Disciplining for High Self-Esteem

Guiding Social behaviors

Goals
To develop an understanding of different guidance philosophies To understand effective discipline techniques and to develop appropriate measures to use with children To gain an understanding of what factors affect childrens behaviors

A Definition of Discipline
Discipline is a positive approach to teach a child self-control and confidence. As opposed to punishment, discipline techniques focus on what we want the child to learn and what he/she is capable of learning. It is a process, not a single act.

A Definition of Punishment
Punishment focuses on the misbehavior and may do little or nothing to help a child behave better in the future. Punishing rather than disciplining teaches the child that the adult, rather than the child, is responsible for the way the child behaves

What do we expect?
Tasks of Social Development
Recognize self as separate Become responsive to others Learn right from wrong Make decisions Develop self control Learn from consequences and take responsibility for choices

Philosophies
Dreikurs Four goals of Misbehavior In order to address the misbehavior, the adult needs to understand the goal of the misbehavior
Attention Power Revenge Inadequacy

 Gordon Teacher Effectiveness(Rogerian Theory)

children have the capacity for selfdirection. Mutual respect and acceptance. Who owns the problem. I-message vs. You-messages

 Behavior Management
The childs behavior is under the control of the environment and can be changed by the adult through some kind of environmental manipulation

Goals of Human Behavior

Exploration and discovery Attention and affection Power and a sense of control Expression of feelings Validation of self-concept

Democratic Life Skills

See ones self as a worthy individual and a capable member of the group Express strong emotions in positive ways solve problems ethically and intelligently Be understanding of the feelings and viewpoints of others Work cooperatively n groups, with acceptance among members

Misbehavior vs. Mistaken Behavior

Whats the difference?
Misbehavior behavior-wherein teachers make a oral judgment about a behavior and then make a moral judgment about the child, Makes us think of punishing Mistaken behavior -reminds us that the child is just at the beginning of a lifelong process. Makes us think of guiding

Questions to Ask Yourself

Is the child doing something truly wrong? Is there a real problem here, or are you just tired and out of patience? Who owns the problem?
If there is no real problem, release your stress away from the child If there is a problem go to

 Think for a moment. Is your child really capable of doing what you expect here?
If you are not being fair, re-evaluate your expectations If your expectations are clear and are developmentally appropriate

 Did the child know at the time that she was doing something wrong?
If not, help her understand what you expect and why, and how she can do that. Offer your help. If the child knew that it was wrong, and she deliberately disregarded a reasonable expectation, your child misbehaved

Factors That Can Cause Children To Act Out

Emotional-temperament, anger, defiance, assertiveness,
frustration, anxiety, fear, boredom

Classroom/Environment-too many children,

excessive noise and stimulation, developmentally inappropriate activities and environment, NO, lack of clearly stated or enforced rules fatigue, illness, pain, allergies, inappropriate developmental guidelines

Physical/Developmental-poor nutrition, hunger,

 Temperament and Individual differences- the preferred style of

responding-the hard drive of our personality

Environmental- peer influence, seasonal

factors, poor housing, poverty, violence in the community

controlling discipline, sibling rivalry, divorce, excessive work-related travel, serious illness or death, substance abuse. Parenting styles, cultural differences in guidance and discipline

Cultural & Family Influences- overly

Temperament Know anyone ?

Trouble maker Disrespectful Boastful Destructive Hyper Bossy Unpredictable Stubborn Explosive Picky, touchy Defiant Rebellious Explosive Argumentative

Lets Redesign the Label

If the child is.

How about this instead

Inquisitive & Curious Outspoken, passionate Confident Creative Energetic Leader Creative problem solver

Trouble maker.. Disrespectful Boastful. Destructive Hyper Bossy Unpredictable

Redesigning
Stubborn Explosive.. Picky, touchy. Demanding Rebellious ---------Extreme-----------Argumentative----- Persistent Dramatic Sensitive Holds high standards Independent Tenderhearted Committed to ones goals

Guidance & Discipline

Discipline is the development of the skills and tools that are needed to work through lifes problems. It is in the process of learning to face and deal with problems that we learn and grow. It is life-long training and experience in developing self-control

Guidelines for Disciplining Young Children

General Guidelines
Communicate what you are doing and why Check to see if communication is clear Trust children Trust yourself Build good relationships

Discipline Techniques
The type of discipline used influences the type of person a child becomesWhat type of discipline do you use? What type of person do you want the child to become?

Discipline as Preventing Unacceptable Behavior

Set up an appropriate environment Let the environment provide the limits Model appropriate behavior Redirect energy Provide physical control when necessary Teach appropriate expression of feelings Meet their needs

Specific techniques
Reinforcement: techniques used to strengthen a behavior by focusing on what is taking place Redirection: focusing on what a child is doing that is inappropriate and helping the child figure out what they CAN do

 Fix-up-when children cause trouble or hurt another child, expect them to fix it up-or at least try to help. Ignore-the best way to deal with misbehavior aimed at getting your attention is to simply ignore it. But be sure to give attention to your children when they behave. Children need attention for good behavior-not just when they misbehave

 Be firm: clearly and firmly state, or even demand, that the child do what needs to be done. Speak in a tone that lets the child know you mean what you say and that you expect the child to do as he is told.

 Stay in control: act before the situation gets out control---before you get angry and overly frustrated and before the childs behavior becomes unreasonable

 Praise and encouragement: Give more attention for good behavior and less for not-so-good behavior. Dont make punishment a reward. Catch them being good with genuine respect and praise.

Natural or Logical Consequences

Natural consequences-the direct result of a childs behavior. What would be natural consequences of the following behaviors?
Your 12 year old is watching TV and fails to respond when told dinner is ready Your child is unkind to others When it is too dangerous It make take too long for a natural consequence to occur or it may infringe upon the rights of others

Sometimes NC cannot take place

 Logical consequences-consequences that are arranged. Should be related to the undesirable behavior. What are logical consequences to the following situations?
Your preschool child is teasing the dog Your child borrows your tools and then leaves them out in the rain

How to use Natural and Logical Consequences

Make sure the rule is clearly understood Discuss the possible consequences of failure to follow rule Allow the natural consequences of a childs actions to occur, or, apply the logical consequences in a firm and consistent manner

When your are guiding and disciplining, ask yourself

What am I reflecting to the children in my life? What am I teaching
Am I expressing patience and compassion? Do I model this behavior in my own life? Am I being respectful to the child and to myself? How can I teach more lovingly and effectively?

A torn jacket is soon mendedbut harsh words wound the heart of the child. Longfellow