Sex, Power & Intimacy In

Men
Cristi Vigil

What is Intimacy?

Gives people the ability to open up to creativity, trust, and personal

growth

Allows one to be open, vulnerable, and receptive

Society raises most men to fear intimacy

Defined as: a fear of emotional closeness with others; the fear of being
sexually intimate with a significant other; the reluctance to open up for fear of
rejection; and the avoidance of feeling hurt and pain

For most men: this is the fear of being controlled and losing ones
freedom or identity.

According to Sara Bigwood, sex is often mistaken for intimacy, power is

sought through sex, and power is confused with intimacy.

Sex & Intimacy

Study performed by Santtila, Wagner et al,

Men participated in a study that compared desired and actual frequency of

sexual behaviors (oral sex, vaginal sex, masturbation)
Concluded that men correlate the frequency of sexual activities to their overall
happiness in the relationship
If needs are met, they are more likely to engage in intimate activities with their
partner.
If they are not met, the relationship suffer because of zero communication which
then leads to zero intimacy
Sex declines, communication declines, intimacy never can be possible.

Why Are Men So Different?

The gender differences in intimacy and power are that men experience
communication very differently than women.

A man can communicate with facts and little emotion, where as most
women communicate with hinting and emotions.

Society today tends to value a mans form of communication over a

womans which creates the imbalance of power in male-female
relationships.

It could be that a mans greater power in his relationship is the basis for
sex differences in power strategies used in intimate relationships. (Falbo,
1980)

What does this mean for Men?

The results of this study found that scored of the NMAS correlated positively with
scores on the FIS, which suggests that men with higher degrees of NMA will more
greatly fear intimacy with their partner. This also indicates that men who suffer from
NMA may also have difficulty relating to their partners emotions and in turn come
to fear them.

This indicates that men with higher degrees of NMA were less likely to communicate
effectively with their significant other. This could be the indication that these men
may lack the necessary emotional vocabulary in order to have quality
communication with their significant other.

This indicates that men suffering from NMA are less likely to be satisfied in their current,
intimate relationship. Because these men suffer from being unable to express themselves
or lack the ability to identify such emotions, that they in turn gain less satisfaction from
their relationships. The lack and quality of communication because of NMA seems to only
gets worse with age and the length of the relationship due to these men feeling it is less
necessary to communicate in order to make their relationship work. (Karakis, Levant, 2012)