ASSERTIVENESS

What is Assertiveness?
The ability
to express
your
emotions
and needs
without
violating
others
rights and
without
being
aggressiv
e.

Making decisions without violating

own rights or sacrificing own needs
Being comfortable to make a
statement/action without fear of
rejection
Maintaining a balance between
being aggressive and being passive
Asking for what you want with
confidence while respecting the
rights of others

Emotional Skills measured on the EQ-i

INTRAPERSONAL

ADAPTABILITY

Self-regard
Emotional self-awareness

Assertiveness

Independence
Self-actualization

INTERPERSONAL

Empathy
Social responsibility
Interpersonal relationship

STRESS
MANAGEMENT

Reality testing
Flexibility
Problem solving

Stress tolerance
Impulse control

GENERAL MOOD

Optimism
Happiness

Assertiveness
TOO High
Seen as intimidating or aggressive
Alienate people
Create uncomfortable environment

TOO Low
Passive or shy
Fears speaking out
Quick to compromise

More on Assertiveness

Assertiveness often relates to respect

Expression of assertiveness should
happen...

Nonverbally (eye contact, tone, etc.)

Verbally
Interactively

When used, assertiveness is not

offensive
Assertiveness is not aggression
Assertiveness is scaled emotion
~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Assertive behaviour
means saying what we want,
need, feel, think or believe in in
ways which are direct, honest and
appropriate, but also respects the
rights of those we are addressing
- treating ourselves and those we
work with as professional adults.
It's the balance between
passive and aggressive behaviour
it is a compromise.

I win, you lose

Win, win

Sometimes I win,
Sometimes I lose
I dont care

http://faculty.nps.edu/ncrowe/oldstudents/bpowers_thesis_files/imag
e002.gif

You win, I lose

http://www.amazingpeople.co.uk/images/conflict-style-grid.gif

Assertiveness is standing up for your rights

Video:
http
://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9U2IjnZ4zg&
feature=related

A Few Questions on
Assertiveness
Select the Response that is most
Assertive

1. What is the assertive

response?
Cousin Jessie, with whom you prefer not to spend much
time, is on the phone. She says that she is planning to
spend the next three weeks with you.
(1) We'd love to have you come and stay as long as you
like.
(2) We'd be glad to have you come for the weekend, but we
cannot invite you for longer. A short visit will be very nice
for all of us.
(3) The weather down here has been terrible (not true), so
you'd better plan on going elsewhere.

Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/#ixzz1ZOizeZQs

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Assertive Response is

#
2

1-Non-assertive
2-Assertive
3-Aggressive

2. What is the assertive response?

You have bought a toaster at a local discount

store, and it doesn't work properly.
(1) I bought this toaster, and it doesn't work; I
would like my money back.
(2) What right do you have selling me junk like
this?
(3) You silently put it in the closet and buy
another one.
Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/#ixzz1ZOizeZQs

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Assertive Response is

#
1

1-Assertive
2-Aggressive
3-Non-assertive

3. What is the assertive

response?
One of your children has come home late consistently
for the last 3 or 4 days.
(1) I have noticed that for the last few days you have
been a little late, and I am concerned about that.
(2) The next time you are late, you are moving out.
(3) You mumble to yourself and give dirty looks, hoping
she/he will be on time tomorrow.

Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/#ixzz1ZOizeZQs

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Assertive Response is

#
1

1-Assertive
2-Aggressive
3-Non-assertive

#4. What is the assertive

response?
You are at the dinner table and someone
starts smoking, which offends you.
(1) Hey, that smoke is terrible!
(2) You suffer the smoke in silence.
(3) I would appreciate it if you wouldn't smoke
here.

Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/#ixzz1ZOizeZQs

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Assertive Response is

#
3

1-Aggressive
2-Non-assertive
3-Assertive

5. What is the assertive

response?
You are across the room and someone is talking
to you but not quite loud enough for you to hear.
(1) You continue straining to hear you remain
polite.
(2) You speak out, "Speak up! I can't hear you if
you talk to yourself."
(3) You stop, get the person's attention, and say,
"Would you mind speaking a little louder,
please?"
Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/#ixzz1ZOizeZQs

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Assertive Response is

#
3

1-Non-assertive
2-Aggressive
3-Assertive

INDEPENDENCE

Independence
Ability to be self-directed and
self-controlled in your thinking
and actions
Free of emotional dependency
Self-reliant in planning and
making important decisions
Confident to complete tasks on
own
~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Emotional Skills measured on the EQi

INTRAPERSONAL

Self-regard
Emotional Self-awareness
Assertiveness
Independence
Self-actualization

INTERPERSONAL

ADAPTABILITY

Empathy
Social responsibility
Interpersonal relationship

STRESS
MANAGEMENT

Reality testing
Flexibility
Problem solving

Stress tolerance
Impulse control

GENERAL MOOD

Optimism
Happiness

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Independence
TOO High
Hate being told what to do
Alienating others, isolated
Wont ask for help
TOO Low
Needs protection/support, lets others
decide
Strong need for approval, clingy
~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

What does independence bring to business?

The fostering of decisiveness

Illustrates the preference for quick and

approximate actions over slow and
approximate ones

The ability to be self-directed and selfcontrolled in thinking

Natural leadership
Confidence in processes and
interactions
~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

Independence Part of the

Intrapersonal Realm
The EQi and the BarOn Model
Intrapersonal is how we view
ourselvestouches on the
emotional

Independence, according to this model

EQ inner core competency that highlights people as

"self-starters"
Know how to take care of oneself
Strong emotionally
Strong foundation on integrity
High inner standards
Ask for help when needed, but confident to move
forward independently
Independent people embody the principles of
coherence and centering, authority and stability,
inspiration and leadership.
(http://www.canadaone.com/magazine/eq080498.html)

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~

A balance in
independence fosters
great team work
value the importance
of independent input
(if 2 people on a team
think exactly the
same, then we have 1
person too many)

In-class activity: In groups of 3-4, review the case

below and answer the questions that follow.
Pat Curl is the newest member of a three-person crew for the local
franchise of a national moving company. The team leader is Gene
Kivett. Pat has concerns about some of Genes business
practices Gene has asked Pat to do some private cash-only
moves and has negotiated very low prices for friends with an
agreement to receive cash under the table in return (So Pat
suspects). Pat thinks that Genes actions are damaging to the
companys reputation and putting Pats job security in jeopardy.
The company guarantees anonymity to all individuals who report
activity such as this. However, with only three people on the crew,
if something happens to Gene, Pat is concerned that it wont take
Gene too long to figure out who placed the call. What are Pats
concern(s)? Is Pat justified? What are the potential problems
here from ALL angles? What steps do YOU think Pat should
take? What would assertive behaviour entail?