Assertive Skills Workshop

Objectives
Aim
• To develop confidence, and the practical skills, to communicate in
a more assertive way in the work place.
Course Objectives
By the end of the course, delegates will be able to:
• Recognise the verbal and non-verbal aspects of non-assertive
and aggressive behaviour and, demonstrate appropriate use of
assertive behaviour.
• Project more confidence and demonstrate techniques on how to
be assertive with difficult people and difficult situations.
• Demonstrate ways of making difficult requests and saying “No”
without feeling guilty.
 Exercise
• With the people in your group make notes of the body
language and verbal aspects of

• 1 Aggressive
• 2 Indirect aggressive
• 3 Non assertive or Passive
• 4 Assertive

• You have 10 minutes Be prepared to give feedback

 Direct Aggressive Behaviour
What are the
thoughts,
emotions,
body language
and verbal
aspects?
 Indirect Aggressive Behaviour
• What are the
thoughts,
emotions, body
language and
verbal aspects?
 Non assertive/ Passive
behaviour
• What are the
thoughts,
emotions, body
language and
verbal aspects?
 Assertive behaviour
• What are the
thoughts,
emotions, body
language and
verbal aspects
Causes
Definitions:
What is meant by:

ASSERTION - Protecting your rights, without violating the rights of

other people. Expressing your needs,wants and beliefs in a direct and
appropriate way
NON-ASSERTION - Failing to protect your rights, or doing so in a way
that can be easily disregarded. Expressing your needs, wants and beliefs
in an apologetic way.
AGGRESSION - Standing up for your rights, but doing so in a way that
violates the rights of others. Ignoring the needs, wants and beliefs of
others.
(Ken & Kate Back)
 Types of behaviour: Exercise
Four groups. One behaviour per group. Discuss and
list your thoughts on the impact of the behaviour on:

• The outcome of the situation

• You (short-term/long-term)
• On others
• The organisation
Right & Responsibilities
 Negative Attitude Produces Positive Attitude Produces
Negative Behaviors Positive Behaviors

Affects Affects
My Attitude My Behaviour My Attitude My Behaviour

Choice
Choice

W
W
Affects

Affects
h

h i c
h i c

h
h i ci
Affects

Affects
Choice Choice Choice Choice

i c
Their Behaviour Their Attitude Their Behaviour Their Attitude

h
h

h
W

Choice
Choice

Affects Affects
 Control your inner voice
Exercise:

Control your Inner Voice:

 Working in Pairs A - Talk about what you did last week-end

B - Listen and make a note of any intrusive thoughts

Change roles after 3 minutes

 Self- Esteem and
Self-Confidence
“No one can make you feel inferior without
your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt)
“Self-esteem means believing in yourself”
(C.Palladino)
“Feeling good about yourself is not a luxury;
it’s an absolute necessity”
Behave Right

• Visual 55%
• Vocal 38%
• Verbal 7%
100%

Research by: Albert Mehrabiam

 Behave Right
• Eye Contact
• Gestures
• Facial Expressions
• Spatial distance and Positioning

“How you hold yourself physically

can reflect how you hold yourself
mentally. And how you hold yourself
is usually how others regard you.
People tend to treat you exactly as
you ask to be treated”.
 Responsibilities of
Assertiveness
I am responsible for:
• My own thoughts
• My own feelings
• My own behaviours

I respect:
• The thoughts of others
• The feelings of others
• The behaviour of others

I will use words which are:

• Honest
• Direct
• Respectful
 Say it right
• State what you want or think or what the problem is
using “I realize that….”
“I understand that….” “I can see that…..”

• Say what you think or feel “I feel that….” “I think

that….”

• Saying what you want or suggest a solution using

“I want…” “I’d like….” “How about…”

• Move towards a workable compromise by asking for a

response using “What do you think…”
Making a difficult request :

• What kind of requests do you often have to make of others at work?

• Do you often find it difficult to make these requests - especially if it’s your
Manager/Supervisor that your asking?
• Do you often come across as tentative or abrupt when making the request?
 Making a difficult request:
Tips:
• Examine your beliefs about making the request;
• Think about wording, your voice and non-verbal aspects;
• Don’t apologise profusely;
• Be direct and keep it short, Don’t justify yourself;
• Give a reason for the request;
• Don’t try selling your request or playing on people’s friendship;
• Don’t take a refusal personally, respect the other person’s right to say “No”

(K&K Back)
Saying “No” without feeling
Guilty:
• Have you recently been in a situation where you
have had you say “No” to a request?
• How did you say it ?
• What made it so difficult?
• How did you feel afterwards?
 Saying “No” without feeling
Guilty:
Tips:
• Examine your beliefs;
• Keep the reply short , use the word “No”
• Give the real reason for refusing;
• Avoid “I can’t” phrases and don’t apologise profusely;
• Acknowledge the requester;
• Identify yourself with the decision - not rules, precedents;
• If you need it - ask for clarification or more time to think;
• Think about your non-verbal communication.

(K&K Back)
 Saying “No” without feeling
Guilty:
If the requester becomes persistent:
• Repeat your refusal;
• Don’t search for ‘better’ reasons - stick to the
original reason.
• Or, use the Broken-Record Technique
Dealing with Put downs
 Objectives
Aim
• To develop confidence, and the practical skills, to communicate in
a more assertive way in the work place.
Course Objectives
By the end of the course, delegates will be able to:
• Recognise the verbal and non-verbal aspects of non-assertive
and aggressive behaviour and, demonstrate appropriate use of
assertive behaviour.
• Project more confidence and demonstrate techniques on how to
be assertive with difficult people and difficult situations.
• Demonstrate ways of making difficult requests and saying “No”
without feeling guilty.