The Role of Parents in the

Education of Children with

or without Special Needs
in Inclusive Classroom
Setting

Susan L. Cobarrubias
Discussant
There were times that my mother spent the
afternoon writing out words for films and tapes
that I was required to listen to in class so that I could
read them later on when I had to do my homework.
Many times I would get frustrated with the difficulty
in
comprehending or understanding some topics, and
shed put up with my tantrums and drive the
information
into my head If I had to point to the most
important moments that ensured my success, it
would be the afternoons with my mother, doing
something I absolutely hated doing.

George Oberlander Jr.

Director of Syska & Hennessy Engineers (N.Y.)
Profound Hearing Loss
Remember..
Parents are experts on their children
Parents have a unique commitment to
their children
Parents are members of the educational
team
Carolyn Bullard
The Itinerant Teachers
Handbook
Common misunderstandings

When the elephants fight, it is

the grass that gets trampled.

Richard Lavoie
When you meet
resistance:

Slow down
Ask more questions
Ask different questions
Listen!
Most people do not really listen with the
intent to understand; rather they listen
with the intent to reply.

Stephen Covey
Building Trust with
Teachers:
Listen carefully
Respect confidentiality
Recognize teachers as the educator
parents as expert
Help teacher/ parent feel comfortable
Focus on the child you share
Keep your promises
Collaborate rather than argue
The Stages of Grieving
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Applies to many aspects of life

which involve pain or loss.
from Counselling Parents of Hearing Impaired Children
by David Luterman
ISBN 0-316-53750-0
Lutermans Stages of
Grieving:
1. Shock Short term
Parents rarely
remember much of
what the doctor or
diagnostician says
2. Recognition Strong feelings as the shock
wears off
Overwhelmed too much
information
Confused too many options
Helpless
Guilt
Need to over-protect the child
Anger -at the child
-at spouse
-at professionals
- at self
 Coping mechanism
3. Denial
Shopping for cures
and miracles
Extremely vulnerable
Angry with doctors
and other
professionals
Parents become
active in politics of
deafness while
avoiding own child
4. Acknowledgement I have a child with
special needs and s/he
will always be special.
Measured by condition
of childs disability/ies
Seek professional
counseling
Come out of the
closet
5. Constructive Action Child offers parents a
chance to grow
Recognition that
disability is not the
end of the world
Move on with their
life and focus on
other children
Things to Consider:
Coping with disability/ies is not an
overnight process
Stages do not follow a specific order
Life events can throw a parent right
back into the grieving process
When do parents
grieve?
At diagnosis
At school entry
Transition to high school
Transition to post-secondary education
or workplace
Each time they are confronted with the
differences between their child and
same age peers
Some Insights on
Grieving
You cannot shorten the process of
grieving
You cannot take the pain away
You really dont know what it is
like.but you can show interest and
empathy
You cannot fix this
Parents need to go through this
Ineffective Coping
Skills
Avoidance
Isolation
Withdrawal
Self-Criticism
Blaming self or others
Wishful Thinking
Resignation
Positive Coping Skills
Exercise and nutrition
Psycho-Educational - Seek information
on the perceived problem
Plan time for relaxation as a family
Rely on social supports
Positive Coping Skills
Finding humor in a given situation
Parents need to schedule time to be
together without the children!
Create a plan for childrearing (share
responsibilities, share supervision)
Psychotherapy
Support Groups
Respite Care
Positive Coping
Mechanisms
for Siblings
Create a safe haven
Allow time for sibling to nurture hobbies
and skills
Spend 1:1 time with typical sibling
Provide age-appropriate information on
childs disability/ies.
Beyond
Stages of Grief
Kubler-Ross discussed five stages that
characterize peoples reactions to loss
and grief.
Research (Poyadue, 1993) suggests that
there is a sixth stage for parents of
children with disabilities:
the appreciation or all right stage.
How to reach the
all right stage

1) The need to form new identities

2) Attempts to derive meaning from the

situation
3) The development of a sense of

personal control
What are the Positives?
Learningnew coping skills and
resources (Schafer & Coleman (1992)
What are the Positives?
Perception
of growth related to stress
(Nolen-Hoeksema & Larson 1999)
What are the Positives?
Gupta & Singhal (2004) have listed 14
positives to raising a child with a
disability:

1. Pleasure/satisfaction in providing care

for the child

2. Child as a source of joy/happiness

What are the Positives?
3. Sense of accomplishment in having done
ones best for the child

4. Sharing love with the child

5. Child providing a challenge or opportunity

to learn and develop

6. Strengthened family and/or marriage

7. Giving an increased sense of purpose in life

What are the Positives?
8.Development of new skills, abilities, or new
career opportunities

9. Becoming a better person (more

compassionate, less selfish, more tolerant)

10. Increased personal strength or

confidence

11. Expanded social/community networks

What are the Positives?
12. Increased Spirituality

13. Changed perspective on life (e.g.,

clarified what is important in life, more
aware of the future)

14. Making the most of each day and living

life at a slower pace
New Roles
Many parents find meaning through
acquiring new roles such:
parent group leaders
conference speakers
authors
members of advisory councils
The Power of Parent
Support Groups

Literature
suggests that one primary
method of reaching the appreciation or
all right stage is to gain support
from parent groups (Gupta & Singhal,
1994).
"HEAVENS VERY SPECIAL CHILDREN"

A meeting was held quite far from earth,

Its time again for another birth.
Said the angels to the Lord above,
This special child will need much love.

Their progress may be very slow,

Accomplishments they may not show.
And theyll require extra care
From the folks they meet down there.

They may not run or laugh or play,

Their thoughts may seem quite far away.
In many ways they wont adapt,
And theyll be known as Handicapped.
So lets be careful where theyre sent.
We want their lives to be content.
Please, Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away

The leading role they are asked to play.
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon theyll know the privilege given

In caring for their special gift from
Heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild,
Is heavens very special child.

Author: unknown
Thank you!!