanic are those of sorrow, pain and remorse.1 The unsinkable ship was much more than a cruise across the vast waters, but an opportunity for many to start a new life in America.2 The ship carried multiple classes, many families rich in culture and those with enough potential to establish a new beginning. When explaining an important event such as this one, it is necessary to mention the important people and discuss a little bit about their life history. The most important person pertaining to the Sinking of the Titanic is the captain, Edward John Smith.3 Edward was born in England and came from a middle class background. He was part of the Royal Navy Reserve and has captained many ships before he took on the Titanic. Edward, also know as E.J., became well liked throughout the crew of the Titanic. Edward planned to retire after his journey on the Titanic. He would no longer captain anymore of these famous cruise ships. (Titanic-Titanic) Edward normally ate small meals within his own facility.4 On the night of April 14, Edward attended a dinner party that was specifically for him. He had heard word that the ship was entering an ice zone so he excused himself from the dinner party, early. Edward retired to bed after he was told there was absolutely nothing to worry about. He was then woken up by the collision of the iceberg. (Metelko) Many people seem to
Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:22 PM Comment [6]: Use stronger, more succinct wording here.
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Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:21 PM Comment [2]: Show that your focus will be the people on board. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:20 PM Comment [3]: Cut out sentences such as these that offer insight on why you are putting the information into your paper. Work to synthesize the information for your reader, rather than trying to show why we should think about these things in the first place. Just begin with the information you have next and a transition into it. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:20 PM Comment [4]: Keep the same verb tense throughout your paper. You already use past tense.

Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:21 PM Comment [5]: Combine these two sentences for a smoother read.

Price 2 blame Edward for the sinking of the Titanic. They say Edward should have been more aware of the iceberg. In reality, who is really to blame? A ships crew consists of not just a captain, but also an entire crew who play off each other to ensure a safe journey. Similar to a team of any sport, each individual works off another for the overall success. The departure of the Titanic started off badly.6 Situations began to occur with the propeller that almost did not allow the Titanic to begin the travel over seas! The Titanic was inches away from colliding with another cruise ship, the New York. Passengers on board saw this to be bad luck. A company, the White Star Line built the unsinkable ship.7 It was known as the unsinkable ship because it was so large and heavy in weight that no one thought it was capable of ever sinking. An American tycoon, J.P. Morgan, was the owner of the famous ship. The cost to build the Titanic was outrageous, especially back during those times. Nearly 7.5 million dollars were contributed to making the Titanic magnificent and a first-class ticket was nearly impossible to afford.8 In todays economy, a first-class ticket would range up to $50,000. That should let everyone know just how expensive the Titanic was. It took a couple of years to build the Titanic and approximately 3,000 men to do so! The Titanic was quite large for her day. It was the largest man-made object that was afloat during that time. (the titanic page) April 10, 1912 the Titanic departed from Southampton UK in great desire to dock in New York City in just a few short days. The titanic only made it to April 15, which is the day that the Titanic made history. Before the horrible sinking, the trip was unusually smooth. The water was barely moving and there was nothing going wrong. Some say that if the water had not been so smooth, then the iceberg would have been easier to locate due to the breaks in the water surrounding the iceberg. The Titanic received six
Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:25 PM Comment [11]: Consider how the ideas in the first part of this paragraph relate to the ideas in the second part. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:23 PM Comment [9]: Be more specific. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:24 PM Comment [10]: Exclamation points cause writing to become more informal and conversational. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:22 PM Comment [7]: Take out this question and prove the answer with your next statement. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:22 PM Comment [8]: Informal.

Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:25 PM Comment [12]: Work to make this sentence more succinct.

Price 3 different warnings before it actually collided with the iceberg.9 The operating manager ignored all of the warnings. No one seems to know why. (the titanic page) Surprisingly, the iceberg that the Titanic struck was not big at all, though it still proceeded to do a lot of damage to the ship.10 The iceberg was only 1/10 out of the water with 9/10 of the iceberg left under the water.11 Therefore, the iceberg was not going to budge even with a massive ship, like the Titanic, colliding with it. The iceberg was an unusual one. It was not white, but known as a blackberg (black ice found on icy roads) which made the iceberg rather hard to locate.12 (the titanic page) On a cold Sunday night, April 14,1912 the Titanic crashed into the iceberg at 11:40 P.M. The ship was traveling a bit faster than normal.13 It was traveling 22.5 knots while cruising through the icy waters, which is only .5 knots from its maximum speed. The iceberg immediately cut a deep gash into the side of the Titanic.14 The gash was nearly 882 feet long with no way of recovery. Unfortunately, five compartments in the Titanic became flooded. If only four of the compartments had flooded, the Titanic would have been able to stay afloat. (the titanic page) There were many errors in operation to begin with.15 When the ship began sailing from Southampton, there was a bunker fire that was distinguished many hours later. (Titanic FAQ) This could have very well affected the ship when it began to sink.16 No safety drill was given on board for the passengers.17 They had no clue what to do or where to go when the ship began to sink. This was a major fail concerning the Titanic crew. The number one error of operation involved the chairman of line, Bruce Ismay. He was given a radio message stating that ice was in the path of the ship. Bruce proceeded to tell the captain, but it slipped his mind after he pushed the letter into his pocket.

Price 4 A lot of people were on board the Titanic and it was a journey that everyone was looking forward to. There were a total of 2,223 people on the Titanic and only 706 were rescued to safety. A good number of famous people were traveling on the Titanic, mainly multimillionaires.18 Many different classes of people were sailing on the Titanic and some believe that the upper class passengers were offered safety first.19 Between first class, middle class, and lower class, there were more lower class people then any other class. Yet, more upper class passengers still managed to be saved. The Titanics crew made up 899 people of the passengers on board and only 214 of them were rescued. (Titanic FAQ) The very first lifeboat that left the Titanic carried twenty-eight people.20 The lifeboat was able to hold sixty-four people. Everyone was in such a panic that the lifeboat operators were too impatient to wait for any other passengers to board the lifeboat. As expected, women and children were given first choice to board a lifeboat. Unfortunately, the men had no choice but to stay behind. Luckily, everyone on board the Titanic was provided a life jacket. (the titanic page) Today, the Sinking of the Titanic is known about worldwide.21 This is one of the most interesting yet horrifying events that had ever taken place in history. The Sinking of the Titanic has better the operation of cruise ships, today. The Titanic ship is now 2.33 miles below water, lying on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. When the Titanic sank, it split in two. The two parts are nearly 1,970 feet apart from each other. The Titanic was discovered on July 14, 1986. This was seventy-four years after the Titanic sank on that cold April night. The last survivor of the Titanic, Millvina Dean, died on May 31st of 2009. There are no more survivors of the Titanic. April 14th, 2012 will be the 100th anniversary of the Sinking of the Titanic.
Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:27 PM Comment [15]: Combine these sentences for a smoother read. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:27 PM Comment [16]: Did this matter? Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:27 PM Comment [17]: What is this? Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:30 PM Comment [18]: Rather than giving new information in your conclusion and just allowing it to end, give a conclusion that brings all of the ideas from your paper together for one last look at what you wrote about. Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:31 PM Comment [19]: Jenna, You have some great information about the ships captain and crew and about its sinking, but as you work to revise, work to bring those ideas together in your intro and conclusion so your paper will have a more solid structure. Also, work on the language you use. Your writing is still rather informal because of your choppy sentences and informal word and phrase choices. Work to tighten your language and make it more succinct. If you do this, your whole paper will be stronger. Endnotes: Although you give extensive information in your endnotes, you dont seem to talk about your concept. Work to give more end-notes so you can think through your concept or expand upon the ones you already have to include your thinking about your concept.
I'm looking forward to seeing how this will play out! -Ms. C

Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:26 PM Comment [13]: Informal

Beth Caruso 2/27/12 11:26 PM Comment [14]: Why?

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Citations

Beth Caruso 2/27/12 9:06 PM Comment [20]: Refer to the MLA example on Moodle for proper format of a Works Cited page and take out the URLs.

. "A site to remember." the titanic page. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Feb 2012. <http://www.eszlinger.com/titanic/titanfacts.html>. . "A Titanic FAQ." The Titanic FAQ. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Feb 2012. <http://www.allatsea.co.za/faq.htm . "Captain Edward John Smith of the Titanic." Titanic-Titanic. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Feb 2012. <http://www.titanic-titanic.com/captain_smith.shtml>. Metelko, karl. "Titanic's Captain." WebTitanic. Encyclopedia Titanica, n.d. Web. 22 Feb 2012. <http://www.webtitanic.net/framecaptain.html>.

1 Many family members were separated during the sinking of the Titanic. There was a lot of confusion and heartache. 2 The Titanic was known as the unsinkable ship. The Titanic was so large and heavy that no one ever imagined that something that size could sink to the bottom of the ocean. 3 Edward was a very experienced captain. He has captained many ships before and gained his license at a very early age. 4 Edward was very quite and often kept to himself. He was not a people person by no means. He had a wife and kids who he rarely got to see because he was the captain of so many other ships. 5 A multimillionaire on board the ship planned a special dinner in honor of Edward being the captain of the famous Titanic. 6 Something was bound to happen to the Titanic during its travel. Whether it was the actual sinking or something similar. There were too many things to go wrong with the Titanic before it even left the dock Southampton. 7 This was a very famous business. The White Star Line built many other cruise ships. The Twins were built by the White Star Line and were somewhat similar to the features of the Titanic. 8 A first class ticket would not be so hard to afford during todays economy. Back then, that much money was so expensive to the passengers of the Titanic.

Price 6 9 No one mentioned the warnings that were received. It was like the crew did not believe that something was actually going to go that wrong. 10 An iceberg is a lot more powerful then someone may think. An object surrounded by that much water is very unlikely to budge no matter what comes its way. 11 If the iceberg had been more out of the water, then there would have been more of a chance that the ship would not have hit it. The fact that almost the whole iceberg was underwater made it impossible to miss. 12 These types of icebergs are very rare. The Titanic had no luck when approaching this iceberg. 13 Normally, cruise ships take their time when traveling the waters. The Titanic was going almost its maximum speed. If the ship was going slower then they might would have had a change to miss the iceberg all together. 14 The actual hole was not that big. The gash was massive, but water only traveled through a hole about the size of a refrigerator. 15 The Titanic was not very well put together to begin with. The whole process to ensure safety was not thought out by the crew like it should have been. 16 The ship could have possible not sunk so fast if the fire was put out as soon as it was recognized. 17 In todays time, it is illegal to not cover all of the safety drills on a cruise ship. 18 The titanic was very popular. It included a lot of famous people. Everyone was anxious to touch down in America. 19 There were more lower class people aboard the Titanic. The upper class people were treated with extreme care. 20 This lifeboat could have carried a lot more people then it did. 21 The titanic will go down in history and never be forgotten. It is known about worldwide and it will continue to be talked about throughout the years.