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One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question: Assalam alaikum, I am going to marry next year, Insha Allah,

and I want that my marriage should be according to Quran & Sunnah. Would you please explain if so called rasm, like Mehndi, Sehra bandi, Ubtan, etc are valid. Also what is permitted to take as gift in dowry. Thanks for your efforts! Allah hafiz.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.) Answer: Marriage Rasms In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

The marriage of a believer, who wants to perform the rites according to the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws), should be simple, decent, and non-elaborate.

The real thing in a muslim marriage is the Nikah contract, followed by a walima or marriage feast, which is a Sunnah. But one must take care to make sure that the walima or marriage feast is simple and decent, and not be an excuse to show off his wealth and position in society.

The marriage is a joyous occasion in the life of any believer, and an occasion for celebration. Thus, there is absolutely no harm if the women of the house put Mehndi, or Ubtan, etc. Neither is there any harm in the rites of Sehra Bandi, etc. But none of these should be made into an elaborate and expensive affair. And all times, the believer must take care that in the pretext of following these rasms, they do not overstep the boundaries set by the Shariah. There should be absolutely no mixing of the sexes, or illegal music and dance sequences, or any indecency whatsoever.

There is absolutely no harm if the women get together and play the daff (an Arabic version of tabla), or sing decent marriage songs; provided there is absolutely no mixed gathering of nonmehram men and women. The marriage is a joyous occasion and all kinds of legal celebrations are allowed, as long as one stays within the boundaries set by Allah and His Messenger.

Your Question: Also what is permitted to take as gift in dowry. In Islam, all, I repeat, all the expenses related to marriage, mehr, feast, jewelry, furniture, housing, etc. are laid upon the man. There is absolutely no obligation for any expenses which should be occurred by the girl or her family. If without any sort of force or hints whatsoever, the family of the bride gives her any gifts, then there is no harm in accepting those. But for the man, or his family, to demand or hint towards any sort of gifts (even it be as valueless as a pebble), it is absolutely forbidden to do so in Islam. And if the man declares that he will not accept anything from the bride and her family as expenses, gifts, and/or dowry, then it will be better and purer for him in Islam. Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

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