GETTING UNDERWAY

WITH THE WIND AT YOUR

BACK
Lori Poore & Ginny Sharp
Certified Guidance Counselors District #204
lori_poore@ipsd.org ginny_sharp@ipsd.org

Parent University
January 26, 2008
 LIFE FOR TEENS
IS NO
PLAYGROUND

It is a maze full of right or

wrong turns-right or
wrong choices.
Parents can teach teens
skills to help them make
better choices.
“WE CAN’T MAKE THEIR DECISIONS
FOR THEM, BUT WE CAN GIVE THEM
THE RIGHT TOOLS THEY NEED TO
MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS.”
NAVIGATION NECESSITIES

What are Effective Teens Choices

Based on?

PRINCIPLES
 What is an effective teen?
• Are they reactive or proactive?
• Do they know where they are going?
• Do they prioritize the things they have to do?
• Do they see life as a competition?
• Do they talk first and then pretend to listen or listen actively?
• Do they cooperate with others or do they think they are
better off doing everything by themselves?
7. Are they so busy with life that they do not have time to:
• Spend quality time with family and friends
• To do their homework
• Read good books
• Exercise
• Take time for nature or other inspirational things?
PARADIGM
The way you see
something,
your point of view,
frame of reference,
or belief.
 What is a paradigm shift?

A paradigm shift is a way of looking at

something differently.
We are stepping “outside the box”.
When we make a paradigm shift we can see,
think, feel and behave differently.

Example:
Ptolemy thought the earth was the center of
the universe.
Copernicus believed the sun was the center
of the universe. (a paradigm shift occurred)
Frank Koch wrote:

Two battleships assigned to the training squadron

had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was
serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night
fell. Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported,
"Light, bearing on the starboard bow."
"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.
Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a collision
course. The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We
are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
Back came the reply, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."
"I am a seaman second class" came the reply. "You had better change
course 20 degrees."
By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a
battleship. Change course 20 degrees."
Back came the reply, "I'm a lighthouse."

We changed course. Steven Covey (in “The 7 habits of Highly Effective People”) tells that story to teach that principles are
“like lighthouses.” They are natural laws that cannot be broken.”
To show regard or value for someone
or
something.
 Emotional Bank Account
Like a checking or savings account,
you can make deposits or withdrawals.
Personal-How you feel about yourself.
(Amount of trust and confidence in yourself.)

Relationship-How you feel about others.

(Amount of trust and confidence you have in each
of your relationships)
 Personal Bank Account
Deposits
• Keep promises to yourself
• Do small acts of kindness
• Be gentle with yourself
• Be honest in all your dealings
• Enhance your talents
• Take care of yourself
• Think positively and use positive self-talk
 Personal Bank Account
Withdrawals
• Break promises to yourself
• Isolate yourself
• Put yourself down
• Think negatively and use negative self-talk
• Be dishonest with yourself
• Neglect your talents
• Wear yourself out
• Expect yourself to be perfect
 Relationship Bank Account
Deposits
• Keep promises to others
• Do small acts of kindness
• Be loyal to those not present
• Listen actively
• Say you are sorry
• Set clear expectations
• Allow others to be different
 Relationship Bank Account
Withdrawals
• Break promises
• Keep to yourself
• Gossip and break confidences
• Do not listen
• Be arrogant
• Set false expectations
7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Habit 1 Be Proactive
Habit 2 Begin With The End in Mind
Habit 3 Put First Things First
Habit 4 Think Win-win
Habit 5 Seek First to Understand,
Then to Be Understood
Habit 6 Synergize
Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw
 Habit 1 Be Proactive
Teenagers are the product of their environment,
upbringing, and choices. Are their choices
proactive or reactive? They need to take
responsibility for their choices
and their life.
 CIRCLE OF
NO CONTROL
Birthplace CIRCLE OF
CONTROL What
other
Ourselves Attitudes people
Weather Choices & say and
Responses do

Parents
 Habit 2 Begin With the End in Mind
Define their mission and goals. Values are self-
chosen & provide foundations for decision making
about where they are going in life.
Habit 3 Put First Things First

Prioritize
Actions flow from
that which is
important.
 Habit 4 Think Win-win

Mutual Benefits.
Have an
“everyone can win” Win-win is like an
attitude. all you can eat buffet.
 Habit 5 Seek First to Understand,
Then to be Understood

Communication
solves
problems.

Listen to
people
sincerely.
 Habit 6 Synergize
Open-mindedness. Teamwork. New ways to do
things. Work together to achieve more.
Celebrate differences.

A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each

fruit maintains its own flavor.
 Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw
Continuous self-renewal and self-improvement in:
r b r a i n
b o d y y o u
your

h e a r t
your

your soul
 SOLUTION ORIENTED PROBLEM SOLVING
1. Name the problem, and who owns it. (Be sure it is the REAL problem)

2. Describe it specifically. (Name the parts of the problem.)

3. Brainstorm. (Name all the solutions you can think of, no matter how crazy they
may seem.)

4. Think about each solution:

•Does it honor the values of your parents, yourself, and others whom you
respect?
•Would it solve the problem?
•Would it affect yourself and others for better or worse?

5. Choose a solution, and act on it.

6. Evaluate the outcome:

•Is the problem solved?
•Did the solution produce the results you expected?
•How did the solution fit with your feelings and values?
•Did the solution fail to meet your or the other party’s needs in any way?
•What else happened?
•Would another solution work better?
 Expected Outcomes

• Increased engagement and motivation

• Greater responsibility for learning
• Increased peer collaboration skills
• Greater confidence and self-esteem
• Increased listening skills
• Greater content mastery
• Better peer collaboration
• More time on task
• More skill in analyzing and solving problems
GETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE
7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens