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Chemical Dependency and the Family

Dawn Farm Education Series: 2011 Nancy Quay, LMSW

Presentation

Definition of family Chemical dependency overview Effects of chemical dependency on families What can you do? Resources

A family is

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Family members include:

Spouses/partners Parents Children Siblings Extended family members Committed friends

Common features of families

Unique roles Shared roles Rulesspoken or unspoken Values and beliefs Shared history

And everything reflects the change

Role shifts Changed responsibilities Rules are broken Upended values and beliefs Loss of history

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Ripple Effect

Change in one aspect creates ripples which change the other aspects

Disease of Chemical Dependency

Biological effects Psychological effects Primary Chronic Illness Progressive Signs and Symptoms Fatal

Overview

Addiction is a disease of the brain that leads to the abuse of mind-altering chemicals. Addiction results in physical, mental, social, and spiritual deterioration. Addiction has both biological and psychological components.

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Biological/Physical Effects

Chemical tolerance Withdrawal symptoms Chemically dependent people crave drugs and physically do not feel normal without them

Psychological Effects

Drugs control mind, thinking, attitude, beliefs Drugs control their moods Belief life is not possible without drugs Obsessive thoughts about drug Love relationship with drug

Addiction is Primary

Caused by use Brain changes as a result of use Use can be influenced by geneticssome people seem more likely to become addicted than others Ones environment can also influence abuse that can lead to addiction.

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Addiction is Chronic

Symptoms arise and last over time (more than 3 months) Interrupts the developmental cycle

Time not spent developing talents, skills, interests Time spent in detention, jail, prison

May begin with an acute event (or more than one) Eventually just becomes routine

Addiction is Progressive

Stages

Early

May be asymptomatic Tends to be when use affects relationships, life, work, etc. Obvious symptoms

Middle

Late

Signs and symptoms

Frequent intoxication Once user starts, cant stop Blackouts Behavior changes while using Begins to miss work or other obligations Disruptions in work or family life Legal troubles Other symptoms

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Addiction is Fatal

If left untreated, addiction to drugs will eventually kill by disease, overdose, or accident.

Drug related car accidents, other serious accidents Violent activities, dangerous behaviors, gangs, fights, burglaries, homicide Overdose Suicide, attempted suicide Diseases related to drug use

How Addiction Affects Families

Chemical dependency affects families in many ways

From positive to negative From minor to extreme

These problems can have a direct or indirect impact on any family member in any area of their life.

Chemical Dependency Changes:

How it feels to live in the family How people communicate How family members relate to each other and get along How family members deal with problems and conflicts

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Chemical Dependency Changes:

How family members meet each others needs How members assume roles and meet the demands of these roles How family members relate to the outside world: We often recreate our family relationships in other relationships!

Family Characteristics
When alcohol abuse or addiction stays around for a long time, certain negative characteristics become a part of the familys daily life.

Guilt
o Family members blame themselves for the behavior of the dependent person. o They believe they must be doing something which triggers the drinking or using. o They begin to question themselves and find unreasonable fault in their own behavior.

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Insecurity
o Things are never steady for any period of time. o Shaky finances and lack of job security may be constantly present. o Daily duties and responsibilities are not met. o Each member of the family has the feeling the roof could fall in at any minute.

Fear
o Deep within, each member of the family knows that something is seriously wrong. o The family knows that tragedy is just around the corner. o The family lives with the dependent persons sudden changes in mood, often with anger and violence erupting.

Embarrassment
o Social events are cancelled. o Friends are not invited into the home. o Despite this dance of avoidance, the behavior of the chemically dependent person continues to bring embarrassment to family members.

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Isolation
o Communication within the family erodes. o No one is willing to talk about feelings regarding the problem. o The family of an addicted person cannot be a close-knit group.

Disappointment
o The chemically dependent person is unable to live up to his or her commitments and promises. o Broken promises and unfulfilled expectations are common. o Members of the family are constantly having their high hopes turn into great disappointments.

Suspicion and Loss of Trust

o Members of the family learn early that the chemically dependent person can not be trusted. o Conflicts and accusations are common. o This condition encourages the chemically dependent person to continue using or drinking.

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Resentment
o The unexpressed anger towards the chemically dependent person is held within and becomes raging resentment. o This growing resentment may cause members of the family to react inappropriately, not only toward the dependent person, but to everyone that is close to him or her.

Ways Family Members Reduce Stress

Ignoring the problem behaviors, conflict, and pain Using defense mechanisms (both the chemically dependent person and other family members) Taking on new roles to stabilize the family

Special Roles in Chemically Dependent Families

The Family Hero The Family Scapegoat The Lost Child The Family Mascot The Chief Enabler

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The Family Hero

Behaviors:

High achiever, excels, leads, very busy, almost never says no, responds to adult, controlling Anxiety, inadequacy, unworthiness, resentfulness, self-blame, loneliness Unrealistic sense of control, needs to control, needs approval, feels overly responsible or may act irresponsibly when overwhelmed

Feelings:

As an adult:

Offers the family a sense of being okay

The Family Scapegoat

Behaviors:

Tests limits, breaks rules, gets in trouble, acts aggressively, uses substances as an outlet/relief, inappropriate language, behavior, dress, usually has most realistic picture of the family. Anger, confusion, resentment, inadequacy, self-blame for family problems, out of control Typically has progressive substance abuse problems; problems throughout life; progressive involvement with the criminal justice system

Feelings:

As an adult:

Offers the family a sense of purpose by providing someone to blame

The Lost Child

Behaviors:

Quiet, daydreamer, isolates, conflict, passive

fantasizes, avoids

Feelings:

Loneliness, fear, unworthiness, inadequacy, lack of fulfillment May have problems with depression, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, alcohol or drug problems usually due to inability to cope

As an adult:

Offers the family a sense of relief and success, and is not a trouble to the family

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The Family Mascot

Behaviors:

Class clown, seeks attention through humor and acting out, uses humor to keep people at a distance, seldom serious Anxiety measures self-worth by how others see him or her; anger; hurt; loneliness Problems in school and at work, seldom forms intimate relationships, clowns around or life of the party, may develop SA problems

Feelings:

As an adult:

Offers the family a sense of comic relief from the pain

The Chief Enabler

Behaviors:

Shelters and shields the using family members, makes excuses for and may lie to protect the user, minimizes negative consequences, blames others for the problems, sometimes sabotages progress towards recovery Anger, hurt, guilt, resentment, anxiety, fear, desperate to control everything, helpless, exhausted

Feelings:

Offers the family a sense of stability and protection

What Can I Do?

Continued addiction leads only three places:

Death Jail Institution

Are any of these acceptable options for your family member?

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A Familys Major Tasks for Defeating the Disease of Addiction

Understand the biological and psychological disease of addiction Understand the wide-ranging effects on all family members Understand each family members role in living with an addicted member

Make Change Happen

Remember: systemic disease needs systemic treatment Chemically dependent families have choices and can break the unhealthy norms of the family. It doesnt matter why these roles were developed, they do not have to be maintained!

Additional Strategies

Parents must recognize that addiction is a family illness that requires treatment for all family members Confront denial regarding the impact of their own substance abuse -- accept responsibility for substance-abuse behavior

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Tools and Support

Honesty and openness Positive support and structure Clear boundaries Healthy behaviors Meet needs Stay active Look for signs of progress, not perfection Get professional help

Tools and Support

Friends, relatives, school counselors, religious leaders Support groups: Al-Anon, Alateen, CoDependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) Books and Internet information Work the 12-step Program

Recovery is Possible! When the world says Give up, Hope whispers Try it one more time.
-Author Unknown

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Thank You!

Resources
www.dawnfarm.org www.teensusingdrugs.org

Rachel Getting Married (2008), one of the best recent movies on the effect on a family of one members addiction

Statistics were obtained from the following sources: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. SAMHSA's Center for Substance Abuse Treatment. You Can Help: A Guide for Caring Adults Working with Young People Experiencing chemical dependency in the Family (PHD878, (SMA) 01-3544)Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office. University of Pennsylvania Health System: http://www.uphs.upenn.edu/

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