Sexual Harassment and Rape Prevention Program

www.unh.edu/sharpp/Believe.html
24-hour Help Line: (603) 862-SAFE (7233)
It's tough to be prepared when a friend tells you she/he has
been the victim of sexual or relationship abuse. Faced with
that situation, the worst thing you can do is nothing.
Remember, you can't rescue your friend or solve her/his
problems. You can only provide support.

www.unh.edu/sharpp/Believe.html
24-hour Help Line: (603) 862-SAFE (7233)
Sexual Harassment and Rape Prevention Program
Being A First
Responder
As a friend you may be the first or only person who a
survivor tells about her/his experience.

You can't rescue your friend or solve her/his

problems. But being there to listen, believe and
support your friend in a positive way can greatly
influence her/his healing process.  
 Learning to Listen

The first and best thing you can do for your friend
is listen to their story.

As you listen, refrain from asking questions or

passing judgment. This is called active listening.
 Active Listening

How many times have you

been in a conversation with someone and the only thing you are thinking about is
what to say next? This is not active listening.

Active listening is a way of listening and responding to

another person that improves mutual understanding.

Listen attentively to what your friend is telling you. If there

are moments of silence, don't feel you have to fill them
with a question or words.

Just keep listening.

 Active Listening

Active listening does not mean you sit in silence.

There are ways you can respond to your friend that

makes them feel heard, safe and understood.

Repeat back what your friend has told you, in your own
words, “What I am hearing you say is...."
 Active Listening

If you are unsure what to say to your friend, here are some helpful
phrases:

"I believe you.”

“You survived; you did the best you could under the circumstances.”

“It is not your fault. Nothing you did could possibly justify what happened.”

“I’m glad you told me. I believe you and I’m sorry this happened.“

“This does not change how I feel about you.”

The most common reason people choose not to tell anyone
about sexual abuse is the fear that the listener won’t believe
them. People rarely lie or exaggerate about abuse; if someone
tells you, it’s because she/he trusts you and needs someone to
talk to.

www.unh.edu/sharpp/Believe.html
24-hour Help Line: (603) 862-SAFE (7233)
Sexual Harassment and Rape Prevention Program
Learning to Believe

The second best thing you can do for your friend is

believe their story.

As you listen, have confidence that what your

friend is telling you is the truth.
 Believe

Victims of traumatic events, such as sexual assault and

relationship abuse, often have difficulty telling their story
in a way that is chronological and coherent to an
outsider.

There may be moments when your friend’s story doesn't

make sense to you. Refrain from trying to make sense of
the story. If you attempt to get the facts and ask a lot of
questions, your friend may think you don't believe them.
 Believe
When a friend discloses to you that
they are in an abusive relationship or
have been sexually abused, it is
important to support them, even if you
are feeling that you don't necessarily
believe them.
Sometimes thinking that we don't
believe someone's story comes from
our culture that teaches us that it is
"the victim's fault" they were abused.
No one asks or deserves to be abused.
Having a hard time
believing your
friend?
If you are having a hard time
believing, it is best that you not
discuss this with your friend
directly. Instead, contact SHARPP
or another professional you trust
who can offer assistance in helping
you navigate your own emotions
and cope with the difficulty of
supporting your friend.
 Quick Tips
 Listen and don’t rush to provide solutions.

 Let your friend know an assault is never the victim’s fault.

 Don’t press for details. Let your friend decide how much to tell you.

 Don’t tell others what your friend has shared with you.

 Let your friend decide who she/he will tell.  If you need to tell someone about your friend’s
situation, try to get permission first.

 Ask your friend what would make her/him feel safe and how you can help them achieve this.

 Tell your friend what you have learned about violence without preaching or telling her/him what
to do.

 You can’t rescue your friend and you can’t solve her/his problems. But you can help her/him
navigate through this difficult time.
 Taking Care of Yourself
Sometimes the family and friends of victims of sexual
assault/relationship abuse also feel the impact of their friend’s
experience by having their own emotional and/or physical
reactions. This is called secondary victimization. 

Hearing our friend’s story may be upsetting.  You may feel angry, sad,
frustrated, and helpless. Your friend’s story may also remind you of your own
experiences with abuse.

Remember to take care of yourself by doing the things you enjoy. If you
find that you need further assistance, reach out for help at SHARPP.

You are encouraged to contact SHARPP to help you with your

own feelings and learn ways to support your friend. All visits to SHARPP are confidential and FREE.
(603) 862-3494 | (603) 862-HELP
 Getting Help at UNH
Your friend will ultimately make their own decision about what they
want to do. But you can encourage your friend to seek free and
confidential assistance at UNH:

 SHARPP (862-3494)
emotional support, safety planning, academic and legal assistance
 Counseling Center (862-2090)
individual counseling
 Health Services (862-1530)
medical care, individual health education/counseling
 UNH Police Department (862-1427)
safety planning, consultations, assistance

Don’t push. Support your friend in their choices no matter what they decide.  
Getting Help at SHARPP
SHARPP services are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL to
ANYONE in the UNH Community.

Contacting SHARPP:
 Call the 24/7 Helpline at (603) 862-SAFE
 Call the Main Office at (603) 862-3494
SHARPP is open Monday – Friday, 8 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.

 Visit the SHARPP Office

SHARPP is located across the street from Stoke Hall in the Verrette House. You do not need an appointment
to come in and speak to a SHARPP staff member.

 Ask an Advocate
Submit a question online through the SHARPP web site and receive a message back within 24 hours (during
the week) unh.edu/sharpp/askanadvocate.html
About the Campaign
Friends Believe Friends
www.unh.edu/sharpp/Believe.html

Unwanted Sexual Experiences at UNH report was published. Among the key findings was that the vast majority of sexual assault and/or
relationship abuse disclosures at UNH were made by students to students, usually a friend (55%) or a roommate (46.2%).  In most cases,
students felt they were helpful to their friend but many students wondered what exactly they should have said or done to support their
friend.

In response to this information, SHARPP has created the Friends Believe Friends campaign. The goal of the campaign is to provide
specific information and skills students can use when a friend tells them they have been sexually assaulted and/or are in an abusive
relationship. The campaign will also provide ways students can take care of themselves, while they are assisting their friend.

The young adults portrayed in the Friends Believe Friends campaign are current and past UNH students who support the work of
SHARPP and hope to help the University become a place of respect, empathy and safety.

If you have questions about the Friends Believe Friends campaign, or would like to get involved, please email Dawn Zitney
dawn.zitney@unh.edu