First Time Dad Group Discussion Guide Welcome to fatherhood!

Its going to be a great ride, full of more thrills and challenges than you can possibly imagine. And itll all be well worth the investment of time, energy, emotions even money! Honestly, the most esteemed title Ive ever had has been, Dad. What a privilege! Let me be clear about at least one thing every new dad needs to know: dont think you can accomplish this fatherhood thing alone. Its important that you consider the importance of getting together with other guys and benefitting from their experience and wisdom. Personally, Ive learned a lot from other dads. Ive watched a number of other guys to see how they handle children at different ages and stages. And Ive belonged to several small groups where we could share common frustrations and joys about being a dad. Its my hope that this discussion guide will help you along with a few other men to work through the chapters in First Time Dad. I trust that youll find both the book and the related conversations beneficial!

Chapter 1: Great Expectations There are some common expectations every new dad has to think through. As you consider your own assumptions about how a baby can affect your life, share some thoughts about the following questions. 1. What does being a dad mean to you? 2. Do you expect fatherhood to be easy or hard? Why? 3. How would you describe one (or more!) of the biggest challenges youre facing about being a first time dad? 4. Overall, how do you think youll do as a new father? 5. Which of the Friendly Warnings at the end of the chapter really stand out to you, and why?

Chapter 2: What Fatherhood is All About 1. Who were some of the primary adult influences in your life? 2. What father figures do you remember seeing on television as you grew up, and how would you characterize them as role models? 3. Have there been some guys youve known who had good relationships with their fathers?

4. What are some words youd use to describe your own father? 5. In 25 years, how would you like your child to describe his or her relationship with you, and what will you do today to ensure that can happen?

Chapter Three: Time and Priorities 1. Considering home, work, hobbies, and other activities, where is your time most heavily invested? 2. What are some favorite hobbies youve enjoyed? Which one activity would you most like to continue? Which of these do you think will might need to be set aside now that youve got a child? 3. As you look ahead, how do you think your baby will affect your job performance and opportunities for advancement? 4. What can you do to better manage your time, in light of your responsibilities as a new dad? 5. List three things you can do to make sure you spend good, quality time with your baby in the next couple of years.

Chapter 4: Break the Chain 1. Characterize the relationship you have today with your dad. Are you close? Distant? In what ways is that evidenced? 2. Think back to your childhood. In a few sentences, describe what you remember about your dad. Include his character, habits, sayings and even things that might have annoyed you. 3. If you never really knew him, is there any way you can find out a few things about your father and how he might have influenced you (for good or bad)? 4. What are some things you likely learned from your father that you want to emulate in your own parenting? Something youd like to avoid as you raise your own child? 5. If your dad was absent as you grew up, in what ways did that absence affect you then, and also now? 6. Josh McDowells dramatic story of reconciliation with his dad demonstrates the power of forgiveness. Is there anything you need to forgive your father for? What obstacles might prevent restoration in your relationship? 7. Identify some men in your life who are 10 years (or more) older than you, who seem to be good dads. Who are they, and could any of them become a fathering mentor in your life? 8. Review the inventory of your own parenting toolbox. What are the better tools you have to work with? What will you need to get in order to be a great dad? How ill you acquire those?

Chapter 5: How a Baby Affects Your Family 1. Review the seven healthy habits for keeping your marriage strong, as offered by David and Claudia Arp. How are you doing with your mate? 2. John told the story of a young couple and their challenges as new parents. As you consider the ways that little baby Ethan affected Chris and Jessicas marriage, can you identify at all with that scenario, or do you know a young couple with similar challenges? 3. If your baby is still on the way, how do you expect the relationship with your wife to be changed by his or her arrival? In what ways? 4. What are some positive ways that pregnancy or a new baby has impacted your marriage? What challenges have become apparent, and how are you dealing with those? 5. Has the time your wife has for you just you been affected by the pregnancy or new baby? 6. Assess the quality of the communication with your spouse. Is it great, good, or lacking? When was the last time the two of you had quiet talktime to really connect? 7. Is there a like-minded couple with whom you think you could be comfortable trading babysitting in a few months? 8. Which of the Five Tips at the end of the chapter seemed most helpful to you, and why?

Chapter 6: Loving Your Wife 1. Can you identify at all with The Seven Ages Of The Married Cold described in this chapter, and if your answer is yes, in what ways? 2. On a 1-10 scale, how would you rate yourself in the loving (my wife) department? Are you doing well, or in need of some help? 3. Of the 50 suggestions about ways to love your wife, what three are you pretty good at doing regularly? 4. What are three ways you can improve in how you meet your wifes needs?

Chapter 7: Loving Your Baby's Mother 1. Do you think Ted Cunningham was right when he told his daughter he loves her Mom more than her? Why or why not? 2. Can you hear your wifes voice when you read the comments from women about who do you love more? 3. Just as youre going through changes and having to deal with expectations, so is your wife. As a new mom she has plenty on her plate and that includes

the physical changes of having a baby! From your perspective, how is she navigating this season of change? How are you encouraging her in this? 4. Keying off something John wrote near the end of the chapter, in 20 years, will you and your wife be a unified couple, with shared interests and activities? How can you move in that direction now, even though youre new parents? Chapter 8: Boys-n-Girls 1. Describe what you think it will be like being daddy to a boy. To a girl? 2. Did you grow up with sisters? Did your wife grow up with brothers? In what ways could those experiences affect your parenting approaches? 3. John shared a story about one of his sons, and the typical challenges his behavior presented one August day (a lot of trouble!). How would you have responded to any of these actions? How would you have responded to the entire list of activities all happening in one day? 4. How well do you think youll interact with a son? What kinds of things will you do together? What might be hard? 5. What will your relationship be with a daughter? What activities will you share together? Will that be easy, or difficult?

Chapter 9: Helping Your Child Succeed 1. If you could go back in time and watch them, how would your parents have reacted to you as a child? Were they confident or apprehensive? Engaged or distant? 2. Now that youre an adult, do you think your parents consider you a success? According to what standards? 3. In 20 years, what will success look like for your child? 4. What aspects of character do you value in a person, and how can you foster development of those qualities in your child as he or she grows? 5. What does conviction look like? 6. How will you be able to encourage curiosity in your child? 7. In what ways will you meaningfully model a heart of compassion for others to your child?

Chapter 10: The Keys to Your Child's Heart 1. Do you know anyone like Mitch, who needs to, but evidently cant or doesnt know how to really lead his family? 2. What rules do you think youll naturally incorporate into your parenting?

3. How will you address your childs heart? What will you do to really influence his character? 4. The average dad spends less than 10 hours a week with his children. How many hours a week do you suppose youll spend with yours? 5. Describe the firstborn child in the family in which you grew up. What general characteristics does that brother or sister have, and how will you react if when? your first child shows the same tendencies? 6. Even though your life is full of activity, when you consider the need your child has for time with you, what are some ways you can make sure you are together a lot in the coming years? 7. What things will you push aside to make sure you pursue your childs heart as she grows up?

Chapter 11: Spiritual Formation 1. Did your parents cultivate a spiritual faith in you? In what ways? 2. As you enter parenthood, are you and your wife in agreement about the need for developing your childs awareness of God? Have you talked about the subject and how youll do that? 3. In what practical ways can you start even now to help your child grow spiritually? 4. If there is one area of fatherhood that seems to make men uncomfortable, it is in this area of spiritual formation. Are you confident about your abilities to help your child grow in faith? If not, about what are you most fearful? 5. Name one man whom you look up to and who can help you be a father of strong faith?

Chapter 12: Blink 1. What memories do you have from your childhood about time spent with your dad? Were they structured activities? Spontaneous activities? Or more mundane, daily life moments? 2. Look over the list of 31 ways to invest in your childs life. What are some of the easier things on that list for you to do when your son or daughter is a bit older? And is there anything you can do even this day to begin the bonding process? 3. Answer this question about the day you left home, based on either past conversations with your parents of perhaps their writings: What did they feel? Were they happy? Did they struggle with your departure? 4. How can you keep a proper perspective on time, and how quickly it passes by, as you wrestle with the adjustments you and your wife are going through

now as new parents? Is there something you can do, practically, as a reminder of the brevity of your time with this child?